Mark has been delighting lately in his ability to embarrass our daughters. Maj goes insane. Kallan goes insane as well, but Kallan?
She fights back.
The three of us are standing outside of a store, waiting for Maj to complete her purchases within. Mark starts singing a song (badly) and dancing. Not really dancing, exactly . . . just that sort of upper-body sway and arm-swing thing that dorky dads do sometimes.
Kallan rushes at him and pins his hands to his sides, “Stop that, Daddy! You are humiliating me!”
Mark pulls his arms free and raises his hands above his head . . . continues swaying to some unheard dorky dad beat, “What? What’s wrong with dancing? I’m just happy and dancing and moving to the music.”
Kallan leaps frantically against him, reaching for his arms, “Stop that! There is no music! People can see you, you know! You are not invisible! I am humiliated! Is that what you want?”
He leans down and kisses her head, “Yup. More than anything. That’s part of the joy of being a dad.”
He hugs her, picks her up as she squirms in embarrassment, “And guess what else? I am going to get one of those T-shirts that says I Love My Daughter. And it will have an arrow on it that points to you.”
She shrieks in horror.
He puts her down, “And guess what else? I am going to get you a matching T-shirt that says I Love My Daddy, and it will have an arrow that points to me! Won’t that be awesome? You and me, all loving one another. With arrows.”
She shrieks again and dances before him, “But guess what? When we wear these shirts together? I will move to the other side of you. Like this,” and she dances to the other side of Mark.
She looks up him triumphantly, “and from over here? My arrow will point away from you, and I will be able to claim any random normal dad who passes by. Ooooh . . . there’s the Daddy I love! And there! And there!”
She jumps and leaps as she acts out the arrow-pointing that she will be doing at more normal fathers than her own.
Kallan kills me.
So I try to help Mark out, “Oh, babe! You should get a T-shirt with a photo on it! A picture of Kallan!”
Mark is delighted, “Yes! Then there will no confusion! And above the photo will be the words I Love My Baby Girl.”
Kallan shrieks again, “Don’t call me baby girl! Don’t say baby.”
He reaches for her again, “But you are my baby girl . . . Baby Girl.”
Kallan turns sassy again, “OK, then. I will also get a T-shirt and it will have your photo on it, Daddy. And above your photo? Will be these words . . . I Love My Baby Daddy. See how you like it.”
I love my baby daddy?
I . . . am . . . dead.
Oh my god. Kallan kills me.
We collect Maj and drive to the next of our errands.
At our next location? For some reason, Mark is unable to correctly pull the car into the parking space, and he hits the curb not once, not twice, but three times as he maneuvers. I am laughing hysterically.
Because, people? He is not trying to parallel park. He is just trying to make a sharp right turn and pull forward into a space that is sided by curb. My mocking laughter flusters him so completely that he finally abandons that parking space. Heads across the lot to a larger uncurbed space.
Which sends me right over the edge. So fucking funny.
Mark is annoyed, “OK, ladies. If Dummy Mommy can get it together, let’s get this last bit of shopping done.”
Dummy Mommy?
Snort!
I lean over into his space, “Sweet-talking you! I love you!”
I touch his cheek with my palm, “I love my baby daddy!”
Snort!
And then from Kallan . . .
“Wait . . . what?”
oooooh there will be hell to pay when she gets it!
Hee hee!
I know.
So funny, though.
Happy sighs.
I Love My Baby Daddy!
and it’s Kallan for the win in the “words fathers never want to hear their daughters say” category.
well played in the parking lot, though. well played!
In the parking lot?
As I am doubled over with laughter?
These disgusted words from Maj . . .
You can’t decide that random words are funny, Mother. You can’t just continue this way, thinking everything is funny. Life is not a joke, Mother.
SNORT!
Now I am doubled over with laughter.
Oh, Maj…
My daughters kill me.
First Kallan.
And then Maj.
I am dying over here.
My dad was never a big hugger…but he would tickle my face with a rolled up piece of paper towel. Why this post made me think of this? I don’t know, but thanks for the memories.
That’s a lovely memory!
Thanks for sharing, you!
OMG I love this! Reminds me of when my dad took us to Ceder Point one year and we were standing in line (a horrid long long that I would never stand in now!). My father apparently got bored and started singing. Unfortunately the only songs he would sing were “I feel pretty” and “I’m too sexy” (in an Scottish accent like on Austin Powers!). I was a teenager and HUMILIATED until the hot guys behind us started singing along…Then it was funny!
I love these sorts of stories.
Of dorky silly loving dads.
Mark? Is all I hoped he would be as a father to the girls.
Even if he can’t fucking park the car.
Snort!
My dad was just like this!!! My dad is all silly and humiliating and laughed at things I didn’t think were funny and he is SOOO great! Now we have the same sense of humor and do silly things together to embarrass everyone else in the family.
Oh my dad.
Kallan is likely to grow up and have her parents’ twisted sense of humor and be all good.
Maj?
She is going to grow up and have her parents committed.
Sigh.
life is not a joke? so glad to hear that.
at least she didn’t say her shirt would read
I LOVE MY SUGAR DADDY.
come to think of it, i’ve been looking for one of those for a long, long time. what’s up with that?
dammit.
There are very few Sugar Daddies around.
From what I hear.
Although the candy by the same name?
Yummy!
i hate when your posts make me disguise my otherwise very audible laughter at my desk for fear of sounding like an idiot in the workplace.
Yay for workplace idiocy caused by Pretty All True!
Yay!
Why are you working today, anyway?
No one else is working.
Seriously.
I didn’t say I was working. I said I was at the workplace. I was getting paid to surf the internet today. I consider it paybacks for being open 365 days a year.
Snort!
I love that you are fucking around at work with Pretty All True!
Love fucking around!
Yay!
So funny how kids learn the meaning behind things. Innocent Kallan!
Kallan hates when she is innocent.
She wants to know everything.
Right this minute.
Except Geometry . . . she’s good on letting that subject slide.
Snort!
1. You laughing at Mark is one of my favourite things. Well not at Mark but at Mark’s frustration. I would do the same.
2. I love my baby daddy too. The second one. The first one gave me two fantastic kids but that’s where it ends. The second one also gave me two fantastic kids and he is able to order in a restaurant without looking like he’s fearing for his life and he has social skills. Jealous much?
3. I can’t wait until Maj finds her sense of humour. It’s there…with her genes it’d be unheard of if it wasn’t.
4. Kallan loves her baby daddy.
5. That will never get old.
Ooooh, babe!
I have not been here as much this Labor Day, and I missed your comment!
I love you.
And Kallan loving her baby daddy?
I am giggling hysterically as I type this.
With giggle-weakened fingers, I type.
That will never get old.
Oh my god.
Missed me?? I’ve totally missed you, but I’ve been on a camping trip and it was awesome. Also awesome? Catching up here at Pretty All True.
I have missed you!
Welcome back!
A slow weekend . . . lots of time for you to catch up.
Love you.
They don’t realize it yet, but Maj and Kallan are beyond blessed to have a father like Mark.
I would have given anything to have a father to humiliate me.
And you? Picked a great baby daddy.
Snort!
I have never ever used that phrase before, but I have heard it. And when it came out of Kallan’s mouth?
I had to choke back laughter so I wouldn’t have to explain.
Oh my god . . . baby daddy.
SNORT!
Well, you ARE kind of slutty.
Hmmm . . .
What’s that phrase?
Oh yeah!
Takes one to know one!
So there.
Now that’s something I’ve never been called before.
Just so we’re clear, I’m not supposed to like being called a slut, am I? ;)
That depends . . . how much like me are you?
I always take it as a compliment.
Yay!
I am a slut!
Yay!
But that’s just me.
Maybe.
My dad’s favorite way of embarassing us was to loudly say “now don’t throw your food all over the place this time” as the waitress approached our table. Got to love funny, dorky dads!
Hee hee!
That sounds like something Mark would do.
Dorky dads are awesome.
Goofball Mark.
Oh I CANT wait for my son to get old enough so that I can embarress him!
It is so much fun.
SO much fun.
oh, now i remember something from my dad.
he was (still is) a famous lecturer on every subject.
and he frequently referred to us as “house apes.”
i was always (still am) unsure what that means.
but i can hear him saying it right now.
Mark should try that one on the gals. that’d be popular.
House apes?
That’s just weird, babe.
He does call them booty-heads.
They love that.
So very much.
Hee hee!
What fun. I’m totally making my husband a shirt that says, “Baby Daddy.”
How could I have missed this opportunity?
I don’t even know myself anymore.
Thank you, Kris. Thank you.
YES!
Get on that.
And then send me a picture!
That would be awesome!