People?
If you have not yet clicked on Amy’s adorable Psychophanty face, DO THAT!
She is just over there on the right . . . click.
Amy’s link is to The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.
Still Spring Break here. The girls and I went on a hike along the Willamette River this afternoon. So today, for your reading pleasure, I present . . .
Ten Bits of Hiking Conversation
1) Maj, as she squats to photograph a small dead mole . . .
“Kallan, use the stick to pose him naturally. Yes, I know he’s dead. Turn the obviously dead side away from me. This other side is still cute. Awwww . . . Mr. Mole! You’re adorable! Stay sitting up so I can get your good side. Does anyone have a Lifesaver candy for him to hold? What? That would be a cute picture.”
2) Kallan, after playing well-behaved naturalist for a group of onlookers . . .
“Are they gone? Because this snake wants to ride on a stick. I can just tell. Come here, adventure snake!”
3) Maj, as she tries to photograph some daffodils . . .
“Would someone please have a word with these flowers? They are turning their faces away and ruining my photo. Oh fine! Now they won’t even talk to me! Since when are flowers so uncooperative?”
4) Maj, as we stand and watch a screaming happy boy try to reel in his catch . . .
“Someone ought to tell that boy he didn’t catch a fish, he caught a dead beaver. Or maybe a log. Or a chunk of dinosaur poo. Anyway, it’s not worth reeling in, whatever it is. Cut the line, young man!”
5) Kallan, to her sister in an overly casual voice . . .
“Did you read about the Oregonian Tick Swarms that have been descending on hikers lately?”
6) Kallan, to her hunched and hooded sister in a helpful voice . . .
“Yeah, your hood should protect you from the tick swarms. Tuck in all your hair, though . . . never know when you might meet a tick who has read Rapunzel. Better not to play the princess where ticks are concerned.”
7) Maj, after stomping the remains of several hatched goose-eggs and reveling in the crunching sound they make beneath her feet . . .
“I do enjoy a quality crack. Ack! Are you kidding me, Kallan? MOTHER, MAKE KALLAN PULL HER PANTS BACK UP! Not that kind of crack, you idiot!”
8) Maj, in a disgusted voice . . .
“Listen, Kallan. It’s nice of you to help the worms across the sidewalk, but hanging them in tree branches undoes that bit of helpfulness. How do you not see that? Oh my god, Kallan . . . that’s ridiculous . . . worms do not dream of skydiving. TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER, MOTHER!”
9) Kallan, hopefully . . .
“I don’t suppose this is the sort of hike where you get a vanilla shake after it’s done, is it? I do like a shake hike. How about if I shake my booty from here all the way back to the car and then we stop for shakes on the way home? Shake for a shake. Mom, that does so make sense. How does that not make sense?”
10) Maj, thoughtfully, as she draws imaginary arm-chopping boundaries in the air that section off perhaps 500 yards of the Willamette River . . .
“Let’s say we were able to remove all of the river water from here . . . to here . . . how many dead bodies do you think we would find? Wait, Mother . . . that’s not the end of the question. It’s a two-parter. How many bodies would we find and how many of them would be people we know?”
Wait . . . what?
And yes, we stopped for shakes on the way home.
Duh.
Yay for my adorable face!! And never had a tick yet. Hoping to keep it that way!
OMG SO AWESOME I AM THE FIRST COMMENT!!! THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER! I HAVE BEEN DE-VIRGINIZED ON PRETTY ALL TRUE!!!!
Amy -
I knew I would have my way with you sooner or later.
Ahem.
Me
For some reason I envisioned this moment having more… horses….
Neigh!
Giddy-up!
I love shake for a shake. That would get my booty shakin’!
Roxanne -
I gotta say . . . the idea of a vanilla shake was very motivating.
Counterproductive.
But motivating.
Shake for a shake…this is now my new bargaining ploy for sex. I will provide sex, but he has to then provide a shake for when it’s over. I love it!
Maggie -
That is an awesome plan!
I do like a yummy vanilla shake.
Jack in the Box . . . my favorite.
Swoon!
Those funnel cake things they make over at jack in the box? Also freaking delicious.
Jack has totally got the dessert thing down.
Maybe that is why his head looks like a ginormous toppled over ice-cream cone.
Haven -
Hmmm . . . I am not so much a fan of funnel cakes, but if the crazy big-headed ice cream man is selling them?
Maybe.
Let me think about it.
Man oh man they just never stop, do they? Your daughters are one of a kind (well, of each kind, LOL!). And congrats, Amy ;-)
Sharon -
They never ever stop.
Ack.
Thank you!! :)
A lifesaver to HOLD??? I was laughing so hard I could barely read it aloud to my husband.
He was kind of horrified.
I’m still giggling.
CJ -
Maj was sad to learn no one had a Lifesaver candy.
And then the mole fell over on his back.
His photos are not lifelike.
Snort!
Number seven killed me. Dead.
Dead.
Abigail -
That joke, as you might imagine, continued for quite a while.
Kallan does enjoy a quality crack joke.
Snort!
You could have informed them of two possible candidates
for dead bodies in the drained river. You did come home
with both of them alive right? I’m listening to my two
in the tub together and the screaming is about to make me…
Bath then bed.
Bath then bed.
Bath then bed,
then chocolate lava cake for me. Yes, much better.
Sue -
Kallan was unconcerned with dead bodies.
And Maj is sometimes macabre.
But chocolate lava cake?
That sounds yummy.
I can’t stand it when I am trying to take pictures of flowers and they are not cooperating.
Jessica -
Daffodils are especially sassy, according to Maj.
They hide their faces.
Snort!
See, I learned my lesson, and I was totally NOT drinking anything as I read this. And good thing too, because I did laugh loud enough to scare my dogs, who then went on a barking rampage, and are now wrestling over who gets to sit in the electric wheelchair. So now I have to explain to The Mate why his wheelchair has been moved to a room with the door closed where he can’t get to it, so I have to bring it out for him to use it. It’s all your fault, and I’m going to get a shake now.
Michy -
Now that you are done reading, you will be safe with a drink.
Jack in the Box makes yummy shakes.
Happy sighs.
Love those guys!
So happy to have caused all the uproar at your house!
Yay me!
Ahem.
We don’t even have a Jack In The Box. I’m so depraved.
DEPRIVED! I meant deprived!
On the plus side, they are now exhausted, and sleeping all over as if somebody set off a sleep-potion-smoke-bomb in here. I should follow their example, but I’m going to wash the dishes first.
Hmmph.
So where do you get your shakes? Or do you make them? That’s also good, but requires effort. I am not a big fan of effort.
But you? You who is staying up to do the dishes?
You might be a person who is willing to put in effort.
I generally have to settle for Dairy Queen shakes until the small local places open up for the summer. Blizzards are okay, but I make better. If I can be arsed to actually DO it.
Now that dishes are done, I’m crawling off to bed. Anyway, I only stayed up to do them because I slept until like, 5PM today. I love working at home.
YOU SLEPT UNTIL 5:00 pm???
I am jealous.
Hmmmph.
Does it help that I had stayed up for two days beforehand, and went to sleep at 11AM? I have a totally odd schedule, since we don’t work outside the home, and have no kids here to keep track of.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you by your comments here alone.
Hee! I live a life of.. uh, luxury. Or something. Or maybe insanity. I’m not sure which. Either way, it’s pretty fun!
Alright, yes.
That helps.
Hey, did you think that maybe Maj knows the answer to number ten? And maybe it’s not zero?
Ooooh . . . this could get interesting.
Liz -
I know, right?
A woman less confident that her children harbor no homicidal tendencies might be concerned.
Because what the fuck, Maj?
What the fuck?
How do you keep a straight face around Maj and Kallan? Seriously?
I giggle a lot.
A LOT.
You would have to promise me a shake to get me out hiking. It is sad…but very true.
I want to see the mole pictures!
Tracie -
The mole was not cooperative and refused to stay sitting up. In his photo? He just looks dead.
Check it out . . .
http://www.prettyalltrue.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/deadmoleIMG_3446.jpg
I love that she wanted him to hold a lifesaver!! but yeah he totally looks dead. lol
He was actually sort of cute and fuzzy and plump when she had him sitting for a second.
But yeah, then he fell over.
And just looked dead.
Against my better judgment, I piggy-backed on this comment just to check out the mole picture.
Ugh.
It looks like he got run over by Mr. Toad’s runaway car.
A Life Saver, though ironic, would not have helped.
Snort!
He was actually not flat at all . . . he did look pretty good when viewed from the right angle. And he sat up for a second.
But yeah . . . he was beyond lifesaving.
Snort!
ugh I hate ticks!! I don’t get them too much unless I go walking in the field with the tall grass :)
Your girls are too funny!!! and I really do think Worms dream of sky diving!
Amber -
Maj does not understand her sister. At all.
Skydiving worms.
That’s just ridiculous.
Snort!
I swear sometimes my dog thinks she’s a cat. You know or a lap dog when she clearly isn’t. So why can’t worms wanna sky dive! lol.
You and Kallan would get along just fine.
I have tears from laughing so hard! ZOMG! And that mole picture reminded me of how my cats would pile them up like cordwood on the Welcome mat outside the back door, just waiting to show off. I was so proud – ugh, not even. I couldn’t look; I had to squint my eyes as I shoveled them off the porch.
My Spring Vacations were never as much fun as you wacky bunch are having. Thanks ever so much for sharing. I bookmarked this post to read again when it’s needed for giggle therapy. *grin*
So very very happy to have made you laugh.
Yay!
Our dogs would love to catch moles, but they are too slow and stupid (the dogs, not the moles), and so they just stare confusedly at the pushed up tunnels in our back yard lawn.
We don’t have a cat.
Hmmm.
We have a long bad history with cats.
Probably better to have moles.
Hey! Where’s the Vote button at the bottom of the Mobile style page? It’s missing.
Silly you.
I took Pretty All True off that voting site recently.
Thank you for looking for the link, though!
It’s gone.