This whole waking up early to try to get some work done before the girls get up?
Kallan is on to me.
Sigh.
She got up early this morning and stood next to me as I sipped my coffee and scrolled through my email.
“I have nothing to do.”
“Go back to bed. Why are you up?”
“I wanted to get up early to be with you.”
Yeah, right . . . “You want some breakfast?”
“No, my tummy is still sleeping. Want to play a game?”
“Nope.”
“You never play with me.”
“Not true, we played Backgammon last night. Several times.”
“I mean this morning. You have never played with me this morning.”
“Well, that’s just ridiculous. I got up early because I have stuff to do. Go back to bed! If I were you? I would so still be sleeping.”
“I can’t go back to bed. I am up and I want to play a game.”
“Not right now. Play solitaire. You know how to play solitaire.”
She looks at me all mournfully, “Solitaire was invented for the lonely.”
Snort!
She bats her giant eyes at me, “You don’t want me to be all sad and lonely, do you?”
I stop scrolling through my email, “Here’s what I think. I think you got up early because I told you that I have been getting up early to do stuff without you. I think that you think I will be so annoyed when you stand here and beg to play a game at 7:15 in the morning? That I will let you watch television until your sister gets up. That’s what I think.”
Silence.
And then she reaches forward to pull out a busy markered drawing she did last night, “Did you see this drawing I made for you?”
“It is a beautiful drawing. I love it, Kallan.”
She caresses the drawing with her fingertips, rubs the drawing against her cheek, holds it up next to her face, “But do you see the love in this drawing?”
“I am happy it was drawn with love, babe.”
She brushes the paper against my cheek, “Can you feel the love I used to draw this picture? Can you feel it?”
“I am guessing this is the sort of drawn love that you are hoping buys you television time?”
She holds the drawing up next to her face and smiles hopefully at me.
Sigh.
So now Kallan is watching television, all happy and ensconced in blankets on the couch.
Early in the morning? I am weak.
And Kallan is all wily.
My email? Mostly garbage.
Sent an email to my mother-in-law last night trying to address her concerns about the fact that we don’t attend church. She hasn’t answered. Sigh. Her sorrow makes me sad.
Not sad about the religious aspects of her disappointment. I am comfortable with the decisions Mark and I have made regarding the girls’ upbringing. More than comfortable.
But I hear in her words a sadness about having her own parenting rejected. And that sadness touches me. I know the things that are important to me as a parent, the things I think bring value to the girls’ lives, the things I hope they take away from these experiences. I have a vision in my head of what my daughters’ futures look like, the kind of women I hope that they will be.
And even though I know that I don’t get to be in charge of who they turn out to be, I still hope that my vision is their vision. Sigh. And I know that I may be hurt by some future versions of my daughters, women who grow up and make their own decisions.
Women who make choices that might not be what I hope for them.
Mark attended church with his family every week as a child. I know his parents hoped for a future version of Mark who wanted to instill the same values in the same way in his own children. Instead, different choices have been made, and I can see how Mark’s parents would take that personally.
So I understand, I think, my mother-in-law’s sadness at our decisions.
Sigh.
And now Maj is up.
“Why is Kallan watching TV? How long has she been watching TV?”
“A little while. I am just finishing up here.”
“So she got up early to bother you so that you would let her watch television?”
“Yes.”
“And you fell for it?”
“I didn’t fall for it, but yes, her plan worked.”
“Geez, when I am a mom? I am going to pay way more attention than you do.”
I hold up the picture Kallan drew for me, “But Maj, look! I was all overwhelmed by the love she drew for me in this picture. I couldn’t resist the love.”
Maj comes in close, look at the picture, “Her love is a scribbled mass of rainbow clouds and storms?”
“It’s abstract.”
Maj snorts, “You are so easy.”
Sigh.
Maj stares at me, “If you are going to be someone’s mom? Seems like you wouldn’t want that person to waste a summer morning just staring at the TV.”
No, because I should totally be doing meaningful things with the girls that they will remember forever and pass along to their own children.
Crap.
“Ladies? Get dressed! We have lasting memories to make!”
From Kallan, “But I just started a new show! I want to watch television! It’s my summer. I want to watch television.”
And from Maj, “You didn’t say we were going out to make memories! What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? I am not even dressed! Where are we going? Have you checked the weather? Augh! I am not even ready to make memories. What does that even mean?”
Say a prayer for me.
Jesus Christ! When did you move in with me? I must not have noticed you because I was so busy parenting, blogging and checking my own email, twitter, Facebook, etc. BTW, my son says that FB, Twitter and the blog are too much and that I need to “give up” one of them. Right now, Layla is making me guess what she is “saying” with her recorder (“I love you” of course). Jonah? After making me read him Harry Potter for what seemed like hours, I relented to the TV.
Parenting choices are always a conundrum. I blogged about that today. Mommy vs. Daddy http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com/?p=287
The girls don’t get to watch much television. Kallan is very bitter about this, and does all she can to maximize her TV viewing. She is sneaky.
I try to stay off the computer when the girls are home and up and about (or I visit for just a few minutes at a time between and amongst their needs). But if there is to be no time when they are willing to completely leave me alone?
We are going to need to make some rules and a schedule.
Maj will love that.
I am fortunate that I did not have large issues where I varied greatly from my parents or in-laws.
However, I remember getting into an argument with my mother when I told her she couldn’t drive my infant son around without a car-seat.
“We were never this freaked out about car-seats when you kids were small, and you’re both fine.”
And because I am fundamentally a peace-keeper I did not say, “LOTS OF OTHER KIDS DIED AND THEIR PARENTS NOW WISH LIKE ANYTHING THAT THEY’D HAD A CARSEAT.” (Whenever I have these dialogues in my head, I’m shouting.)
So I said something diplomatic about the species’ ability to learn and moved on.
But I know the sadness of which you speak is out there. Maybe with our own kids.
You never know…they might decide to become investment brokers.
The heartbreak would be great.
I don’t have many issues with my in-laws, and even this issue? Is not one fueled with anger, only sadness.
The issue is not at the forefront of our relationship, but it is always there. In the background. Simmering.
Investment brokers??? You are killing me!
Just wanted to say I so enjoy reading your blog! You have a way to transform a reader as if they were standing next to you and your family and almost a part of the conversations going on.
Now, on the flip side, your blog also scares me! As our oldest is only 3, her infuential debating skills using logic and foresight have yet to be developed. :) I know the day will come when I’ll need to be more intellectually engaged in all dealings!
Thank you for the sweet compliments!
And from what I have read of your daughter? You are right to be worried. Your daughter is going to debate you to death.
I tried the getting up early thing so I would have time to check email, make and drink coffee and catch up on the local morning news. The kid caught on to me within a couple days. No matter how quiet I was tiptoeing around, he was up before the coffee was even ready.
I figured if he was going to start all the annoying demands the second my feet hit the floor, I was at least going to sleep as long as I could and be well-rested.
My plan? Is to get up even earlier! 4:00 am! That will teach her!
Not really. 4:00 am would suck. A lot.
Sigh.
When I was real young we were not allowed to watch much tv. And even then it was only Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. I didn’t know there was anything else and never asked. Neither did my older sister. Our younger brother on the other hand was 2 when he changed the channel. My mom came into the room and found him watch cartoons. He was so proud. He jumped up to show her how if you just turn the dial on the tv you can watch other things. Never occurred to me or my sister to do that.
The girls are not allowed to watch very much television. Maj is fine with that, as there isn’t much on TV that she cares to watch.
But it is a constant source of anguish for Kallan that there are shows waiting for her on our DVR that she has not yet gotten to see. So when she figured out that I was getting up early for some quiet alone time? She made her move.
She is all iCarly-ed up.
“Solitaire was invented for the lonely.” – Crack me up!
Your girls are so witty. Must take after Mama.
Yes, that’s what I think.
Mark says they also got some bad stuff from me, but I am proud of the witty.
I guilted myself into the whole “lasting childhood memories” crap. I think this might be why the only writing I do these days is online. An why the only photos I take are of the kid. And why I watch too many Disney cartoons.
Sophie has her own camera now. Maybe she can start taking photos of her memories and make them last that way, and I can start trying to do some things that I want to do again!
I’m such a selfish bastard.
I don’t actually worry about “lasting childhood memories” any more. I do so much stuff with them. So much.
And then when I ask them to share the best parts of their day? So often the best memories are not of the activities themselves, but of touching a slug. Or of eating an ice cream cone. Or the bird that pooped on our car.
There’s no point in trying to build memories that trump a pooped-upon car in my girls’ minds.
No point at all.
Haha, the seeing and feeling of the love in the drawing. Smart kid you have there. :) How, really, could you even argue with that?
Can’t wait to hear about the lasing memories you girls are making today!
Right now? The lasting memories are of house-cleaning and letter writing.
Later lunch and a bike ride, as long as the skies don’t open up.
And Kallan is so smart.
I admire the way you empathize with your mother-in-law despite seeing things so differently. That’s hard to do. I’m curious how you attempted to reconcile this in your email to her…
I’m guilty far too often of giving into the TV as well, just to get a few moments to myself. Good for you for getting them up and into the day! Hope you guys have some sunshine up there by now! We are heading that way on tuesday… PDX here we come!
The girls do not get to watch TV that much, which is why Kallan’s victory this morning was so sweet.
We always get up and face the day. Right now? They are in the back yard writing letters to their pen pals.
It was that or help me clean . . . they are big writers, apparently.
And Tuesday? You are moving here? Or visiting?
Do I already know this?
Nah, not moving. We’ll be visiting for 3 weeks. The little sis is getting hitched. And my kid is supposed to carry the ring down the aisle or something like that. So we’ll see how it goes. I’m going to bribe him with blueberries- his obsession.
:)
I imagine this little trail of blueberries laid in a row down the aisle to tempt your son to the alter with the ring.
Hee hee!
Maj has to be a Virgo. It’s just a guess. She is such a wonderfully critical little girl!
No clue. May 11th?
hehe. oops, sorry. I mean, you poor woman, having your young daughter drawing you a picture just so she could watch tv. I must be the worst mother/grandmother ever cuz I always would let them watch.
The church thing with your MIL hits really close to home. Except it is me that has stopped doing the church thing and my parents that are all hatin on me now. “we love all our kids, even tho they have idiosyncrasies”. meaning me, cuz I don’t do the church thing. don’t even get me started. Just wanted you to know I feel your pain.
Mark and I have never attended church, and it is an ongoing source of pain for my in-laws. They do not bring it up often, but it is always there. Sigh.
i constantly worry that the boy could grow up to be a democrat (GASP) kill me now!!!
That won’t be it. They never turn out to be the thing you worry about.
Mark was telling me the other day how he would be all cool if the girls rebelled and wanted to get piercings or tattoos or a weird hair color.
But what, I asked him, if they dropped out of high school? Would he be all supportive of that little rebellion?
No fucking way. He got all pissed at the thought.
How about if you apply reverse psychology? You and Mark should get some piercings and tattoos to discourage them from getting any- afterall, what child at that age would want to copy their parents? Tada! Clean and free of holes/metallic implants.
Anytime you want me to give some parenting tips, just let me know. I’m full of advice, maybe not good advice, but you get what you pay for.
Snort. Free parenting tips from Axel!
The line will be out the fucking door and around the block!
It will have to be Mark who gets piercings and the tattoos. Because me? No way.
I am all giggly imagining that future version of Mark.
Hee hee!
We don’t let the girls have TV anymore. Not since we came home from RAD camp. But, we put Elle in respite care yesterday for a couple of days. I folded and have let Bunny watch all day. Somedays its just not worth fighting…I’ve missed the Backyardagans…but not Wow Wow Wubbzy.
At our house? There is not enough TV, as far as Kallan is concerned.
Her favorite part about being sick is that I let her lie on the couch and watch TV. She just melts into the TV, all feverish and pleased with herself.
Tomorrow morning? I anticipate fake illness.
Also . . . what is respite care?
Kallan has the mad skillz to get what she wants! That will one day serve her well in her life.
Yes, she is going to all manipulative and successful.
Let’s hope she uses her powers for good.
And not evil.
Wow. Your girls sound amazing! I just wanted to write a comment about the church thing. More about how you have a vision for your girls and you know your MIL had a vision of how her son would grow up and raise his family. I know I haven’t met any of my mother’s expectations (I’m 30, unmarried (read: divorced) with no college degree or children) and that’s hard for me to say. Sometimes I wish she could be more like my dad and just be content in my happiness. I hope your girls grow up continuing to be as intelligent and creative as they seem to be already. Sounds like even if you’re not living up to expectations by others, you’re doing a wonderful job of raising what I’m sure will be two awesome daughters.
Yeah, it turns out that trying to live up to other people’s expectations? Leads to guilt and failure and resentment.
Mark and I have been together for a while, long enough to be confident in the choices we make together. On most issues, this makes it easier for our families to relax and accept our happiness in the form we have chosen. But the religion thing is difficult.
I know Mark’s family is delighted with our family, delighted with our girls, delighted with how we are raising.
Except for this one thing. Sigh.