The girls are home from school . . . Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
ACK!
Maj and Kallan have been busy driving one another crazy.
Although they have had a few moments in which they completely agree.
I hate those moments.
Like this one . . .
I have asked the girls to clear the kitchen counter. As they sort the items on the counter by ownership, Maj and Kallan discuss me as though I am not in the room (and I am so in the room) . . .
Maj straightens a pile of artwork papers, “You know what I dream, Kallan?”
Kallan shoves markers back into their box, “No, Maj. What do you dream?”
Maj gathers a handful of garbage scraps, “I dream of one day having mothering skills like our mother has. She is perfection.”
Kallan dumps the crayons back into their box, “I dream of that as well. I hope I will be able to live up to the way-high standard she has set.”
Maj collects some art books, “People will ask me . . . How is it that you are able to make your children so incredibly unhappy and angry? And I will say . . . I owe it all to my mother. Because of my mother, I am able to bring unhappiness and anger to my children. I am blessed.”
Kallan agrees solemnly, “Yes, we are blessed.”
Maj takes on the role of interviewer, “But Kallan, weren’t you concerned about crushing your children’s dreams? Didn’t you worry that you would kill their artistic spirits with your never-ending need for neatness and order?”
Kallan puts a finger to her chin thoughtfully, “I never let that sort of thing bother me. A clean house is more important than dreams.”
Maj is all seriousness, “But what about the screaming and the wailing? Weren’t you troubled?”
Kallan sweeps the last of her stuff off the counter, “I have found that you cannot properly mother without some screaming and wailing from the children.”
Maj brings her face close to her sister’s and speaks sincerely, “It’s a dream we can make happen, Kallan. We can mother like Mother does! It’s a dream worth dreaming!”
And they run from the room, giggling hysterically.
I yell after them, “That is not the sort of dream Martin Luther King Jr. had in mind!”
And I yell, “One day you will be just like me, and I am going to be all kinds of I told you so-ish!”
Stupid ganging-up children.
Annoying.
Although last night, they ganged up on Mark, and that was way funny.
At the dinner table.
Mark is all happy.
Several months ago, at one of the girls’ soapbox races, that weird comedian Larry the Cable Guy showed up and taped a segment for a new show of his.
I had to Google “Larry the Cable Guy” when Mark came home with photos of the girls posing with this strange large man.
Get ‘er done!
Ummmm . . . yeah.
Anyway.
So there’s finally an air-date for this program, and Mark is trying to impart this exciting news to the girls over dinner. His news is met with silence. Just the sound of chewing and averted eyes.
Snort!
Mark is puzzled, “Aren’t you guys excited about this? Don’t you want to tell all of your friends?”
The girls look at one another, and Kallan says, “Yeah, ummmm . . . we don’t want to look all braggy or anything.”
Maj agrees, “Yes. It’s not polite to brag about your accomplishments that way.”
Kallan continues, “I can’t just be all . . . Guess what, you guys? I am going to maybe be on TV with Larry the Cable guy! On the History Channel! Doing soapbox racing! I know! It’s a dream come true! You so want to be me!”
And then she slides her eyes sideways at her sister and they laugh hysterically.
Snort!
Mark is annoyed, “It’s a cool thing! Not everyone gets to be on TV.”
Kallan giggles, “I know everyone I know wants to be on the History Channel. We are going to be rock stars!”
She and Maj high-five and giggle some more.
Maj takes a bite of food, “We don’t even know if we’re in the show at all, Daddy. Know what’s worse than being the girl who is excited about being on the History Channel with Larry the Cable Guy? Being known as the girl who lied about being on the History Channel with Larry the Cable Guy.”
Kallan nods her head in agreement.
Snort!
Back to today, as I stand in my kitchen appreciating its lovely cleared counters.
There is the sound of pounding feet and then my daughters are before me, arms laden with supplies.
Maj asks, “Can we do Shrinky-Dinks?”
Kallan hold up art supplies, “And paint-by-numbers? Please?”
Sigh.
“Fine, but keep your mess on that one counter.”
Maj is dismissive, “Not a problem, Mother.”
“And don’t fight.”
Both girls look up at me in surprise, and Kallan speaks, “Mommy! We never fight! Whatever are you thinking?”
Maj agrees, “We’ll be like a dream, Mother! Like the children you wished you had!”
They put their faces together and speak as one, “Like a dream!”
And then they giggle hysterically.
Stupid Martin Luther King Jr.
The only thing I dread more than all four of my spawn ripping each other’s throats out is when they all simultaneously turn on me. It seriously gives me nightmares. LOL!
I am so accustomed to taking them on one by one. When they gang up on me and work together? I am always doomed.
Doomed.
Your children are funny when they argue but even funnier when they don’t. Love them!
They are scary and hilarious.
Sigh.
Mostly hilarious.
But a little scary.
2 girls ganging up on their mother…..on a day off from school….I hope I have boys!!
Are boys easier?
Seems like they would have to be.
Larry The Cable Guy is so gross. Why is the History Channel, a rather respectable cable network, endorsing him?
I love your children. They are the awesomest.
Yeah, I do not get the appeal of Larry the Cable Guy at all.
At all.
But my daughters?
Awesome.
Thank you!
I loathe Larry the Cable Guy! Ugh! You know what is worse than Larry the Cable Guy? People who quote him, “Get er done!” Argh, could they make themselves look any more ignorant? Really, please, don’t “get er done”, just go away already!
Your girls are the best!
About that?
Because Mark knows how horrid I think Larry the Cable Guy is?
He has been saying GIT ‘ER DONE quite a bit.
Being married to Mark is awesome.
Your daughters are very wise. Clearly, there would be nothing worse than saying you were on THC with Larry the Cable Guy and then looking as though you’d lied about it.
Well, there might be one thing worse. Doing the same thing with Flava Flav.
Snort!
At one point, I guess they shoved Larry the Cable Guy in a soapbox car and sent him down the hill.
The thought of Flava Flav in the soapbox car?
That is making me giggle.
I might watch that show.
Snort!
Yeah, boy!
It’s my belief that the enjoyment of Larry the Cable Guy is a determined by the ownership of a Y chromosome. I know of no females who think Larry has any appeal whatsoever. Fiance forces me to watch LTCG, and I always wind up reading a book on my phone whilst pretending to laugh at the lame humor.
Maj and Kallan are way funnier!
Katie -
Are there women who enjoy Larry the Cable Guy?
He is just so not funny to me.
Maj and Kallan are way funnier.
A constant source of amusement and pain over here.
Yay!
There are women who enjoy Larry, as my mother and I can attest to. I prefer Ron White though, if I’m choosing from the Blue Collar Comedy guys.
OK, is Ron White the guy with the tour entitled, “You Can’t Fix Stupid?”
The guy with the HUGE teeth and the cigars?
And the penis he claims is the size of a “wagon wheel of cheese?”
I maybe know who he is.
Snort!
First, I LOVED shrinky dinks when I was a kid. Second, those children of yours are downright dangerous when they put their devious little minds together. I worship them so, in a fearful, perhaps-it’s-best-I-wasn’t-in-the-kitchen-with-you, kind of way. Also, NO ONE with a lot of estrogen would admit to interactions with Larry the Cable Guy. You need to have a pull-my-finger kinda mentality methinks. Thanks for yet another brilliant post. (Tell me, does the adoration ever get boring? :)
Shrinky dinks are awesome.
Maj has made all sorts of jewelry this afternoon, although the rings are troublesome.
Lots of cranky breakage.
Thank goodness Mark is not a fan of Larry the Cable Guy.
Although I see a certain History Channel show in our future.
Sigh.
As for adoring?
There can never be enough adoring.
Keep doing that.
Ahem.
they are hilarious! how could you make them clean up? maybe they need to spend a summer month with grandma rose down at the horses cleaning stalls then they might not complain about cleaning up art supplies.
Sassy children.
I blame their aunt.
She is largely responsible for this sass.
Pretty sure.
if that is true i am in for a world of hurt in the future. lately frances has crowned herself queen kitty ahhh runs about the house yelling off with your head! she also went through a boss kitty phase during christmas holiday. almost done scanning once i started it was easier than i thought…but what the fuck is up with our haircuts? this is a theme that repeats and repeats. it was like mom used weird different crafting scissors on each of us. i do think i recall our good scissors being heavy black handled with half of one of the blades broken off maybe um no i can’t really think of an excuse. every time mom cut our hair there was a huge earthquake that’s it.
How funny that you are almost done scanning!
Look at you! All responsible.
As for our childhood haircuts? I remember those black-handled scissors.
I tried to avoid getting my haircut.
Yeah, it was really bad.
I am all snickery now at the memory of your hair.
Sorry.
I have just fallen madly in love with your girls… but probably only because I’m not around for them to gang up on. They sound smart… which is awesome for later in life… not so great for you, though, right now.
You’ll feel better when one of them is president.
Oh, I am madly in love with these girls.
They are fabulous.
Although neither of them seems inclined to kiss-ass for votes.
So perhaps not President.
Maybe Queen.
Snort!
I believe this is the scariest thing I’ve read in a long time.
“Like a dream”
Shudder.
That dream is all nightmarish in my imagination.
I know.
I am so the fulfillment of my parents dream.
In every way.
I am what they whispered about in the quiet moments of figuring out how fast they had to get married before my mother started to show.
Cause THAT’S when tenderness peaks you know.
I am all helpless laughter.
Snarky sarcasm. Gotta love it!
It only gets better, right? RIGHT?
And Larry the Cable Guy? UGH! As if!
If the girls get much better at this snarky sarcasm thing, I may have to give up my crown.
I am all ambivalent.
And Larry the Cable Guy?
Yeah . . . ick.
Look on the bright side, they were getting along.
Even at your expense.
(and it wasn’t a dream)
I do not believe there are any more holidays til Easter – which you will be pleased to know is really late this year!
Although . . .
There are strange and random days on which the school district just decides they have had enough of my children.
In-service days, they call them.
Snort!
these moments, when the kids are getting along, playing nicely….even when they’re ganging up on me? these are the moments i am SO glad we have two kids, and that they’ve got this amazing sibling thing going on.
all those other moments – the screaming, the fighting, the backtalk – all those moments make me wonder what the fuck we were thinking having two of these creatures!
ps – i have a dream too, that someday you will tell me how to get a picture of my own face in place of that damn shadowless blob next to my name!
Sarah -
My girls can be a handful, but I am delighted they have one another. Even when that companionship means they feel free to turn on me like a two-pack of rabid dogs. Yay!
And?
I think you have to go to http://www.gravatar.com and link up a photo with your profile.
I think that’s the correct URL.
thank you for that!! :)
Yes I have my own dream.
Where Ben can go to school on this memorable day and maybe learn something about Martin Luther King Jr, instead of me paying a babysitter so that I can work and he can stay home and play video games.
I made him research and learn three quotes before any game playing could commence. To complete three quotes? I received no less than 7 calls at work with numerous petty questions and protests.
The last phone call consisted of me answering and interrupting him to say in a monotone voice NO QUOTES THEN NO X-BOX and hanging up.
Then I sent him a text to say, if you call again you better be calling me to repeat the quotes you have learned. If not? Then I will assign you the job of explaining what the quotes mean and how you can apply them to your life.
He completed the assignment post haste.
You are my new Martin Luther King Jr Day hero!
Go AmyLynn!
Seriously . . . that was awesome!