Last night.
I am trying to find an image to use in conjunction with an advertising space. You don’t care what I am looking for or why I need it, but Mark has agreed to help me find the image I want. He is very helpful sometimes.
The girls are in bed.
I get myself a beer. Pour one for Mark as well. Sit down at my computer and answer some emails, confident that Mark has the image search thing well in hand.
Tappity, tappity, typity . . .
Real-life people to whom I do not talk on the phone?
Email me. I hate the phone.
Invisible people from whom I would like to hear?
Email me.
Tappity, typity, tappity . . .
Let me just check what Mark has found for me. I glance over at his computer monitor.
Hmmmm.
I do not actually remember asking for him to find me naked girls.
“Ummmm, Mark?”
He does not look away from his screen . . . scroll, scroll, scroll . . .
“Mark?”
“What?”
“What are you doing, babe?”
“Doing that image search you wanted.”
“Really? Looks like porn to me.”
“This is what came up. You could use one of these images . . . I bet your advertisers would love a little nudity.” He clicks a few times, “Here. I like this one. Or maybe this one. Or this one.”
Why did I ask him for help again?
“Babe, do you notice that all of your favorites have something in common?”
He is staring intently at his screen, “They’re all naked women. Duh.”
“No, babe. They are all headless naked women. What the fuck, babe?”
He turns to me, “You know what they say. It’s better if you don’t see everything. It’s best if there is a little left to the imagination.”
I giggle, “The faces? That’s what you want left to the imagination? Their faces?”
He laughs, “You think I have misunderstood the saying?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“OK, but look at this one! No way you don’t want that staring at you every time you open your blog.”
“Staring at me? She has no face!”
Mark laughs as he continues to scroll through images, “Who needs faces?”
“Come on, babe. Want to watch TV with me?”
“Nah. Maybe in a little while. I’m all set.”
Mark is such a goofball.
This afternoon, I am all crabby. I spend some time wandering about the house whining about how I am cold. That sounds much like this . . .
“I am cold. Why is it so cold? Isn’t anyone else cold? I am cold. Seriously? This house is freezing. I am the only one who is cold? Really?”
I am cold, but mostly I am just pissy. Earlier, I got all cranky when Mark made plans to take the girls roller skating without consulting me. I refused to go along on this outing and then spent the time without them pissed that they had in fact left me behind.
Because I am all mature that way.
Anyway, now it is later, and they have returned home. They had fun without me, apparently.
Annoying.
And no one has apologized for abandoning me in such heartless fashion.
Annoying.
So I repeat my complaints about the cold in endless fashion on the off-chance that someone is inclined to do something to put me in a better mood. Finally, Mark suggests, “Why don’t you go take a warm bath?”
I pause for a minute, contemplating picking a fight over Mark’s obvious attempt to clear me from the room in which he sits.
But a bath does sound good.
Fine.
I run the water and step into the bathtub.
I do like the feel of the hot water against my skin.
I do like how the noise of my family slips away as my head slips back into the water.
I do like the view of the ceiling from here.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I am back with my family.
Mark greets me with outstretched arms, “Feel better?”
I move into his arms, “Yes, thank you.”
He nuzzles his chin into my damp hair, “You want to go upstairs?”
“Nah. Maybe in a little while. I’m all set.”
Ahem.
I know Im not first, but I have never read a post when there weren’t already at minimum 50 comments. And I’m in my phone
Justine -
If you are going to be first?
Saturday is the day to do it.
Less traffic on a Saturday night.
And Yay!
You are first.
Love you.
Firstly, first! Secondly, I spent my day like this, cold but not grumpy and in need of a bath, or warmth after a day of tubing in the RAIN! Absolutely freaking soaked, right through. I’m glad your day went in circle and ended up all happy again, although some days, you just need a bit of grumpiness!
Chloe -
Yes, sometimes grumpy is just how the day is meant to be spent.
And did you just say that you went tubing in the rain?
That is like a nightmare in my imagination.
An absolute nightmare.
Why, babe?
Why?
That would be, on. On my phone. And I am cold too. It’s cold in this house, as well.
Not for a single minute did I imagine that you were in your phone.
Silly you.
I don’t know…sometimes maybe the face SHOULD be left to the imagination. Ha!
I am not a bath person. To me, it’s too much like stewing in your own soup.
But that’s just me.
I kind of feel that way about a bath too. But it can be very relaxing. Here the shower is part of the bath (as in you stand in the bath tub). So if I do ever take a bath, I’ll finish by turning on the shower and rinsing. Then I get the best of both worlds.
Ben -
I have a shower in this bathtub as well.
I never use it.
I am not a fan of showers.
Ick.
Showers are all Silkwoody in my imagination.
sometimes I hate our fancy bathroom with the separate, small shower and huge bathtub. It is rare that one of us is in a hurry, and the other has time for a leisurely bath. If they have to be separate, I want a shower big enough for two. Handy for both needing a shower in a hurry.
Plus, I used to like the same sequence as you, long bath followed by a shower to feel actually clean.
And also, our house is not big enough for such a luxurious bathroom set up. I’d rather have a normal bathroom and more room in the bedroom. Many elements in our home ‘tick the boxes’ for what was fashionable when it was built, but they waste space and make the small house feel smaller.
At our house?
Mark takes a shower in the mornings.
I generally take a bath at night.
So we are never doing both things at the same time.
Unless we are both using the same exact space.
Ahem.
CJ -
I detest showers. I absolutely hate them.
Baths are soothing and warm and calm and lovely.
I am not soupy.
At all.
Hush about the soup.
Snort!
“The faces? That’s what you want left to the imagination? Their faces?”
haha!!! That is brilliant!
Ben -
Mark is all pleased.
He didn’t realize I had made notes of that conversation, and he thinks he comes off rather well.
Snort!
i guess having chics with no heads helps the environment. no need to waste a paper bag on anyone’s head, ya’ know?
Sassy Mark.
No bags here, babe.
None.
Look me in the eye.
First off… I hate phones..Absolutely freaking hate them. There are only three people I comfortably talk to on the phone.. And that’s after years. People have been instructed to either email me or text me. My cell number is not released unless I have extracted a promise that they will only use it to text.
Secondly.. you’re awesome.. As my husband and his brother are hogging the tv to watch hockey and play video games, I’ve been hogging my husband’s iPhone to read your archives.. Only up to November.. But, I love you! haha..
I can do the phone.
But I do not enjoy the phone.
I really do like communicating through the written word. Only two people I have met here in the invisible world have my cell phone number, and only one of those people actually calls me. The other is only a text friendship.
I am not a phone person.
As for the fact that you are going back to read my archives?
That makes me all happy inside.
Yay!
That is just so funny, something I have never really thought about, because I, on the other hand am a total phone person. Now that there is text, too, and email I love those (um, yeah I do love to write me a bit) but putting it down in writing? There is a need for precision there that does not exist over the phone. So there’s a certain freedom to the phone, for me.
Also? I’m a talker, a MAJOR talker. Hard to shut me up when I get going. Just so you know. (Not that we’re ever going to meet face to face for you to find out.) (Snort.)
Varda -
It’s not that I never enjoy talking on the phone.
I do, on occasion. I understand what you mean about there being a freedom to the words in a phone conversation.
But generally? I am a woman of written words. I like how I come across in writing, and I am more confident in what I mean to say.
But I do talk on the phone . . . just not as much as others.
To begin with, in explanation, had the twitter link not crashed I’d not be feeling like so much of a plonker over here. Ahem. And yes, tubing in the rain, absolutely soaked through; snowpants, jacket, underarmour, the lot. And in keeping with sods law as mother nature was having a good fucking laugh at us, as we set off in our sodden state on a wet schoolbus home it started snowing again, proper snow.-and it stopped proper snowing 10 minutes before we got there. As long as mother nature got a good laugh, and I got a wet arse. Fantastic. Day = made.
Chloe -
That is the worst day of not-fun that was supposed to be fun ever.
Ever.
I hate talking on the phone as well. My mom drives me crazy because I’ll text her and then she’ll call me to answer me. I texted you for a reason, Mom – I don’t want to talk on the phone!
Love the blog/sidebar feng shui, by the way.
Sierra -
I am trying to find places for things in the sidebars where they make sense.
It is annoying me.
Sigh.
All I want on this page are my words.
Hmmph.
I hate talking on the phone so very much. I will avoid it at all costs. If I have to contact someone about anything and they don’t have a way to do it by email, I usually make hubby do it.
Also? I’m one of those very rare people who hate Seinfeld. I absolutely can’t stand that show.
Yep. That’s what I took away from that whole post. ;o)
Amy -
OK, but there is no way you are not a fan of yadda, yadda, yadda.
Come on!
That’s like the best part ever!
‘nother phone hater. so much so that when I couldn’t pay the bill my ex ran up charging calls to his girlfriend in TX to our house in NC when he was in bootcamp in FL! I just went without, for about 4 years. I had one on my desk at work and most of the calls I needed to make were during work hours. And I could force the call to end cause, ‘I’m at work’.
When my husband got our fancy new phones (the one which has made my spelling and word choices so suspect for weeks) he didn’t even get a text plan. Until he got a message saying I’d already sent 411 texts in 2 weeks. Now I have a plan.
Hee hee!
I get into trouble all the time for failing to return people’s phone calls. All the time. I do not need a phone as long as I have email and texting.
And I also got into trouble with texting.
And now we have unlimited texting.
IT IS AWESOME!
Seriously . . . I don’t need a phone.
You pour beer? I always thought of you guys as the “drink straight from the bottle” type.
We have a keg.
Really.
Ahem.
I used the word “pour” because if I said I went to “pull” a beer or “draw” a beer, explanations would be required.
Snort.
We have a keg.
You rock even harder than I thought.
Amazing.
A keg.
Wow.
Yes.
We are awesome.
Ahem.
maybe her boobs were staring at you? I mean, since she doesn’t have a head and all. only explanation.
Yes!
That was Mark’s explanation.
Snort!
Also, (because my other comment is so nicely buried inside a comment stream above) I just wanted to loudly enjoy my last few hours on your sidebar. Sigh. Tomorrow morning you will come and replace my face with someone else.
Ever how it goes, I’m not complaining… it’s someone else’s turn, I know and accept that. (After all, someone had to cede that space to ME last Sunday.)
And, seriously? Thank you. I have ever so much enjoyed being your featured blogger this week. I’ve felt so cruddy (antibiotics finally kicking in to do some good today) it’s been nice to have that little extra boost for cyber-me, as real-life-me has been deep in the weeds.
Varda -
Love you.
I’m sorry you have been in the weeds.
But so much love to you.
Kris
Kris
Yes I like a bath too. I am sick of being cold in my house. I am on a level pay plan with my electric company, but still I feel guilty turning it up enough to be comfortable.
The part I liked best about your post?
When Mark asks if you want to go upstairs and you tell him no you are all set for now.
heee
that is all
Amy -
I am not sure everyone caught that, which I find hysterical.
I did not think I was subtle.
Ahem.
no you are usually not subtle, but you are usually hysterical.
thank God
that is all