I just don't want to . . . touch them.

Mark finally explained to me what a “cloud” is within the context of this blog.  You probably already know that it’s a list of the tag words that you have used most often in your posts.  The words are listed in alphabetical order, and the more a tag word has been used, the larger it appears.  When I logged in after Mark formatted the tag cloud, I was greeted with “CHILDREN dark death DMV.”  Which is probably not that funny, but it made me laugh.

We all slept in this morning.  Which was glorious, but upon coming fully awake, my first thought was of the dogs.  They’ve been sleeping in the back laundry area, and while they are both house-broken, everyone has their limits.  Did I mention it was 10:00 am?  I went downstairs afraid of what I would find, and was pleasantly surprised to open the laundry room to two happy dogs and no mess.  After a round of good morning petting and praise for being so patient, I slipped my bare feet into the old gym shoes that I leave by the back door so I can use them to take the dogs out.  Slipped my left foot in, and then slipped my right foot into . . . dog poo.

Are you kidding me?  That means that at some point in the morning, upon realizing that I wasn’t going to take them out before there was an emergency, Jack (and it was clearly the work of the smaller dog) shit into my shoe?????  How is that possibly an accident?

Let me tell you — Nothing ruins a morning spent sleeping in like a bare foot squished into a gym shoe of poo.

After clean-up and coffee, Mark and I agreed to take the girls to the local indoor aquatic park.  There was a wave pool and a diving area and several huge water slides.  All indoors, which meant that it was nice and warm and I didn’t have to put sunscreen on anyone.  And there were chairs and tables for the adults to sit and chat and drink coffee.  It was very cool.

Not so cool were the two hours leading up to our arrival at the aquatic center.  Kallan was fine, even when we told her that for the purposes of this outing, she was 9 instead of 8, and that she was born in 2000 instead of 2001.  This because kids 8 and under had to have an adult in the pool with them, and neither Mark nor I were in the mood.  At all.

Yes, Kallan was excited and happy and cooperatively playing the part of a 9 year old.

But Maj always freaks out when we are going to do something we have never done before, and she stresses about all the things that might possibly go wrong.  Which wouldn’t be such a big deal, but she insists on verbalizing all of her worries and asking a million questions that eventually drive me insane.

“Is there a diving board?  How deep is the water?  How many slides are there?  How long are the slides?  How deep is the water at the end of the slides?  Are you going swimming with us?  Will you be able to come into the changing room with us?  How will we take a shower?  Where will we leave our clothes after we change?  Are you allowed to bring food and drink in with you?  Is there sand?  Can you wear a life jacket?  Can you bring a flotation toy?  Do they rent inflatable rings?  How many life-guards will there be?  How long will it take to drive there?  How long will we get to stay?  What does the building look like?  How is it covered so that it stays warm in the winter?  Is it open every day for swimming?  Can you have a party there if you want to?  Is there a fountain?  Do they have towels that you can use?  Is there a snack bar?  Will it smell really bleachy?  When will we be eating lunch?”

I did the best I could, but after a while, I just gave up and started answering every question with “I don’t know, Maj.  We’ll see when we get there.”

But then she turned on her sister . . . “What if there aren’t enough life jackets, Kallan, and you’re too scared to do the slides without a life jacket?  What if they don’t let you do the slides with a life jacket?  You know how you don’t like to swim in really deep water – what if the water is too deep for you?  What if you’re not allowed to bring your goggles into the pool?  Your towel is too big to fit into your beach bag.  It’s not a good idea for you to bring your cell phone.  Why are you bringing your hairbrush?  You probably won’t be able to bring that bottle of water in with you.  I hope you find kids you can play with, because I will be on the slides.”

And finally, the straw that broke the camel’s back, “I hope you don’t forget what year you were born and have to get out of the pool.”  At which point an angry screaming Kallan launched herself across the room, grabbed her big sister in a bear hug and licked her sister’s cheek.

Did I mention Maj’s little germ phobia?

You’d have thought Kallan had branded Maj’s cheek with a hot iron.

I would have been fine with just heading back to bed and calling it a day at this point.  I’d been up for 3 hours, and that seemed like plenty.  But the next thing I knew, we were on our way to the water park, the girls happily singing along with that Justin Bieber song, “One Less Lonely Girl.”  Barf.

Later in the evening, we headed over to my sister’s house to babysit for her two little girls.  Kallan is an amazing player, and spent the entire evening entertaining her delighted 2 year old cousin.  I spent my time hanging out with the younger cousin, a beautiful 3 month old with the most expressive baby eyes I have ever seen.  Maj brought art supplies and sat at the dining room table working on her projects, her bottle of hand sanitizer at her elbow.

Maj is not a big fan of little kids, as she thinks they are covered with germs and sickness.  She was happy to leave the germy little kid playing to Kallan.  I asked Maj if she wanted to hold the baby or feed the baby or help change the baby’s diaper, and she shook her head each time.  As she explained, “I like my little cousins.  I love my little cousins.  I just don’t want to . . . touch them.”

That’s my Maj.