OK, first? Today is Leah’s last day as Psychophant of the Month.
How I love Leah. I will be sad to see her photo go.
Her photo makes my blog look all sexy! In fact? One misguided male reader thought Leah was me. That I had put up my own photo . . . that I was my own psychophant. He thought he was all horny genius.
Snort!
I may have let him believe that for a short while. So fun!
Ahem.
But tomorrow is a new beginning.
So if you have been reading but have not yet clicked on Leah to check out her link despite the fact that I have bossed you many times?
Alright, people.
I took Maj to the orthodontist this morning to get her braces adjusted. As we are waiting for the elevator, a man comes to wait with us. He is 35, maybe. Well-dressed, dark hair, blue eyes . . . a guy who pays slovenly sleepy-faced me and 11 year old Maj no attention whatsoever.
We stand together, and just as the elevator is about to open, a group of three women who face the morning much more enthusiastically than I do come up behind us. They are all chatty and caffeinated and cute.
The elevator doors start to open, but instead of stepping into the elevator like a normal person?
The man gets all weird. He turns suddenly and looks back into the parking garage. Brings his hand up over his eyes as though shielding them from the sun . . . What’s that over there? He holds the pose for a few seconds with no explanation and then turns to step into the elevator.
We all turn to look, because obviously there must be something over there.
Hmmm . . . nothing.
Plus also? It is pouring rain this morning and we are standing inside of a covered parking garage.
What the fuck with the shading of the eyes?
We all step into the elevator, and as the man stands handsomely and falsely for female inspection, I lean down to whisper into Maj’s ear, “Someone perhaps thinks he is Sparkles.”
Maj buries her face in my side and giggles hysterically.
Please tell me that my daughter is not the only one who gets that joke.
You’ve seen that show, right? Get A Life.
Brian Doyle Murray as modeling instructor to Chris Elliott’s male model wannabe . . . The Handsome Boy Modeling School. In an intensive one-week course, Chris Elliott is taught several important career-making poses like . . .
Let me just check what time it is . . . In which the model stands jauntily and looks down at his watch with slightly cocked head and raised eyelids, arm bent and fingers extended.
I would like a side order of bacon with that. . . feet planted slightly apart, erect posture, arm outstretched, pointer finger in the air, face beseeching and yet commanding.
And finally, my personal favorite . . .
What’s off in the distance while I’m over here being handsome?
A pose elevator boy did to perfection.
Snort!
Oh my god . . . Get a Life . . . that was a funny show.
In the episode I am remembering, the instructor goes around the room and asks for the students’ names. The student next to Chris announces that his name is a breathy sexy Sapphire. Oooh . . . everyone is all impressed . . . what an awesome male model name!
The instructor turns to Chris, “What was your name, again?”
And Chris Elliot thinks for a minute and announces that he will be . . . Sparkles.
So much giggling at that memory.
Snort!
OK, so Maj and I are both giggling about Sparkles the male model. The women get off at the second floor and Sparkles travels handsomely with us up to the third floor. He walks ahead of us and we watch as he heads into an office . . . He walks through the open door, stops, raises a hand and extends one finger in the general direction of the receptionist.
I elbow Maj.
It’s the . . . I would like a side order of bacon pose!
And then?
As we watch? He pulls out an iPad and ostentatiously taps away as he stands handsomely.
It’s the modern version of . . . Let me just check what time it is!
It’s a trifecta of awesomeness! All three poses done to perfection!
Swoon!
As we walk past, I check out Handsome Boy’s suit and his ass, which he is clearly angling perfectly for maximum appreciation.
I imagine the voice-over (in my mind, this is Tim Gunn speaking) . . .
The overall silhouette commands attention while gently guiding the eye to the groin area without betraying the muted beauty of the buttocks region.
That’s a quote from Get a Life, by the way.
An awesome fucking show.
And now?
I want a bean burrito from Taco Bell . . . with some Rhino Ass-Fat.
Look what the fabulous Lady Estrogen made for me after reading yesterday’s post!
Who doesn't want a piece of that ass?
Hold on . . . and . . . POSE . . . Can I get a side of bacon with that?
Snort!
I totally fail to get the reference. But male model poses are funny as hell.
Toni -
You are younger than I am, and that’s OK. Let me see if there is a Youtube clip . . .
Hold on.
OH MY GOD!
THEY HAVE HIS FIRST TRAGIC MODELING GIG!
Go see!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9aYZwDTF1M
Get A Life was one of the funniest shows. Ever. Chris Elliot was a genius in that. My hubs *might* be a little obsessed with Bob & Ray, so that extends to the next generation and Chris.
And having a daughter who appreciates your humor, who you can make jokes with, and she will giggle away? Priceless.
(Just watch out and make sure you don’t accidentally call Mark “Sparkles” in the wrong, ahem, moment.)
Varda -
That was the best show. I didn’t want to go on and on . . . but Bob Elliott as his father? Swoon!
That show was just awesome.
Remember when Chris was going to be a male escort?
Hee hee!
Oh my God. I am dying.
Tears run down my face.
And I blame you for me having Taco Bell for dinner last night.
Mmm steak quesadilla with a side of Rhino ass-fat!
Tasty!
Stasha -
You know I love to make you giggle!
Yay!
You should so make the picture Lady Estrogen sent you a button And link it to the Rhino Ass-fat post. I would so put that in my sidebar!
People would wonder… “What the fuck is this all about?”
Hee hee!
Stasha -
A secret?
I think some people are all what-the-fuck-is-that-all-about with respect to my post today.
I am all giggly.
Someone told me the other day I was worrying too much about what people wanted . . . that I should just write for me.
Yay!
Plus also?
Fuck it.
Snort.
So did y’all ever figure out what he was doing or who he was? People watching is so much fun.
Mandie -
Nope. No idea.
We were too busy giggling to care.
No clue.
I think I missed the point of this.
Perhaps because I never saw Get a Life?
And no.
I am so not younger than you.
I kept waiting for you to say that he was the orthodontist.
That would have been hilarious … to me anyway!
Not to worry though.
I am going to click the link you included in your comment.
And then?
I will get the life I so apparently need.
Sue -
You are ridiculous. What sort of awesome life would I have if that sort of thing happened? And how would I not recognize my daughter’s orthodontist if he was posing sassily in the elevator with me?
I would so recognize him.
Or did you mean that Chris Elliott should have been the orthodontist?
That would also have been awesome.
Silly you.
Um, yeah.
A substitute orthodontist?
It was funny when it was in my head.
You make me giggle.
You so do.
I just want to go on record here that it appears that since I’ve stopped ignoring you and treating you like garbage that you’ve stopped visiting and commenting so I think you’re one of those women who are all, like, ‘HE’S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ME SO I MUST PEACOCK!’ and then when I DO pay attention to you you’re all, like, ‘meh.’
Or, you know, maybe you’re just busy with the orthodontist elevator posts. Either one, really.
Hmmm . . . Mr. Moooooog?
I read all of your posts. You are a genius.
But?
I rarely comment. You have a wonky comment system that does not lend itself to conversation. I like the back and forth.
So I will read.
And I will love.
So there.
Also?
If you really want a comment?
You can Make Me Come.
Like everyone else.
Snort!
Also?
What’s off in the distance while I am over here being all alluring?
You know you want me.
Of course I want you. I mean..seriously…
..and it seems weird that I have to fill out a form to make you come. Usually when I’m required to do that it’s for a credit check.
Moooooog -
Fill out the form, babe.
I am all kinds demanding that way.
I’m sure your credit is fabulous.
So get over it.
I’m not like everyone else.
Fill out the form . . . I comment everywhere I am invited.
You are a genius . . . it’s not hard . . . you can do it.
women.
Nah.
Just me.
Woman.
Hear me roar.
Ahem.
Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog35, Kris is SPARKLING
heeee
Kris,
I have a side job selling jewelry and when someone asks me the name of a piece of jewelry and I don’t know–I just say “Oh that one is Sparkle Fun”
Loved the link
that is all
Amy -
You clicked the link?
Oh, I love you more now.
His face when he takes his shirt off to pose topless?
Dead.
I am dead.
Of course I clicked the link!
I am all obedient like that
ahem
WHAT?
You are running now?
I do not even know you!
actually you used to run, right? On a treadmill? I am just following in your footsteps
heee
Geez, you are scaring me with your attention to the details of my life.
Yes, I used to run. On a treadmill and forever ago? Out in the real wild world.
And before that on Track and Cross-Country teams.
Really.
I am more walky these days.
And sitty.
But you?
GO!
be afraid,
be very afraid
I am watching you and
posing –is that something I see in the distance?
YES a stalker
Amy -
I do love a stalker.
Happy posing sighs.
I do not get it. I am far too busy checking my watch as I order some bacon to understand the references.
Ehhem.
And lol @ you being called a peacock!
I am all preeny over here . . . what with my tail feathers and my rhino ass-fat.
Hee hee!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!
I would so not have been able to have been quiet. My daughter and I would have been snickering the whole entire time!!! When our humour clicks it gets very giggly!
Now my son, he would have gotten off at another floor and used the stairs to get away from me… I started to hum along in the grocery store one afternoon and he got all offended.
Okay, so I made it worse but starting to dance in the aisle but it was an empty aisle…
I know, I AM that Mom.
Gotta say, made a ho-hum visit to the orthodontist much more entertaining!!
M
Mishelle -
Guess what? YOU GET ME! This post was not about a television show . . . it was about a moment of silliness with my daughter.
Seriously . . . I love that you got that.
Also? Get A Life was an awesome show. Not the point of today’s post, but an awesome show.
Yay!
Kris
Yea me!!
Strike a pose! Woot!!
M
Seriously . . . You make me very happy.
Happy sighs.
Also?
I imagine you now as Madonna, all striking a pose.
Hee hee!
I’m impressed at the self-control you and Maj showed.
When I try to do discreet mocking with my kids one of them will invariably snort, or worse, not get the whispered joke and say – loudly – “What do you mean he’s just like the woman with the granny panties?”
Lori -
Snort! I know!
Sometimes, Maj is fabulous.
Yay!
I had forgotten about this show! I think I may have also been a bit too young to truly appreciate its genius. Because now in retrospect? It was fucking genius. I wonder if Netflix has it….
I will have to start indoctrinating Boo to my jokes, television, and humor so I will have someone who gets my jokes. Hub is one who would look at me ::blink blink:: and then in a nice conference call booming voice “What do you mean he looks like an executive transvestite? I don’t get it.”
*sigh*
Ms. WTH -
I need to go see if this show is available on Netflix.
That would be awesome.
I have described it to Maj, but she has never seen it.
Yay at the thought!
Hmmph.
A few episodes are packaged together on Netflix, but without a release date.
I will have to do more research.
Ooohh.. that Rhino Ass Fat is lookin’ good; I just wanna take a giant bite. lol.
I’m eager as to your next fuckin’ bizarre post title that will make my designer juices (along with others) flowing.
x
Lady Estrogen -
I will endeavor to keep the fucking bizarre flowing.
So as to keep your creative juices flowing.
Ahem.
I have never seen that show.
But my daughter and I are terrible about seeing things the same way. And then having to keep a straight face.
Until the coast is clear.
Renee -
Maj and I were all stealthy in our mirth.
Hee hee!
Pretty sure.
Ahem.
Thanks. I’ll try to keep from sliding off my chair :0
Oops, I clicked on the wrong Reply thread.
O well… it’s late and you get the fuckin’ point. xox
Bwhahahahaha!
Oh, that’s fabulous!
My Mom and I set each other off… inside jokes, similar humor… and it always lends in tears and helpless wheezing.
We would have been right there with you, with or without the Get A Life references.
Yay!
I do love connecting in helpless laughter and wheezing.
Happy sighs.
Have never heard of this, but I think I have seen these poses.
Will check youtube!
and I love bacon, its a staple.
Bacon goes with everything.
Even rhino ass-fat.
Duh.