If you didn’t read my earlier post about the new Featured Bloggers, go do that first.
They are awesome and they are funny. I love funny.
As always? I am not fucking around, people. Go read that post. Check out those writers.
Kelly, Karen, Christine, and Nigel.
And then come back.
Alright, then.
A while back, I posted about the moment in which I realized that Kallan needed to start using her own public bathroom stall.
And here is the story of Maj.
Maj at three and a half was a very serious little girl who liked to have explanations for everything. Everything. And she noticed everything.
Maj noticed a lot about me, because she was rarely away from my side. Maj liked to do everything with me.
Everything.
She liked to come everywhere with me.
Everywhere.
And so the first time she was in the bathroom with me and saw blood? She was all noticey and alarmed. Demanded explanations. I told her the story that my mother had told me when I was little . . .
That every month the mommy made a comfy nest inside for a baby to live in. And if a baby was coming? That nest would stay inside to hold the baby and keep it safe until it was time to be born. And if no baby was coming? The nest got taken apart every month and a new one got built. Just in case.
Maj stared up at me with wide blue eyes, “Nest of blood, Mommy?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Maj seemed content. I was pleased that I had managed to handle the situation in an age-appropriate way. We went on with life. Several months passed.
And then came this . . .
The two of us in a bustling preschool bathroom filled with children and other moms we knew. Maj went into the stall with me and used the toilet. And then I sat down to pee.
Wiped. I mean, I have no specific memory of wiping, but I am sure that I did.
I stood up.
And then Maj began to chant in a very loud sing-songy toddler voice the following thrilling information . . .
“Oh, a nest! A nest! I see the nest! No more babies for us! No more babies! If there is a nest in the potty that means no more babies! Only Maj. Only Kallie. No more babies!”
I put my finger to my lips, “Shhhhh! Maj, shhhhh.”
But she would not be shushed.
“No more babies! Bye-bye, blood nest! Bye-bye nest for baby we will not have! No more babies! We are all done with babies! We’ll make another nest and then we’ll see, but this nest? Not for a baby! No more babies for us! Blood nest in potty means no more babies! Only Maj! Only Kallie! No more babies!”
Ack! Giggling from all around me as the other mothers tuned in and listened. I hurriedly buttoned my jeans and kicked at the toilet’s handle. Flush, damn it! Flush!
Maj stood over the whirling water and waved down into the toilet, yelling in her sing-songy voice . . .
“Bye-bye, blood nest! We don’t need you for a baby! Only Maj! Only Kallie! Bye-bye, blood nest! Bye-bye!”
Sigh.
That was Maj.
Blood nest.
Ha!
P.S. I imagine that Maj would CRINGE at this memory now. Have you told her about it? Or does she remember it?
I have told her this story.
And I do a passable imitation of her sing-songy little-girl voice.
And Maj cringes and giggles.
Every time.
Snort!
*cringe*
I don’t particularly look forward to explaining this. Ack.
Snort!
You will be having this discussion before you know it.
Big fun!
Yay!
Tehehe, Maj, oh Maj, what a silly little girl. :) and what a wonderful way of explaining a period to a small girl. I’ll have to remember that for when I have my daughter. Thanks for the mommy wisdom.
A lovely explanation if the humiliation part does not have follow.
A whole group of women who, for the rest of that preschool year, never let me forget that bathroom visit.
Sigh.
OMG a blood nest?? why didn’t I think of that! oh hi! I’ve been a lurker for a bit, yeah I know not cool not to comment. I am now, so hi!
Is it weird that I love the explanation your mother gave you? it’s brilliant. I have a 2 boys, my oldest who is 4.. well I think the doc forgot to cut the umbilical cord, so I always have a companion in the bathroom with me, and he is always asks about the blood…. I never know what to say.. but if you don’t mind I might steal your explanation.
wait! do you think the more appropriate action here is to cut the umbilical cord?
probably!
Hello, used-to-be lurker!
Love that you have stepped out of the shadows!
My mom’s explanation was awesome.
It didn’t work out quite as I had envisioned in Maj’s case, but the explanation?
Awesome.
As for your boys?
Some kids are just not so keen on letting Mom have any privacy.
What’s up with that, you think?
Snort!
OK, I can barely breathe I am laughing so hard from imagining that. Of all the things my boys have done to embarrass me? They don’t even come vaguely close.
Hoo boy! And when you came out of that stall? I can imagine your face was nearly as red as your… nest.
At least it was a pre-school bathroom, which means those were all other mothers in there. I can only imagine the horror if it had been teenagers and old ladies.
I blush beet red when I get embarrassed.
And boy, was I embarrassed.
And because this was a preschool that came before real preschool?
By which I mean that I attended all of the class sessions with Maj?
I got to be reminded of this embarrassment every time we came back to class.
Yay!
I love Maj. Just love her. Nothing like the innocence of a young child.
Maj was all sorts of innocent and wide-eyed.
For a short stretch there.
Snort!
She possibly just beat Kallan on the previous story. This was just awesome. Snort.
Maj will be delighted to hear that she wins!
Maj is just as competitive as her mother.
Ahem.
SNORT!!!!
I gotta say I like the explanation of the blood – I would have been floored! Probably mumbled something about cutting myself AND THAT would have raised oh so many questions as well… worse questions…
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that one didn’t happen….
M
ps – note to me, install a lock on bathroom door…
pss- also, this is a newbie kind of question, and I feel all kinds of stupid here but when I clink the link to vote it gets me to the summary page without voting… I cut back my caffiene limit yesterday and figure that’s what’s causing me to miss the damn page to vote… right?
I do not even want to talk about Top Mommy Blogs at the moment.
They are working out some kinks in a brand new system over there. If I focus too hard on the fact that things are not yet running smoothly?
I get all pissed off and annoyed.
They have changed the screens that come up as you vote. But as it does not yet seem to be completely settled in the newest version?
I cannot yet advise. Annoying.
As for the other?
Snort!
Yes . . . Lock for the door.
Well crap…
I pissed you off a bit… sorry about that.
Wanna cookie?
M
ps – the cookie bit works for distraction here!! Especially the chocolate chip.
Snort!
You did not piss me off, lovely one.
I hate when things change without notice.
But I love cookies.
Thank you!
HAHAHAHAHA!
How embarrassing that would have been!
I am so not good when it comes to stuff like this. Even though I wish I would have had a camera handy when I told my 8 year old daughter that she too would have a period someday soon! Hee hee!
My girls seem to be in a state of denial where periods are concerned.
No way something that icky is ever happening to them.
No way.
Snort!
Hee hee, Maj cracks me up! And, of course, nothing so icky will even happen to her. As it never happened to me neither.
My 2 years old son barged in on me when I was in the bathroom and loudly exclaimed: “Mommy diaper”. He then ran out of the bathroom and told my husband about it. As if my husband did not know already just by the mood swings and the crankiness. HA!
Mommy diaper?
Love that.
That’s awesome.
I love this story. I can just imagine Maj, wide-eyed and sing songy. Buster is very sing songy when he’s excited too.
My boys have each managed to thoroughly embarrass me in the bathroom. I love when they open the door and run out, or the best was perhaps shortly after I had my gall bladder out and had a bathroom emergency at the grocery store in which I almost didn’t make it. Once I made it and properly coated the entire toilet in toilet paper, Buster then loudly proclaimed how stinky I was and how mommy poops on the potty, etc. It was mortifying.
Maj’s sing-songiness?
It was very cute. Very very cute.
As for the stinky pronouncements?
Yes, I have been there.
Snort!
How funny, something similar happened to me recently when my (bandaid-obsessed)son walked in on me changing a pad and exclaimed “Ow! Mommy, you hurt you butt?!” This as he’s still reeling from the realization that mommy’s penis is missing entirely. Locks. It is definitely time for locks.
Oh, you have made me laugh so hard!
Yes . . . locks.
Definitely.
Oh Gawwwwwd! I am red just reading this. I too blush 12 shades of purple when I get embarassed. My kids are 4 and 6 so needless to say I have blushed in public many times.
I am less often embarrassed than I used to be.
But this story?
I was way embarrassed.
Way.
That is the best explanation ever. Period.
And one lovely farewell to the nest song.
Happy sighs.
Thank you.
I am so rarely truly embarrassed by the antics of children. Ten years in the toddler trenches will do that, but this?
This’d do it.
Just brilliant.
Yes.
This did it.
Yes.