Maj has a tendency to narrate her mornings. There is no real need to respond, but I am aware of the words as they fill the morning air.
“Mother? I am going upstairs to get socks now.”
“I am going to eat some cereal.”
“I almost hurt myself on the railing!”
“I am putting my books in my backpack.”
“Mother? I am going to take this bag of crackers as a snack.”
“I am heading upstairs to brush my hair.”
“I found my sweater.”
“I am putting on my sweater.”
“I was going to take my cell phone to school today, but now I have decided to leave it at home.”
“I almost forgot to fix my bed, but I am going to fix it now.”
“I do not need this plate, and so I am putting it back in the drawer.”
“I finished my glass of orange juice.”
Mark and I are sitting on the couch, drinking coffee in these last moments before the girls head off to school. Letting the morning noisy air drift over us.
Maj swings into the room, hanging against the door’s frame to update us, “I am going to the bathroom.”
We do not answer her.
“Hello? Did you hear me? I am going to the bathroom.”
I snort, “Got it, Maj. Thanks for the update.”
A few minutes in which there is only Kallan. She is singing a goofy song she learned in music class over and over and over again. I try not to focus, but I am aware of the words as they fill the morning air.
And then it is almost time to leave. Kallan is somehow organized before her sister, and she is standing impatiently by the door. Maj hurries about, attending to last minute details.
“I am putting socks in my backpack in case I need them for gym, because I have decided to wear flip-flops to school.”
Mark sighs, “We don’t need all of the details of your life narrated, Maj. We have talked about this before. Just update us when there is something important we need to know.”
Maj is surprised, “How is the fact that I am packing socks not important?”
She continues talking from the other room, “OK, so I have packed the socks, and I have my lunch and my binder and my math book.”
Kallan suddenly yells out from the door, “MAJ IS PACKING HER BACKPACK, PEOPLE!”
Maj ignores her sister, “And then I have to find my flip flops.”
“MAJ IS SEARCHING FOR HER FLIP-FLOPS!”
“OK, so now I have my flip flops. Just let me grab my backpack and put it on.”
“MAJ IS PICKING UP HER BACKPACK!”
“Stop, Kallan. I just need to pull my hair out of the straps.”
“MAJ IS PULLING HER HAIR FREE OF THE STRAPS!”
“Stop it! It is time to go.”
“IT IS TIME TO GO!”
“You are so annoying! Why do you have to be so annoying?”
“MAJ IS ANNOYED BY HER SISTER AGAIN!”
The girls walk out to the bus stop together and out of our day.
I turn to Mark, and I am giggling, “You remember that Saturday Night Live thing? She so reminded me of that skit.”
Marks agrees, “Jack Handey? Deep Random Thoughts . . . By Maj.”
“What? No. I mean Kallan, with the yelling. That Garrett Morris thing on Weekend Update.”
Mark stares at me, “No clue, Kris.”
“Oh, come on! Jane Curtin and Chevy Chase introduced the character on Weekend Update. They said they were going to have Garrett Morris assist in delivering the news to their hard-of-hearing viewers. And then Garrett Morris appeared in this little oval on the side of the screen, and you assumed he was going to do sign language as the newscasters spoke.”
“Oh, I think I kind of remember that.”
Hmmmph. Never mind.
Chevy Chase opening the newscast, “Our top story tonight . . .”
And then Garrett Morris, with his hands cupped around his mouth, screaming from his oval . . .
“OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT . . .”
Chase again, “Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.”
“GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD.”
Oh, guess what?
Mark was looking at my post last night, and he’s all, “How come everything is always about sex with you? Why can’t you just write about a pencil and a jelly sandwich? And why is the Baby Jesus anywhere near the pencil? Why do you always go to the sex?”
So today? A lovely clean G-Rated post.
Don’t tell Mark about this guest-post link to Blogging Dangerously.
But click the link.
Just be quiet about it.