First?
I have guest posted over on A Day in the Life of a Surferwife. It’s actually sort of a blog-post showdown between me and Lori of In Pursuit of Martha Points.
Lori is awesome, but I? Shot Dr. Drew of Celebrity Rehab in the ass with a dart gun and made him my sex-slave. Plus also? There are blow-jobs.
Well worth checking out, people.
Snort!
Over here?
Kallan went to a co-op preschool.
That meant, as it turned out, that I had to do an awful lot of work at this preschool.
With other moms.
I did not click that much with the other moms.
This did not actually surprise me, as I rarely click with people. But as time went on? I started to feel as though perhaps the problem was with me.
I am not a very approachable person, and my resting face? Is not smiley.
So I decide I will make a bigger effort.
Next time I am working in the classroom? I am going to befriend the shit out of whoever is working with me. This will be awesome! Who says I can’t be outgoing and sweet?
Fuck that. I am all kinds of sweet.
I am going to make new friends!
Yay!
I show up on my designated work-day.
I am working with two other moms with whom I have never before spoken. One seems like a regular person and the other seems icky. Not that I am the sort to make snap judgments, you understand.
Ahem.
OK, so I will make friends with the icky woman later. I will start with the regular woman.
I walk over to the regular woman, and introduce myself.
“Hey, looks like we’ll be working together! My name is Kris.”
And she says, “Long as I am not working with Joanie? I don’t give a flying fuck. That woman is a crazy bitch. And her son is an asshole. He’s around here somewhere. Have you met him? He’s an asshole.”
Preschoolers mill about our legs as she directs my gaze to the “asshole child,” who is bonking another child over the head with a large red cardboard box.
Hmmmm . . . I try to be pleasant, “Seems like there are probably rules about swearing in front of the kids, don’t you think?”
She stares at me, “Oh, you are going to be a treat.”
OK, so this woman and I are not clicking.
I look across the room at the icky woman. Nope, she still looks icky.
Alrighty, then. I occupy myself with finger-painting and story-reading and block-building and dress-up playing. The children are lovely. Kallan is having a fabulous time. The time passes quickly.
And then there is recess.
I find myself pushing various children in the swings, standing next to the icky woman with whom I have not yet spoken. We have both been assigned playground duty. Screaming running preschoolers all over the place . . . maybe 30 kids in all.
I glance over at the woman.
She seems seriously icky.
But I can’t just pretend I don’t see her. She is standing right next to me, pushing a child in a swing. Sigh.
So I say hello. Introduce myself.
She does the same.
And we start talking. About the preschool and the neighborhood. About the teachers and the other moms. About our children.
I start to feel really crappy about my harsh judgment of this woman. Who am I to be feeling all superior? She’s just like me.
We push the children on the swings.
And then she says, “Man, I need a cigarette. Any way you can cover for me while I go sit in my car for a few minutes?”
Ummm . . . “Actually, no. I don’t want to be the only one out here watching all of these kids. Sorry about that.”
“I’m not bailing on you. I just need maybe 15 minutes. I’ll be out in my car, smoking a cigarette. I can see the playground from there.”
“Seriously? No.”
She glares at me.
This new friendship is in jeopardy.
She launches into a long sad story of white-trash woe. Money problems and husband problems and car problems and weight problems and job problems and house problems and health problems. And now her son? Has asthma . . . like her life isn’t hard enough, now her son has severe asthma. No history of asthma in her family, and now her son has to up and get asthma. It’s the damnedest thing.
Are you kidding me?
She closes out this narrative and then turns to me, “Ten minutes. I’ll be back in ten minutes. I need a cigarette so bad. Look, my car is right there. I can see the playground from there.”
I don’t answer her question, and instead ask one of my own, “You ever thought those two things might be related?”
“What?”
“Your smoking and your son’s asthma.”
“You a doctor or something?”
“No, it just seems like something to think about.”
“So I can’t go smoke a cigarette while you watch the kids?”
“No. No, I don’t think so.”
And then there was silence as we pushed the children in the swings.
And then there were two moms who didn’t like me.
Apparently?
I am a treat.
Snort!
And people? I am still #1 on Top Mommy Blogs!
I love you people.
Swoon!
I’m ROFL – I HATE most of the parents in my daughter’s kindergarten class. They’re all icky! I swear, I am the only normal parent there. I’d work in the class with you anytime.
Sigh.
This co-op preschool had some crazy-ass parents.
I was all kinds of normal.
Snort!
Kallan loved it there.
So we stayed.
I guess that’s another upside to working. I don’t have to deal with the icky parents…at least not yet. I’m sure my kids will make friends with kids who have icky parents. Ick.
And, my pseudonym for white trash is whiskey tango. It’s super sneaky. You can be all, “Oh my God. Did you see that piece of whiskey tango?” and no else knows what you’re talking about. Genius, right?? ;-)
It is so annoying when your children don’t take into account the parents of their friends when making relationship decisions.
So annoying.
And Whiskey Tango?
I love that!
I am not a people person too. Although, I am a smoker. I know. Bad me.
Anyway. I wouldn’t expect someone else to pick up my slack for a smoke.
And yes, if the kid had asthma? Smoking outlawed.
However, you are a treat. Of the chewy, juicy kind.
And another vote cast.
And the Showdown?
Bwahahaha!!
Hee hee!
That was fun, over there on Surfer Wife’s blog.
Lori is awesome!
Smoking is bad for you.
You know that.
But people smoke.
I smoked for a very short period of time a long time ago.
And I am not a people person.
More specifically, I am not a stupid-people person.
You and I are all good.
Snort!
I glad you stopped smoking a long time ago. I have tried. People in fear of their lives bought me cigarettes. I will try again soon.
And you and Lori are both awesome!
Smoking never really called to me.
So no real strength was required to quit.
Just so you know.
Love you, babe.
And here is why I will home school my small boy until he can go to public Kindergarten, and by home school, I mean make him entertain himself with toys while I write my novel.
I know I’m sunshine and congeniality up in here, but the truth is, I never manage well with the other moms. I submit my track record at two previous preschools as evidence.
What is this new photo?
I love it!
I always have trouble with other moms.
Not with all moms.
But some.
And when I have trouble?
It tends to be of the insurmountable sort.
Snort!
I’m trying out a new gravatar thingy. I’m still the bronze goddess foot on Twitter, though. Never you worry.
Ah, the epic mom-friending fail. I’m sadly familiar. Not everyone appreciates my … laissez-faire approach to parenting, or my well-seasoned sense of humor.
I seriously love this photo.
Yes.
I am all epicky at the mom-friending fail.
I do have mom-friends.
They tend to be of the smartish, sarcastic sort.
Yay!
Confession: I seriously love this photo, too.
I have a new camera, and it has magical unicorn glitter in it or something, because this is a self-portrait.
Thanks, you.
Awesomeness.
Oh dear sweet 8lb, 6oz baby jesus. Is this what I have to look forward to?
In a word?
Yes.
No babe. No. Because I will not let you do that. Best friends don’t let their friends do co-op preschools. The end. ;)
Kris – Yeah, I’m more a drop em off, hope they learn shit type mom. My kids are amazing though. So I’m doing something right.
Hee hee!
Your answer is better than mine.
hmm, yes there are some doozies at my kid’s preschool.. my solution? I drop him off and leave. Immediately.
Yes.
But at a co-op preschool?
That is not possible.
I know. I asked.
welcome to my world. parent teacher conferences? are a treat for me. most of the time I am all O_O at the parents.
all of them = icky.
I do not use those little faces like this . . . O_O
But when you do it?
It makes me giggle.
Any Mom that refers to a preschooler as an ass hole is a kindred spirit of mine.
At my daughter’s hippie preschool? I’m quite certain I would get her kicked out if anyone heard me referring to the kids as the little fuckers that they are.
OK, sure.
As I noted in the tags? This particular child was an asshole.
And my daughter was an asshole as well. Geez, she was an asshole.
But would you say that in front of the kids?
No you would not.
Being judgy is totally ok. I’m judgy as hell. It’s the cross we carry for being so damn smart and awesome. Own it. I often warn people that I am judgy. Then when I treat them like the idiots they are they are not surprised. It works for me. People seem to think I’m being all charming and shit. But obviously that’s because they are way stupid. If I tell you I’m judging you, look at you with disdain, say snarky things and you still think I’m charming? Clearly it’s you, not me.
Snort!
Sometimes, on Twitter?
There will be a small explosion of “Let’s just all get along!” sort of messages. Let’s just let all of the moms decide what’s right for them and stop being so judgmental!
And I always say, “OK, but if you are being an idiot? I am going to point that shit out.”
Snort!
Holy shitballs! I love the parents at both my kid’s schools(well there is one parent that bugs me). In fact, I am going out with them tonight for copious amounts of alcohol. I would probably irritate the crap out of you in real life cuz I am fairly social and I’ll introduce myself to just about anyone. Female anyway. Even if their resting expression isn’t so smiley.
Nope.
We would be fine.
I have dealt with many other schools and many other parents without a problem.
This preschool?
Attracted some serious ick.
Shhhh.
That’s good! Cuz I like ya!
Yay!
Scarey that these people are procreating.
Also, I think it’s hilarious that you refused to let her have a cigarette! I am too nice because I have to have people like me. Even losers! That probably makes me a loser.
Anyway, funny story!
Nah.
I am so over needing people to like me.
So over that shit.
Life is much easier when you don’t care.
Seriously.
People should be tested prior to having children. Seriously, there are some stupid ass parents in the world.
Yes.
Turns out there are a lot of stupid-ass people in the world.
Lots.
What did you shoot Dr Drew with to make him a love slave?
Do ya got any leftover?
M
ps- those women were assholes. Seriously.
You have to go check!
Seriously.
Dr. Drew went down.
ohmygawd… roofie darts!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
M
Seriously, I bow to your creativity…
~Mental note~ do not go up against Kris in any way, state or form she is wacko good!!
M
I am wacko good!
Love that!
Thanks, lovely you!
Oh Kris. How I love thee.
A. You use correct grammar, e.g. “I am working with two other moms *with whom I have never before spoken*.”
B. You had the guts to point out to the WT mom the smoking-asthma connection.
Swoon.
Ha!
A. I use grammar correctly when it suits my purposes.
B. I do have guts. And balls.
And?
I have a very low tolerance for stupidity.
Ha!