Maj has angrily followed me down to the basement office, and she now sits on the floor next to my feet, “I cannot believe that you are just going to do nothing.”
“Maj, I am doing something. I am talking to you about your behavior.”
“You know that’s not what I mean. You’re not doing what I want you to do. I never get what I want.”
“Well, as far as I can tell? What you want is for me to have your sister move out of the house. That is not a reasonable want.”
“Why not? I was here first and she is a troublemaker. She starts stuff. All the time, she starts stuff, and then I get in trouble. She’s a starter, Mother. Starters need to go.”
“So your plan is that I just turn her out into the street? Hobo Kal?”
“Yes. I will help her pack.”
“Ummm . . . . no.”
“The starter needs to start a new life, Mother.”
“Yes, well. If you are smart enough to know she is starting stuff, why do you let her get you so worked up? That’s exactly what she hopes will happen. She pesters you and then you freak out. Why do you freak out?”
“I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about why I am in trouble when she is the troublemaker.”
“Because you are the one who loses control, Maj.”
“You realize that makes no sense, right? The starter should be punished.”
Sigh.
“Maj, I am sure that I also need to talk to Kallan about what happened. But if I walk into the room, and you are the one screaming and holding people down? You are the one who gets my attention.”
Maj sits on the floor next to my desk, crossing and uncrossing her legs, “I would have been better as an only child.”
“Next time that’s what we’ll do.”
“What? There is no next time.”
“Exactly. Your sister is here to stay and you need to get a grip.”
“Fine. I am all gripped. Can I go now?”
“You can go when you are ready to apologize to Kallan.”
“Are you crazy? That is never going to happen.”
“Then settle in, because you may not get up until you are ready to apologize.”
“Fine. I will just sit here forever.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“People are going to ask about me, eventually. You can’t just keep me locked up forever.”
“Kallan does a good impression of you. I’ll have her cover for you on the phone.”
“What about school, Mother? I think my teacher might be quite interested to know that I am being held captive.”
“Oh, but guess what? I have just decided to home-school you again! You are not a prisoner . . . you are my beloved student.”
“You are a crazy person.”
“Whatever. You can get up when you are ready to apologize to your sister for wrestling her to the floor.”
“Dream on, Mother. Dream on.”
“Just sit quietly for a little while. Breathe deeply and sit quietly.”
“That’s insane.”
She takes a few crabby shallow breaths, and then there is Kallan, leaping and bounding into the room, “Hi, Mom! What’s Maj doing down here? Is she in trouble?”
“Are you kidding me? Yes, she’s in trouble. And so are you once I get done talking to her. Why can’t the two of you just get along?”
“Mom, that’s just how sisters are. Sisters fight sometimes. You shouldn’t overreact.”
Maj agrees, “Yes! Sisters fight sometimes. Get a grip, Mother.”
Snort!
Maj stands and puts her arm around Kallan’s shoulders. Kallan swings her own arm around Maj’s waist. They lean into one another so their cheeks touch.
Kallan says, “Look! We are sisters and we love each other!”
Maj says, “Yes! We are sisters! I am feeling the love.”
I laugh, “Fine. Go. Try to get along.”
They turn together to walk out of the room, arms still wrapped around one another.
Maj lifts her arm free of her sister and twirls to escape Kallan’s grip, “Let go of me!”
Kallan ducks determinedly into her sister’s side and holds more tightly, “But the love, Maj! What about the love?”
Maj swipes angrily at Kallan’s arms, “Don’t start with me! I SAID DON’T START WITH ME!”
Sigh.
xoxo Great talking to you!
Jyl -
It was great talking to you as well.
Love you!
NOW… I’ll go back and read your post! I just wanted to be first at something! I’m still flying high since my SENT email… AND my check IS in the mail! I SO DO LOVE YOU, and want to write just like you when I grow up!
Silly you.
“I am all gripped” Ha! I so want to add that to my vernacular! Do you think Maj will mind? Ps. Your ability to keep a straight face through most of these exchanges astound me…
Jayne -
If I laugh in the middle of these exchanges (and that sometimes happens).
If I laugh, Maj gets sooooo angry.
So I try to save my giggling until later.
And then I giggle a lot.
Ahem.
This is hilarious. I love the way your girls leverage their relationship according to circumstance. And how you see it. What a riot!
Quite a few of the things Maj does and says remind me of my son. This made me smile.
Robin -
Both of my girls are dreadfully manipulative.
I am all kinds of impressed.
And also nervous about what my future holds.
Sigh.
So, say Maj and Kallan were separated for a few days. Would Maj be happy, or would she actually be miserable without her sister (although she would never admit it, of course)?
Liz -
They rarely get to spend days away from one another.
Maj did go on a school camping trip last year, and she did not miss any of us one iota.
Really.
But when Maj is at home and Kallan has gone away somewhere for a few hours?
Maj will invariably comment somewhat wistfully about how QUIET the house is without Kallan.
Kallan is a lot of girl.
She really is.
Her absence is noticeable.
OMg, this reminds me of my brother and I. My Dad used to tell me to stand in the corner until I said I was “sorry” to him. I would then get real close to his face and SCREAM
“I APOLOGIZE!!!!!” Apparently, according to my parents, it wasn’t the same. Sigh. I spent a lot of time in the corner.
Nicole -
I have seen and heard these screamed apologies!
They don’t count at our house either.
I am all unreasonable that way.
The girls despair.
Thanks for the giggles
You’re welcome!
Thank you for giggling!
LOL… my problem is that Deb (aka Barbara) says that I get too “engaged” with the girls and their disputes. Let them work it out or until blood has been shed, that’s what she says.
*sigh*
“Too engaged” she says…
Axel -
I try to stay out of things.
But Maj has a tendency to escalate things beyond all reason.
There is no working things out when Maj gets like that. She has to take a step back and regroup. Calm down.
Sigh.
I can’t disengage when their reactions are so unbalanced. Kallan starts things, but she recovers quickly and moves on. Maj holds a grudge like no one I know.
Sigh.
So much like my daughters…it’s scary!
Leah -
Fun, right?
Snort!
Plus also?
Sigh.
Everything is so much funnier at your house. Or maybe it’s because I have sisters and brothers fighting.
The fight itself is not so funny.
The discussion afterward, though?
That is often hilarious.
Hee hee!
Bahahaha – the most dangerous part of ganging up with someone on someone else is that at the end of the day you’re stuck with this gang and they are obnoxious. Remind the girls that throwing your lot in with someone is easy, it’s getting the damn lot back that’s hard.
Throwing your lot in with someone is easy, it’s getting the damn lot back that’s hard.
Oh, that’s just all kinds of awesome!
I love that!
“starters need to go”
Fabulous reasoning from Maj there. My sister starts things. At 24 I still attempt to end them and apparently, according to my mother? I am still unreasonable and out of control.
Sigh.
Also, apparently me actually being a mother now makes it even more unreasonable.
However, when we feel we can gain? My sister and I are bestest friends. Masses of sisterly love.
Until next time she starts something.
Toni -
Seriously . . . You sound just like a grown-up Maj.
Still dealing with a sister who starts shit and a mother who is unsympathetic.
Hi, you!
I know you.
Really?
Then you ought to know, we grow up to be just fine. Feisty. And often shouty. But fully functional!
It remains annoying when people won’t agree with you or do as you want though. That’s annoying.
And my sister? 18 years old. Pure evil. But we do love each other. We just rub each other up the wrong way.
Toni -
Seriously.
That’s how I imagine the girls’ future.
No insult intended whatsoever.
Really.
She is a starter. I love it.
Maybe you need two only children? hmm. Trying to see how this can work out. Unfortunately I have the dizziness going on today. Darn sinuses.
I am just all out of ideas today. Oh well.
I am so amazed you make it through all that without laughing. However, having grown up around the noise of arguments between kids usually including my middle sister, the starter in our family, sometimes the noise is so annoying you miss the funny until later. Way later.
And Kallan getting her sister out of trouble after starting it all in the first place? Yeah, you know it – she knows this is also how she will get out of trouble too. Smart kid. She will go far…. :)
Lizzie -
Sometimes, in the actual moment? Not that funny.
But not so very much later?
Way funny.
And Kallan is a genius. She really is. A manipulative evil genius.
Swoon!
LOL I would shoot myself or drink more wine … The Princess sounds like your Kallan, fortunately Wiki tends to be a bit more mellow and is not a fighter else it would be a nightmare and my wine would have to be dripfed!
Love that you have their lives documented like this, they will pay you dearly for these notes later ;)
How is the ad campaign going by the way, thinking my life may not be dramatic enough for your readers tho lol
Nicole -
Yes. That’s my plan. To extort the girls’ allowances and birthday money from them with threats of blog revelations.
Silly you.
And the ad campaign is going just fine.
Thank you for asking!
Sigh. I remember those days. I believed I should have been an only child too. I never could figure out how to keep myself from getting all worked up when my younger sister decided to be The Starter. Those damn Starters. They get you every time.
Does it make you feel any better to know that while my sister can still occasionally manage to get me worked up over little things, I don’t hold her down anymore? ;) In all seriousness, we grew up and we get along. Mostly. Sometimes I would like to hold her down and push her head into the carpet though…
Amy -
Yay! I love your version of the future in which the girls mostly get along. Mostly.
Except for that troubling head-pushed-in-the-carpet urge.
What’s that about, babe?
Hee hee!
I just said I would *like* to do it, I didn’t say that I’ve actually ever done it…
Hahaha! :o)
My sister and I have had our ups and downs, but as adults, we mostly do ok together. She lived in our basement for over a year and we became closer friends then than at any other time.
Amy -
I so imagine your basement as a cold and dampish place, and that your sister was locked down there for a year. And that she had to beg you for food and call you “Mistress of the Universe” in order to get an extra blanket.
Was it like that?
Can I plead the fifth on that one? ;o)
We actually lived in a house that had what’s called a Mother-in-Law’s apartment and she lived there. It had a kitchen, single bedroom, living room, and bathroom. The house was weird though and every time it rained, the windows leaked and mud ran down the walls. It was annoying. More for her than for us since she lived down there… So does that count as cold and dampish?
Amy -
This:
The house was weird though and every time it rained, the windows leaked and mud ran down the walls.
That is more than annoying, babe.
That is nightmarish!
My sister, husband, and I repaired the issue by digging out next to the windows and putting railroad ties around the “window wells” we made. It shouldn’t have had to be that way, but it was. Freaking house had all kinds of issues.
That was also the least annoying thing about that house. More annoying was finding out the landlord never made a single payment and we had to move before it was auctioned. When I was 8 months pregnant. :-/
Amy -
Ugh, ugh, and more ugh.
The end.
Heh. I am in the midst of yelling at…er, I mean, managing this situation between Boo & Princess as I am attempting to comment. It shall be interesting to see if I get this comment pounded out before the early bed time I have threatened requires implementation.
Me likey the early bed time.
Oh and also? Maj kinda started this whole “kid” thing for you & Mark…so she is also a starter. You guys could be free and Oregon could have 2 new hobos!
You are so right!
Maj started this whole kid thing!
She so did.
Wait until I point that shit out!
Ahem.