Maj is sick this morning. Yesterday’s metaphorical melting?
Today a reality.
So she is all sunken eyes and pale skin and sadness. Lying on the couch. Threatening to barf, refusing to eat, sipping her water, watching television.
And Kallan is hysterical with need.
It is hard to think when there is sickness on one side of you and a whirling dervish of frustration on the other.
So today? I am giving Kallan the floor.
Interview style.
So Kallan . . . what’s up?
I’m bored. I have nothing to do. Maj is sick and she is sucking up the television room with sickness. So I can’t watch TV.
Why not? Just sit on the other side of the room. It’s not like germs can leap.
I am not sitting in the same room with someone who might barf. I hate barfing and I hate watching people barf. Not even
That’s silly, don’t you think?
Really? Has Daddy gone in that room today? I don’t think so. You should be interviewing Daddy about why he doesn’t want to go in that room. Daddy does not exactly take his turn at taking care of sick girls. You noticed that, right?
Yes, I have noticed that. Sickness is a mom job in this house.
Which ruins my day.
Ruins your day? How?
Because you? Are going to stay in that outfit all day.
What’s wrong with my outfit?
Nothing, but you are wearing your my daughter might barf on me outfit. And a daughter might barf on me outfit? That outfit does not get in the car and take me to the park or to the beach or for ice cream.
Snort!
You still laugh like a donkey. Donkey in a bad outfit.
Snort!
And so I am trapped. And bored.
Read a book.
I like reading, but not if it’s the only thing left for me to do. I have to choose to read. If someone says to me Read a book . . . that is like the last boring thing in the world I want to do.
Stop jumping on that pile of blankets! I just folded that comforter!
Yeah, well it’s not clean. Is this the one Aunt Lynda and Uncle Dave used when they were visiting?
Yes.
Well, it smells. It smells like wet man.
Snort!
Are you going to type in all your donkey laughs?
Yes.
Can I read this when you are done?
Yes.
OK, then.
What else would you like to tell people?
Hmmmm . . . I have a big mystery purple bruise on my knee and eleven mosquito bites that I do not even scratch but you say I do but I do not.
You so scratch them, babe.
Whatever. Oooooh . . . Persie’s butt is all wet and gross and it’s like she has a huge swollen wart on her butt. A butt boil. It’s a good thing she’s not a person, because she would so not be able to wear pants. Good thing people can’t get butt boils.
They can, you know.
Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!
OK, so you want to tell me some worst things? What’s the worst thing about Daddy?
That he’s on his computer all the time, and so when you have to take care of Maj? I have nothing and nobody. Woooo-hoooooo! Be sure to type that I said woo-hoo all sarcastically, OK?
Got it. What about me?
Worst thing about you is that I can’t have you today because Maj gets you.
You have me right now.
Yeah, like I don’t know this is a sneaky way to write your blog.
Snort! OK, enough with worst stuff. What’s the best thing about your sister?
I know you want me to say that the best thing is that she plays with me all the time, but she so does not. So I am not going to say that, because that would be lying. And I never lie.
Snort!
What? I don’t. Ask Grandpa. I am halo good.
OK, so if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’m guessing it wouldn’t be to fib less.
No. I would like to be able to save my money. Right now I just spend it when I get it. But I don’t want to save it like Maj, because she just saves it forever and never spends it. I want to save for something big.
Do you know what that big thing is?
Not really. How much is an iPhone?
Snort!
Why are you laughing? That is not even funny.
OK, last question. Who is the weirdest person in our family?
Daddy.
Really?
Oh wait! Did you mean including me?
Yes, including you. Including you, who is the weirdest person in our family?
Daddy.
Snort.
You promise I get to read this?
Yes.
Can I watch TV in your room while you type it up?
Alright.
YES!
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P.S. GUEST-POST ALERT!
Maj and Kallan are making a sisterly appearance today over at CDG’s house. Check out Tankini Girl over at Move Over Mary Poppins!. GO!
I am off to Mom it up around here.
You’ve just gotta love that girl. Loved your guest post! Sister moments are the best.
Sister moments are lovely.
Unless they are not.
And they are very . . . not.
She has so much personality. Love it. Is Maj going to do an interview to?
Maybe next time Kallan is sick.
When Kallan is sick? She disappears into the television until she is better.
It gives Maj and I plenty of time to talk.
ah the smell of wet man, it does linger, doesn’t it?
Where does she get these images?
What does she know about wet man smell?
She is weird.
This cracked me up…
I am glad!
Kallan cracks me up all the time.
There is so much I love about this. I don’t even know where to start. I love Kallan’s snarky-ness. And? I love that it is unanimous that Mark is weird.
Thanks, you!
Kallan is lovely.
And Mark? He is way weird.
You should be a very proud mama that your girls still want to “get” you. That means you are doing something right! Hope Maj feels better and Kallan should so start her own blog because she cracks me up!
Thanks!
Kallan would be an awesome writer . . . but she has soooooo many other things to do.
She’s like that dog Dug in the movie Up.
Squirrel!
And she’s off.
i LOVE dug! he’s the best character in the movie! And the hubs? had an ingrown hair on his butt and had to have surgery. His butt crack? now goes up and takes a left! i could pick his butt outta millions! And Kallan? i think i love her as much as i love maj. but never as much as i adore you. and absolutely not even close to how i worship weird mark. sigh.
Also? i will be stalking you every day til i leave for russia. a day without kris? like a day without sunshine!
Have fun in Russia!
And here’s to hoping that a situation does not arise? In which you have to pick your husband’s butt out of millions.
SO giggly an image!
being forced to read does take the fun out of it. smart girl.
Kallan is way smart.
I’m with Kallan, when one sib is sick they suck up the TV room with sickness and make it so no one else wants to be in there. Last time my daughter was ill, I put a plastic bag over the remote….so after she went to sleep, we could watch TV and not risk getting strep throat also! Enjoyed your blog!
Sanitizing spray . . . all over the remote control.
At our house.
I hope you avoided the barf and my conversations with my kids consist of grunts and me repeating myself as their brains are sucked into the TV. You are lucky and she is hysterical!!
Kallan is like a brainless zombie when she gets access to a television.
I try to limit her access.
I like her brains too much.
Sick kids suck, for the most part. My son gets cuddly when he’s sick, so that’s a perk…kinda…assuming I already have or am immune to whatever he has. We had a family NOROvirus earlier this year which yielded some quality family time…when we weren’t having a violent bathroom experience…
I’m retaining the interview idea for when my kids are old enough to answer interview questions semi-appropriately. :)
…altho, it might be interesting to try it, even tho they aren’t necessarily old enough to be interviewed…
Oh my god . . . we had a horrible virus attack our family at Thanksgiving a few years back. Took out our whole family and both of Mark’s parents (who were visiting us at the time). It was horrific. I wanted to just burn the fucking house down.
Interviews with your kids, though?
Way fun.
The fact that Kallan is worried about butt boils makes me all happy inside. She is the best.
This is one of my favorite posts of yours so far. It was kind of strange without the fbombs though. If it hadn’t been for all the snorty-ness, I might have thought Pretty All True had been hijacked.
It was sort of hijacked for the day.
By Kallan. And Kallan is not allowed to swear.
Snort.
I’m sorry you had to be mom. Of all the mother jobs, I think barf cleanup is the worst. It makes me want to throw up too!
I just read your guest blog. I’m am soooo over one piece bathing suits. Two pieces are easier especially when I have a 5 year old who ALWAYS needs to go to the bathroom.
Maj never barfed. She is now on day 2 of just lying around threatening to barf.
Doctor’s appointment in the morning.
Sigh.
I love the Kallan wants to save for an iPhone. Great thinking!!! :)
Kallan always has an unrealistic plan.
Always.
Dear Kallan,
you are histarical! I imagine you know that. I hope you get to use your comedic genius for something great someday. Stay funny!
Kallan is always funny.
Sometimes misunderstood (according to Kallan), but always funny.