When I was about 8, my dad decided to retire and devote himself more fully to the development of his genius. He got some sort of fellowship from the state of Michigan to make this possible . . . welfare, I think it was called. As part of his grant, my dad was awarded these little certificates with which his family could purchase necessities while he busied himself with all of the genius he could find at the bottom of another bottle.
Do they still give out food stamps to families who are as special and deserving as ours was then?
As a kid? I loved food stamps because it meant we were going to get . . . food.
That part was awesome.
But even as a kid? I knew that there was some shame involved in these weirdly colored slips of paper bound in little rectangular booklets. Knew it from my mom’s nervous energy as we waited in the check-out line. Knew it from the exaggerated and showy way the cashier would count out, and then rip out, the proper number of food stamps from their booklets. Knew from the heavy judgmental sighs of the other shoppers.
As an adult? I hate coupons.
I hate small lightweight shiny pieces of paper that promise to save you twenty cents. I hate holding up the checkout line in any way. I hate having attention drawn to the fact that I have made a purchase that is in any way designed to save money.
Which is just so stupid.
If Mark has a coupon? I will wander away from him at the check-out, avoiding the inevitable discussion of whether or not this coupon has expired, and whether it’s good on this particular package of stuffing mix, and whether or not the coupon may be used in conjunction with another discount.
Mark finds this interaction to be a neutral experience.
But in my mind? I am eight years old and the cashier is clucking her tongue at our irresponsible purchases.
A candy bar? With government food stamps? Cluck.
Anyway.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah!
The other day? I discovered that our car is made of cardboard! That’s related . . . sort of . . . more irritating paper products.
Work with me, people.
I am sitting in the front passenger seat of our minivan, and we are driving to Costco (seriously, people . . . it feels like we are always driving to Costco). The car is loud with talking and music, and I lean forward to change the radio station. And in that shifting forward? There is a subtle movement beneath my leg, the feel of cardboard bending.
I sit in this seat all the time, and I have never noticed this before. Are you kidding me? The seat is made of cardboard that has somehow come loose? How does Honda get away with this?
I lean forward to check if the sensation is still there. Yup, there it is again . . . that feeling of cardboard folding beneath me. I am so going to have to Google “cardboard construction of Honda Minivan seats” when I get home. We are paying way too much for this car every month for it to have seats that rely on ill-fitting cardboard for their construction.
And then I put it out of my mind. No point in mentioning this problem to Mark at this moment. I chat with the girls, chat with Mark, sing along with the radio. We pull into the Costco parking lot. Park.
Mark turns to me, “Can I have the Costco coupon booklet?”
And then I remember an earlier conversation. Not much earlier, though.
We are climbing into the car and Mark hands me the Costco coupon booklet and says, “Don’t let me forget to bring this in with me.”
I know what he actually means is, “Don’t purposely leave this in the car so that we don’t have it when we check out, because I know you are loony that way.”
So I get annoyed and wave the booklet in the air, “I will so not forget this booklet! Look at me! I am completely on top of the coupon situation! There is no way I will forget these coupons!”
And I shove the booklet under my leg as I sit.
No way am I forgetting those coupons.
And then shortly after that? The seat turned to weird shifting cardboard beneath me. What the fuck is that about?
Sigh.
Is it really forgetting if your brain just refuses to take in the information in the first place?
I hate coupons.
I’m actually not regretting trading in my Honda last night nearly as much as I was. Thank you for that. I don’t have a serious Freud-style reason for it, but I hate coupons and holding up the line, too. Sooo…I’m guessing your brain refused to remember the coupon booklet…
AAAACCCKKK! I got the first comment!!!! I’m all screechy over here!
Although that honor is slightly undone by the fact that I sassed you about your guessing.
Sorry about that.
Honestly? I love our minivan.
There was a moment there when I thought it was made of cardboard, but now I love it again.
What did you get instead?
And also . . .
You are guessing my brain refused to remember the coupon booklet?
Hmmmm . . . I thought I was clear on that.
I got a Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. I am in love.
I was guessing with much sarcasm. You know me by now, don’t you?
Ummmm . . . I used to have a Jeep Cherokee.
Good luck with that.
Comment Stalking Day #2: I’m not sure how much longer this can go on. I’m very busy…I have my own blog that by last count had about 3.2 visitors and 1 of them was my Mom. But alas, I’m here…again, so I shall respond.
My family has owned Honda’s for years and while I knew there were cardboard pieces, I didn’t realize they would push out of the seat. We actually have a Honda now and a BMW. Basically what that means is that the replacement cost on the BMW’s cardboard is triple that of the Honda. I guess BMW uses more expensive cardboard (right).
Did you know you can load coupons right to your store card (like Safeway)? If you go to http://www.Shortcuts.com you can sign up and just add the coupons right to your card! Then when you check out and they swipe your card nobody will ever know that you’ve just saved all that dough!
Okay, this is my comment for today…Well the first one. You should be lucky if I come back…like I said, I’m very busy…you know 2 kids, wife, dog, work, extremely popular blog…You get the idea.
I have a Safeway card, and I use that card. No problem with the swipe.
But loading it with coupons? No fucking way. That’s just all kinds of lame.
Also? I do not have the time. What with this blog and all. If I didn’t have this blog? I would probably have time to load coupons onto my Safeway card.
You people are actually costing me money.
And your Wordless Wednesday? While not wordless, was beautiful.
And I can use as many . . . . . . . . . as I like.
Comment Stalking Day #2 Comment #2: Lame?? Seriously?? You know what’s lame? Paying full retail price for something! Financially Independent people don’t pay full retail so why would you? Seriously, it takes 2 clicks to do this and you’re literally saving tons of money! Have I done this? Well, yes, a few months back but I’ve stopped. I mean seriously…Who has time for that shit? Lamo, right!?
It’s hard for me to be wordless, as you can plainly see.
Yes, you can use as many………as you like but you do realize if you used a little less……..you’d actually have time to load that card with the coupons…(note only 3…that time), just saying.
Someone could save a little time himself by using just the one question mark at the end of a sentence.
Hmmm????
When someone tells me I need to make clicks to save money? I hear . . . Please enter all of your personal information so that we may suck your soul and also send you endless amount of useless mail and spamming email messages. Plus also? We would like to suck your soul.
Time and soul sucker at the moment?
Taking the girls to their swimming lessons and then to a playdate.
I am off!
You’re okay by me! :=D Have fun @swimming and may you not have to suck any souls or have said souls sucked.
I am back! All unsucked.
Thank you for worrying about me.
Annnnnd, we went from coupons to sucking. I’m pretty sure they don’t actually have coupons FOR sucking.
Oh, I am pretty sure there are some coupon whores out there somewhere.
I wonder if the quality of a whore who takes coupons for sucking is better or worse than one who doesn’t…
Mark suggests (and this is pure speculation, mind you) that paying full price.
In this instance?
Might be advised.
I’m laughing at Roxane’s excitement over the first comment. ;-)
Michigan still lovingly hands out food stamps, but now they are “bridge” cards, which are like debit cards, so there is “no shame”. I know this much because my BIL and his *awesome* girlfriend are patrons of the lovely Michigan grant.
I had to laugh about you forgetting where you put the coupons. I think that mostly is mom brain, not an aversion to coupons.
Mom brain is a giant pain in the ass.
Which is where I was keeping these coupons . . . under my ass.
And “bridge cards?” That suggests there will be another side, a passage from here to there.
When I was a kid? Food stamps were an island.
Once you were on that island? It was difficult to leave.
Isn’t it funny, (not funny haha, funny annoying) that things that affect us when we are young and vulnerable affect us our whole lives?
Yes.
Funny annoying.
Sigh.
When working as a cashier I got to where I could do coupons as painlessly as possible. And now that we don’t have to have the actual food stamps, that’s easier too. But still I see the shame in people’s eyes when they use their card. We had to use that card for a while too, and I always tried to make it not a big deal. But it is. We called it our “ghetto chump card.” I don’t ever use coupons because it’s a pain in the ass and there is never a coupon for things I NEED. It’s just all the other crap that I don’t want to spend money on in the first place.
The first time I got pregnant, I got on WIC, and then right after I got on WIC I lost the baby…but then I was like “well I have the checks anyway I should use them.” Big mistake. Especially in a small town. The cashier was all loud “OOHHH I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT?! WHEN ARE YOU DUE!?” “fuck me…uhhh…June?” Then I never used them again. The second time around I was still nervous to use them. I guess it was left over embarrassment.
Anyway I’m totally with you on the coupon thing. But I never understood why cashiers were and still are such dicks about food stamps. I think people forget that there are people in this world that do actually NEED assistance…and aren’t just milking the system.
Okay there’s my long winded response.
I love you, long-winded one.
People should spend less time judging.
Life is hard enough.
Sigh.
Love you.
my grammie? used to put extra postage on an envelope to send me. the envelope? was FULL of coupons! it cost her more to send than they were worth. and? who the fuck has the time to sit and clip out coupons? for sure not me cause i’m too busy stalkin’ blogs…
also? i think i’m startin’ to like that dadstreet guy…he’s kinda snarky.
Triple also with side of snarky? I like that word snarky and I’m diggin’ the fact that someone actually thinks I might be! Hi Cathy! :=D
Watch out, Dadstreet!
Cathy is the soul-sucker of snark.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Cathy -
I know people like that today! With little filing systems of coupons, and labeled envelopes for each store at which they shop.
The envelopes stuffed with (mostly expired) coupons.
I do not shop with these people. They make my stomach hurt.
I remember my mom getting pissy one day and buying lobster with the food stamps.
And then getting threatening with the cashier who copped the attitude.
I was mad at the cashier. I was mad at my mom.
I was mad that we needed the foodstamps.
I remember counting pennies to buy groceries and my mom making me pay.
She was too embarrassed to pay for food with pennies.
Asking me to do it didn’t bother her.
And…
…more things are made out of cardboard than you think.
Regardless of whether you’re sitting on them by design or forgetfulness.
There was a small store at the edge of our neighborhood. A tiny little store.
To which I would be sent countless times.
With countless handfuls of change.
And countless pennies.
Seriously? I have Honda. I love my fit. I hope it isn’t made of freakin card board. Then what happens when a semi truck hits me?
Your just too funny. Thanks for making me laugh today.
Welcome new reader!
And thank you.
And just so you know? I cut out your link to your blog.
Your name is linkable here in these comments.
I’m sure I will stop by sometime soon.
So in Canada we don’t have food stamps. We have Food Banks, which I know exist down there too. We had to depend on the Food Bank a couple of times when I was in Grade 9. Not a bright memory. I don’t mind, however, using coupons. This was kind of a pointless comment. I like your blog. There is that better?
Yes, I have had experience with food banks as well.
And various other acts of charity for which I was grateful and which caused me no end of humiliation and shame.
And I am glad you like this blog.
And your comments? Never pointless.
Grrr. I’m having trouble commenting. It’s doing that duplicate thing again. All I was going to say was some nonsense about not having food stamps in Canada, just food banks and of course, social assistance. Both of which have been part of my life in the past. And I said I like your blog. I say that all the time though. Oh and I use coupons. So yeah…
Even though this comment is very similar to the one you just left?
I still love you.
Snort!
Snort away. It was the website’s fault!
Snort!
Oh I remember that feeling about coupons. In fact when I had to get on WIC I was so upset about it because it would mean having a cashier make fun of me. That’s my experience as a kid. Today I do love coupons but the hubby who lived off food stamps hates them and can’t be seen near me when I do it. I didn’t know car companies used cardboard in their seats. That’s just wrong. Like that’s going to help us in an accident.
People!
No cardboard was used in the making of the Honda’s seats!
I was sitting on a coupon book. Which bent beneath my leg and felt like cardboard.
And because I had forgotten about the coupons? I assumed the cardboard feeling was from the car’s seat coming apart in some significant way.
There is no cardboard in Honda minivan seats.
Geez. You people are going to get me sued.
Wow, that’s really terrible about all the bad experience you’re having with the cardboard in your seats…the cardboard built right into your seat..in your car…the Honda. I really hope you can find some way to remove the cardboard that is in (built in) to the seat of your car.
I am an attorney, you know.
And when they come for me? When the Honda goons show up and cart my ass away?
I am taking you down with me.
And then? When Honda is done with us?
We’ll be homeless and all ironic.
Living in our cardboard boxes.
I’m pretty sure nobody from Honda is going to be carting anybody away here. However, if in fact you are an Attorney and there’s any slight bit of truth in what you’re saying, picture this…
Foot in mouth? Perhaps. Care to Accept a smile?
I am an attorney, although of the unpaid stay-at-home-mom sort.
And there is always truth in what I say. Always.
And I don’t miss much. But I am perhaps missing something here?
Now I get it.
Your smile? Was stripped from your comment because my blog thought it was useless code.
Snort!
Reminds me of the time I saw your degree on the wall. Law school? Kris? Naw. Really? Wow. For some reason I couldn’t believe you had a life before kids. You were always Kris the mom to me. Yeah, I know… whatever.
Love ya, just don’t sue me for slander.
Of all the things I have ever done?
I am most pleased with how the Mom-thing has worked out.
So there will be no lawsuit.
I am fine with Kris the mom.
when you and dadstreet are all living in cardboard boxes? i will bring you coupons for free stuff!!! cause i love you and am all altruistic like that…
They better be good coupons.
Because otherwise? Dadstreet and I are going to kick your ass.
This comment: “Wow, that’s really terrible about all the bad experience you’re having with the cardboard in your seats…the cardboard built right into your seat..in your car…the Honda. I really hope you can find some way to remove the cardboard that is in (built in) to the seat of your car.”…
Made me laugh out loud at my desk. So loud that I then had to cover the loudness with a loud cough, that just seemed moronic and drew more attention than had I just had a random laugh. But it was so worth it. Hilarious.
Yes, Dadstreet is getting all funny up in here.
Quit hijacking my comments, Dadstreet!
Snort.
Coupons are a giant pain in the butt. We tried doing the coupon thing a while ago and it was just silly. I don’t want to purchase the three containers of something-or-other in order to save 50 cents. We usually do better just buying what we like and using the little scanner card the grocery store gives you. Then they can print you out more coupons for products we actually like. So I can not use them.
Glad to hear that it turns out the car is NOT made of cardboard, though. Whew!
I know, right?
In a car crash? We would be a big fucking bonfire!
Honda is not that stupid.
Right, Honda?
And now? I want s’mores.
Kris, you know that for Costco you only need to bring in 1 coupon, not the whole fucking booklet? They scan your single coupon and it works as any coupon in the book. Neat!
Yes, and s’mores rock. What’s better than otter pops? Jello shots- strawberry flavor with rum. Just sayin’.
Kids are busy, life’s busy. You know. The kids go back to school on August 18th. They’ll be busy with homework and all, maybe they won’t kill each other. Yesterday Melissa put Megan’s head into something but Megan was screaming and she had this big lump (hematoma) below her eye brow. She is sooooo gonna have a black eye. The only answer I got to how it happened? It was an accident. *sigh* Trip to ER? $50 Actually less than I expected for Kaiser after hours.
Miss ya.
Mark brings the whole fucking booklet. So that he can peruse it as he shops. Endlessly.
We have not been to the ER in a while!
I am knocking wood frantically here.
Photo of the black eye on Facebook?
Now I have to go inspect my Nissan for cardboard. Maybe it’s a minivan thing? Or a Japanese import thing? Or I’m going to go visit another blog, and not check at all. I’m irresponsible that way.
Snort!
I picked a good day to visit for the first time, what with the coupons/food stamps topic and all. Blessedly having no personal experience with the food stamps side of life, I have a love/hate thing going on with coupons. While generally they only save a pittance on what I end up spending, I get much too excited with the “Buy 1-Get 1 Free” offers that the stores give periodically. I have been known to fairly dance in the aisle upon spotting said BOGO for Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds. I can’t really afford them otherwise so when the offer comes I clear the shelf & then mentally dare anyone in line to comment (not that they would; we are all very cordial where I live.) Anyway, back to coupons, they’re usually for a rival brand of whatever I just bought so that’s no help. Makes you wonder what the point is.
Now for the suck-up *grin* . Your blog is a good read & I’ll be back regularly if you’ll have me; just keep posting updates to Twitter (where I follow you) so I’ll know when. *waves hi & ‘bye*
Alright, guess what?
There are like a million blogs set up with you in mind! You can find them easily . . . they are at the top of every mommy blogging ranking site. People love coupons. They dance in the aisles for them! Snort.
And who are you on Twitter? Am I following you back?
If not, let me know. And I will fix that.