Maj has been working on memorizing the names of the presidents in chronological order. She almost has the list down, but as sometimes happens with Maj . . . there is a glitch.
“OK, Mom?” and she hands me the list, “I want you to check to see if I have them all in the right order, but don’t say anything. OK? Don’t say anything.”
“Hmmmm . . . what do you want me to do if you get one wrong?”
“Why are you assuming I will make mistakes before I even start?”
“Just in case, Maj. Just in case you make a mistake, how do you want me to let you know?”
“Just say No and then let me try to figure it out without you helping me.”
“Got it. Go ahead.”
Maj takes a deep breath, “George Washington, Richard Nixon . . .”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“Do you want me to talk now? Nixon was not the second president, babe.”
“Is that what I said? Augh. Let me start again.”
And so she starts again, and this time she makes it all the way to our 22nd president, “Chester Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Richard Nixon.”
“No.”
“What?”
“It’s still not quite time for Nixon.”
“Ok, let me just start from where I was . . . Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, then Grover Cleveland again, and then Richard Nixon.”
“No.”
“Why do you keep saying no? It’s so annoying.”
“That’s not where Nixon goes.”
“Augh! Why do I even ask you for help? You are driving me crazy!”
She takes the list from my hand and stares at it for a few minutes, hands it back, “OK, I am going to start from the beginning again.”
And she does.
She makes it all the way to the second of Grover Cleveland’s terms and then pauses, “Don’t say anything. Let me think.”
So I am silent.
“William McKinley?”
“Yay!”
“Richard Nixon.”
“No.”
“Theodore Roosevelt.”
“Yay!”
“Richard Nixon?”
“No.”
“William Taft.”
“Yay!”
“Richard Nixon?”
“No, and babe? Nixon isn’t for a while yet.”
“Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Richard Nixon . . . “
“Nope.”
“OK, now I hate Richard Nixon.”
Snort!
She thinks for a minute, “Herbert Hoover, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman.”
“Yay!”
She looks at me, “Richard Nixon?”
“No.”
“How is he so slippery? He won’t stay in one place in my mind!”
“You want to look at the list again?”
“No, Mother. Stop talking. Let’s see . . . after Truman is Eisenhower, and then John F. Kennedy, and then Richard Nixon.”
“No.”
“AUGH! Yes he is! He comes right after Kennedy! Yes, he does! How am I supposed to memorize this list if you don’t even pay attention when I get it right?”
“Just to let you know? You are being a pain, and I am about done helping you. After Kennedy is Johnson, and after Johnson?”
“Let me guess . . . Richard Nixon the slippery man?”
“Yay!”
“Hmmmph.”
And then she rattles off the rest of the list without error.
She sits next to me crankily, “I am a good memorizer, you know.”
I lean over and kiss her head, “You are a very good memorizer. How many other kids in the class have recited the presidents already?”
“Just two.”
“See? And you have the list memorized, babe. You just need to make Nixon stay where you want him.”
“Yes! That’s it exactly! I need to pin Nixon down.”
Snort!
We sit together. I share with Maj a little bit of my memory of that summer. 1973. The Watergate Hearings. I was too young to be aware of politics, but not too young to notice that politics were all anyone talked about that summer. I remember my parents watching a fuzzy TV at my Grandma’s house, listening to the radio, reading the paper, talking endlessly about the president . . . Richard Nixon.
“In my memory, Maj? I call that the Summer of Inattentiveness, because no one paid much attention to me that summer. I remember spending most of my time outside playing while the grown-ups talked.”
Maj snuggles into my side.
“And then we moved to Round Lake, Illinois. Remember? I told you about that house. And the next summer, we moved to Michigan. And at the end of that summer? 1974? Nixon resigned in disgrace. I was 8 years old.”
Later in the evening, Maj comes back with the list, “Can I try one more time before I go to bed?”
“Sure, babe.”
And she begins . . .
“George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Richard Nixon, James Monroe . . .”
“No.”
“AUGH! Why did you interrupt me??”
“Nixon was president when I was a little girl, babe. I was not alive back in the 1880’s, which is where you just put him.”
She looks at me with wide realizing eyes, “Was that the point of your boring story about spending the summer playing outside?”
Annoying.
“Yes, babe. That was the point of my boring story.”
Did I mention I used to home-school the girls?
I was awesome.
Sigh.
I hope that somewhere, somehow, Nixon is sitting in a small room, hunched over a laptop reading this post. And knowing that, after all, he is still relevant.
Nixon, don’t worry.
Maj still cares.
I am pretty all sure that Nixon is dead.
So the room that contains him?
Small indeed.
But Maj still cares.
hilarious! she will be so pissed if she can’t pin nixon down! i love that he is slippery and just pops anywhere time traveling. love maj and her awesome words and memorizing skills!
Maj gets so angry when she can’t get things perfect.
And she also gets angry when Kallan casually walks by in the background and recites 10 or 12 presidents in order because she’s been listening to Maj work on this list for the past few days.
Mother! Make her stop! She is annoying me with her rightness!
Snort!
Maj is so self-possessed. I LOVE IT.
and u.
Yes, that is the perfect phrase.
Maj is all grown-up and self-possessed.
Right up until she explodes.
Clever girl, your Maj.
Tricky time-traveling Dick.
OK, that conjures up all sorts of inappropriate images.
Snort!
Snort indeed!
Ha!
I’m all sorts of inappropriate giggling now.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to crack myself up!
Always happy when there is giggling.
Inappropriate giggling?
Even better.
ack, i was all up in here to say: Damn Tricky Dick.
Hee hee!
Great minds, Marian.
Great minds!
I’m told Nixon died the year I got married – people laughed that I didn’t know till I read it in the People Year Round up of 1994…
Yes, I used to read People Magazine… I worked in a grocery store there was nothing to do when it got slow!
Still Slippery Dick is funny as all get out!
M
If I had ever worked in a grocery store?
I would have read every single one of those trashy gossipy magazines.
And yup . . . Nixon died in 1994.
Your People kept you well informed.
Hee hee!
Thank gawd for the people magazine!
Hee hee!
You are all learned.
My husband lived in Round Lake, IL until he was 8 years old.
And I lived there for about a year, maybe a little less.
We moved to Michigan shortly after I turned 8.
Your husband had fond memories?
I remember pieces of the town itself, but not an entirety.
A grocery store, a post office, my school . . . a few roads.
But I don’t have a sense of the entirety.
His main memories seem to be coming home to an empty house and then going swimming in the lake despite being told not to go. They only moved 30 minutes away and so his mother drove me by their old house once when I was out there to visit. My husband seemed a little surprised. I guess the whole town wasn’t quite what he remembered.
See? Even though it was named Round Lake?
I have no memory of a lake in which we ever went swimming.
I’ll have to ask my mom about that.
It is way weird to go back to the places of your youth and see them with grown-up eyes.
Way weird.
I love Maj.
When I was young I decided that since my best friend went to Catechism, that I would go too.
I promise I was not purposely messing with the head of the pastor.
We had to memorize the books of the bible.
Genesis, exodus, leviticus, numbers, deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth…
I would put ridiculous things in there to mess my friend up.
Genesis, vacuum cleaner, exodus, can opener, leviticus, Milky Way bars…
I was not in the fold for very long.
And she did just fine despite my harassment.
Maj would not do just fine with that harassment. She would go insane. INSANE.
I have seen this insanity, as that sort of bothering is just up Kallan’s alley.
Maj and her sister used to attend a private Christian school that placed great emphasis on the weekly memorization of lengthy Bible verses.
Maj was awesome at that.
Obviously you win the award for most patient mother ever. I would have given up long before that! Home schooling…just the thought makes me feel faint.
Still, very funny. And you obviously did a kick ass job on the home schooling. :)
I am pretty patient.
I have learned to be.
Maj does not do well with impatience.
At all.
And honestly? Although it was never intended to be a long-term solution?
The girls and I kicked ASS at home-schooling.
Really.
OH MY HOLY Titty Hos! (after you read the titty hos post you’ll so get that lol)
you used to homeschool?!?! did you know i’m slowly going insane homeschooling my three heathens?! of course you did we had that whole going to the bookstore twitter convo that one day. now i totally (i almost typed titty there lol) understand you’re looniness (meant in a completely respectful way of course!)
and wow… good job Maj.. ya got me beat… i was asked in college not too long ago what year Kennedy was assasinated and my genius answer was… ‘uuuhhhh…. the 60s?!’ and i’m FRIENDS with my history teacher!!! yes i felt absolutely brilliant….
and can i say i DO in fact know the difference between your and you’RE but i was typing and thinking at the same time and THAT just doesn’t work for me…..
Yes, that is a tricky combo.
Hee hee!
aims? kris will not mind if i barge in to say:
we too are homeschooling! we should chat!
okay, thanks kris. carry on, everyone.
Snort!
marian i just added you on twitter… yeah the one who cusses much (@missmouthymama) that’s me… lol
Yay!
Another connection made.
I am like a dating service.
Except there is no sex.
Mostly.
no sex? i’m out.
Snort!
Come back!
I want to pet your hair.
Hee hee!
we DID just establish that there is PHONE sex though…. lol
Yes, exactly.
I home-schooled the girls for a year and a half through a program called California Virtual Academy (CAVA).
CAVA provided all of the materials, and my job was to meet certain milestones in the material by certain dates.
It was way fucking fun.
It turned out to be a short-term solution, and the girls have been more than delighted to be back in a “regular” school.
But while we home-schooled?
We had so much fun.
Plus also?
The bookstore conversation?
I don’t think that was me with whom you were speaking.
Although I do love bookstores.
yup it was you… it was the day you offered up your credit card lol ;) so my kids could learn something other than how to tell someone to properly to fuck the hell off lol (which i’m sure they’ll be good at btw…) lol
OK, guess what?
That was not me.
Seriously.
bwahahahaha
missmouthymama miss mouthy
ok off to the bookstore so my kids can learn something other than roadrage and how to tell someone how to fuck the hell off… :)
22 Sep Favorite Reply Delete
PrettyAllTrue PrettyAllTrue
@ @missmouthymama Hold on . . . let me get my credit card.
22 Sep Favorite Retweet Reply in reply to @PrettyAllTrue ↑
@missmouthymama
miss mouthy
@PrettyAllTrue lmao!!! ok, i’ll wait…… ;)
it was TOO you… neener neener….;) i should go clean or SOMETHING…
Titty Ho!
OK, seriously?
I remember that tweet of mine but not yours.
What was I talking about if not the bookstore?
Hmmmm.
Annoying to be shown up here in my comment section.
And evil laughing to boot.
Hmmph.
OK, guess what?
Go back and look again.
We were having a conversation about fucking a president (so appropriate given today’s post!).
And then we talked about a certain conversation that we thought might be of the “pay by the minute” sort.
And then . . . I said I would get out my credit card.
Phone sex.
Not bookstore purchases . . . phone sex.
That sounds much more like me.
you love me and you know it!
phone sex?! i don’t remember any phone sex…
i do remember the president fucking…. but definitely not nixen.. my god i’d have to choose obama over him anyday….
i make for good conversation.. and if not good at LEAST interesting and confusion… both ON blog AND off… AND on twitter… hahaha… right?! right?!
Titty Ho! (i know you crack as much of a smile as i do everytime i type it! lol)
You are always fun to chat with.
Even at $1.99 a minute.
Snort!
Titty Ho to you as well!
And yes, that does make me giggle!
I think Maj is awesome. Nixon is kinda slippery and tricksy like that.
Have you guys tried the Animaniacs song? My oldest learned her state capitals that way. I know my friends son learned the presidents in order my memorizing their presidents song.
YouTube Animanicas. Should come up in the top five. It’s a catchy song. Nixon will hopefully stay where he should that way.
You know what, though?
Maj prefers to plow right through without any of those tricks.
She hates when things are set to music . . . it confuses her.
She had to recite The Star Spangled Banner recently, and the kids were given the option of singing it.
Maj recited it like a poem because she said it was easier for her to remember without music.
She is all quirky that way.
That is so great that Maj referred to Nixon as slippery. If only she knew.
I know, right?
Maj is all silly.
I’m pretty sure we didn’t have to memorize the presidents. Thank God. And there were several less to remember when I was in school.
It was all I could do to remember state
capitals.
Maj done good! Other than that Nixon thing. But I’m sure he’d have planned it that way.
You have seen into the future!
Because after the presidents?
Maj has to memorize the states and their capitals.
Yay!
Sigh.
This? Sounds so much like me it hurts. My mother has a video of me trying to memorize my girl scout anthem? poem? thing? Anyway, I was so tense, and I had to have been, what? 7? 9? Either way, it was me being totally annoyed at myself and just hating that my mother was breathing in a potentially helpful manner. I see those strains of perfectionism in my eldest already. I wish I could teach her to let go early on, but something tells me she’s going to take the better part of two decades to figure it out much like I did. The women in my family? Painfully hard headed.
Oh well. Hope Maj gets Nixion to stay put. She knows way more than me, I can get to the 2nd president, and then maybe (maybe!) the right order of the last, um, 4? On a good day? If I’m properly caffinated. It drives my history minded Hubs insane when I make an obvious (to him) mistake about the term of a president or period of a war. Gah!
Oh my god!
This . . . Either way, it was me being totally annoyed at myself and just hating that my mother was breathing in a potentially helpful manner.
That is Maj exactly.
We have had some talks lately about trying to learn to relax a little bit, and Maj said this to me . . .
Mother. You are always saying to relax. But what if I don’t even know what that means? What if who I am is not-relaxed and you keep telling me to relax but that is not who I am? Why don’t you tell me to be a dog, Mother? That would probably be helpful.
Sigh.
She is all perfection, my older daughter.
I’m not sure my mother ever suggested I relax? I think she just assumed my perfectionism would either kill me or make me a kick-ass student. Which it did. Also? Made sure I was to anxious to sleep for my whole school career. Hopefully Maj slows down. But if she’s just permanently wound tight? She’ll manage, too. As I’m sure you know.
But really? “Why not tell me to be a dog?!” Is something I wish I could claim as my own! That’s perfect!!
Maj is all smart-assy and smart.
And her high-strung nature doesn’t bother me until it starts to bother her.
Like when she can’t fall asleep at night because she is too busy thinking.
Or when she gets what the doctor says are tension headaches.
Sigh.
But yes . . . Maj is all perfect.
Tense and perfect.
I can hear the 11 yr. old’s voice perfectly. Her intonation, her sarcasm. I can even see the look on her face as she scoffs at her mother. As a camp counselor I mostly worked with girls this age. Aren’t they a delight. Or something. They are like little rattlesnakes that haven’t learned to control their venom yet.
HA!
Yes, Maj is a delight.
Or something.
Snort!
Slippery is one of the nicer things said about Nixon. And don’t listen to her, your stories are anything but boring, one day she will appreciate them.
If the stories are coming out of your mom’s mouth?
They are boring.
So say Maj and Kallan.
Sigh.