The girls were in a play this afternoon.
Alice in Wonderland.
Maj was the Cheshire Cat and Kallan was the Frog.
And if you don’t remember that there is a frog in Alice in Wonderland?
Neither did we.
So my plan was to interview both girls about their experience acting in the play, but then Maj went all manic and nutso and threatened to call the authorities to file a child abusion report on me.
Snort!
So Maj is unavailable for interview.
So we will be speaking with the Frog.
Kallan settles into her chair, “So what do you want to know?”
“Well, let’s see. You were a great frog! An adorable bouncy frog.”
“Thank you!”
“But I know you didn’t want to be the Frog at first. What part were you hoping to get when you auditioned?”
Kallan bounces excitedly in her chair, “If I had gotten to pick? I wanted to be the Red Queen. She got to wear a cool crown and she got to boss everyone and yell about chopping off people’s heads. I like bossing people.”
“You were a very good Frog, though.”
“Yeah, it was alright. OK, but Mom? Backstage in one of the billion amounts of minutes we had to wait and do nothing? They made us go around and compliment someone else in the cast or say what part we thought would be really cool to have. And you know how many people said they wanted to be the Frog? One person. A teeny tiny kindergartner. So what does that tell you? Not a huge important part, Mom. No one wants my part but a teeny kindergartner? Yeah, not a huge important part.”
“I liked your costume.”
“Yeah, the costume was cool.”
“And I liked your make-up.”
“OK, but Mom? I was the only one who had her whole face covered with make-up. Dark green make-up, all over my face. I thought they were going to paint on cheek circles, like they did for everyone else, and then I feel the lady smearing stuff all over my face with a stick! With a stick! And then she put powder on and then she smeared some more and then she put more powder!”
“You looked terrific!”
“Seriously, Mom? Why would they want to cover my cute face? Annoying.”
“You are pretty cute.”
“And? Unfortunately? No one thought to tell me that this is not actually the wash-offable sort of make-up, because look at me, Mom! I took a bath and I scrubbed my face and I am still all zombie green! And my eyebrows are all green-stiffy with make-up.”
“Yeah, I see that. We’ll go get some cold cream or something tomorrow morning. For now? You are a zombie frog.”
“Want to see me hop?”
Kallan hops about the room, all frog-like.
“Hey, Kallan? What was up with the decision to perform the play on the gymnasium floor instead of up on the stage? Your dad and I had to stand up in the back of the room to be able to see you. No way we could see anything from our seats. Why weren’t you guys up on the stage?”
“I have no idea. They kept talking about the safety of the children, but HELLO . . . we are not babies. We know not to crash off the front of the stage. Duh.”
“It was really annoying. No one could see anything.”
“I KNOW! Think about how annoying it was for me! I was a frog! Newsflash, Mom! Frogs do not stand up tall! They crouch and hop! No one could see me. I was the shortest character in the play. No one thought about the poor crouching Frog. Who will see the Frog? No one, that’s who.”
“Your dad and I saw you. We stood through the entire play to be able to see you crouching all glorious and froggy and green.”
“I saw you back there. That was excellent.”
“You were the best Frog ever.”
“You know what they should have done? They should have put those gym mats under the stage. Then when the dumb kid fell off the stage? It would have been a soft landing. And the rest of us smarter, not-falling-off-the-stage kids could have been seen by our parents.”
“You are way smart. That’s what they should have done.”
“Hold on, Mom. I have the hiccups. I need to get a drink of water.”
I watch as Kallan frog-hops to the bathroom and gets a small cup of water. She leans forward and tucks the water under her chin to drink it upside-down. Her hair falls over her zombie-frog green face.
She hops and dances back into the room, “Is that all? I want to go watch a TV show with Maj.”
“Yup. That’s all.”
She runs off, and I call after her, “Be careful with your sister, she’s all tired and crazy.”
Kallan stops and turns, “Mom, I know my sister a little bit by now. Geez. Give me some credit.”
She twirls as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, “And now? I am off to torture Maj!”
Snort!
I hear Maj’s screams of protest as Kallan frog-leaps into the family room and onto her sister’s lap.
Even as a frog?
Kallan is Kallan.
I was in Alice in Wonderland in 2nd grade. It was between me and one other girl for the role of the Cheshire Cat. I didn’t get it and then they gave me the part of a freakin’ card. I was the five of hearts. How the hell do you go from the Cheshire Cat to one of six playing cards? My line was, “But the queen will be off with our heads!” I said it with as much drama as possible. And then in college, I went as the Queen of Hearts for Halloween. Getting the bit part in the school play sticks with you for life.
Maj was less than delighted with her role as Cheshire Cat, because they split the role among three girls.
So that the cat could appear at different places on the stage as if by magic.
Maj worked her third of the Cheshire Cat role with as much drama as she could.
Snort!
awesome story! Last year when my daughter was in 6th grade, she took ballroom dancing, which isn’t just ballroom dancing unless I’m wrong and the tango and the chacha are considered ballroom dancing, but anyway, when they had the concert at the end of the year, they made these 6th graders dance in the aisles so they wouldn’t follow off the stage! I could hardly see her because she wasn’t in the aisle closest to me and last minute they switched her from the aisle she was suppose to be in. I spent 2 hours watching other people’s kids dance and when it’s my daughter’s turn I barely saw her head. My daughter’s reaction was similar to Kallan’s. Sabrina said that if they didn’t want kids that are dumb-enough-to-fall-off-the-stage falling off the stage, they should keep the routines far from the edge.
Exactly!
Kallan was pretty clear that kids so dumb they would fall off of the stage?
Should just try to fall quietly and not ruin the show for everyone else.
Snort!
So stupid to have the kids dancing in the aisles where their parents can’t see them.
So stupid.
The image I now have of Kallan, zombie-green-faced hopping onto her sister’s lap? Priceless. Yawn. Good thing I’m up late here on the East coast (where it is now Sunday, by the way) or I would have to have been fighting the kids for control of the computer to read this. Just saw David Bromberg in concert & he was his usual wonderful, funky self. G’night now.
Night, lovely you.
A long day here as well. Children’s theater is exhausting and time-consuming!
I cannot even remember the last time I went to a concert.
Seriously . . . I can’t remember.
I’ll have to ask Mark.
OK, the last “concert” I saw?
Blue Oyster Cult in the lobby of a community center.
Really.
It was sad.
Well, we would not have been going to a concert, except some good friends of ours had bought tickets for the 4 of us to go, ages ago. I have a stupid head cold and the last thing I wanted to do tonight was hire a sitter and take a train out to L.I. and eat in a restaurant and see a concert. (Actually the “hire a sitter” part I did want… so I could SLEEP.) But this was one of my husband’s best friends and his wife, so… off we went. And had a lovely time, even if I did nap through the opening act.
Of course, this being Saturday night, on the way home, most of the other folks catching the train into the city with us? Were going OUT for the night, not coming home all sleepy like us. And their inebriated chatter was annoying. We are the old fogies now, yup.
You slept through the opening act?
That is kind of awesome, in a “You are so a mom” kind of way.
Snort!
Well, maybe not slept, maybe dozed.
As in caught myself multiple times leaning on husband’s arm snoring softly and drooling into his sweater.
And I’m pretty sure they played more than the 3 songs I heard.
Snort indeed.
And also?
Zzzzzzzz… What? What? I was awake, I heard everything… Zzzzzzzzz
So funny.
Mark has, on more than a few occasions, fallen asleep in the middle of a bedtime discussion. And then he will claim that he was not sleeping.
And so I will say, “Fine. What was the last thing I said to you?”
And he will say, “Ummmm . . . something about how I was not listening?”
Snort!
These are 3 of the funniest lines I think I have EVER read in my life:
She runs off, and I call after her, “Be careful with your sister, she’s all tired and crazy.”
Kallan stops and turns, “Mom, I know my sister a little bit by now. Geez. Give me some credit.”
She twirls as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, “And now? I am off to torture Maj!”
Kallan is PRICELESS. Absolutely priceless. Thanks for the laugh on this very cold stormy night.
Kallan is Kallan.
Always.
I adore that girl.
Awesome… Just awesome…
I so needed a giggle on a night when I feel like crud!
Although you would have thought that they would have used washable makeup on the kids.. What will Kallan do if she has to go to school with a green face on Monday??
I am sorry you are feeling like crud!
And as for the make-up?
If this was Maj? This would be a very big deal, indeed.
But Kallan?
Kallan would not be terribly unhappy to go to school on Monday with remnants of her Frog role still evident on her face.
Really.
i love your kids kallan is the funniest munchkin EVER!!
What a kid! She is a bright one. Hopping on her sister lap…lol! My kids love to torture each other, but they don’t admit they are off to do it.
Kallan is very aware of the torturing.
Very aware.
Snort!
I don’t think I was ever in a school play…hmmm, maybe in elementary school but I don’t think so. Also, there was a frog in AIW?? I think I need to rewatch.
I do not remember a frog in the original version.
People tell me there are many frogs in the more recent Tim Burton version.
I hate Tim Burton movies.
So I missed that.
your stories about the girls always make me smile. always. they are perfect sunday morning with a cup of coffee reads.
Love that so much.
Thank you!
Still green eyebrows? Really, just a pic of the eyebrow area would be appreciated. And won’t Maj just torture back with that?
Her eyebrows were crazy-green when she woke this morning, but ten applications of cold cream later?
They are normal.
That was the most hideous make-up EVER.
And yes . . . Mark and Maj BOTH tortured Kallan.
Sigh.
Cute story. My daughter was green yesterday too but i’m pretty sure it was a hang over. I have a kid obsessed, and i mean OBSESSED, with FROGS. Just saying…frogs are people too!
I started giggling at zombie frog!
Your girls are priceless! Free comedy show for your internet friends!
Also? Totally reminds me of my childhood play experience where I was snubbed to be a bunny and instead was a lettuce. There were many tears over their poor casting choices.
You were a lettuce?
Oh, that is sooooo awesome.
The girls have been in plays in which they have gotten better parts.
This was not one of those times.
Snort!
They had a great time, though.
Lettuce?
I am dying.
Yes. I was a lettuce. Which is a bigger deal since I had been quoted as telling my mother “it’s not easy being a bunny” so clearly, I was MADE to be a bunny. But instead I was tragically cast as a lettuce.
Once I’m back at my parents for more than a busy weekend I need to dig up these photos. After graduation my blog is gonna ROCK with old childhood memories.
Tragically cast as a lettuce?
That little article a is just killing me.
I want to see photos!
Send me that link when you post those photos!
Oh, it’s been added to the list of blogging ideas for when I have more time.
Yes, I was a lettuce. A lonely little lettuce. I was not a happy vegetable.
Snort!
Plus also?
Yay!
I am super thankful that Maj didn’t call to make a “child abusion” report on you because then how would I get my daily dose of Kris?????
I’m also cracking up at Kallan. That kid is all kinds of hilarious! I love the idea of “green-stiffy” eyebrows!
I almost titled the post Green Stiffy.
But then I thought I might get too many weird freaky people coming to check out a post about my daughters in a play.
But oh, how I wanted to call this post Green Stiffy.
Snort!
When I was in first grade I (barely) remember being a flower in a play and singing (with a lot of other flowers) “Doing What Comes Naturally”
Yes they had first graders singing about sex.
Fortunately we were too young to know it.
But no cool green makeup. That would have been neat.
Kallan is so great. :)
Maj is in for a hellish life. Which she will blame on you for birthing such a monster.
Lol
Don’t you love when adults don’t think things completely through?
Doing what comes naturally . . .
That’s hilarious!
the stage thing is so dumb! schools are getting more and more ridiculous with the whole safety and pc shit. So tired of it. Kallan of course, is awesome!
Agreed.
So tired of it.
The kids can’t use a stage because they might fall off?
That is just so stupid.
But no child was injured during the performance.
Snort!
Sigh.