People?
Today is all about Haven.
I have been pestering Haven to start her own blog ever since she started showing up here on Pretty All True and leaving comments like this one, on a post I wrote about trying to decide where to eat lunch . . .
You know what’s sad? That’s what happens when my husband and I are trying to decide where to eat. Except my husband is all reasonable and nonchalant about it like you, while I am Kallan, Maj and Mark all wrapped up into one super fun ball of overwhelmed with the choices, contrary, passive-aggressiveness.
Husby:”I’m hungry. Want to get something?”
Me: “Sure. What do you want?”
Husby: “In n Out sounds good.”
Me: “We have that every week. I’m sick of that.”
Husby: “Okay, what sounds good to you then?”
Me: “Charley’s.”
Husby: “Okay, let’s go to Charley’s.”
Me: “Wait no. I don’t want Charley’s. Maybe I want Chick Fil A. Or maybe I want BJ’s? I don’t know… I can’t decide! You decide!” *Is now expecting Husby to perform miraculous feats of mind-reading*
Husby: “Okay, we’re going to Charley’s!” *He fails*
Me: “NO! I already said I don’t want Charley’s!”
Husby: “Okay, well… Five guys?”
Me: “Gross.”
Husby: “Let’s go to Castillo’s!”
Me: “No, that doesn’t sound good! NOTHING SOUNDS GOOD! You just get whatever you want and I won’t even eat.”
*A few minutes passes as I angrily pout*
And then…
Me: “You know what kind of sounds good? …In n Out.”
Husby: *Quietly ponders veering into oncoming traffic and ending the pain*It actually can be worse though. The girl I told you about who was my best friend? She was EXACTLY the same way as me. We would discuss where to go for maybe half an hour, name every restaurant in town, get absolutely nowhere, call my husband and ask him where we should go, agree that whatever he suggested was the stupidest suggestion ever and then wind up going to one of the same three places we ALWAYS went to.
Women are RIDICULOUS.
Also?
Haven has left comments in which she has said the following . . .
1) I’d rather have cinnamon apple sauce and no penis horn.
2) Also? You may keep the tiny socks, because, frankly? They smell like ass.
3) Taste the skank rainbow!
4) Tampon missiles of doom!
5) Linty vagina triumphs over bloody marination.
6) My happy place is innocent, clean and pure. It is a place filled with blowjobs.
7) I think it’s cute your in-laws are down with the oral.
8) If I was a whore, I would never paint my nails. I’d be all, “Look at my vagina!”
Haven is a genius with her words.
And now she is a blogger!
Her blog is called Haven was here.
Haven has only posted four times so far, and all four of these posts are worth reading.
GO READ THEM ALL!
I will link them here . . .
I am featuring the post she wrote about her friend. It’s awesome.
Go read her words, people.
Go with her on the journey she is about to take.
Haven is a fucking genius.
Did I mention she is only 21?
Fuck.
and now Haven will write in her own blog, instead of leaving long blog like messages in yours ;)
or maybe not.
Congrats Haven – it was time!
ps
Haven on twitter.
There will be many trending hashtags in our future!
Hee hee!
Even if it turns out to be the case that Haven stops leaving me fabulous comments?
She deserves her own space and her own audience.
She so fucking does.
About time that there was someone else I could worship and then neglect to comment on.
Just not being able to keep up with you wasn’t painting me with enough guilt.
Nigel -
You are feeling guilty and painted?
My work here is done.
Yay!
And seriously . . . Haven is over there making plans to wear a suit made of her mother-in-law’s skin.
You will love her.
Ooooh . . . give her the link to that song!
What am I saying?
I’ll find it.
You just rest.
Done. Lazy you.
I have more important things do to at the moment than jumping when you command it.
Like waiting for this fucking stolen wireless signal to actually load your fucking page so that I can leave a fucking comment.
Do you see all of the hell I have to go through for you?
You are so unappreciative.
Babe?
Your priorities are all fucked up.
There is nothing more important than jumping when I say jump.
Jump, you.
I command it.
You know, I would jump, but I’m all comfy laying on the couch with my feet all toasty warm under the dog, truly his one and only use in this world.
I don’t live to irritate you.
It’s just a fringe benefit.
Well, you continue to live.
You’re welcome.
I have followed Haven home –in a good, safe way–after some of the comments she’s posted here.
This little square box here allows people to leave fingerprints of their identity, which is a good thing.
I love her. She IS brilliant.
She really really is.
Thank you for following her home, Alexandra.
Haven reminds me of me.
Except with possibly more talent.
Annoying.
yay haven!!! :) off to read now!! :)
Yay!
You will love her.
Ohh I might have to go straying… But dint worry I’ll be back, in super keen to find out what you thought of that song
Ben -
You know I don’t mind when you stray, Ben.
Especially when I get to choose where you go and with whom you stray.
Ahem.
I am perhaps a tiny bit fucked up.
Shhhh.
I love her. She is fucking spectacular. That fact that she is only 21 makes it all the more so!
I know, right?
I know.
Fucking stellar. Now I have another wicked blog that I want to read and cannot keep up with.
What a lovely predicament.
Thanks to You and congrats, Haven!!!!
Robin -
Yay! I am so glad you went to check her out.
She is going to be amazing over there.
Happy sighs.
already been commenting around over there
Haven is very talented!
thanks for encouraging her Kris
Yeah
now about this mil skin suit? um…..gross
that is all
Amy -
Saw you over there!
Although I was her first commenter.
So pfffttttt.
Snort!
Me
Haven is AWESOME!
I am stalking her.
In the nicest way possible, of course.
Hee hee!
Stasha -
Hey, you!
She is a worthy stalkee.
She so is.
Went to her site and so fr I like what I see. And she’s only 21? Wow…she’s good! Anyway, thanks for the heads up!
Sharon -
Yay that you went and checked her out!
Thank you!
I was all excited to come here today and find out about some awesome blogs.
And then I find out that you have only recommended me?
What the hell Kris?
I already know about me.
You have ruined my whole day.
I am all kinds of ridiculously disappointed over here. I cannot even tell you how stupid and lame I think this is.
…
What?
I so express my disappointment by screaming like a 12 year old who has just caught sight of Justin Bieber.
And also I sometimes just pass out for no reason.
Also I am not being overly dramatic and emotional over here with a tiny bit of crying.
Remember how I told you I hate peeing so I hold it the longest I possibly can? Well sometimes if I hold it TOO long it starts leaking from my eyes.
That is totally a real thing. Stop it.
So, yeah. Way disappointed over here.
Hee hee!
Haven? You had better not stop commenting here on Pretty All True . . . I would miss you so very very much.
Happy sighs that you came by to see yourself featured here.
You are amazing, and your blog?
Is awesome.
I am so looking forward to seeing what you do and say next.
Yay!
Awesome.
Been following Haven comments for some time now…
Angie -
I know! She has been fabulous here.
You guys noticed I linked the numbers of the comments, right?
All worth reading. Every single one.
Wow.
I did not notice!
Coolness!
Hee hee!
It seemed a little excessive to link all of her comments in bright bold hyperlinks.
But I really wanted to link the comments.
So I was all subtle.
Hush.
I can be subtle.
This is a HUGE Win-Win for everyone! You’re a smart cookie, cookie.
Mmmmm … cookies…
Oh, fine.
Now I want a cookie.
Thank you very much.
Hmmph.
Is she on the twitter?
Genius!
She is not.
We will have to pester her.
I have been reading and enjoying Haven’s comments for a long time now. So excited that she took the plunge and got her own blog. Yay!
Tracie -
I know! She is going to be fabulous.
She already is fabulous, but now?
More.