Top 10 Weird things I have noticed (so far) in Oregon:
1) People wear shorts and tank tops when it is freezing outside. Mark keeps thinking that all of these inappropriately dressed people are just walking home from the gym, but I know that’s not so. If freezing rain isn’t actually falling from the sky, many people here seem to think that it’s summer. Personally, I have been wearing a sweater and a scarf 24/7. Even in the house.
2) You are not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon. Even at Costco. This is not actually a bad thing, but it means I have to make awkward “I like you and you’re amusing but I don’t want to give you a tip” small talk through the driver’s side window while I wait for the tank to be filled up. See item number 1 above for details about how many of the gas pump attendants are dressed.
3) People are obsessed with nature and the environment. This afternoon we watched as a woman refused to enter a shopping mall parking lot, choosing instead to sit blocking traffic from two directions, half in and half out of the entrance. She sat there patiently, tapping a friendly warning honk-honk to the blackbirds who were gathered in the street in front of her car. The birds showed no signs of leaving, so I don’t know how the woman managed to go on with her day.
4) The people who are not wearing shorts and tank tops are wearing embarrassing hats on their heads. Grown women and grown men wearing tassels and pom-poms! We’re not just talking a few folks who received unfortunate Christmas gifts from their young children – all of our neighbors wear these hats with no sign of shame. They even wear those hats that have the long tie-able ends that hang down like braids over the ears, the ends adorned with . . . you guessed it! Pom poms and tassels.
5) Every local phone call (even one to the neighbor next door) requires that you dial a 1 and then the area code first. That is just so stupid and annoying.
6) The Oregon DMV uses a bio-metric camera that requires your face to be perfectly lined up in order for the photo that is taken to be accepted by the computer for use on your driver’s license. They had to take Mark’s photo 9 times before they finally got one that would work, and the woman said these actual words to Mark after photo #8: “OK, so move the top of your head toward the wall. Good. Now line your body up, but not with your head. Good. And then move the lower part of your face toward the door on the other side of the room.” Somehow, Mark was able to comply despite my hysterical giggling and got a usable shot. But then it was my turn, and I was so paranoid about looking foolish that I forgot about not looking like a crazy person. My first photo was accepted right off the bat (they don’t retake bad photos, only asymmetrical ones) – So my driver’s license reveals me to be a symmetrical escapee from the insane asylum.
7) There is a strange unknowingness about things that other people just might find to be offensive. For example, there is an apartment complex here called “The Oriental” that is on “Chow Mein Way.” What’s up with that? There’s also a part of town called Wanker’s Corner. How’d you like to live there?
8 — People here leave their garages open whenever it’s not raining, and sometimes when it is. I guess the idea is that you take advantage of whatever opportunity you have to air out the garage, but Mark and I keep thinking of how easy it would be to steal all of the neighbors’ lawn equipment. Not that we would.
9) People here love coffee, beer, chocolate, baked goods, and food generally. A LOT. Luckily, they seem to also be very into exercising and outdoor activities, or Oregon would be filled with weeble-people. As Mark and I are not into exercising or strenuous outdoor activities of any sort (and we do really like coffee, beer, chocolate, baked goods, and food generally), we are likely to be a lot rounder the next time you see us.
10) No one uses umbrellas. It rains all the time, but no one uses umbrellas. And if you do use an umbrella, you may as well be wearing a sandwich board announcing that you are from out of state. People give you a wide berth, as though they want to be prepared for you to do other outlandish and unexpected things at any moment.
I need a raincoat with a hood so I can blend in better amongst the natives.
Well I guess I fit the Oregon Stereotype, Although I am one state north of you. I really like wearing shorts when I’m not at work. I think umbrellas are kinda useless and coffee is king in my house!
How long have you lived here in the Pacific Northwest, Russell?
Long enough to have become a native, apparently.
Well let’s see. I’m 30, so almost 31 years.