Well.
Yesterday did not go as I planned.
The comment section went in a direction I did not expect, and I ended up making myself a lot more vulnerable than I meant to be. I ended up feeling as though I had to explicitly state what I had hoped to only hint at. I ended up sharing more than I meant to share.
Namely, my feelings of utter failure and fear and inadequacy.
I could not leave anyone with the impression that my post was about me reaching for the moon.
My post was about my complete inability to do that.
I didn’t want to have to come out and actually say that.
But then some of the comments made clear that I did have to come out and actually say that.
I ended up spending the evening in tears.
Not cleansing cathartic tears.
Ugly, bitter, self-hating tears.
I am too old to spend the evening in tears . . . my eyes are puffy and swollen today.
The tears as I type this mean I will be all cute tomorrow as well.
Fuck.
The worst day I have had on Pretty All True.
By far.
No one’s fault but mine.
I have to rethink things a bit.
I will keep you posted.
And I will not be taking comments today.
Kris
