No one is going to read tonight.
Superbowl Sunday, people.
So it will just be me.
Just me and my inability to stop myself from putting up a post.
Did you read the post I put up earlier about the new Featured Bloggers?
Get your ass back there and read that. They are awesome. John, Ginger, and Varda.
Back here?
Watching the Superbowl with Maj.
“Is this live?”
“What, Maj?”
“Is this live?”
“Yes.”
“So it is happening as we are watching it?”
“Yes. That’s what live means.”
“OK, because sometimes what they mean is that it is live on the East Coast, but it is not live for us.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“So is this live?”
“Yes.”
“Live for us?”
“Yes, Maj. It is live for us. I want to stop talking about this now.”
“So it sure is late on the East Coast. Are you sure they didn’t already watch this?”
“Nope. It is live there and it is live here.”
“What time is it on the East Coast?”
“You know what time it is on the East Coast.”
“OK, but what time is it on the East Coast?”
“It’s 5:15 here. So what’s 5:15 plus three hours?”
“I don’t think this is live.”
“Geez, Maj. Why would I lie about that?”
“I don’t think you are lying. But frankly? I think you are misinformed. I don’t believe this is live.”
“It’s live. It is happening as we sit here and it is live.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Please can we talk about something else?”
“I hate when the singers lip sync. Why don’t they really sing the songs?”
“Are you kidding me? She is singing the song. If she was lip syncing, it would sound a lot better than this.”
“Nope. This is exactly like the song sounds when I hear it on the radio. She is lip syncing. She is cheating.”
“Maj, listen to her! She sounds terrible! She is not lip syncing!”
“None of this is live, you know. Including her singing.”
“You are driving me crazy. It’s live and she is singing live and she is terrible.”
“Why do they put up a big sign saying that Usher is singing when Usher isn’t singing?”
“Usher is singing. He’s the guy who just dropped from the sky.”
“No one dropped from the sky.”
“Whatever. That’s Usher.”
“Which one is Usher?”
“Are you kidding me, Maj? There are four sparkly women with bare tummies and one man.”
“So which one is Usher?”
“See the woman on the right side?”
“Which one?”
“The . . . one . . . on . . . the . . . right.”
“Yeah. What about her?”
“That’s Usher.”
“Why do you lie to me, Mother?”
“Why do you ask ridiculous questions?”
“You could just politely say, ‘Usher is the man who is lip syncing.’”
“He is not lip syncing. He is singing.”
“I suppose you’re going to tell me this part is live too.”
“It’s all live! Why are you torturing me?”
“How can it all be live, Mother? There is a three hour time difference between us and where they are. Clearly this already happened.”
“AUGHHGHGHGHGHGH!”
“No need to get all crabby.”
“It’s live, Maj.”
“Whatever you say.”
“Just watch and be quiet.”
“I love the commercials.”
“Yeah, sometimes they are funny.”
“Except not this one.”
“It will be over in a minute.”
“And another commercial! Why are there so many commercials?”
“I thought you said you liked the commercials.”
“I changed my mind. Now there are too many of them.”
“Hush, Maj.”
“Why do they call it the Superbowl?”
“I don’t know.”
“So is there another half left?”
“Yes, that’s why they call this part the half-time show.”
“How many innings are left?”
“There are no innings. That’s baseball. In football, there are timed quarters.”
“So they’ve done two quarters?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s a half?”
“Yes. You know two quarters equals a half.”
“So we still have half of this game to watch?”
“You are a genius, Maj.”
“I’m bored.”
“Color me stunned.”
“What?”
“Never mind. Watch the game.”
“So who’s playing?”
“Same teams that were playing in the first half.”
“Which one is Wisconsin, again?”
“You are annoying me. They have the green jerseys and the yellow helmets with the G on them.”
“So the team on the right side of the screen?”
“No.”
“So the team on the left side of the screen?”
“Yes.”
“Why did Kallan get to go with her friends to a dance class?”
“Because she was invited and she said yes.”
“Why didn’t I go?”
“Because you said no.”
“When will Kallan get home?”
“Why? You have big plans with Kallan, do you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Just doesn’t seem like you should let her wander off with the neighbors.”
“She didn’t just wander off.”
“Whatever, Mother.”
“Whatever.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that if I stayed home, I would die of boredom?”
“When this death thing happens, will you be quieter?”
“Guess what, Mother?”
“What?”
“I am live!”
“You are a goof.”
“This football thing, though? This isn’t live, you know. No way this is live.”
“Right, Maj.”
“So it’s not live?”
“Whatever you say.”
“I thought so.”
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I AM HERE!
Hee hee!
I had the ‘live’ conversation with Kaylee too. Although not nearly as detailed as your convo with Maj.
And the game is only 2 hours ahead of us. It’s being played in Dallas. Central time zone… Just so you know…
Hee hee!
People are here?
You are here?
Yay!
Maj drives me nuts. No way she is confused.
She just enjoys torturing me.
Sigh.
Actually? We do everything as a dry run first here on the East Coast. We screen it to make sure the West Coast can handle it first. Nothing is ever live. Maj has exposed the conspiracy. The black SUVs will arrive shortly to re-educate her.
Also? Love this! She is hysterical.
Ms. WTH -
That is exactly what Maj suspects.
It’s all a giant conspiracy, and she is the only one intelligent enough to have figured it out.
She is hysterical.
She makes me giggle endlessly.
But man, does she drive me nuts sometimes.
Sigh.
Are you suuure it’s live?
I. Love. It.
I’m no longer dying of boredom.
Renee -
I am so glad you were here tonight!
That’s awesome.
Maj is spectacular.
Love that girl.
Snort!
and being in New Zealand and having no interest in American Football.. I AM HERE TOO!! lol
Sounds like a conversation I have with one of mine.. only mine end it
“Because I’m the MUM and I say SO!!”
Bex -
Maj likes to talk a topic into the fucking ground.
Especially when Kallan isn’t here.
Maj finds it enormously entertaining to torture me.
I don’t always let her do it.
But she does enjoy it when she gets the chance.
She enjoys it immensely.
Silly girl.
Yep, fergie sucked. They all sucked, except for Slash. Why couldn’t we get a guns n roses half time show or Bret Michaels…someone with talent!!
Mandie -
Slash was pretty awesome. Agreed.
Everyone else? Huge suckage.
Huge.
Plus also?
Bret Michaels, babe?
Hee hee!
Dream half-time show. The O.G. GNR plus Bret Michaels. Yum. I can’t even imagine being able to control myself if I saw Axl and Bret on stage together. uhf.
Really?
We will have to agree to disagree.
Have you SEEN Axel and Bret lately?
Yeah.
In my fantasy they are both at their hottest. Axl I haven’t seen in years. Bret could still steal me away. Not really because I don’t like man-whores. But you know what I mean. And you and Maj are enormously more entertaining than the game and shit that was on. I just had too much crazimess to leave a long comment yesterday
Ummm.
Check out Axl:
http://www.thegauntlet.com/article/172/17692/OMFG-Axl-Rose-is-fat.html
Maj is so much better than the superbowl…even if she wasn’t live!
She was as live as I could get her.
There is a typing delay.
Hee hee!
Good Lord I have that conversation with teenagers every fricking day.
I have to say, “STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS,” to some of them.
They think I am constantly crabby.
Also? I hate the super bowl. I died of boredom too.
Katie -
Maj is all set to be a teenager.
She is very annoyed that she is only 11.
Perhaps if she moved to the East Coast, she would already be 13!
Snort!
I wish the half time show was pre- recorded because that was terrible. Also Maj almost sounded like she was working you up to ask for something by causing annoying distractions of insanity.
Nope.
Maj loves these sorts of conversations. They are impossible when Kallan is home, because Kallan will not stand for this sort of nonsense. So when Maj gets a chance, she likes to take the floor.
No goal.
No weakening me to ask for something.
She just really wants to have this conversation.
She enjoys this.
Yes, fergie sucked, and Christina messed up. Did you catch that? Left out an entire line.
I’m pretty sure, if she had lip synced the Nat’l anthem, it would have actually had all the words in it. :)
I missed the pre-game stuff.
Christina who?
She left out words to the National Anthem???
That’s awesome!
Ooooh.
I just Googled.
Christina Aguilera fucked up big!
That’s fabulous.
Aguilera. Yes, the line that starts “for the ramparts we watched…..” completely missed it. Ah, entertainment at its finest.
Happy sighs.
Found the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxA3Aus8jY
Love that.
http://m.billboard.com/events/christina-aguilera-fumbles-national-anthem-1005023702.story
Gah, o’er. Stupid phone…..
Justine -
Thank you!
Yes. I did a double take. I was all, something didn’t sound right…… and sure enough, she sang an earlier verse twice. Funny stuff. We had fun making fun if the pre game and half time shows.
I love that sort of thing.
Love.
Bummed I missed that LIVE!
Hmmph.
Maj won’t believe any of s East Coasters, will she, as we are so obviously your minions?
Cameron -
Maj trusts only Maj.
Snort!
Loved the post… almost fell off my seat laughing :)
Varda!
I know a Varda! How awesome that there is now another Varda!
I am so happy to have made you laugh.
Love that.
Hello, other Varda! I have only met 2 other people with our first name before, and one with our name as her last name (the French filmmaker Agnes Varda). I have a friend who has a friend with the last name “Vardi” and she keeps telling me (kiddingly, I hope) that I should divorce my husband and marry him so I could be Varda Vardi. Snort.
Varda Vardi?
I am all giggly.
That is all.
Halftime was horrible. It was better when I muted the TV, but then it looked like an aerobics class with all those dancers.
Fergie cannot sing!
Your conversation with Maj sounds like the one I have with my husband every Superbowl Sunday!
Adriana -
It was a horrible half-time show. It really was.
And Fergie cannot sing.
And your husband?
Yikes!
Really?
In our conversation I’m Maj!
Oh, I so had that backwards.
I am laughing so hard.
So . . . much . . . giggling.
When I read your stuff sometimes I get really nervous…because I don’t think I would have the patience for that conversation. You are such a good mom and I worry that I just won’t be. Because in my house…that conversation would have ended with a shut up or a go away.
I hope you guys enjoyed the game.
Shana -
I do sometimes tell Maj to go away.
I do.
But she really does like to have these conversations.
So I try to be patient.
Also?
She cracks me up.
She drives me crazy, but she also makes me laugh hysterically.
A pretty good deal.
hahaha Maj is that one person that always manages annoys you while you are watching the game.
Hopefully you got to enjoy it.
Reed -
It was not the most exciting game in the world. The Superbowl rarely is.
But yes . . . I got to watch it.
Thanks, you!
I watched it. Not by choice but because it gave me an excuse to invite peeps over and cook all day, which I love to do.
I didn’t notice Christina missed an entire line. I feel worse for her now. Worse than when I asked my husband if that was Cyndi Lauper up there and my 16-year old almost died laughing.
Come on. Seriously, didn’t she look a lot like Cyndi Lauper today?
I am so obviously not live. :)
She DID look a little like Cyndi Lauper!
What’s up with Christina, anyway?
She looked very weird.