Snow day.
Doesn’t that conjure up images for you?
I know it does for me.
Blizzards and power outages and ice storms and sub-zero temperatures. Drifts of sparkling white snow, icicles hanging heavy from tree branches and eaves. Impassable roads waiting for the snowplow that might never come.
Cars . . . gone. Mailboxes . . . gone. Sidewalks . . . gone. All smoothed and rounded and white.
An alien world of harsh sparkle and brilliant light.
The muffled quiet.
That sense of being cut off from the entire world.
Snow day.
It does not look like this . . .
Really? School is canceled? Really?
What the fuck, Lake Oswego School District?
WHY ARE MY CHILDREN HOME?
Hmmph.
Here’s how my morning went . . .
SNOW! Winter outfits on. SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING! Winter outfits off. Breakfast. SNOW! Winter outfits on. SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING! Winter outfits off. Hot chocolate. SNOW! Winter outfits on. SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING! Fighting. Winter outfits off. Telling on various offenses. SNOW! Winter outfits on. SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING!
People? There is less than a quarter of an inch of snow outside.
Much less.
Sigh.
Eventually, maybe 15 kids from the neighborhood gathered at the end of the block to sled down the best driveway in the neighborhood.
Fifteen kids and twelve sleds.
Playing on a not-snow-covered sloping gravelly driveway.
Seriously, people. There is no snow. They are sledding down gravel.
But at least they are all out of my house. A few quiet moments in which to gather my thoughts and write something.
Ring . . . Ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Hello, Maj. What’s up?”
“They won’t give me a sled.”
“Tell them they need to share.”
“OK, bye.”
“Bye, Maj.”
Ring . . . Ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Yes?”
“Kallan and her friends have all of the sleds and they won’t give me one. I need you to talk to them.”
“Nope. Deal with your sister.”
Maj screams out, “Mother says to give me a sled this instant, young lady!”
“Bye, Maj.”
Ring . . . ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured it was you.”
“Mother, I have tried to be reasonable, but Kallan will not give me a sled. I need you to talk to her.”
“No, Maj. You need to figure out how to deal with your sister.”
“Are you kidding me? I am asking you for help.”
“Yeah, you’re down the block, Maj. Not much I can do. Ask one of the other kids if you can borrow a sled.”
“Really, Mother? Really?”
“Bye, Maj.”
Ring . . . ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Really? I am all stunned.”
“What? Never mind that. Kallan has turned all of the children against me, and no one will give me a sled.”
“Oh, for god’s sake. Stop calling me! Go work it out, Maj.”
“Mother, I want . . . “
“I am hanging up, Maj.”
Ring . . . ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Kallan is not being pleasant.”
“Well, then I guess you need to come home.”
“Mother, what is the point of being able to call you for help if you won’t help me?”
“I am helping you, Maj. Come home. Sledding is too hard for you. Come home.”
Ring . . . ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Geez, Maj. Really?”
“I am coming home.”
Ring . . . ring . . .
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Maj.”
“Please stop calling me.”
“Mother?”
“Yes?”
“Kallan will be there in a moment. She is screaming and crying and filled with lies. I just thought you should know.”
“I guess you dealt with your sister, then?”
“Yes, Mother. Just like you said.”
“Later, Maj.”
“Bye, Mother. Tell Kallan when she is done lying that she can come out and take turns with this sled.”
“I will pass that news along.”
I hang up the phone.
And then there is Kallan.
SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING!
Really, Lake Oswego School District?
Really?
Thank you very fucking much.
Oh, yeah, last year we had something like 4 snow days in NYC. The first 2? Glorious. After that? got really old, really fast. Because sledding? A 2 hour activity, at the most. WTF to do with the rest of the day & 2 kids that don’t get along? Lots of TV. Sigh.
Yes!
They are watching TV as I type this.
They are all worn out from gravel-sledding.
Seriously.
There is no snow.
It’s ridiculous.
I was so squishy feeling. For the beginning of this post. All soft and white and cut off.
And then?
Where is the damn blizzard!?!
I’m all snow dreamy.
And no snow. Sigh.
Although, I’m proud of Maj.
Snort!
Maj caught the back of Kallan’s sled and dumped her ass down the gravelly hill.
Allegedly.
I am also a little proud of Maj.
Kallan was being a pain in the ass.
Allegedly.
So does your school district plan extra days “just in case” you might have a millimeter of snow? I bet, being from Michigan, it pains you to see snow days called over such silliness.
Growing up on the west side of the state, the city I lived in (Wyoming) had their own road commission, so there was NEVER a snow day. Unless there was a snowpocalypse. My brothers and I used to sit in front of the tv, in our jammies, praying, and shaking with anticipation, waiting for the “W’s” to come up on the scroll. Yeah, it happened TWICE in the 15 years I lived there. Twice.
Yes, Michigan snow days were nothing like this.
Not even.
We never had that many snow days.
A few every year.
We got a LOT of snow.
And we did not have our own road commission.
We got a LOT of snow.
Last winter we had the first blizzard in South Carolina since 1928. Finally, a legitimate reason to close the schools. It was on a Saturday.
That is hilarious!
The girls are so happy to be able to say that they have had a snow day . . .
So happy.
Even though there was no snow.
Silly children.
Yeah.
We didn’t get much snow here either…just a dusting. What we did get was a wet roadway that froze over and made a nice skating rink, ya know, if you have ice skates. If you are driving a 3000lb missile with rubber tires? Not so much fun. Thanks a bunch, city of Keizer for doing NOTHING to alleviate that this morning.
Sigh.
The roads around here did not appear to be iced.
But from the worried faces of our neighbors?
You would have thought the world was ending.
Perhaps they were remembering this from a couple of years ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMzeiMJQrvk
OH MY GOD!
THE FUNNIEST SNOW-DRIVING VIDEO EVER!
I am dying.
Oh, thank you so much for that.
omg! that is hilarious…see actually this is a very good reason not to drive when portland really does get snow clueless drivers wow! that was like a shuffle board game with cars!
You had never seen that?
I love that video!
It makes me giggle.
…considering selling my farm and moving to Portland to open an auto-body shop. Good heavens, I’ll make millions!
So funny . . . the slow-motion sliding?
The crashing?
And then everyone else’s certainty that such a thing could not happen to them.
They will just drive carefully!
Slide.
Crash.
Snort!
Hahaha…that’s what life is like in NC too! The minute we have a dusting, then school is cancelled. I really like my kids when they’re in school! It never snows here. Last year when I had a child on crutches all winter for SIX months, it snowed three times. THREE TIMES!! The weather fucks with me and apparently, you too!
The girls have the next five days off of school for Thanksgiving break.
Today was supposed to be my day of getting things organized.
Not so much.
Stupid apocalyptic snow dusting.
Stupid loud children.
So in beautiful SC schools shut down at the first sign of a flurry. Seriously, what you have is about all we ever get. I thought it was super snowy in Oregon today, like the entire state was just soaked with snow. Guess Beaver land got left off the list, huh?
I guess there were some places that got serious snow, but we were not among them.
And the roads?
At least in the five mile radius around the elementary school?
Completely snow-free and unfrozen.
Snort!
Yeah that is pretty ridiculous. A little snow should not be grounds for school being canceled. The dialogue between you and Maj was hilarious. She is so grown up and proper and yet still a child. Glad she stood up for herself and got to sled.
Maj is so very Maj.
All the time.
She makes me laugh.
All the time.
Snort!
You missed 2 years ago when we had the whole week before Christmas break off due to snow and ice ….some of the days were legitimate, but some were because there was a storm coming and they didn’t want kids to get trapped at school. Funny thing was that it was beautiful all day and then the storm came that night and they had to close school the next day. Given that our meteorologists in town suck so badly, I don’t think our districts should be canceling based on their predictions.
My sister was living up here at the time, and she sent the girls photos of that storm!
That’s what Maj and Kallan were hoping to see when they looked out the window this morning.
Actual piles of snow.
They made do with the dusting.
So funny.
This is cracking me up. That doesn’t even count as snow.
Usually Maryland doesn’t get much that counts as snow either…except last year. When we had Snowmaggedon. Followed shortly thereafter with Snowpocalypse. We got like 4 feet of snow over 1 weekend. Let me tell you, that was fun to shovel our 1/4 mile driveway out of. By hand. Did I mention Boo’s 4th birthday party was that weekend? Hmph.
Not that I’m bitter.
Nope. This sooooo does not count as snow.
I remember snow.
This is not snow.
Snort!
My idea of a snow day…living in Mi piles of snow, lounging on couch in pjs with step daughter becuz there us too much snow in driveway, hear neighbor start his truck with the plow “HURRY put your boots on grab a shovel run outside….forget your jacket we wont be out there long!” stand in driveway, pretend to be worn out, neighbor comes with truck and plows driveway, step daughter and I resume place on couch watching tv
Oh, you are a sneaky genius with your snow days!
I love that!
We don’t have snow days here on the Third Coast. Yay us! We do, however, have hurricane weeks. Yay … Um, somebody
Hurricane weeks?
No thank you.
Are those anything like Tornado warnings?
They sound bad.
Tornado warning? Maybe 2 hours. Ike came thru town – out for 2 weeks. Not good.
No.
Not good at all.
You do know we Oregonians are incapable of driving in snow, right? And that is why your children are home. 12 inches of rain, no problem. 2cm of snow? State of emergency.
Why is that, though?
That’s just insane.
I do not understand that at all.
Oh my god.
Go back and watch the video Avasmommy left in a comment above.
I am dying.
Dying.
Your snow day is akin to being invited to dinner at a nice steak house. You dress up, arrive on time, and instead of the imagined steak, they serve you canned vienna sausages
YES!
Exactly like that!
Exactly.
I hate canned vienna sausages.
Me, too! I can’t say vienna sausage out loud without it being followed immediately by a “cat-with-large-hairball” sound.
I can barely type it in silence.
Yes . . . ACK!
ACK ACK ACK!!!!
Like that.
I must admit I do not miss the snow and I do not miss snow days! Unscheduled days home are not my thing! Happy sunny days in AZ
I do not miss Michigan snow.
But an occasional snow day?
Kind of fun.
But for there to be a proper snow day?
There needs to be snow.
Snort!