Last night?
We left the girls alone together in the house for 90 minutes while Mark and I attended a “Back to School” event at the girls’ school. A milestone, as we have never left them alone together before for more than ten minutes.
It went fabulously.
By which I mean that when we got home, they were happily watching a movie and eating popcorn. Both still alive.
Yay!
Mark and I were all kinds of proud.
Such a proud parenting moment . . . what with both girls being alive and all.
Because here is what happened earlier in the evening . . .
“Are you kidding me, Mother? You can’t just change the plans at the last minute like that! I am not staying home alone with her! That is just crazy! CRAZY!”
That’s Maj, by the way.
And now here’s me.
“Sweetie, plans have changed. We can’t take you with us, and you are old enough to be home alone with your sister for a little while. The school is less than five minutes away. We’ll have our cell phones. You and Kallan can just watch a movie.”
“We are not old enough to be left alone! You are talking like a crazy person!”
“You are old enough. We have been preparing for this for a while, and tonight’s the night. It will be fine.”
Kallan runs happily off to select a movie, and Maj stands before me.
She is livid.
“Mother? Don’t you love me at all? She is going to kill me while you are gone. When you get back? I will be dead.”
“Jesus, Maj. Could you be any more dramatic, you think? Kallan is not going to kill you.”
“Yes, she will. She has been waiting all this time for the perfect opportunity, and now you are just handing me to her! This is exactly what she has been waiting for! Don’t you see? She is going to kill me.”
Kallan rushes giggling into the room and comes up behind Maj with arms outstretched as though she is going to choke her sister, laughing her biggest evil laugh, “BWAAHAHA!”
Maj swipes angrily at her sister’s arms, “Do you see, Mother? Do you see?”
I sigh, “Kallan, you are not being helpful. Tell your sister you won’t kill her.”
Kallan hangs her head down and looks at her sister through upturned Bambi eyes, “I won’t kill you, Maj. I promise. I love you, Maj.”
Maj goes insane, “DON’T YOU HEAR THE LIE IN HER VOICE, MOTHER? DON’T YOU HEAR?”
Oh my god.
I pull Maj onto the couch with me, “Listen, babe. Please calm down. Take deep breaths. It is time for you to be a big enough girl to be left at home for 90 minutes. It is, babe. It is time.”
“It is not time, Mother. You are crazy.”
“It is time. You are all prepared. We have talked about this many times. If I let you back out of this moment? Your fear is just going to get bigger. I need you to get on board with this plan, Maj. You need to step up.”
“I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS PLAN! DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS PLAN! I AM NOT STEPPING UP, AND I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS PLAN!”
Snort!
“Fine. Get me the phone.”
She is all suspicious and glares at me with narrowed eyes, “Why?”
“I’m going to call the neighbor. She has a woman babysitting her two kids this evening. Maybe I can arrange for you guys to go over there.”
“A BABYSITTER? WE ARE NOT BABIES, MOTHER! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”
“You can’t have it both ways, Maj. You need to decide.”
She inhales a few agonized breaths. Collects herself a bit. Wrings her hands as she considers her options.
“Fine. I will stay here with Kallan. But if she kills me? That’s going to be your fault.”
“Agreed.”
She smiles . . . but just a teeny hidden bit.
And then Mark and I are heading out the door.
Trying to pull the door shut on the noise from within the house.
Which sounds like this . . .
“Kallan! Don’t touch me, Kallan! Get away from me, Kallan! I don’t want to see what movie you picked. Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me! Augh. Why are you so annoying? I don’t want a “sister hug of love.” What is wrong with you? Stop touching me! No hugging! MOTHER, SHE IS GOING TO KILL ME!”
And then from Kallan . . . .
“BWAAAHAHA!”
And we pulled the door closed, got into the car, and we drove away.
Because we are all good parenty like that.
And when we returned?
Maj and Kallan were happily watching a movie and eating popcorn.
Both still alive.
Yay!
Maj was all kinds of proud of herself.
A milestone.
Yay!
Plus also?
Sigh.
I am off to get my hair cut.
ACK!
At least, I am going to try.
Leave me a comment because there will be hell to pay if you do not.
Snort!
I will respond to all comments when I return.
Promise.
BWAAHAHA!
I did it, people.
Not like a grown-up.
Not like a sane person.
But my hair?
It is cut.
I am all pleased with myself.
Plus also?
Slightly traumatized.
More on that at some future time.
Hee.
That is all.
From you?
That is more than enough.
as usual, you (and your girls) do not disappoint. do they know how funny are?
Kallan is aware of the humor in almost every situation.
Maj?
Not so much.
We piss Maj off a lot.
A little fear is good for us. Keeps us on our toes. Clearly, Maj would not be alive today if she hadn’t a) been aware of her fear and b) faced it head on, armed with popcorn.
Sometimes?
Maj needs a little shove.
She worries so very much sometimes about how things could go wrong?
She gets paralyzed.
And so a little shove is required.
Snort!
We are the same. Parenting styles. Same. I force my kids to do stuff they don’t want to do all the time. I was such a fraidy nut as a kid and missed out on so much. Like being at home alone…able to raid the pantry and watch HBO. My kids BEG me to leave them at home alone. And they are only 9 and 6! But they are boys…no way am I EVER going to leave them at home alone. They might blow up the place!! ;)
I am alright with Maj worrying as long as it does not stop her from being able to do things she wants (and needs) to be able to do.
So when those situations arise?
I shove her right out of the nest.
Or in this case, shut her up in the nest.
Hee hee!
Haircut? Wait. YOU are getting your haircut? Wow.
I really think you should have had that beer instead of Fruit Loops, just to prepare for that fun!
My hair?
It is cut.
Happy sighs.
But I am not yet ready to discuss the experience.
Ack.
Yes, the horrors of having to sit peacefully & watch a movie together without adult supervision is something my boys have had to endure. They also made it through the experience alive. Hooray for independence training!
I’m not sure what I think is the best part of your posts, the reactions of Maj & Kallan, or your calm response to the occasional sibling-induced insanity in your household. I am so in awe of your parenting badassery.
I prefer to post about the times when I am calmer and bad-assed.
I should post soon about one of my less zen-like moments.
Just so nobody thinks I am perfect.
Nobody was thinking that, right?
Because that would be all kinds of misinformed.
Snort!
And now, they have joined forces. RUN KRIS RUN!
If these two ever REALLY managed to work together?
I would be doomed.
My sisters and I did regularly try to kill each other when left alone. I may have locked my little sister out on more than one occasion. It was completely justified though. Her offense?
Turning on Clueless EVERY SINGLE DAY after school and making us watch it. She got home 10 minutes before we did and bogarted the tv and remote.
Bogarted?
Oh my gosh . . . how long has it been since I have seen that word used?
That is so awesome!
Oh, plus also?
Your sister clearly needed to be locked up in the closet.
Clueless?
Come on.
Yes, Clueless. I told you locking her out of the house was a justifiable offense.
You have no idea how happy it makes me to have used a word that surprised you.
It may just have to become my signature.
Much like SNORT has for you.
Yes!
Bogarted is yours!
Plus?
It’s all alliterative with your blog name!
Yay!
I don’t want a sister hug of love! hah! classic.
Oh . . . my . . . god.
So fucking hard to drive away from the house.
Sister hug of love?
Snort!
This was totally my younger sister and I when we were little. She couldn’t stand to be around me and I thought she was put on earth to bug the crap out of me.
It’s all about the sisterly love!
Yes . . . you have summed up sisterhood at our house quite nicely.
Kallan just cracks me up. Love that girl.
Kallan makes me laugh hysterically.
I have to bite my lip sometimes.
The girl kills me.
I have, just this summer, passed my own hurdle of leaving my 10 (“I’m almost 11 Mom!”) year old alone for a whole 20 minutes.
I hyper-ventilated, teared up and imagined fire, floods & famine.
He sat, watched TV, played with the cat & didn’t even notice when we came home…
oh the drama.
Do you hear it? The fwoop fwoop fwoop of the helicopter parent? I’m sooooo trying not to be one, but apparently, not doing such a good job. He is perfectly well adjusted, it’s me who needs the fucking therapist.
Oh, and since I haven’t had my hair cut in about 3 years (give or take) I applaud you for your huge step!
I worry about the girls.
But I know that they are up to the task of staying home by themselves for a short while.
Your fwoop . . . fwoop . . . fwoop?
Has made me giggle.
As for the haircut?
I have giant insane issues of the personal space sort.
Getting a haircut?
Not one of my favorite things.
At all.
I remember being terrified the first time I left my kids alone. Terrified. But they survived. And so did I. It gets easier. Until they start driving. My daughter is 19 and I still worry about her out on the road. Yeah. Fwoop, fwoop, fwoop….
I worry.
But I try not to make that fwoop fwoop noise.
Especially around Maj, who hovers over her own self?
Enough for both of us.
You know what this means, don’t you? Now you and Mark can go out alone. Maybe not often. Or too late. But you can. Without wrangling a sitter. Isn’t it lovely?
I know!
Shhhhhh.
I don’t think this has occurred to the girls yet.
Shhhhhh.
Hee hee!
It’s our secret. Hehehe.
A lovely secret.
I am all giddy at the thought.
Kids. The amaze me. My 7 year olde niece told my sister today that she wanted to come home from school. Not becasue she was sick, but because she wasn’t “feeling it” and my 2 year old nephew told her that he didn’t want to put on his seat belt because he wanted the policeman to get her. And just when d was on my everlasting nerve he blurts outs “thank you mama” for the first time…and suddenly I’m over it.
Kallan one time threatened to take off her seat-belt, stand up in the car, and wave to a passing policeman so that I would get a ticket.
I told her if she did that?
I would hit the brakes so hard she would fly up and through the windshield, and she then could just walk over to the policeman to tell him her woes.
She thought about that for a minute.
And decided to keep wearing her seat-belt.
Just in case.
Snort!