Top 10 Weird things I have noticed (so far) in Oregon:
1) People wear shorts and tank tops when it is freezing outside. Mark keeps thinking that all of these inappropriately dressed people are just walking home from the gym, but I know that’s not so. If freezing rain isn’t actually falling from the sky, many people here seem to think that it’s summer. Personally, I have been wearing a sweater and a scarf 24/7. Even in the house.
2) You are not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon. Even at Costco. This is not actually a bad thing, but it means I have to make awkward “I like you and you’re amusing but I don’t want to give you a tip” small talk through the driver’s side window while I wait for the tank to be filled up. See item number 1 above for details about how many of the gas pump attendants are dressed.
3) People are obsessed with nature and the environment. This afternoon we watched as a woman refused to enter a shopping mall parking lot, choosing instead to sit blocking traffic from two directions, half in and half out of the entrance. She sat there patiently, tapping a friendly warning honk-honk to the blackbirds who were gathered in the street in front of her car. The birds showed no signs of leaving, so I don’t know how the woman managed to go on with her day.
4) The people who are not wearing shorts and tank tops are wearing embarrassing hats on their heads. Grown women and grown men wearing tassels and pom-poms! We’re not just talking a few folks who received unfortunate Christmas gifts from their young children – all of our neighbors wear these hats with no sign of shame. They even wear those hats that have the long tie-able ends that hang down like braids over the ears, the ends adorned with . . . you guessed it! Pom poms and tassels.
5) Every local phone call (even one to the neighbor next door) requires that you dial a 1 and then the area code first. That is just so stupid and annoying.
6) The Oregon DMV uses a bio-metric camera that requires your face to be perfectly lined up in order for the photo that is taken to be accepted by the computer for use on your driver’s license. They had to take Mark’s photo 9 times before they finally got one that would work, and the woman said these actual words to Mark after photo #8: “OK, so move the top of your head toward the wall. Good. Now line your body up, but not with your head. Good. And then move the lower part of your face toward the door on the other side of the room.” Somehow, Mark was able to comply despite my hysterical giggling and got a usable shot. But then it was my turn, and I was so paranoid about looking foolish that I forgot about not looking like a crazy person. My first photo was accepted right off the bat (they don’t retake bad photos, only asymmetrical ones) – So my driver’s license reveals me to be a symmetrical escapee from the insane asylum.
7) There is a strange unknowingness about things that other people just might find to be offensive. For example, there is an apartment complex here called “The Oriental” that is on “Chow Mein Way.” What’s up with that? There’s also a part of town called Wanker’s Corner. How’d you like to live there?
8 — People here leave their garages open whenever it’s not raining, and sometimes when it is. I guess the idea is that you take advantage of whatever opportunity you have to air out the garage, but Mark and I keep thinking of how easy it would be to steal all of the neighbors’ lawn equipment. Not that we would.
9) People here love coffee, beer, chocolate, baked goods, and food generally. A LOT. Luckily, they seem to also be very into exercising and outdoor activities, or Oregon would be filled with weeble-people. As Mark and I are not into exercising or strenuous outdoor activities of any sort (and we do really like coffee, beer, chocolate, baked goods, and food generally), we are likely to be a lot rounder the next time you see us.
10) No one uses umbrellas. It rains all the time, but no one uses umbrellas. And if you do use an umbrella, you may as well be wearing a sandwich board announcing that you are from out of state. People give you a wide berth, as though they want to be prepared for you to do other outlandish and unexpected things at any moment.
I need a raincoat with a hood so I can blend in better amongst the natives.
Wanker’s Corner — that name makes me laugh, though I wouldn’t want to live there. So much you would have to explain (and not want to ) to the kids. The kids in Utah would often walk around outside in shorts in the middle of winter. I never could understand that craziness. Maybe it’s because I’m always cold. I’ve been know to wear jackets in summer because the air conditioning is too cold.
Keep Portland Weird you’ll see this bumper sticker soon if you haven’t already. because of my poor eye sight I used to think it was keep portland wired, which i didn’t think was a great idea, since when i moved up here they had methwatch 2005 on the news each night.
so the people in weird hats are just doing their small part…to keep portland weird. this logo was actually borrowed from austin tx. give it time you’ll be wearing one of Maj’s creations without a thought.
the gas jockeys are annoying. it does employ many people that otherwise would be just asking you for change and no you don’t have to tip. there are so many other places you will see tips expected. i have actually seen tip jars up here in a retail stores.
driving i don’t know which is worse washington drivers or the overly polite drivers that seem to keep multiplying up here. you’ll see what i mean over time.
also keep in mind it is hard to find true natives up here. most of the people you see are from califonia like us:)
I think you should repost the story about getting your pictures taken for the drivers licenses!!
Nah . . . I like to leave stuff for the readers to find.
Maybe someday, when events conspire to keep me from posting every day? But until then?
There is some funny stuff back here (if I do say so myself), for the people who take the time to go back and look.
Like you!
And thanks!
through the eyes of an oregon native, this list is funny stuff!
i’m like, oh yeahhhh.
truuuue.
that too.
yep.
uh huh.
good times!
Snort!
Thanks, you!
This post has made me more homesick than I could believe.
Sigh.
I miss Oregon. So very, very much.
Oregon misses you, babe.
So very, very much.
Bahahah! Wanker’s Corner! That would would SO not go over well in the UK! Ugh, the visual it brings, lol.
Hee hee!
I know!
Every time we drive past this place, I am all giggly.
Wanker’s Corner. Absolutely hilarious.
And perfect.
I live on a cul-de-sac. I giggle every time I say this.
Could you imagine? If Wanker’s Corner was also a cul-de-sac.
How awesome would that be?
I realize I have the maturity of an 8 yr old from time to time. And that’s alright with me.
That’s why I love you!
You are all fucking immature . . . just like me.
And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but funny is hard to blog.
It is.
You do it well.
Shhhh.
Don’t tell the others.
Hee hee!
OK, I have to ask this, because it was one of the first things we noticed when we moved to Washington state 3 and a half years ago…
Does Oregon have a weird cat pee and freshly sharpened pencil smell? I have to assume that it’s from all the funky pine trees but am not sure…
One thing I have had trouble getting used to is the fact that in summer, it isn’t really summer at all. Where I’m from summer is HOT, HUMID and just downright miserable. But it’s summer. Here? Lucky to break 70 on a good day. How can you go swimming when the water is barely 40 degrees?
On the 4th of July? We watched fireworks outside with our fucking WINTER coats on it was so damn cold!
And now that I have mini-blogged in your comments? I will quietly move on…
;)
I do smell that smell!
When we first moved here, I had this continuing sense of living in a hamster cage that needed a bedding change.
Snort!
Mark claimed not to smell anything weird, and I was all . . . fine, then . . . I am about to have a hamster stroke whose only symptom is olfactory hallucinations.
Hee hee!
And this past summer? What the fuck was that? People told me that summers were warm and lovely here!
They fucking lied!
A few warm days, but mostly cool.
So annoying.
I’m so glad I came rooting round in here, it was totally worth it.
Wankers Corner.
Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant!
Love to see a reader back in my archives!
Yay!
Ah the northwest…. How I miss you! I was in Seattle, so not quite Portland, but still. As a transplant from nor cal, it was a shock. My first thought as my new hubby drove me away from the airport? It’s so green. Now CA has trees (as I presume you can attest), but my gosh, the evergreens in that state. It was insane. And the constant wet. I lived there a grand total of 60 days (it was a “lay ove,”, thank you US Army) and it rained for 58 of them. Thoughful hubs even bought me a handy fit in your purse umbrella, but I never used it. After 20 years in the dry Sac valley I think my poor Ca psyche was trying to drink in all the water it could at once. I loved it. Still trying to convince hubby that a move back that way would be great.
He’s holding out for more constant sunshine, or baring that, Europe.
*sigh*
PS: after driving back and forth along 5 beween CA and WA during a rushed courtship? I can attest that OR has the cutest sheep of all 3 states. Did I mention that 5 is a very long, very dull highway? And that after 4 hours – with 4 to go, sheep were the highlight of my day. Sometimes litteraly – they just leap out against all that damn greenery!
I love it here. I love all the green. I really really do.
I even love the rain, as long as I don’t have to go out and play in it.
And your story of the sheep?
That has made me laugh right out loud.
You’re so right . . . Highway 5 is so fucking boring.
Look!
Sheep!
Snort!
11) You will never see so many cyclists, families on bikes, or bikes pulling all sorts of things along.
Not that that’s a bad thing, but it was something that stood out to me when we visited some close friends in Portland a few months back. I dug Portland. A lot.
And speaking of boring, on our trip there we saw a road sign for a town called Boring. Made me laugh so hard!
I’m glad I’ve found your blog (via a friend). I can tell I’m going to find some reeeeeally good reads here to give this brain of mine a good ol’ scratch. Like a box of quality chocolates, though, I refuse to devour all in one go… so it’s good night for now, and I’ll be back to plunder your archives slowly. Ha!
There are bicyclists everywhere.
Hauling all sorts of things.
And we have driven through Boring!
We giggled a lot.
Not as much as when we drove through Beaver, but still . . . we giggled a lot.
And I LOVE that you are going back through my archives!
There is a lot of good stuff back here.
If I do say so myself.
Ahem.
I’ve got one better than that…in SC we’ve got a sugartit. Like that’s the name of the town. Not joking.
That cannot be true.
I am so going to Google that bit of misinformation.
Hold on.
Oh . . . my . . . god.
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/8239
Told you. I’m not sure how there isn’t a strip club with the same name located here.
That is excellent.
Totally read this, just to spite you, as you said I wouldn’t.
Ooooh . . . I love when reverse psychology works in my favor!
Yay!
I love weebles! :)
My family came from Oregon and all I did was picture my cousins while reading this post.
I was up there this past July and they made fun of me the whole time. Damn rednecks with their beer and tank tops. It was freezing!
I told them all that they can come visit me in Arizona. See who’s fucking laughing then.
Damn rednecks with their beer and tank tops?
SNORT!