Our landlords are coming into town to visit with Lake Oswego friends this weekend. We have been dealing with a property management company, but the actual owners are in town this weekend. They want to come by, meet all of us, and take a look at the house.
Sigh.
Is there anything in the world that makes a house feel less like yours than having the actual owners show up to take a look at it?
I’m sure they are lovely people.
I’m sure the meeting will go fine.
Although I anticipate a certain amount of alarm about the fact that we are not as concerned with their landscaping as they might have hoped. Things grow crazy-fast here in Oregon . . . and honestly? Mark and I have trouble sometimes figuring out what is and isn’t a weed. So while everything looks neat? It does not look fussed over.
But that aside? I do not want to meet the owners of the house.
When we sold our house in Vallejo? Sold it for so much less than we owed on it? Made a crazy devil-deal with the bank whereby they would accept less than we owed on our mortgage if they were then given permission to make big ugly black marks all over our credit report?
When we did all of that?
We knew we were going to have to rent for a while.
What I didn’t anticipate? Was how very different that would feel. That renting.
That borrowing of a house.
A house that’s not mine.
Sigh.
And so even though the landlords have made clear that this is just a friendly visit and not an inspection?
It feels like an inspection.
Sigh.
And inspections? Are designed to reveal flaws.
So I am feeling all vulnerable. That is not my favorite way to feel.
Hmmmph.
In other news . . .
I was watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night. Because there is just little in the world that makes me feel better about myself than mocking and judging those ladies. I am all dysfunctional that way.
One of the women was all excited about her upcoming 10th anniversary, and she was hoping for a big gift from her husband. Her husband, in another scene, expressed concern that he wouldn’t be able to live up to his wife’s expectations because money was tighter than it has been in the past. So sad.
So I was expecting a lovely scene in which he bought her flowers and dinner, and she threw a huge fucking fit of greedy rage.
Happy sighs of anticipation.
But here’s what happened instead . . . He took her on a private helicopter ride over New York City. They checked into a luxurious hotel. They had a private dinner served in their room. And then? Stuffed into a chocolate dessert? An enormous fucking diamond ring.
Enormous. Also? Covered in chocolate frosting . . . that part was maybe not thought all the way through.
Sigh. I want to do belt-tightening the way these people do belt-tightening.
They cut away from that couple then, because they were having sex for the entire remainder of the episode.
It was a big ring.
I look over at Mark with raised eyebrows.
He looks back, “What? You’re not a jewelry person. Plus? You would never go in a helicopter.”
That’s true.
He holds out his bowl of popcorn, “Want some?”
Sigh.
I do like popcorn.
This morning, I tried to get the girls organized to help me clean up a little bit in preparation for the inspection (I mean visit) from our landlords. I explained that we needed to make things look a little neater than usual so that the landlords would be confident that we are doing a good job of taking care of their house.
They stood there and stared at me sadly for a moment.
And then Kallan screamed out, “SCATTER, MAJ! RUN AND SCATTER! SCATTER! SCATTER! SCATTER!”
And they were both gone, running for the hills and away from responsibilities.
And I was left giggling.
Scatter . . . are you fucking kidding me?
Stood there in the kitchen that is not mine for a moment. The kitchen I am borrowing.
What do we have here? Leftover popcorn?
I do like popcorn.
It’s a tiny stale. Still tasty, though.
I eat a couple of handfuls. Look around.
From where I stand?
I can see a huge cobweb dancing in the corner. And a small mountain of Labrador poo in the middle of the back yard. And a pile of dirty towels and bathing suits draped on the kitchen counter.
Sigh.
Bring on the inspection.
But how awesome would it be if, when they rang the doorbell? We opened the door and then all ran past them screaming and hiding?
SCATTER! SCATTER! SCATTER!
That would be awesome.
Note to landlords: We are looking forward to your visit! What a pleasure it will be to give you a chance to appreciate how happy we are in your house. Plus also? Mark and I turn out to be way lame at identifying weeds.
Sigh.
In KY, restaurant inspectors hang up big signs in the window with a grade on it once they have inspected the restaurant. (95% – Yes, please eat here. 82% – Not on your life.) So when reading this, I can’t help but to imagine the landlords slapping a big sign on your window with your “house grade”! HA!
Also, Extra Butter Popweaver.
Snort!
House grade . . . 82% sounds about right.
well, Teresa and her hubs are $11 million in debt and having to sell off the contents of their ginormous house. Probably includes the ring.
Sigh.
That would be sad.
How is she going to take back all of that thank-you sex?
I’m still laughing at your reply Kris. It’s been about 3 minutes now.
Hee hee!
Ok, 1) I didn’t get to finish watching RHONJ….and even though you told me the rest of the “story” I’ll still look forward to watching it on reruns. I’m also lame like that. 2) We are renting OUR home out and are renting the home we live in now….and our landlords left the place less than stellar and it’s not cleaner and better cared for now than when they handed it over to us. I wish they didn’t treat us like a business deal. and 3) I love that your daughters took off running, I think deep down they knew it wasn’t a big deal, don’t worry. I’m the meet and greet will go off well. They should be happy the house is standing, rodent free, right??
1) Sorry for the spoiler.
2) Renting is stressful. I like control. Always.
3) Yes, my daughters have a better handle on things than I do, sometimes. Because the house is fine. And it’s not that big a deal. Except to me.
And there are no rodents. A few moles in the back yard, but they have not ventured into the house.
Snort!
I should proofread before I hit submit comment, sorry for all the grammatical errors. d’oh!!! We in fact DO keep the place cleaner than they left it. For the record.
I wondered about that, but didn’t want to edit your comment if you really meant what you wrote.
Snort!
I’m glad you clarified!
I watched housewives too and had to laugh..isn’t that the couple that just filed bankruptcy and had to sell their house….put that ring and helicopter into perspective.
Yes, I think they are in deep financial doo-doo.
Denial is fabulous.
I have no denial over here. Only reality.
And stale popcorn.
I think that would be hilarious if you did that. Or better yet, you and the girls go do something “very important” and let your hubby talk to them. :)
I considered that.
That doesn’t seem very grown-up to me.
So I will deal.
It’s a pain in the ass having issues.
SCATTER! SCATTER! SCATTER!
Love
Happy sighs of giggly laughter
My daughters make me laugh so much.
Love that.
Love that.
i do like popcorn, too. even stale. well, a little stale.
A little stale?
Is still tasty. As long as there is still some crunch.
Hehehehe…SCATTER PEOPLE! but grab the leftover popcorn. we need snacks!
We had a rent house one house away from where we lived. Watching my Mom and Stepdad as landlords…all they hope for was no major damage. You know, the roof is still working, wall are still up, floors are still in floor like shape. No worries. Five minutes with y’all and they’ll love ya ;)
We are lovable.
Yeah, it’s not so much about the visit as what it conjures up for me.
Sometimes, being me is annoying.
As I stated last night, I read every day. Today I actually read during my lunch half hour, so you get a shiny new comment (my queen).
SCATTER is what I wished I could have yelled when my parents told us that some people were going to look at our house and we had to get it in tip top shape. Sadly, they didn’t have your sense of humor, as the people coming to look were appraisers and they were hoping to refinance as not to lose it.
They still live in that house.
If they managed to not lose the house?
Then the tip-top shaping? Was well worth it.
But scattering? Is very appealing.
And Queen?
Love that.
My husband is always telling me that I’m not a jewelry person too. Sometimes I wonder when that was decided. I don’t remember saying it. Ever. I can’t wear it if I don’t have it. Maybe I should go home and demand large jewels.
I really am not a jewelry person.
Wedding ring.
That’s it.
diamond earrings? diamond watch? check. wedding ring? check. wedding ring with a big fuckin’ rock on it? oh…only in my dreams. i think my 2 carat is as big as it’s gonna get. though? i’d LOVE to see how a 3 or 4 or 5 carat would actually look on my finger. i’m all spoiled that way.
oh. how could i forget??? diamond cross necklace? check.
Snort.
Snort!
You and me?
We’re all spoiled.
Did the owners build the house?? Maybe you could ask them why they put a bathroom next to the kitchen. Just sort of throw it in there with other conversation. Tell them your readers want to know (well at least one reader anyway).
snort!
Snort! No, they did not build it.
I will ask about the bathroom, though. Maybe they have insight.
My house is on the market. You know, the really crappy market. And I insist on only buying name brand groceries because I am convinced they all look in my fridge. And I want them to believe that the people who own this house are amazing and don’t use Wal- Mart ketchup, and that will make them want to live here. So I feel your pain on the inspection stuff. And the lack of control.
I remember that . . . trying to make our house look as though amazing people lived in it so that potential buyers would want to live in this house.
So that they also might be amazing.
It did not fucking work.
So good luck.
Lol! “Scatter” Those girls are hilarious.
We’ve always rented and I know that feeling of not really feeling at home in your own space. When there’s a note about them coming in for something or other, especially when it can be any time from 9-5, I feel it. It’s the worst.
I mean, what if I haven’t showered by 9? When do I shower then? Ugh.
Hope your inspection ::cough:: I mean visit goes well.
Thank you.
As I said . . . it’s not really about the visit.
It’s about how it makes me feel. The sense of failure it conjures up for me.
Hate that.
So the Michigan economy blows big *insert fav word here* right now. We recently received notice on how much our house is worth. I cried. Big fat tears. We bought our house for $30k less than it was worth 7 years ago. Our house is now worth $30k less than what we owe on it. It dropped $60k in 7 years. $60k!!! So we are stuck in this house forever, with shitty neighbors.
Oh, and the scatter part totally made me think of the Chinese fire drills we would do when young. Love that!!
Yes.
I have lots of family and friends in Michigan.
Michigan sucks. It’s beautiful, but it sucks.
But Chinese fire drills? Those were awesome!
Also?
I am sorry.
i hate renting…unfortunately it’s going to be a long while before I can buy…plus it doesn’t help that my landlord’s son lives right upstairs…at least yours aren’t just up a flight of stairs
the “scatter” thing cracks me up though…there are many times when i pretend not to be home when he knocks on my door..quite frankly if it’s after 9 or 10 p.m. he should just leave me alone..lol
Yeah, I don’t really mind renting or the landlord.
It’s my own sense of failure that I hate.
Hmmmph.