People?
Many of you have asked what exactly it is that I am doing with this time I have all to myself. You are all swoony with jealousy, imagining all of the lovely things that you would be able to do if you had five days of solitude. You have even made suggestions, in case I am so fucking stupid I can’t figure out what to do with myself.
I so should have written that shit down.
Snort!
I am a grown-up woman, people.
Geez.
When am I going to get a chunk of time like this again? Time in which to reflect and think and write. I am not an idiot, people. I am not going to waste this time.
Have a little faith.
Let me paint you a picture.
Here’s me, late last night. Wearing jeans and a tee shirt that I may or may not have also worn the day before. And which I may or may not have also worn to bed during the night in the middle.
And if this is the thing which finally causes you to judge me and turn away?
Fuck you . . . I was all comfy.
I did take my bra off to go to sleep . . . I did that way sexy thing that girl did in Flashdance where she takes her bra off without removing her top. Yeah, I was all sexy just like that.
And then when I woke in the morning? I discovered that life without a bra? Pretty comfy. So yesterday? Braless.
And no, the choice to remain braless had nothing to do with the fact that it turns out to be significantly more difficult to put one’s bra back on without removing one’s tee shirt.
Anyway.
Here’s me, late last night in my comfy clothes. Braless.
34C.
I knew you were wondering.
I have a beer.
Duh.
Flipping through the TV channels, looking for something to watch. Ooooh . . . G-String Divas!
OK, that part’s a lie. I was not flipping through the channels. I noticed the other night that HBO was replaying the G-String Divas series and so I set the DVR to record.
I am a planner like that.
OK . . . braless, beer, and strippers to watch.
Seriously, people . . . the only way this evening could have been better is if there had been candy to eat.
Guess what? Shhhhhhhh.
I had candy!
Which I may or may not have stolen from the Halloween supplies that I promised Maj I wouldn’t eat while they were gone.
Snort!
Plus also?
Yum.
OK, braless, comfy, beer, candy, and strippers.
If you have never seen the G-String Divas show? A short-lived documentary about strippers (duh) that first ran on HBO back in 2000. It is the best documentary series ever fucking made, in my humble opinion. I have seen the entire series several times
I am a big fan of Jordan.
As long as she doesn’t talk. She is way hot and the best dancer on the show, but talking is not her strong suit. Plus? Her boyfriend is icky.
But still, I am a fan . . . have you seen this girl?
And happily? She is not an exclusive sort of woman.
In any way.
Swoon.
If someone ever tried to give me a lap dance? I would die of embarrassment. I seriously would. But watching this Jordan girl give lap dances as I sip my beer and eat stolen candy in my comfy braless state?
Serious happiness.
And you were worried I would waste my time alone.
Several happy hours pass this way. Another beer, another handful of candy, a few more sexy strippers.
And then I realize it’s like 3:00 in the morning.
Ack!
So I head upstairs to take a bath. Brush my teeth. Change into sweatpants and another tee shirt. Yes, I wear pajamas of a sort when Mark is not here. Plus also? I don’t sleep in our bed.
It’s lonely there. I need a more confined space when I am sleeping alone.
So I head downstairs to sleep on the couch.
On the way, I grab this oversized fleece jacket that actually belongs to Mark, but I have sort of made it mine. Pull that on.
Yes! I am all jammied up and ready for bed.
Zip up the jacket, and as I do? I am reminded of something I forgot to do. Something I wanted to try out. So I head back upstairs . . . I will need a full-length mirror for this.
And then? Oh . . . my . . . god.
Hysterical 3:30 am tipsy giggling.
I practiced for a while. Giggling the whole time.
People? Mark is going to fucking love this.
Check it out . . . and no . . . this video is not me.
Hee hee!
And you were worried I would waste my time.
Silly people.
I was wondering where this was going…and then you posted a video…you seriously should have hidden cameras around your house… you could make a fortune by just setting up a website for people to watch and listen…and learn of course.
This has been such a dreary Monday, but being the first commenter makes it better!!
Yay!
No videos of me.
ACK!
Not even.
OH!
I need to put a huge THANK YOU to my good friend JYL.
Who sent me this video.
Love her.
Thank you, JYL!
This is perhaps the most awesome non-waste-of-a-day I’ve ever seen journaled.
Me, I would have jerked off ;-)
Oh, babe.
Did I not mention the bath?
I was so sure that I had.
One.
I am so jealous of that alone time.
Two.
Braless is the most wonderful thing ever.
Three.
That was the best boob video ever!
And four.
You will reenact that sketch for Mark yourself? Yes? And then tell!
1) It was awesome.
2) Yes, it so is.
3) I love that video!
4) Yes. Promise.
I’m glad to see you’re not wasting these precious moments! Well done, chica. Well done.
I know, right?
I am all fucking accomplished over here.
And here I thought this post was going to be related to the plug you had on Twitter the other night for Castle Superstore. Which, by the way, is 5 minutes from my house. Not that I’ve ever gone.
Damn, I was hoping to pick up some tips from you. I guess I will have to be content with the jiggly boob trick.
You should so go to Castle Megastore.
Very very fun.
Seriously.
And here I was all worried that you would just lose your mind in your solitude.
Silly me.
Only thing lost here is inhibitions.
And some candy . . .
You’re adorable when you’re all trampy.
And full of pilfered candy.
I am, you know.
I really am.
WAHHHHHHH!!! I can’t watch You Tube videos at work! I have to wait to see what the hoopla is until I get home. Sad face.
It will wait for you.
It is worth the wait.
Hee hee!
That was SO worth the wait! Beyond awesome and funny! I definite must watch on a long Monday!
Yay! I am so glad you came back to see!
OK, the doorman had to call me to go down to meet my son’s bus. Because that video had me mesmerized, mesmerized I tell ya. Also maybe just fallen down on the floor in a fit of giggles. Then I had to lie to the bus driver and tell her the elevator was running slow. See what you made me do? (snort) I would love a super productive day home alone like that anytime. Here’s to bra-free Sundays, woot! OK, going to play with my kid now. If I can stop giggling.
I adore the image of you giggling as you run to meet the bus.
Happy sighs at the thought.
Carry on with the giggling.
Love that.
You have WAY too much fun when you are on your own.
Though I was expecting Mr Rabbit to be involved. Not this lmao video
Thanks
I did mention in the tags that this was a safe for work video.
I am not a porn video girl here on Pretty All True.
Hee hee!
WHew, thank goodness for tags – I was wondering whether it was safe for work! And that was freaking hilarious. Though, really, who hasn’t already done that with a couple of watermelons?
(You thought I was gonna suggest oranges, right?)
(Nope, I dream big.)
OK, the other day?
One of my children who will not be named wanted us to buy small watermelons.
They came in a mesh two pack (because this was Costco . . . duh).
And this child is running after us with the two-pack of watermelons clutched to her chest.
I WANT TO BUY THESE!
Me?
Dead.
Ahhhh, alone time. I typically have all these grand plans to clean the spare room or something, but then it’s 4pm and I’ve only been on the couch eating cheetos (puffed) and drinking pepsi(full sugar) and all that.
34C – you’ve got like DREAM boobs.
Yes!
I always imagine I will get things done.
Not so much.
But so much fun to do nothing in particular.
So much fun.
As for my boobs and their dreaminess?
Snort!
Beer, sexy TV, candy and braless! Sooo jealous!
:)
It was awesome.
Happy sighs.
Sounds like heaven to me. All except the couch. I LOVE having the bed to myself.
I love having the bed all to myself in the morning after Mark has left.
But getting into that bed to go to sleep all by myself?
I get lonely.
BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! HILARIOUS!!!
yes that all had to be in caps i’m THAT excited about it lol!
It is pretty fabulous.
Hee hee!
i, for one, never doubted you for a second.
You always get me.