One of Kallan’s baby teeth fell out this morning. It has been spectacularly loose for a while, but I have not been allowed to do more than marvel from afar at the horror of it. Every time I tried to look more closely, she would shriek and run the other way. And then, from across the room, she would demonstrate how she could push it with her tongue so that the tooth pointed forward and out of her mouth.
Ugh.
I was tempted to sneak in while she was sleeping and yank the silly thing right out. And then I imagined Kallan waking to a mouthful of blood and Monster Mom holding her tooth in triumphantly upraised hand. Not good.
So I didn’t do that.
But this morning, I think the adult tooth underneath got tired of wearing a stupid baby-tooth hat. It gave a mighty adult-tooth heave, and a small shiny baby tooth was suddenly loose in Kallan’s mouth. And then rolling in her palm.
As Kallan leaned into the bathroom sink and spit bloody water everywhere, she made plans. Plans with dollar signs.
I have mentioned before that Kallan cannot save money. She recently saved up $10.00 in hopes of getting to the $13.00 she needed for a pair of sparkly shoes. But then we happened to wander through a gift store, and she bought a $9.99 miniature notebook encased in a tiny silver jeweled case.
A completely pointless purchase that I could not dissuade her from making.
One of the few purchases she has ever regretted, as it turns out. She came to me the evening of the purchase with a sad face and the tiny notebook in her hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me not to buy this?”
“Oh, sweetie, I tried to tell you it wasn’t a good idea. But you get to make your own purchases and spend your own money, and this is what you chose.”
“But now I don’t have any money.”
“Yes, that’s how it works. If you spend your money, you no longer have it for other things.”
“But it’s just a paper and a pen in a silver box. I thought it would be more fun, but it’s boring.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Is there any chance you want to buy it from me so that I have money again?”
“Nope, no chance. I do not need a tiny silver notebook.”
She went to talk to her father, who was in rare form.
“What you have there is a thought-o-graph,” he told her.
“A what?” She looked at her purchase doubtfully, hoping that perhaps she had missed something.
“A thought-o-graph, in which you can record your thoughts and dreams. You’ll have them forever! Written down in teeny tiny letters. Such an excellent purchase.”
“Mom! Daddy’s being sarcastic again!”
I looked up from my computer, “That’s why I love him, babe.”
She sank to the floor between Mark and me, opening and closing the little silver notebook. Snap. Snap. Snap.
She looked up at us, “I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you guys would just buy me the shoes because you love me so much?”
I laughed and patted her head, “We do love you, soooo much, but we’re not buying you the sparkly shoes.”
“Hmmmmmmph,” and Kallan tossed the notebook on the ground in front of her.
“Hmmmmmmph. I wish I hadn’t bought this dumb thing. Now I don’t have any money and I will never get those shoes. And by the time I do have money, they won’t have the shoes anymore.”
Mark stopped typing and interrupted her sulking, “I have a great idea!”
“What?”
“Why don’t you take out your notebook and write yourself a little note about how you shouldn’t buy dumb things the next time you have money? That’s exactly the sort of thing a thought-o-graph is designed to record.”
As she stared angrily at Mark, I suggested, “You should also write in there about how you need to remember to fix your bed in the morning.”
I high-fived Mark over her cranky head.
“See, Kallan? You bought something wonderful! A thought-o-graph, in which you can remind yourself to do things differently next time. Plus, you can keep track of chores!”
She ran angrily screaming from the room and I called after her, “I will never have to tell you to put your clothes away again! Make a note, Kallan! Make a note!”
Sometimes parenting kicks ass!
Back to this morning, and Kallan spitting the last traces of blood from her mouth.
She spoke gleefully in between spits, “Once the Tooth Fairy comes, I will have plenty of money for the shoes!”
Ummmmmm . . . what?
“Kallan, the Tooth Fairy isn’t going to bring you $13.00 for sparkly shoes.”
“Why not? She knows I want the shoes.”
“Yeah, but the Tooth Fairy generally brings $3.00 or $4.00, maybe $5.00 for a really troublesome tooth. Not $13.00.”
Her face clouds over with anger and the certainty she is about to be cheated, “But one time Maj got $25.00 for a tooth. I remember! One time she got $25.00 from the Tooth Fairy.”
“Yes, baby, I remember that too.”
She crosses her arms in challenge across her chest, “So why won’t the Tooth Fairy bring me $25.00?”
I cross my own arms and stare back at her, “Hmmmmm. Let’s think. Because this tooth didn’t come out when your sister pushed you down and smashed your face into the kitchen tile floor, that’s why.”
She wilts, “Oh yeah. I forgot about that part.”
She lowers herself off of the bathroom counter, and heads off glumly, tooth in hand.
“I am never going to have enough money for those shoes. Never.”
From the closet comes Mark’s voice, “Hey, Kallan!”
“What?”
“The way you’re feeling right now? Go write it down!!”
Kallan stomps off and Mark calls after her, “Write it in your thought-o-graph!”
omg, you guys are GENIUSES! i will be filing this story under “5 years from now,”
but, $3 (or $4 or $5) for a tooth? Toothfairy’s gotten generous (and wealthy!).
We actually have the cheap Tooth Fairy, according to the girls. My older daughter Maj has a friend who got $5.00 for her first tooth and then $5.00 more for each successive tooth. As in $10.00 for the second tooth and $15.00 for the third, and so on.
I told the girls that Tooth Fairy is high, and we do not allow drugs in our house.
Sober Tooth Fairy is less generous, but better example.
My godson just lost his first tooth, and got a $1 coin. I thought that sounded spot on. Then again, I’m a miser. Apparently I have a lot to learn. The kids I nannied for for ten years each had monogrammed pocket pillows for their lost teeth. I used to wrap it in newspaper or an envelope. How ’bout yours?
Oh, and progressive $ amounts? That’s just ridiculous. Clearly that Tooth Fairy was high.
I bought a huge package of teeny tiny envelopes at the dollar store a long time ago. The girls put the tooth in one envelope and the Tooth Fairy slips another identical envelope filled with cash under their pillow in trade during the night.
Identical envelopes makes the “switch” easier with light-sleeping children.
Another mom I know has a Tooth Fairy who leaves coins from around the world. No real value, but an awesome way to have her kids collect cool international coins. I wish I had thought of that.
Yea, that mom has it all figured out! Thank goodness she has wonderful friends who like to go to coin shows to help support her “International Tooth Fairy” supply… and who knew that Queen Elizabeth shows up on so many coins from around the world! Never a dull moment in my, I mean her, coin-collecting, American cash-poor kids lives! xoxo
Anonymous mom —
That is SO weird! If I didn’t know better, I would think I knew you!
You sound just like a friend of mine, a friend for whom I have collected coin-show coins.
It’s like a Twilight Zone episode.
You guys are awesome parent! If you can’t sarcastically make fun of your children, what’s the point? I love the idea of identical envelopes. We will have to incorporate that in our tooth fairy bag of tricks. We made too much of a big deal with the first lost tooth that we screwed ourselves on the rest. Now Bunny is getting ready to start losing teeth…therefore a fresh start. No screwing it up this time!
Are you thinking your older daughter won’t spill the beans about her more generous Tooth Fairy?
That would never work here . . . Maj would lord it over Kallan as soon as she realized Kallan got less than she had.
But identical envelopes work great!
As does sarcasm in maintaining sanity and sense of humor.
I think I got a twenty-five cents or maayyybee $1. This whole thing reminds me of when I asked for a cost of living increase for mowing the lawn and may dad upped me rate from 3.25 to 3.5 per mow. I was pissed since my friends got $20. My friends are now filing bankruptcy. So, a grudging thanks, dad.
I got 50 cents, maybe 75 cents a tooth when I was a kid. Which seemed like sooooo much money!
And we never got paid for doing chores. EVER. Not a penny.
Hey, my kids have been getting totally ripped off! The tooth fairy has always brought them $1 per tooth. Gonna have to call that bitch and have a few words.
I have told the girls that there are different Tooth Fairies and they rotate areas. We used to have a Tooth Fairy who left little gifts of jewelry or barrettes, but then she got traded to a different neighborhood. Our current model is of the last-minute remembering cash variety.
The girls miss the old Tooth Fairy.
Kris,
Parenting RockStyle! I can email you a pic of pic of Ruby Red Slippers for Kallan, if you like! FREE!!! LOL!
You’re right about the BETTER tooth fairy is high; in price AND on drugs! I can’t remember what I gave my son way back when. Probably a penny; as I was too busy hoarding change for the coin-op machines at the local laundromat; along with the cheapest detergent I could find.
I did, however; recently run across his baby teeth while looking for something else! I knew I had kept them; but thought I had thrown them away. Obviously not! I am strongly considering drilling teeny little holes in them, running a thread through, and hanging it around his neck on July 1st. OR wait and bestow his firstborn son with daddy’s baby teeth!
If only my husband had allowed me to keep the potty chair… sigh….
Because you would make your son an excellent potty seat collar festooned with hot-glued baby teeth?
I am giggling as I picture it.
DO NOT send sassy pictures to Kallan of dreamy slippers she will never have enough money to buy.
Love you still.
No, but excellent idea! Son’s father and I couldn’t afford new potty chair, so we used my old one. Mid 60′s era. I had huge, starry dreams about handing down the multigenerational potty chair. HAHAHA!!!
Pretty sure; son and daughter-in-law would never allow me near my grandson, had I done that, though. Never. NEVER EVER!!!
Me too . . . Pretty All Sure.
Wow! I think we used to get 25 cents when I was a kid. Our Tooth Fairy gives $1.
Do your kids go to school and discuss the Tooth Fairy with friends? I do not think $1.00 would fly in our neighborhood.
As I mentioned, we have the cheapest Tooth Fairy the girls know.
I used to get 20 cents. There are some risks in having a high value Tooth Fairy as I think this comic shows: http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF187-Way_Too_Much.jpg
I hope Kallan doesn’t try to get Maj to smash her face into the floor in order to get the $25! I’m sure Maj would be happy to cooperate too!
20 cents? That is so very very sad. You now have the cheapest Tooth Fairy story I have ever heard.
And after Kallan knocked out Maj’s tooth? We did indeed have to have a talk about how the Tooth Fairy was not going to put up with children who TRIED to extract their own (or others) teeth before their time. Love the comic!
$3, 4, 5 for a tooth??? O-O Clearly I grew up in the wrong house. We got quarters. But then again, after going to college I realized that quarters were gold and should not be spent if at all possible so maybe we got a better deal than we thought. hahaha!
The Tooth Fairy is much more generous than she was when I was a kid.
We used to get a quarter or maybe 50 cents.
Wait . . . your quarters were gold?
Only because we needed them for laundry. Then after I graduated … free laundry and cable. Um, excuse me what?
Our tooth fairy, plops a dollar down. But She also insists on leaving had writing and drawn notes. If the tooth fairies husband ever has to step in he is screwed. The tooth fairies husband would be leaving $10.
Oh yeah and amazing parenting skills! The joy of ganging up on small children is a currency unto its own.
Our Tooth Fairy also leaves notes!
So do the Easter Bunny and Santa and the Reindeer!
All mysteriously familiar handwriting . . . but both girls have decided it is better not to point that out.
They are wise that way, my daughters.