“I am not listening to you! I need to talk to Mom! Mom is going to straighten you out!”
“Leave your mother alone. She has a headache and she needs some quiet. You’re going to have to talk to me.”
“I will not talk to you! You are being mean!”
Mark’s voice is frustrated, “I am not being mean. I told you to keep your hands off of the plate of cookies. Why did you touch them?”
“Daddy, they needed to be rearranged on the plate. I followed your directions . . . I just rearranged the cookies. And then you yelled at me and you were mean!”
“With your hands, Kallan. You rearranged the cookies with your hands.”
“Mommy! Daddy is being mean to me!”
I sink into the bathtub and pretend I cannot hear their conversation.
Mark is exasperated, “Kallan, you can’t keep running away every time you get in trouble. Either come down here and talk to me or go to bed.”
“Mommy! Daddy is threatening me with mean choices!”
“Stop talking to your mother.”
“Mommy!”
I don’t answer. I breathe deeply and try to relax.
“Mommy!”
I lie back in the water and sink my head below the surface.
Her voice is muffled now, “Mommy!”
Much better.
“Mommy?”
I feel the vibrations of her stompy feet as Kallan heads back down the stairs to talk to her Daddy.
I reach forward to add some hot water to the bath. I want the water hot . . . as hot as I can stand it. So hot that when I step out of the tub in a bit, my body will be a bright flushed color. So hot that I can feel the heat in each individual hair follicle as my head sinks below the surface. So hot that it is difficult to breathe. So hot that it feels as though my fingernails will pop right off of my fingers, the flesh beneath them swollen with blood.
Yes.
So hot that this headache is forced for a minute to flow from my head through the rest of my body.
That hot.
Tears run from my eyes and into the water . . . I try to relax into the pain.
Into the heat.
I run more hot water.
Breathe.
Eventually, I slip from the bathtub into the bedroom and lie down for a bit. Flat on my back, towel over my face to block the light and sound of the day. My headache a pulsing mass that bruises me from within. I lie very still and pass in and out of consciousness for twenty minutes or so.
I am pulled into the world again by a whisper, “Mommy?”
I whisper as well, “Yes, Kallan?”
“Are you well enough for me to tell on Daddy yet?”
“No, babe. No, I am not.”
“He was very bad. You will want to hear of his misbehavior.”
“Maybe later.”
Kallan climbs up onto the bed with me and snuggles into my side.
I remove the towel from my face and turn sideways to pull Kallan into me. My headache shifts within me. Fuck.
Kallan whispers, “Does this voice hurt you? If I talk like this, does it hurt you?”
I kiss her head, “No, babe. That voice is fine.”
She wiggles happily and whispers, “OK, so Daddy made cookies and he told me that I could take them off of the pan with the spatula and I did that job, but then they needed to be scooted on the plate so they looked good. And then Daddy said DO NOT TOUCH ALL OF THE COOKIES JUST CHOOSE ONE but Mom I was not choosing a cookie I was just rearranging them which yes used my fingers but since I wasn’t choosing a cookie I didn’t really think his directions applied to me and then Maj flipped out because I touched the cookies with my fingers which I guess I should have thought of because she always flips out when you touch food with your fingers even though I used hand sanitizer somewhere in there and so then she was screaming and Daddy got all mad about how I never listen to directions and he was all scary and mean and he yelled at me and so then I came upstairs and then you wouldn’t answer even though I know you could hear me and then Daddy said I had to come downstairs and talk or go to bed and to leave you alone. But someone has to talk to him because he was bad.”
Sigh.
I talk into Kallan’s hair, “So did you go back downstairs and talk to Daddy?”
“Yes.”
“You apologized for touching the cookies?”
“Yes.”
“Did Daddy explain why he was angry with you?”
“Yes.”
“Did you guys work it out?”
“Yes.”
“Did you get to eat a cookie?”
“Yes.”
“So what’s the problem, exactly?”
Kallan scooches away from me and stands on the bed, “Let me show you . . . this is what he looked like.”
She stands tall on the bed, towering over me. She glares down at me and pulls her lips into a thin angry line. She leans over a bit from her waist and brings her hands to her hips.
And then she screams down at me, her words vibrating and bouncing inside my skull, “KALLAN! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN? I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE COOKIES!”
Ow.
Kallan sinks back into the bed with me and whispers again, “Did you see how scary he was? Did you see how tall he was? Tell Daddy to stop being angry from above.”
Sigh.
I kiss her head and pull her close again, “I heard Daddy being angry with you. He was not unreasonable and he did not scream at you. Daddy gets to tell you not to touch the cookies, you know.”
“I know.”
“Daddy gets to be upset with you when you don’t follow directions.”
“I know.”
“Daddy gets to discipline you if you are not behaving.”
“I know.”
“And it sounds like Daddy and you worked this out.”
“I know.”
“So basically, you want me to tell him to stop being tall.”
Kallan giggles, “Yes . . . tell him to lie down if he wants to be mad. I don’t like him to be angry from above.”
I giggle into her shoulder.
We giggle together.
Mark comes to find us, “Is Kallan in here telling on me?”
“Little bit.”
Mark sighs, “Kallan, we already worked this out.”
I pat the bed, “Wait, babe. Before you say anything else, lie down with us.”
Kallan giggles happily.
Hee hee!
lol, Kallan reminds me of my little girl in this story. Both in the “But these directions didn’t mean THIS. I had a REASON for doing it my way.” attitude and the telling on the other parent.
You told it so well, I could feel that headache.
Kallan always has an explanation. She always has a reason. She always feels she is in the right. Always.
She also has the ability to be completely caught up in a moment . . . to be swept away by emotion and imagination and hurt.
Sigh.
Love that girl.
She is me.
Oh Wow. Yeah. The arguing and qualifying is very similar to what I get from my toddler. She starts her argument b y saying, “Well, Mommy,”
Brandi -
Sigh.
So much harder when I have a headache. Harder to smooth hurt feelings. Harder to laugh. Harder to care.
Just harder.
And Kallan is always Kallan, regardless of what’s going on with me.
Kallan is always Kallan.
*Sigh*
I can relate to Kallan in this. As a kid unpleasant emotions, especially my father’s, were way too overwhelming for me.
And I remember seeking out my mom for comfort.
I rarely found what I was looking for with her, but I still have never stopped seeking.
Love this today Kris. Love that you cuddled Kallan even though it was inconvenient.
Haven -
Sigh.
Mark was not overly angry or emotional, but I always project myself into the girls’ dealings with their Daddy.
Always.
It’s impossible not to.
Sigh.
Mark is awesome and he is not my father.
At all.
But when Kallan says she needs him to stop being “angry from above?”
Sigh.
Yeah.
That takes me back to another time and place.
Poor Mark.
Hehe. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disparage your poor hubby. From what I have read he sounds like a wonderful father.
But like you said, it is hard not to mix our own story in with the one we are hearing about.
I mostly meant to compliment you on this excellent moment of mom’ing!
Nah, I knew where you were coming from.
Just felt the need to mention that in these sorts of discussions?
More than just adult-Kris is involved.
Anyway.
My Ethan is like your Kallan in many ways (I believe I have already mentioned my plans for an arranged marriage?), always with the explanations as to why he is right and the rules don’t really apply to him and he wasn’t breaking them really if you interpret them his way, which is. of course. the right way. Sigh.
I hope your headache went away, and you were able to enjoy the rest of your family time. And tell Mark to be less tall.
Varda -
My headache has decided to linger into today.
Less . . . but lingering.
Yay!
And Mark is Mark.
The perfect height.
I get where Kallan is coming from (I so do), but Mark is the perfect height.
I hope your headache goes far far away really soon.
I could never keep my hands off the cookies either.
Michy -
Headache is here, but less.
Cookies are yummy.
Ahem.
My grandma likes to tell the story of me going out to get a cookie from the cookie jar… the rule was always JUST ONE. Well, this time, apparently, I figured out a way around that, and they heard me exclaim quite loudly, “Oh no, two stuck together!”
*snrk*
Snort!
Kallan would so pull a trick like that.
She so would.
Hey, anything for cookies!
Kallan agrees.
I completely sympathize with Kallan! He was being a Cookie Hitler! ;)
Also, migraines suck.
Adriana -
Snort!
Kallan does have a hard time keeping her had off of the cookies.
Mark is so unreasonable!
And yes . . . migraines suck.
Quite a bit.
This is what I have to look forward to?!?! Me no likey!
Right now I contend with food thrown on the floor, whining all the time, and constant nap struggles. The joys of toddlerhood.
What?
This is not a bad moment.
This is a just a moment . . . parenthood is a long road, babe.
And somewhere along the way?
Those toddlers turn into people with opinions of the very grown-up sort.
Buckle up!
Oh I didn’t mean it as a bad day! Should have been more clear on that!
Just meant it as this is what life will be like when the toddler gets opinionated like you said!
Yes!
It is fun, babe.
You’ll see.
Bumpy but fun.
I have had headaches that bad. Where it feels like there is someone in my brain with a pickaxe.
In those moments? I need quiet and darkness.
Love that Kallan was snuggly with you even though she was trying to tell on Mark.
I try to enjoy the snuggly days…
There will be a day when they don’t want to snuggle any more.
I hate migraines.
HATE THEM.
I try to be there for the girls if they need me, but it is very hard.
Snuggly helps.
Sigh.
I would rather have my eyeballs seared out with a hot poker than to have a migraine.
Really.
Yeah, me too.
I skipped the ickier parts of the headache in my description, because that’s not what the post was about.
But yeah . . . me too.
hehehe a bikini. Poor guy can’t win.
Hee hee!
You are the first to mention that tag!
Kallan is a genius!
And Mark can’t win.
You have infinitely more patience than I do at times like this. Until my head is no longer pounding or the girls have killed each other there is no life in me.
And yet? Some times the killing of each other can not be contained in a room that does not contain me and my pounding head.
At least Kallen did stop long enough to consider your pounding head and got all snuggly and quiet(er) before she began to tell on Mark.
How did you manage to teach her that?
Because my girls? Never get all snuggly and quiet(er) before telling on each other. It’s all loud. All the time.
Sigh.
Becky -
I am mostly very patient with the girls, but when I get a migraine, I just do not speak to them when they yell.
I just close my eyes and ignore them.
And then I may go to sleep for a few hours.
They have learned to whisper if they want my attention when I am hurting.
Although Kallan forgets . . . she gets caught up in the drama of whatever story she is trying to share.
Sigh.
Hope the headache is gone… or at least a level you can ignore. I hate migraines and (knock wood) I don’t have that many anymore. Tho one or two a year is pretty bad enough but O know people who have them monthly and I am so very thankful that I do not anymore.
Kinda like to hear the convo that you had with Mark about his being tall… SNORT!!! Mark in a bikini… is it an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie, yellow polka dot bikini?
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Headache is fading, thank you.
I have a long history of migraines, but they are more frequent visitors lately. Tied to hormonal shifts. YAY!
Sigh.
And I imagine Mark like that character Jim Carrey used to play on In Living Color. Am I remembering it correctly? Some female weightlifter who was all girly and horrifically muscled.
Hold on . . . let me go look for it.
Bwahahahaha!
Watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gntgvQ76tHA
I had them a lot in my 20′s and I am very happy they aren’t that frequent anymore but have a sneaking suspicion they’ll be back.
ohman… In Living Colour! What a blast from the past!!
M
Did you watch the clip?
Hee hee!
ohholysweetbabyjebus….
I think I may have woken the kids up with that laugh…
Thank you.
M
ps – did you watch the video off to the right where he does Vanilla Ice?! manohmanohman… thank you.
No! I will go watch now.
I am still giggling.
Oh my god . .. when he gets down on the floor and wiggles like a worm?
Oh my god.
Funny for reasons I can’t even share.
Dying.
Now see that just makes me want to pick till I find out why but I won’t.
I’d say I’m a good girl but I don’t pick at headachey women. It’s a rule!
Thanks for the laughs!
M
I actually remember that episode where he did that Vanilla Ice song. So funny.
I used to love that show.
Man, time flies.
Wow.
i loved that show. and i just watched one of the fire marshall bill episodes……”LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!!” – LOL!!
It was an awesome show!
Hey you. Headaches suck.
Snuggly children who try to be sympathetic to your situation do not.
Feel better soon.
Thanks, you.
Better today than yesterday.
And children who try to be sympathetic?
Are lovely.
Thank you.
I’m sorry you’ve got that kind of wicked headache. I get them too. but mine are the type that try to convince me that if I rip all of my hair out of my skull, it will go away happily and leave me in peace. I haven’t tried it yet, but I come close often. I usually have to drop whatever I’m doing and go to sleep. And if what I’m doing is supervising the tots, then I gotta call someone over to do it. Once I go under, it’s like trying to wake the dead. I guess it makes mine better than yours. Once I go under I don’t hear squat and neither do I care.
Kallan is right about the angry from above. It is scary. Especially when you’re little. I remember my dad getting mad at me when I was 7. He 6′+. I was being really really bad. I remember it all too well and I never ever forgot the way he twisted his face and yelled and bitch. I’m glad y’all could end it in giggles.
Vanita -
I always feel competitive when I mention migraines, which is just so loony. Wait! I have that too and also I have this and this and this! Hee hee! As though it matters that I didn’t set forth all of the horrific symptoms and pain I have. That wasn’t relevant to the post and the story I was trying to tell, so I left it out.
Angry from above always sucks.
I remember that well.
Different circumstances completely, but I remember that well.
Perception is everything.
And Kallan is small.
Looking up.
Sigh.
I hate migraines. And neck spasms that turn int headaches. Though if I had too choose a headache? Ice pick migraines win every time. 10 seconds horrible pain & I’m done.
I like to touch stuff with my fingers too. Though I do wash my hands. A lot. So I am glad Maj doesn’t live here.
And Mark will need to sit when he yells. Even if he isn’t actually yelling. Perception is such a weird thing. It’s been causing me problems lately.
Sigh.
Hope you are feeling better. I like a heating pad myself.
Lizzie -
Ice pick migraines? You mean they are over in ten seconds? Or by “done” do you mean that you go to bed for the rest of the day?
As for Mark sitting when he yells?
He rarely yells.
Actually, that’s part of the problem.
When he gets upset with one of the girls, it’s a much bigger deal to them than when I get upset.
He’s very calm, so the contrast is startling.
Well there are times when someone talks to you in that tone of voice and even though they don’t yell? You feel yelled at.
Ice pick migraines are really painful for the 10 seconds or so that they last. Like someone is stabbing you in the head with an ice pick. Or red hot poker. But then? All gone. No pain No sleepiness.
Yup. Best horrible headache to have.
I mean if you have to have a headache. Because even codeine doesn’t work that fast :)
Yes, I totally get that feeling . . . that feeling of having been yelled at even though no voices were raised.
Yes.
And I have never even heard of icepick migraines.
I am a tiny bit jealous.
And that’s just insane.
I don’t get them often. I get the kind that start in my neck or sinuses and turn into a major pain that takes days to go away even with drugs.
Though the drugs make it bearable.
This is why I love ice pick migraines when I get them.
Yes it is weird to love a headache.
I think that given the choice, I would love that ice pick headache as well.
Sigh.
I have frightened memories of my dad being angry.
He was very tall.
Did I ever mention that I am the shrimp of my family? At 5’7″ I am a shrimp.
And I wish you headache free whispered giggles.
So funny!
Me too.
My dad was short.
But I was shorter.
So it didn’t matter . . . I was still looking up into the face of anger.
Thank you, Lori.