People? If you have not yet checked out the Featured Bloggers for this week?
Do that . . . three amazing posts from three amazing writers.
Chris, Sarie, and David are just over there on the right side of this page . . .
Or you can read the post I put up in introduction.
Back here? We are in the midst of Spring Break.
Spring Break is not actually a break for me, as it turns out.
Maj and Kallan are playing Yahtzee together.
It is going better than you might expect.
They finish the game and add up their respective scores.
Kallan beats her sister and dances a triumphant dance of bad sportsmanship around the room.
Maj comes to me, her eyes filled with outrage, “Mother, she cheated. I need you to verify her score, because there is no way she beat me. No way.”
Kallan is falsely incredulous, “Maj, are you calling your beloved sister a liar? I cannot even believe what I am hearing! I beat you fair and square. It’s called strategy, sister of mine. You should try it sometime.”
Maj puts her hands on her hips, “I am calling you a liar and a cheater and a scoundrel. I supervised the entry of all your points, and there is no way you added correctly. You’re a liar.”
Kallan spins happily, “What I am is a winner. I know how that hurts you, but that’s the truth.”
Maj glares at her, “I am not hurt, I am disgusted. I am never playing with you again unless you admit you cheated and admit you lost.”
Kallan stops spinning and brings her face right up to Maj’s. Her voice is filled with angry self-righteous confrontation, “I am not admitting anything. You’re just a bad loser. I won and that is the truth.”
I swipe my hands between them, “Alright, Kallan. Maybe you did win. Maybe that is the truth. There is no need to sound so hostile.”
Kallan turns to me, “Sometimes the truth is hostile, Mom. In fact? That’s my new motto . . . The truth is hostile.”
I laugh, “That’s your new motto? The truth is hostile?”
Kallan flaps her score sheet in the air between us and fires an imaginary gun at me with her free hand, “That right, Mom. Deal with it. Deal with the hostile truth.”
“Well then . . . in the interest of hostile truth,” I reach to take Kallan’s score sheet from her fingers, “Let me just take a look.”
Kallan grabs for the paper, “Ummmm . . . no need to do that, Mom. I can recheck my math myself.”
“No, I’ll do it. Since we’re being all hostile and truthful . . . I’ll do it.”
Kallan stands next to me as I add up her scores. I work some quick addition, “Hmmm . . . seems like you added incorrectly here on the top, babe. Which means your top score isn’t high enough to get you bonus points.”
Kallan is stunned. STUNNED!
She flaps her arms and does little gasps of disbelief, “Really? I cannot even believe that!”
I run my finger along the bottom section, “Something’s off down here as well.”
“Really? I cannot imagine how that happened.”
Maj snorts angrily.
In the end, Kallan loses to her sister by 78 points.
Maj dances around the room, “I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!”
Kallan sighs, “Tell Maj she should be a little more understanding of an honest mistake or two. Also? She is being all bad sporty. I am very disappointed in her.”
Maj races from the room, crowing about her victory.
Kallan turns to go as well, but I grab her hand, “Weird . . . you are so good at math in school. Strange a small bit of addition would trip you up like this.
Kallan eyes me thoughtfully, “I know, right? I am all disappointed in my inability to transfer school skills to the real world. You need to talk to my teacher about this.”
“Yes, but in the meantime? I need you to do some chores. Thirty minutes worth. I’ll set a timer, because I see that you are having trouble with counting. You can start with your bathroom.”
“That is outrageous! You cannot punish me like that for a math mistake!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I am punishing you for being a liar and a cheater and a scoundrel. Scoundrels clean bathrooms.”
“I AM TIRED OF ALL THESE CHORES!”
“I know, right? You’d think you’d learn.”
“Are you suggesting this is my fault? This is all your doing, Mom.”
“Whatever, scoundrel child.”
Kallan glares at me in challenge, “I don’t think you are even allowed to punish me this way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Do you even have the proper punishing permits? I’m going to need to see your permits.”
Annoying.
“Listen, little girl. Only permit I need is your birth certificate. Let me get it out and we can read the fine print together. I assure you . . . I am granted all kinds of punishing power. All . . . kinds . . . of . . . power.”
We stare at each other for a moment as Kallan considers my words.
She turns and heads slowly up the stairs to her bathroom.
I call after her, “Oooooh . . . guess what? That was some hostile truth right there!”
She turns to stare at me, puzzled for a second.
“Your motto, remember?”
The truth is hostile.
Silly girl.
Haha.
It’s going to be a long week at your house. For either Kallan or you. Or both?
A -
This was just a small moment in a mostly lovely day.
We went on a walk. We played games. We went to a movie (Rango sucks, by the way). The girls helped me make dinner.
But the small moments of conflict are more fun to blog.
They so are.
Oh No!!!!
Rango sucks?? Tell me it isn’t true! Johnny Depp wouldn’t betray me like that! Would he??
Shit.
It had moments, but overall?
SOOOOOO boring.
So boring.
Mommy is taking notes because you are amazing! We’ve been lurking for a little while now, and your skill at recounting dialogue and storytelling is amazing… and I’m a little in love with your super smart daughters!
Cole -
I take lots of notes, and especially during this week of togetherness with my daughters? There is lots of conversation and lots of interesting dialogue flying about.
Thank you!
When i was a teenager, my mother and I used to play Boggle in the summertime. Well, until I started beating her. Consistently. She insisted it was because I wrote so tiny so I was able to write my words faster than she did. Then she just plan out wouldn’t play with me anymore. Talk about sore loser…
Sharon -
My mother used to kick our asses in every game we played.
Seriously . . . she never ever let us win.
And when we started beating her, she would up the ante and demand that we wager titles (like Queen or your Royal Highness) or chores.
My mother is very competitive.
As am I.
As are my children.
Weird how that works.
Was there punishment gloating by Maj? She always complains that you don’t punish Kallan as she sees fit. Seems like this is a great opportunity to point out your equal evil mothering skills!
Lindsay -
Of course there was punishment gloating by Maj.
Of course there was.
Maj is always Maj.
Maj never disappoints.
I dream of the day I can use cleaning the bathroom as a punishment – my daughter would just ransack it: empty the trash can into the toilet and teepee the entire room.
Yes, I dream.
I love reading of these battles. It is arming me for the future.
Punishment permit.. Snort!
Kelly -
Kallan has done stuff like that in the past . . . but she has learned that just makes the job bigger. No way am I letting her walk away from a t-p’d bathroom. She doesn’t generally do an AWESOME job. She does just enough to move on with her day.
Kallan is always Kallan.
Punishing permits? I just went ahead without a permit. Enjoy your week!
Brenda -
Sassy child with her permit requirements.
As if.
Sounds like you’re having a great time this week and just think, it’s only Tuesday.
I don’t know how you stay all cool and laughy in these situations. I can’t stand it when my girls behave that way. It makes me all sorts of crazy and cranky. I don’t want to be cranky.
Chris makes me crazy and cranky at times too.
Maybe I’m just a cranky person. In that case, you should feel bad for my family. They suffer.
Christina -
I have my moments of anger, but I try to stay cool and laughy (your words).
The days are so much easier if I am cool and laughy.
But I have the other sorts of days as well.
I so do.
LOL Yes my words are not really words at times. I very much grew up with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They made up words all the time and it just sort of stuck.
We make up words here all the time.
Just wanted to give you credit.
I love “laughy!”
And I have never watched Buffy. Not even one time. I am not a fan of vampire shows. At all.
Ah, okay
Well laughy is indeed mine, not Buffy’s lol.
I am only a fan of Buffy in the way of vampire shows. It has nothing to do with vampires and everything to do with me as a teenager.
Ummm . . . but there are vampires.
lol..yes lots of vampires
So it’s the vampire itself that you don’t like. Too cheesy? Stupid? Sends the wrong message?
Vampires are ridiculous unless they appear in a story written by Christopher Moore.
That’s the only exception.
Punishment permit…. Love it. What do I love most? How quick you were to come up with the birth certificate. No way I would have been that quick. No way!!! (So thanks. Your hints give me hope…I file them away carefully!)
Sam -
Snort!
It was the only permit I could think of in the moment.
As for filing it away? Your kids will come at you with completely different things for which you will be completely unprepared.
That’s how parenthood works, I have found.
There is very little useful preparation you can do.
You just have to roll with the punches.
And laugh.
Man….my kids start Spring break on Monday, and this post was a reminder for me, that I will be working double time. Ugh!!
Also,”Hostile Truth” would be an awesome name for a blog!
Jennifer -
No you don’t.
No changing your blog name again.
Stop that.
Laughed and smiled all the way through this. My girls did too. They can’t seem to stop reading you over my shoulder…when it’s g-rated of course.
Brandy -
As long as you read through first to be sure of the rating?
I love the image of your girls reading along!
Love that.
You know what?
The truth can be sadly hostile at times.
Are you sure Kallan is only nine?
HA!
I love that you are now Stay-sha.
And Kallan is a sassy nine . . . ten in July.
I know!
I know.
I love it! The only permit I need is your birth certificate! And her *disappointment* in her inability to transfer school skills to the real world…man, she’s good!
I am dreading spring break, we start on Friday. I have a 10, 7, and 4 year old.
The 4 year old has already learned to say, “I’m bored, but I don’t feel like cleaning.” She already knows that a bored mind gets a chore. :)
Pam -
I also hand out chores when people are bored! They are learning not to use that word. In the meantime, the house is all straightened and neat! Yay!
Good luck with your Spring Break.
We are actually having a great time over here, but the moments of conflict are more fun to write and share.
Hee hee!
The truth IS pretty fucking hostile. Often more so than lies…
Kallan has some wisdom, that’s for sure. It’s a shame she’s too corrupt in her burgeoning tweeness to use it. Ha!
Sorry for the barrage of “read me-s!” today, I think I got a little carried away…. :)
CJ -
I know! Sometimes the girls say more than they realize.
As for your posts? I am always surprised that more people don’t do that . . . submit a bunch of posts. I am looking forward to reading and commenting!
Thank you!
I can’t wait to punish with chores! CAN’T WAIT.
Bad children = Built-in cleaners.
Tra la la!
Tra la la?
You make me giggle.
spring break might not be fun for you but it is making for some great posts and I am having a week where I need a nightly dose of PAT
Yay!
I am glad you are enjoying these posts. As my days are all girls all the time, my posts are daughter-oriented this week. So happy you are enjoying these posts.
YAY!