OK, first? Today is Leah’s last day as Psychophant of the Month.
How I love Leah. I will be sad to see her photo go.
Her photo makes my blog look all sexy! In fact? One misguided male reader thought Leah was me. That I had put up my own photo . . . that I was my own psychophant. He thought he was all horny genius.
I may have let him believe that for a short while. So fun!
But tomorrow is a new beginning.
So if you have been reading but have not yet clicked on Leah to check out her link despite the fact that I have bossed you many times?
I took Maj to the orthodontist this morning to get her braces adjusted. As we are waiting for the elevator, a man comes to wait with us. He is 35, maybe. Well-dressed, dark hair, blue eyes . . . a guy who pays slovenly sleepy-faced me and 11 year old Maj no attention whatsoever.
We stand together, and just as the elevator is about to open, a group of three women who face the morning much more enthusiastically than I do come up behind us. They are all chatty and caffeinated and cute.
The elevator doors start to open, but instead of stepping into the elevator like a normal person?
The man gets all weird. He turns suddenly and looks back into the parking garage. Brings his hand up over his eyes as though shielding them from the sun . . . What’s that over there? He holds the pose for a few seconds with no explanation and then turns to step into the elevator.
We all turn to look, because obviously there must be something over there.
Hmmm . . . nothing.
Plus also? It is pouring rain this morning and we are standing inside of a covered parking garage.
What the fuck with the shading of the eyes?
We all step into the elevator, and as the man stands handsomely and falsely for female inspection, I lean down to whisper into Maj’s ear, “Someone perhaps thinks he is Sparkles.”
Maj buries her face in my side and giggles hysterically.
Please tell me that my daughter is not the only one who gets that joke.
You’ve seen that show, right? Get A Life.
Brian Doyle Murray as modeling instructor to Chris Elliott’s male model wannabe . . . The Handsome Boy Modeling School. In an intensive one-week course, Chris Elliott is taught several important career-making poses like . . .
Let me just check what time it is . . . In which the model stands jauntily and looks down at his watch with slightly cocked head and raised eyelids, arm bent and fingers extended.
I would like a side order of bacon with that. . . feet planted slightly apart, erect posture, arm outstretched, pointer finger in the air, face beseeching and yet commanding.
And finally, my personal favorite . . .
What’s off in the distance while I’m over here being handsome?
A pose elevator boy did to perfection.
Oh my god . . . Get a Life . . . that was a funny show.
In the episode I am remembering, the instructor goes around the room and asks for the students’ names. The student next to Chris announces that his name is a breathy sexy Sapphire. Oooh . . . everyone is all impressed . . . what an awesome male model name!
The instructor turns to Chris, “What was your name, again?”
And Chris Elliot thinks for a minute and announces that he will be . . . Sparkles.
So much giggling at that memory.
OK, so Maj and I are both giggling about Sparkles the male model. The women get off at the second floor and Sparkles travels handsomely with us up to the third floor. He walks ahead of us and we watch as he heads into an office . . . He walks through the open door, stops, raises a hand and extends one finger in the general direction of the receptionist.
I elbow Maj.
It’s the . . . I would like a side order of bacon pose!
As we watch? He pulls out an iPad and ostentatiously taps away as he stands handsomely.
It’s the modern version of . . . Let me just check what time it is!
It’s a trifecta of awesomeness! All three poses done to perfection!
As we walk past, I check out Handsome Boy’s suit and his ass, which he is clearly angling perfectly for maximum appreciation.
I imagine the voice-over (in my mind, this is Tim Gunn speaking) . . .
The overall silhouette commands attention while gently guiding the eye to the groin area without betraying the muted beauty of the buttocks region.
That’s a quote from Get a Life, by the way.
An awesome fucking show.
I want a bean burrito from Taco Bell . . . with some Rhino Ass-Fat.
Look what the fabulous Lady Estrogen made for me after reading yesterday’s post!
Hold on . . . and . . . POSE . . . Can I get a side of bacon with that?