Maj is sick this morning. Yesterday’s metaphorical melting?
Today a reality.
So she is all sunken eyes and pale skin and sadness. Lying on the couch. Threatening to barf, refusing to eat, sipping her water, watching television.
And Kallan is hysterical with need.
It is hard to think when there is sickness on one side of you and a whirling dervish of frustration on the other.
So today? I am giving Kallan the floor.
Interview style.
So Kallan . . . what’s up?
I’m bored. I have nothing to do. Maj is sick and she is sucking up the television room with sickness. So I can’t watch TV.
Why not? Just sit on the other side of the room. It’s not like germs can leap.
I am not sitting in the same room with someone who might barf. I hate barfing and I hate watching people barf. Not even
That’s silly, don’t you think?
Really? Has Daddy gone in that room today? I don’t think so. You should be interviewing Daddy about why he doesn’t want to go in that room. Daddy does not exactly take his turn at taking care of sick girls. You noticed that, right?
Yes, I have noticed that. Sickness is a mom job in this house.
Which ruins my day.
Ruins your day? How?
Because you? Are going to stay in that outfit all day.
What’s wrong with my outfit?
Nothing, but you are wearing your my daughter might barf on me outfit. And a daughter might barf on me outfit? That outfit does not get in the car and take me to the park or to the beach or for ice cream.
Snort!
You still laugh like a donkey. Donkey in a bad outfit.
Snort!
And so I am trapped. And bored.
Read a book.
I like reading, but not if it’s the only thing left for me to do. I have to choose to read. If someone says to me Read a book . . . that is like the last boring thing in the world I want to do.
Stop jumping on that pile of blankets! I just folded that comforter!
Yeah, well it’s not clean. Is this the one Aunt Lynda and Uncle Dave used when they were visiting?
Yes.
Well, it smells. It smells like wet man.
Snort!
Are you going to type in all your donkey laughs?
Yes.
Can I read this when you are done?
Yes.
OK, then.
What else would you like to tell people?
Hmmmm . . . I have a big mystery purple bruise on my knee and eleven mosquito bites that I do not even scratch but you say I do but I do not.
You so scratch them, babe.
Whatever. Oooooh . . . Persie’s butt is all wet and gross and it’s like she has a huge swollen wart on her butt. A butt boil. It’s a good thing she’s not a person, because she would so not be able to wear pants. Good thing people can’t get butt boils.
They can, you know.
Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!
OK, so you want to tell me some worst things? What’s the worst thing about Daddy?
That he’s on his computer all the time, and so when you have to take care of Maj? I have nothing and nobody. Woooo-hoooooo! Be sure to type that I said woo-hoo all sarcastically, OK?
Got it. What about me?
Worst thing about you is that I can’t have you today because Maj gets you.
You have me right now.
Yeah, like I don’t know this is a sneaky way to write your blog.
Snort! OK, enough with worst stuff. What’s the best thing about your sister?
I know you want me to say that the best thing is that she plays with me all the time, but she so does not. So I am not going to say that, because that would be lying. And I never lie.
Snort!
What? I don’t. Ask Grandpa. I am halo good.
OK, so if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’m guessing it wouldn’t be to fib less.
No. I would like to be able to save my money. Right now I just spend it when I get it. But I don’t want to save it like Maj, because she just saves it forever and never spends it. I want to save for something big.
Do you know what that big thing is?
Not really. How much is an iPhone?
Snort!
Why are you laughing? That is not even funny.
OK, last question. Who is the weirdest person in our family?
Daddy.
Really?
Oh wait! Did you mean including me?
Yes, including you. Including you, who is the weirdest person in our family?
Daddy.
Snort.
You promise I get to read this?
Yes.
Can I watch TV in your room while you type it up?
Alright.
YES!
_________________________________
P.S. GUEST-POST ALERT!
Maj and Kallan are making a sisterly appearance today over at CDG’s house. Check out Tankini Girl over at Move Over Mary Poppins!. GO!
I am off to Mom it up around here.
Auto-fill loves me today. I must be typing slowly.
Kallan needs to take over every reality TV show ever made and tell them how to do business.
Kallan’s reality is entertaining.
Every other reality TV show ever made, not so much.
Kallan is so much fun.
So much fun.
Exhausting lovely fun.
Kallan cracks me up! “How much is an iPhone?” – way to start small ;)
Kallan never thinks small.
Never.
“Persie’s butt is all wet and gross and it’s like she has a huge swollen wart on her butt. A butt boil. It’s a good thing she’s not a person, because she would so not be able to wear pants.”
“Woooo-hoooooo! Be sure to type that I said woo-hoo all sarcastically, OK?”
I think its funny she’s so concerned about Persie’s inability to wear pants due to her butt boil. And love her desire to make sure everyone knows she was being all sarcastic.
And poor Maj. Sick is never fun. Hope she feels much better very soon! Many germ free hugs to her!
Kallan is enormously entertaining at our house all the time.
She gets annoyed sometimes that her audience insists on going about their business as she performs.
She is delighted to have new appreciation!
And Maj is eating a popsicle. Sadly.
HA HA HA – sucking up the television room with her sickness, and you in that outfit. I laughed loudly at this !!
Thanks for the much needed laugh today.
Kallan is all pleased with her interview.
All pleased.
Oh, the Mom of a Sicko outfit. How I know it well.
Kallan might be surprised to know that not only do people get butt boils, but they STILL PUT ON PANTS AND WALK AROUND. I know, I know. I was shocked at that information too.
Also? Grown ups? Can sometimes get nasty ingrown hairs on their butt. Not ME. I’ve never had it. But I know it exists.
Kallan? That ingrown hair story? Is why you should NEVER google “ingrown hair”. You cannot UNSEE that kind of thing and that is a FACT.
Google?
That is Kallan’s favorite thing.
She has all kinds of stuff on her computer to block her from all kinds of stuff.
Which annoys her no end, because that blocked stuff?
That is exactly what she wanted to see.
Hmmmmph.
You forgot the tag “snort”
That is too funny, and I can only hope that Bronwyn ends up with half that wit.
Oooooooh . . . I should have tagged SNORT.
I am not perfect after all.
You have brilliant children!
Thank you!
They get that brilliance from their father, the weirdest person in our family.
That is just delightful to me, by the way.
Being sick in the summer is the worst. I love how the entire idea of not *wanting* to take care of a sick kid is lost on Kallan. As if you would rather be stuck in the house waiting for one child to puke while the other is pissed off. Sounds like uber “mom fun” to me! LOL
Kallan is great entertainment!
Yes, uber-mom-fun.
YAY, me!
Right now? Kallan is off trying to get the neighborhood excited about a lemonade stand.
In the drizzly rain.
Snort.
I highly enjoyed three things (amongst all the other things I enjoyed)
1) Mark is the weirdest person in your family. Awesome.
2) The girls notice that he does not take his turn with the sickness.
3) Your girls still want to “get” you. I think that’s my favorite thing.
Kallan is delighted!
She read the interview before I posted it. Made some corrections.
Duh.
She is awesome.
That chick Kallan, she’s truly dazzling.
And I concur that the best part is that she wants you, that they both want you. Score for mama!
Yes, I am quite triumphant.
And tired.
Kallan for President 2044. Heck, Kallan for President 2012.
Kallan would love to be President!
Or Queen.
She would love a crown of some sort.
And subjects.
Your kids are awesome. Pale, freckly. Covered in sunscreen,sick, and charmingly witty awesome. They must have rubbed off on you b/c even though you’re awesome you wouldn’t be half as awesome without them.
I know.
I owe it all to them.
I really do.
hope Maj is feeling better…but it has got to be good that K just wants more of you! I dread the day when the kids don’t want anything to do with mom. Would love to see a photo of the “my daughter is going to barf on me” outfit!
Maj is actually making someting of a recovery this afternoon. She ate some soup and is now reading a book.
I am so not posting a photo.
I don’t even post cute photos.
And today? I am not that cute.
Both of your daughters (when up to talking) are little whipper-snappers. Make me feel both relieved and jealous that I don’t have a girl!
Relieved and jealous . . .
Giggle.
I love this post. I love all of your posts, but this interview with Kallan? Brilliant and lovely.
Glad Maj is starting to feel better and I hope that no one else in your house gets sick.
Thank you so much.
Kallan is all drunk with power now.
She wants to be featured more.
MUCH MORE.