Happy Valentine’s Day!
Maj and Kallan woke this morning and immediately ran to see if I had filled their big Valentine’s Day box with cards. I hadn’t. I meant to do them last night, but I didn’t. Which meant that I needed time alone this morning. Time to think without the girls looking over my shoulder and asking when I would be done.
So Mark took the girls to Claire’s to spend the gift certificates their Grandma and Grandpa sent them for Valentine’s Day. Believe me . . . Mark got the short end of that holiday stick, because Claire’s is a headache-inducing nightmare if you are over the age of 13. The girls take forever to decide how to spend their money, and there is endless anguished conversation about whether the red or the pink heart earrings make the girl in question look cuter. In the end, both girls came home happy and gaudily accessorized.
Mark is a very good Daddy. And Grandma and Grandpa are pretty cool too.
Mark and I always give the girls coupons for Valentine’s Day. Nothing big, but coupons they can redeem for things like a later bedtime or a special dessert or time set aside to do something with Mom or Dad. Maj and Kallan love them. I also give the girls lots of coupons from the pets, which always make Maj and Kallan giggle.
There were valentines from the fish (in which they promised lots of bubbles, requested more food, and complained about their owners’ snoring); the frog Little (in which he promised to do “trick frog peeing” the next time he was taken out to snuggle; and from the turtle Delilah (in which she promised biting and hissing and diving feats of daring); and a request from the non-pet fish Snack that Kallan do something about Delilah the turtle’s continued and annoying attempts to hug her all the time.
I thought I would share the dogs’ Valentines to the girls, which Maj and Kallan adored.
From Jack the troublemaker to the girls:
COUPON: Good for one walk around the block with me. You don’t even have to ask the crabby lady if it’s ok, just clear it with me.
COUPON: Good for one free 20 minute snuggling session. Preferably in your room . . . with candy. I really like chocolate.
(Kris here – this one is funnier if you know that we once spent hundreds of dollars to save Jack after he ate an enormous amount of chocolate, and that instead of learning his lesson, Jack spends much of his free time dreaming up new ways to obtain candy or chocolate of any kind.)
COUPON: Good for one 15 minute puppy play session with the turtle and the frog. I am sure that we could get to be very good friends if they would just come out to play.
COUPON: Good for one free turn with my shock collar. It’s fun! Really! I’m sure it will fit you.
COUPON: Good for one free eating of a vegetable or meat or other food you don’t like at dinner. Just slip it under the table, and I will try to eat it quietly.
COUPON: Good for one free game of “Blind Man’s Bluff” in the back yard. Here’s how it works: You put a blindfold on and then I will lead you around the back yard with my leash. First one to step in poo loses. Hee hee!
COUPON: Good for one sincere apology after I have eaten something valuable of yours. Extra hugs of sincerity if the something valuable of yours happens to have been one of the other pets.
And from Persie the Labrador to each of the girls:
COUPON: Good for one snuggling sleep-time on your bed. I will try very hard not to leak pee (which sometimes happens, but it’s only a little).
COUPON: Good for one enormous shedding of all of my extra fur on your sister’s bed. She will LOVE it!
COUPON: Good for one walk around the neighborhood (but you’ll have to get your mom to hold the leash, because I get excited and pully sometimes).
COUPON: Good for one dog-companion ride on the school bus. I really want to ride that school bus thing.
COUPON: Good for one locking up of the Jack-Dog for an entire day. This is really a gift for me, but wait until you see how great it is!
COUPON: Good for one giant fart aimed especially in your direction. That way you can sniff it all you like.
And from both dogs to both girls:
COUPON: Good for one circus show in which we each balance a Beta fish on our noses. We’ve been working really hard, and it’s a really good show!! You provide the fish, as we have so far only worked with goldfish crackers.
Kris again . . .
Wishing you a fabulous Valentine’s Day on which someone thinks to lead you blind-folded into poo or to offer you a giant fart that you can smell to your heart’s content!
I have to go sing Karaoke with Kallan . . . and yes, she’s redeeming a coupon. Me and karaoke? Yikes.
You are such a good mom. No valentines from me for the girls — but I did give them a big hug and I love you. I hope that counts. :)
Obviously hugs and love count. They would have been wiser than my decision to hand out coupons promising a story about when I was pregnant with each of them. I should have thought that coupon through better — I had forgotten until I sat down to write how very much I hated being pregnant.
Hey there, Kris. Just wanted to let you know that I’m spending my insomniac computer time productively: having a barefoot tiptoe through your archives. Snort. Love Ya.
A barefoot tiptoe?
Be careful.
There is dog poop back in here.
Seriously.
Keep your eyes open.
What a cute idea. My kids can’t read yet, but I’m definitely putting this one in the vault to use at a later date!
Where I’m from, Valentine’s Day is pretty much an affair just for couples.
So in America, people give Valentines to family members too? Clearly I haven’t paid enough attention to the multitudes of TV shows over the years, and have a lot to learn…