I am sitting at the table with Maj. She has just finished her homework, and she smooths the math paper with her fingertips. She carefully folds the perforated edge on the left side of the paper and quietly narrates the task at hand to herself.
“Alright, math paper . . . you know I hate a messy edge. Work with me here. Let’s just see if I can carefully rip this extra part off so you are all clean and sharp.”
She begins to rip free the perforated strip, “If I do this perfectly, then you will be a lovely math paper and I will not have to worry about you. And if I don’t do this perfectly, then . . . ”
I hear the small sound of paper ripped. A different sound than the sound of the desired separation along the perforation.
Maj sighs and holds the paper in the air, staring sadly at the small bite-mark along the paper’s left margin, “And if I don’t do this perfectly, then I will have to deal with an imperfection. So annoying. Listen, math paper . . . this is me dealing, but I am not happy about this.”
Maj is not talking to me, so I say nothing.
She speaks musingly as she smooths her paper again, “Once upon a time when I was little, I would have fixed you with tape. A little tape would make you whole again. But I am bigger now, and I will deal.”
Maj looks up at me, “Remember how I used to tape the edges of papers when they got ripped? I used to like the papers to be perfect before I handed them in.”
You know how someone reminds you of something that used to be, and it isn’t until that very moment that you realize that there has been a change? I search my memory for the moment when Maj stopped taping the bitten edges of her assignments . . . I know she used to do that last year. When did she stop?
Weird how a small milestone like that just slipped past me.
I smile at Maj, “I do remember the tape! I’m impressed that you were able to let that go, babe. You’re getting to be such a big girl!”
Maj looks at me in surprise, “Let it go? I have not let it go. I did not say I had let it go. I said I would deal with the imperfection.”
I am confused.
Maj explains, “My teacher said we’re not allowed to tape our papers. We’re not allowed to have tape at our desks, and we’re not allowed to tape our papers.”
“That’s kind of weird. Really?”
Maj giggles, “He banned tape after some kids went crazy with tape and taped the whole surface of their desks. So silly. So now a person with actual tape needs,” and she points to herself, “is caught up in their foolishness. Now tape is banned.”
“Even a tiny piece of tape to correct a small rip?”
“He was very clear that we are not to use tape on our assignments.”
“Huh.”
“So now I just deal,” and she sighs again, “I do like a smooth edge.”
“Well, I am proud of the fact that you can deal.”
Maj slips the assignment into her folder and smiles, “Me too!”
Speaking of dealing . . . later that same evening . . .
Mark is all annoyed, “Where is the Kleenex?”
I wave my hand vaguely, “Maj had a nosebleed earlier. I think she took the box from that bathroom.”
“Really? Is it too much to ask that when I want to blow my nose, there is a Kleenex available?”
I look up, because I hear in his voice that he is actually angry, “It’s not that big a deal, babe. Just use some toilet paper.”
“I don’t want to use toilet paper. I keep a box of Kleenex in this bathroom in case I want to blow my nose. It should be here.”
“OK, but in this moment? Just use some toilet paper.”
He sniffles, “Toilet paper is for your ass. I don’t want to use toilet paper on my nose.”
“It’s not like it’s used toilet paper, babe.”
He stares at me.
I stare at him.
He sniffles again and stomps huffily into the bathroom. I hear him pulling toilet paper off of the roll as he mutters, “I put a box of Kleenex in this bathroom, and now here I am blowing my nose with toilet paper. This family is annoying.”
I can’t believe that he is actually pissed about this.
He speaks loudly from the bathroom, “I need to blow my nose, but all I have is toilet paper. Fine. Let me just see if I can blow this out of my ass.”
I laugh so loudly at this statement that Kallan screams from upstairs, “Stop that! Stop that horrific laughing!”
Which only makes me laugh more loudly.
Maj comes down to see what the problem is, and between gasps I explain, “Daddy was having a paper issue, but he has decided to deal.”
Maj nods knowingly, “Was it the perforations? I bet it was.”
So . . . much . . . giggling.
Maj stares at me, “Does he need tape?”
Dying.
I just have to ask…
Did Maj really ask that last question with a straight face???
I’d be dying too!
Sandi -
Maj is a straight-faced little girl most of the time.
It was a joke, but her face was straight.
She cracks me up.
I would love to be a fly on the wall in your house just for a day or so.. I imagine I would be giggling with you.
Natalie -
So much giggling at our house.
The best thing about our family is the giggling.
Even if my laughter is “horrific.”
Sassy Kallan.
OMG, I need a kleenex…or some toilet paper.
That was a much needed belly laugh.
Yay!
Love that.
And? Once again a tear in the fabric of time because I am first for the second time!
Whoohoo!
Twice in one year…those are not good odds.
Guess I’ll just have to deal ;-)
Sandi -
Hee hee!
Much love, flexible easy-going you.
Much love.
Awwww I also am proud of Maj for dealing!
And I have a very loud laugh. My dad hates it. Mostly because I am only at their house and laughing all loudly while he is trying to sleep. It’s not really my fault that his stupid sleep is interrupting my obnoxious laughter.
Toilet paper is fine for wiping noses. Paper towels? Not so much. >.O
Haven -
Sometimes Maj makes my heart hurt with the things she deals with . . . things of which I am mostly unaware. Sigh.
And Mark recovered his sense of humor quickly.
Turns out toilet paper and mocking laughter were just the ticket.
Ahem.
Paper napkins from fast food restaurants are also not good for wiping noses. Ouch.
Ow.
Not good at all.
Ow.
OMG so much laughter. I now have tears. Perfect.
My dog now thinks I’m nuts with the laughing.
Christina -
Yay for judgmental dogs!
Snort!
Priceless.
I cannot believe such a little thing upset Mark either.
Then again, we all have little things that for whatever reason set us off to a level of irritation unwarranted given the situation.
This one absolutely cracked me up.
Time to go deal with an exploded house..
Kelly -
Mark is usually so even-tempered that I am always surprised when he gets annoyed about something little.
I replaced the box of Kleenex.
All better.
Silly man.
*SNORT* That’s awesome. All of it.
Thank you, Sam!
Thank you very much.
I occasionally have moments of kid realization like that. Where I suddenly notice that something that has been of significance to them has changed. Then it makes me a little sad & nostalgic. Little things that were commonplace are suddenly gone. Hmm.
As for Mark’s dilemma? That is why I buy soft toilet paper and the Viva paper towels. In a pinch? A nose can be blown with either.
Heh. Does he need tape. More evidence of your children’s genius.
Sigh.
It’s not as though I don’t want them to grow up, but I do get a little melancholy when my daughters change while I am not paying attention.
As for the toilet paper? We buy in bulk from Costco, and Costco toilet paper is not the comfiest for nose-blowing. Mark is right about that. Hee hee!
Their paper towels are also harsh.
Poor Mark.
LOL!!!! I am slightly interested in how one blows their nose out their ass. Does this mean his head was up there in the first place? Too funny!
Bwahahaha!
I so should have asked him that!
That’s awesome.
funny the things that set us off, isn’t it?
and Maj? the perforations?
brilliant.
Maj makes my heart ache.
Lovely sensitive Maj.
There is not much dealing with it in our house. Ange told me if I said “Deal with it” one more time she was going to karate chop me. It might have been the tone more than the fact that she DID need to deal with it…but that is so not my problem. I deal with it all the time.
Lindsay -
Watch your tone, young lady!
Snort.
I’m always a little sad when I don’t notice those small milestones as they happen.
Katie used to have to wave and blow a kiss to the park that we pass every day. She would say, “Bye, park, I love you, park!” Every. Single. Time. And if we missed it? Drama.
Then, the other day, she said it out of the blue and I couldn’t remember the last time she had.
And I got all nostalgic for it in some weird way.
Nichole -
Isn’t that weird? I pay so much attention to the girls . . . I am so very aware of what is going on in their lives. And then I realize that I missed something.
Not that the thing missed was big.
But now it’s gone.
Sigh.
I love how matter of fact your daughter is, so level headed. It makes the story even funnier. I was on the floor with the “Blow this out of my ass” line. Fine work!
Thanks, you!
I haven’t been on Twitter much this last week or so.
I will have to come looking for you there . . .
I do enjoy a good flirty conversation.
Ahem.
I laughed so hard my daughter looked over to ask why, so I read it to her. Her only comment after she stopped laughing was – why tape a desk?
I remember being a teenager in junior high so I didn’t need to ask!!
Those little moments when you miss something that was always done before and can’t remember when it stopped are hard. Letting them go to grow up is so hard. It’s like letting them make mistakes to learn from them – I just want to stop them and fix everything for them but they wouldn’t learn, would they?
M
ps – I was going to ask why he just didn’t get a new box of kleenex when he needed one but I stopped. Why? For one, I find myself asking my kids why they cannot change a toilet paper roll or replace the kleenex all the time – just out of frustration. And two – Mark is male, I’m told by a very credible source that most men are incapable of that skill. The guy that said that was dead serious at the time, he has 3 daughters and a wife who have tried to beat it into him by that point! Hahahahahaha!!
Mishelle -
There is no point in asking for explanations concerning the desk-taping. No point at all. It made sense to the kids, I am sure, but it would make no sense to a grown-up.
Snort!
As for the other?
Mark likes things to stay where he puts them. He likes things to be where he expects them to be. Where they GO.
We drive him insane.
What?
I’d do it to drive him insane as well! I totally get it.
What you need now is to video him as he finds stuff moved…
What?
Yes I am all evil like that.
M
Hee hee!
Ahem.