The girls are home today. Some holiday of the famous presidential dead guys who would apparently be all honored that my children are at home running amuck rather than being educated at school. I have not made big plans for the day, so the girls are entertaining themselves.
“Yay! Let’s play a board game! This will be awesome!”
Maj races to sit at the dining room table, “I get to sit here!”
Kallan is immediately enraged, “You always get to sit there!”
Kallan thinks, “Then I get to pick the game.”
Maj wails, “You’re going to pick a game I hate!”
“Well, then do you want to get up out of your precious spot and help me pick the game?”
“No. You’ll just take my spot if I get up. Fine. You pick the game.”
A moment of silence, and then Maj screams, “AUGH! Zooreka? I hate that game! That’s a baby game.”
“It is not a baby game. And if it is, you should be able to beat me easily. Because you are such a big girl and all.”
“Fine. I get to be green.”
“No. I want to be green.”
“You know green is my favorite color. I am only playing if I get to be green.”
“Really, Maj? That seems a little babyish to me. This game is bringing out the baby in you. Maybe it is a baby game.”
“I will only play if I am green and I get to be the banker.”
“Guess again, Maj. No way do you get to pick your spot at the table, pick your color, and get to be banker. You are not the Queen of board games. Not even.”
“You got to pick the game, Kallan. That’s huge. You should be happy I have agreed to let you pick the game.”
“You only let me pick the game because you want the good spot at the table. So that counts for nothing.”
“You drive me crazy, Kallan. You can’t be the banker because you cheat. I didn’t want to have to say it out loud, but that’s the truth. You cheat and I cannot allow you to be in charge of the bank.”
“I do not cheat, and I will stuff this eraser up your nose if you keep being sassy. Fine. You be green. See how grown-up I am? You be green.”
“If you stuff that eraser up my nose? I will get a nosebleed and I will tell on you so fast you will be dizzy-spun to the ground where you will barf because of the dizziness. That’s how fast I will tell on you. Now what about the banking thing?”
“What if we share the banking job?”
“Kallan, that won’t work. Then we’ll both be cheating and stealing from the bank.”
“That’s true. So what do you want to do?”
Maj sighs in resignation, “Fine. You be the banker and I will try to keep an eye on you.”
Kallan giggles, “Good luck with that.”
The next ten minutes pass like this . . . All Maj . . .
You have to shake the dice! You can’t just lay down a six like that!
I didn’t get the right cards from the bank. NO, I DID NOT.
Wait. We have only been playing for five minutes. How do you have so many animal and shelter cards?
IT IS NOT POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE READY TO GO TO THE TRADING POST!
You moved the purple jewel! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE THE PURPLE JEWEL!
Nooooooo! You know I love the Hippos! Please don’t take the hippos! Nooooo!
How did you get so many shelter cards? YOU LIE! There is no Blue Skies card that says take 20 shelter cards! YOU LIE!
Are you kidding me? YOU HAVE TO SHAKE THE DICE!
You cannot move seven spaces. No, you did not roll a seven. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ROLL A SEVEN! You are driving me crazy.
You forgot to give me my cards from the bank. YES, YOU DID! No, I already had these cards. I need my new cards. NO, YOU DID NOT ALREADY GIVE THEM TO ME!
And you win. BIG SURPRISE. You must be very cheaty proud.
Kallan runs in to share her victory with me, “Mom, guess what? I beat Maj at Zooreka, and she is being all bad-sporty. There are accusations of cheating, but I am not going to let that spoil my triumph. Look at me! I am filled with winning joy!”
Kallan starts a noisy victory lap around the house.
Maj comes crankily into the room, “Why do I ever agree to play games with her?”
She slumps next to me into the couch, and I lean over to kiss her head, “Because you are a good sister.”
“Hmmmph. What she needs is a pounding.”
I kiss her again, “Or an eraser stuffed up her nose?”
Maj looks up at me in surprise, “You were listening? You heard her threaten my nostrils and you did nothing? Is being the mother in this house COMPLETELY free of responsibility? I could have been injured. My nostrils could have been bloodied and erased. Also? Are you aware that Kallan has been texting with a boy? I believe this should be prohibited. She is texting with a boy!”
I kiss her head again, “That’s how I know your nose is fine.”
“How?”
“Because you are sticking it all sassily into other people’s business.”
“Someone has to keep an eye on Kallan.”
I giggle, “Good luck with that.”
Snort!
Girlfriend, loved the post (erasers and all!) and loved your ‘lil note at the bottom! Who needs a fast loading blog anyway? Totally over-rated! :)
Good for you for not stepping in. It’s the right thing to do, although sometimes very very hard for a busybody like me!
Galit -
The server issues are driving me up the wall. Mark has gone through everything about my blog looking for something we might be doing to cause the slow response times. Our hosting service is apparently having server issues of the, “Not so much willing to fix this issue for you” sort.
Sigh.
So we are looking at moving Pretty All True.
And we are yelling at our hosting service.
Yay!
I know . . . I hate being slow.
More than I can possibly express, I hate being slow.
Hmmmph.
First, wow. And a long weekend with boardgames? You must be in a state of bliss. Sarcasm alert!
Sue -
But . . . because I did not actually play this game with them?
I was not that bothered by their inability to play nicely together. Plus, I got a post out of it! That part is awesome!
Snort!
Why am I not surprised that Kallan is all cheaty? I may have cheated a bit at monopoly when I was young. Perhaps.
Also? Kids need to learn at a young age that unless they are highly annoying, on fire, or there is arterial spray, intervention from parents is not always necessary.
Kallan is a lovely board game player with people who are not in her family.
With us? And especially with her sister . . .
She is a big fat cheater.
And I am tired of intervening all the time. These children need to work some of this stuff out on their own. Geez.
Oh My
Boy Texting….heeee
Don’t worry, it is probably banal like you and Maj yesterday. Ben gets all these texts like this:
Lauren: Taylor says to tell you hi
Ben: Hi
Lauren: I told Taylor you said Hi
Ben: ok
heeee
that is all
Amy -
Yes . . . so far, that’s what Kallan’s texts with this boy look like. And despite Maj’s concern? I am keeping an eye on Kallan.
I so am.
Of course you were listening in, where does she think you get your blog fodder from? Sheesh. Love this best: “Then we’ll both be cheating and stealing from the bank.” The acknowledgment that the banker job involves cheating, always. Guess it’s like real life that way. Your girls may have a future on Wall Street. Can’t you see them as future hedge fund managers? Snort.
Varda -
Oh my god . . . I am going to kill someone if my blog keeps responding this slowly. AUGH.
And yes.
My childhood memories of Monopoly suggest that being the banker means cheating. Every time. Even if the child acting as banker is normally an honest and trustworthy child.
It’s just too big a temptation.
Way too big.
Snort!
I love your kids. And I love your response: “Because you are sticking it all sassily into other people’s business.” Absolutely perfect.
Rhonda -
Thank you.
I try for perfection, but I generally fall far short.
Just ask Maj.
Snort!
And THAT is why my kids are not allowed to play board games without an adult… except louder and worse.
*sigh*
Good to know it’s not just my house!!
M
Mishelle -
The girls LOVE playing board games, and they always prefer that Mark or I play with them. But they are capable of playing together cooperatively and nicely. They did not do that today, but they are capable of such a thing.
I have seen it.
Just not today.
The dead presidents would be so proud.
Snort!
See… the dead presidents are applauding! They are so proud!!
ps – this Canadian is jealous as you have a feb holiday and I don’t. My silly province doesn’t even celebrate Family Day like the rest of the country! I always said we needed a feb holiday!
M
Wait.
What the hell is Family Day?
The new holiday for some of Canada – it started in Alberta around 10 – 15 yrs ago and has moved to the bulk of Canada but not my province.
Just a sec – “Family Day is observed in the Canadian provinces of Alberta, Ontario and Saskatchewan on the third Monday of February. This holiday celebrates the importance of families and family life to people and their communities” It is also followed in PEI as well and possibly New Brunswick.
I think it should be a holiday for all. No one works and they are all supposed to spend time together as a family.
Not my province tho… sad.
M
Mishelle -
That sounds like a lovely holiday!
I am all giggly that your province has decided that you don’t need Family Day.
That’s way funny.
And so unfair!
You made me snort and wake the toddler. Damn you! My parents most genius board game rule: winner puts it away.
Amy -
Guess what would happen then? The game would NEVER end. One of the girls would come just to the brink of winning and then she would back away and announce she was letting her sister win. And then the sister would do the same exact thing.
I just know that’s what would happen.
Snort!
I was gonna say that was our rule growing up. And somehow, that whole backing off thing did not occur to any of us. Winning was too important I guess.
Karen -
What more awesome victory is there than to throw the game so that your sister has to clean up?
Winning is way important around here.
But there is winning.
And there is WINNING.
Much hilariousness. Seriously your girls are so well behaved compared to several cousins I have lol. They like to push your buttons but you have genuinely good girls. I still hope I never have a daughter lol!
Amy -
They are generally well behaved. I would not be able to write about their misbehavior with as much humor and love as I do if they were horrid.
Love these girls and their small inconsequential squabbles.
Love them more than anything.
They are fabulous.
If I could find a house in which motherhood was completely free of responsibility? I would totally have children.
The closest I have been able to find is being an auntie.
Nic -
I am an aunt. Being an aunt is lovely. But it’s not the same.
Not even close.
Responsibility makes it better.
It really does.
Oh I believe you.
Still… the terror!
And all this reading about Maj and Kallan and their wonderfully complex and lethal brains? Has not swayed me from my decision. Not even a little.
They would, however, making fucking awesome nieces.
Nic -
You would be an awesome mom. Brilliance trumps the fear of incompetence. You would be brilliant.
And my daughters are awesome nieces.
They are.
Brings back memories of marathon board games. Monopoly, Risk, etc.
There were 5 of us. There wasn’t much cheating. Mostly just arguing over rules. And bad sportiness. No matter who won.
And of course with a 9 year spread of ages, the rules often had to be “adjusted” for the youngest ones.
My parents usually preferred to go to work than play with us. Or scrub a toilet.
We had so much fun.
Renee -
There were 5 of us as well. So much arguing over the rules, but you are correct . . . with that many watchful eyes, there was not much successful cheating.
But lots of bad sportiness.
Lots.
Snort!
*snicker*
“Because then we’ll BOTH be cheating and stealing from the bank.”
True story, my brother Gigantor and I once started a 4 day monopoly game at the beach. By the end we were no longer speaking, just singing in operatic voices “Will you PAAASSS me the DIIIIICE” “Heeeeere they are for YOUUUUUUU”
MKP -
I remember those marathon games. I would always give up and throw my money in the center of the game.
But my brother and his best friend? They could play for forever.
Forever.
And when I came whinging back and asked to be included again?
The answer was always no.
Hmmph.
lol….i love the tag “also, i am aware my blog is loading slowly” – lol – cuz it is! :) and you are all aware, so no worries! ;)
i can’t wait to see what those two ladies do as they grow…..please don’t ever stop blogging!! my interest is piqued, and i NEED to know what they grow up to do!
and ps – just to make you jealous, i have no kids for the next 4 days. :) my parents took them up north with them last night, and hubby and i will meet them there thursday night. kids are learning to ski with my dad, and having all sorts of non-parent-sanctioned fun (ie: candy for lunch) while me and hubby are kid free! yippeee! :)
lol. i had a few martini’s tonight, and thought that now was a good time to rub the kid-free-ness in your face! ;) lol!!!
happy game playing fighting to you! ;)
snort!!
Sarah!
You are all sassy and tipsy!
Rubbing my face in your childlessness!
Snort!
Love that.
I am all jealous.
Hmmph.
Sarah -
Sooooo frustrating.
Trying to fix it, but so far . . . only frustration.
I hate frustration.
Sigh.
Lol games between siblings always end badly. You should have seen my brothers and I play chess when we were growing up. Lets just say that flying chess pieces and open hand pimp slaps happened.
Tim -
Augh . . . I hate chess.
Flying chess pieces and open hand pimp slaps.
Every time.
Snort!
It was a holiday here in Toronto (Family Day) and when my children(13 and 9) brought out the board game, I immediately went upstairs, closed my door and read….ignoring all the mayhem and chaos that occurred downstairs. My husband thus had the joy of trying to prevent bloodshed and tears….okay there were still a few tears and tantrums. I thoroughly enjoyed my book. See, next time you’ll know, as soon as the game comes out, you run very far away!
Angela -
Yes. You are filled with wisdom.
But I had run very far away? I wouldn’t have been able to write this post.
So there is that.