Mark yells down from the kitchen, “Do we have any tarragon?”
I yell back, “No! I used it all that time I made Tarragon Chicken.”
Silence.
Mark yells down again, “You never made Tarragon Chicken.”
“Pretty sure I did. What else would I have done with all the tarragon?”
“Why can’t you just answer me?”
“Because it’s a stupid question. You are in the kitchen staring into the spice cupboard, and I am down here in the basement. Which of us is better prepared to address the issue of tarragon?”
Silence.
“OK, Kris? I don’t think we have any tarragon.”
“I am all stunned and horrified.”
“You’re at your computer. Could you Google what spice I can use as a substitute for tarragon?”
“Basil.”
Silence.
“Kris, no way you looked that up.”
“OK, you caught me. I do like basil, though. Hold on . . . I’ll look it up for real.”
“Thank you.”
“OK, it says to combine marjoram, thyme, and basil in equal amounts.”
“Does it really say that?”
“OH MY GOD. Why are we having this conversation? Why would I lie to you about spices?”
“You lied about basil.”
“That wasn’t a lie. That was a preference.”
“So does it really say that about combining marjoram, thyme, and basil?”
“Those are all good spices.”
He laughs, “Seriously?”
“What?”
“I’m going to the store for tarragon. Do you need anything else while I am at the store?”
I sigh and push away from my desk. Walk up the stairs and join him in the kitchen, “We don’t need anything from the store. We just went to the store. Why are you going to the store? I don’t even like tarragon.”
Mark is already pulling on his jacket, “We do need something from the store. We need tarragon. How do you know that you don’t like tarragon?”
“It just doesn’t sound good. Pretty sure it’s icky. Really? You are going to the grocery store for a single spice? What are you making, anyway? Let’s just have turkey sandwiches instead.”
“I told you I was going to make shepherd’s pie.”
“With tarragon? That’s messed up.”
“Kris, you don’t even know what you are talking about. I’ll be right back.”
He leaves.
Time passes.
I am back in the basement at my computer, and I hear the front door open, “Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“How many treats did you buy?”
“What? Don’t be sassy. All I bought was tarragon. So there.”
“Really?”
“Really. I am a grown-up, you know. Went to the store and bought only the item I needed. And now I am going to make shepherd’s pie. Because I am a grown-up. Who cooks.”
“Whatever.”
Silence.
“Kris?”
I yell up the stairs, “What?”
“Do we have any more onions?”
“What, like down here on my desk?”
“These onions are all icky. I can’t use these. Do we have any more?”
“Babe, I don’t have secret onion stashes . . . if those onions are bad, we don’t have any onions.”
“Damn it.”
I walk back upstairs to comfort him, “So we’ll just have something else for dinner. We can make this tomorrow night.”
“So annoying! I was just at the store!”
Snort!
I grab a Post-it note and write the word ONIONS on it, “Here, babe. I have written myself a note. I’ll get some onions when I am out tomorrow.”
I head to the front door to stick the Post-it note on the door, “There. That way I won’t forget.”
I walk back into the kitchen, where Mark is searching through the fridge. He turns to me sheepishly, “Could you get garlic as well?”
“Really, babe?”
“Yeah. Get garlic and onions and then we can have shepherd’s pie tomorrow night.”
“Got it.”
He puts the ground hamburger in the fridge, “OK, then.”
“OK, so can I go write something while you figure out dinner?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
People?
Tomorrow, Mark will be at work all day, and so I will be making dinner. Shepherd’s pie sounds like a lot of work. He’s already defrosted ground beef, so I have to use that.
Hmmm.
Mark yells down the stairs, “I just realized you are making dinner tomorrow night. I left the recipe out on the counter. It’s more work than your normal cooking . . . is that going to be alright?”
What a fucking smart-ass!
I call up, “Not a problem!”
People?
Tacos.
Definitely.
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Tacos indeed.
Shephards pie sounds way too complicated.
As I sit here I am trying to come up with an idea for dinner.
Sadly it won’t be tacos.
Any suggestions?
Hee hee!
Plus also?
I fucked the spelling of “Shepherd’s” all the fuck up.
Spell check fail.
Also also?
I am doing the *Firstie Strut*
Heh.
Yay for first from a commenter who read the post!
Happy sighs.
And I googled the word shepherd before I sent this post out. Not because I had misspelled it, but because it looked weird. Snort!
And cold cereal is way yummy for dinner.
What?
Cereal is a meal suited for any time of the day!
And ‘Shepherd’ is my nemesis – so it’s probably a good thing that I don’t think Jesus is mine.
OK, you just made me snort with laughter!
I would so have cold cereal if it was just me.
But I have to feed Kaylee, Randall and the in-laws.
Thinking it will be a rice-a-roni with ground beef or chicken thrown in.
Sigh.
I am not a bad cook. I am an uninspired cook.
I am a lazy cook.
When Mark’s family comes to visit, I pretend that I am mentally handicapped in some extremely limited way that prevents me from doing anything cooking related.
Really.
Ahem.
I live with my in-laws.
They already know that I am insane.
It doesn’t work as an excuse around here.
See, I think it would.
Try it.
both kids and i had cold cereal for dinner tonight. what’s wrong with that? and so what if it was the same type that both kids had for breakfast??
Oh my god . . . the girls LOVE it when Mark is out of town.
We do breakfast for dinner.
Cold cereal, fruit, and french toast.
YUM!
we do that often. we call it “brinner” – breakfast for dinner!
We call it “Lazinner.”
Lazy dinner.
Duh.
This is why regular people need reality shows. And, um, this exchange would never happen at my house. What the frack is Tarragon? And hubbie is so cheap, if we don’t have it, there is NO middle of the week grocery trip. He sticks to the budget and would use, like, grass as a substitute.
Jen -
Did you just call my husband and me “regular people?”
Swoon!
I love you!
Tacos are much better than Shepherds Pie. for reals.
also? I’ve been watching too much British TV so I can’t get the accent out of my head. go read your post in a British accent. it’s hilarious.
You are like the 5th person to tell me that you hear my posts in an English accent!
What’s up with that?
You guys are strange.
YAY!
LOL! Tarragon DOES sound icky!
Right?
It so does.
Isn’t shepherds pie just like a layer of beef, a layer of corn, and a layer of potatoes? If you make that boxed tater crap, totally easy. Right? I mean, I don’t make it, so this is all in theory.
Jen -
Mark just read this post, and he is TOTALLY disgusted with my laziness.
Also? There is corn in it?
That’s disgusting.
If I do make it, I am omitting the corn.
Ick.
there isnt any corn in shepherds pie! its just beef, some veg like carrot and pea and green bean and then mashed potatoes up top. some people put cheese on top, some dont. Here (Ireland) its made with lamb mince more than beef mince- i prefer the beef though cause lamb doesnt taste nice! and BTW- i totally agree with you kris- tacos all the way!
Rach -
This recipe does indeed call for corn, which is just so disgusting I cannot even stand it. Ick.
If I do work up the motivation to cook shepherd’s pie, I will be swapping corn for peas.
Obviously.
But I am so leaning toward tacos.
YAY!
I hate having conversations in two different rooms. And yet… I do it all the time. Then blame my husband even if I started it. He is pretty good at putting up with my antics.
Erin -
This house is laid out on three different floors, because we make use of the basement.
So we do a lot of yelling from room to room. And from floor to floor.
A lot.
Quite speedy!
And my Mark comes home with treats, too! I call it “going amock.”
I call it “running amark.”
Ahem.
you?
are a great big dork, and I love you!
Hee hee!
I sort of am a great big dork.
Love you as well!
This is why my husband does all the cooking and most of the grocery list making. I would totally skip a recipe completely if it called for an ingredient I wasn’t familiar with or had to go out and buy special. It would be all spaghetti and meatballs over here.
And my husband tells me tarragon tastes similar to rosemary. Pass.
Although, Jen’s husband using grass as a substitute doesn’t sound so far off now.
There’s a typo in your tags.
Out of curiosity, how do you do tacos? Meat, cheese, lettuce, salsa? Or do you add beans and corn and shit?
This comment now reads like an email…
XOXO,
Sara
Sara -
Mark is a better cook than I am. I try to do as little work as possible, and I am not inclined to look through recipe books for things I have never tried or that have strange spice requirements. Not even.
I am AWESOME at homemade spaghetti sauce, though.
Hard to screw that up.
As for the tacos?
No corn! That’s madness!
Beans, ground beef, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and olives.
Yum.
Also?
No typo.
I am perfect.
Ha!
What is with men staring into food storage areas and then shouting at someone who isn’t staring into food storage areas for assistance?
What is that about?
I can’t tell you how often I say to the man of this house, “Are you seriously asking me that? ARE.YOU.FUCKING.SERIOUS?”
He always is. Serious, that is.
Angie -
Men are ridiculous that way.
And they are always serious.
They always are.
Especially ridiculous for Mark, as it sounds like he Cooks more often and more complicatedly so WHY would he expect you to know.
Also, speaking as a Professional Chef tarragon tastes weird. Use basil anywhere it says tarragon. I would. At home anyway.
Karen -
Mark does cook more than I do, and he is more inclined to use a complicated recipe.
And yet? He is ridiculous.
And I was right!
Substitute with basil!
Basil is fabulous.
My hubby always yells from another room about something vague. For example, he’ll yell, “What is this for?” Um, yeah, so my x-ray vision goggles are in the shop, so you’re gonna have to elaborate on what “this” means. Duh. OR, he’ll talk to me in a normal volume from another room while I am doing something noisy, like dishes, laundry, or diaper-wrangling my 2-year old.
Sara -
SNORT!
Yes, Mark asks me to use my X-ray goggles all the time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE THING YOU USED TO KEEP RIGHT THERE IS!
Geez.
Or my favorite, asking me where something is that ONLY he uses! I don’t know where your freakin’ razor is! BUT, if I find it first, I am SO shaving my armpits with it now!
Snort!
Your husband loses his RAZOR?
Okay, he lost it once. But I am a woman, so I’ll never forget that! It is my duty as a woman to remember menial shit just for fun!
That is hilarious.
Where did it end up being found, this meandering razor?
A different bathroom. At least it wasn’t in the fridge or dish washer, I guess.
Hee hee!
I was so hoping for a razor-in-the-freezer story!
Not this time. I once couldn’t find my keys and they were in the freezer though! But in my defense, it was during the throes of sleep deprivation from having a newborn.
Sara -
During pregnancy, I believe I put the ice cream in the pantry or the regular fridge maybe 10 times.
Yeah.
It got so Mark come from the other room to watch me as I scooped the ice cream just to be sure I put the ice cream away properly.
Hee hee!
My pregnancy brain was kind of forgetful.
When I was pregnant, I backed my car into the garage door as it was opening. I felt so dumb when I had to call my husband and explain why the garage door was smashed up.
Sara -
I once drove my car FORWARD into our garage door, and it wasn’t even opening at the time.
And I wasn’t even pregnant.
That was a good day.
Sigh.
Lol. Sometimes I think that I should put a motion-sensored web cam up around my house just so I can see how funny some of the stupid shit that I do actually is. I’m sure that it would result in hours of entertainment.
Sara -
But if I did that?
I would have no time to go out and live my life. I’d be too busy watching my past stupidities.
Ahem.
You don’t keep a secret stash of onions? I thought everyone did. I keep mine right next to my secret tarragon stash. The garlic I keep around my neck to ward off vampires . . .
Rachael -
Here in the hushiness of my comments, I will tell you that I do keep a secret stash of onions under the bed. They make me cry. Mark thinks it’s the awesome sex that causes the weeping.
But I have always been sensitive to onions.
What?
Well that totally explains the morning breath! ;)
Hee hee!
Ahem.
I only make dinner twice a week–when Ange has a late class. And I’m only allowed to fix frozen meals. Like pizza or that shit in a bag that you add 2 tbsp. of water. Otherwise? Tears and ruined meals. Never fails. Thank god Ange is the best cook ever.
Lindsay -
I can cook. I really can.
I just don’t see the point when there are so many tasty foods that do not require cooking.
Like fruit and raw vegetables and yogurt and bagels and cheese.
Really.
I could live on those items alone.
and cold cereal and pop-tarts.
dinner of champions!
snort…
Cathy -
Exactly!
WE ARE CHAMPIONS!
Like Bruce Jenner, who is married to that crazy woman and who has all those slutty step-daughters.
Hmmm.
OK, not like him.
I love this went into a reality tv related rant. Slutty step-daughters. Dying. So funny. When I was in Nigeria last year, every day I would go to lunch at this cafe and every day the Kardashians were on and I thought about how the very best of America was warping the brains of all these college students. Much like in our own country…hmm.
Lindsay -
As funny as some of this reality TV stuff is, it is embarrassing to think that other countries are forming an impression of our country based on the Kardashians, Hoarders, and 16 and Pregnant.
Sigh.
We are kind of a lame country.
i make shepherds pie, and use none of those ingredients. why is mark making life way more work then it needs to be? i’ve never even HEARD of terragon before! what is that? some ancient spice pterodactyls ate?
Sarah -
Mark is ALL about a complicated recipe.
And this . . . the thought that tarragon might be an . . .
ancient spice pterodactyls ate.
That is making me giggle hysterically.
I make easy shepherd’s pie. The only spice I use is Mrs. Dash. It also is different every time I make it. Cause I hate going to the store just because I’m out of something.
My favorite ingredient? Improv.
Renee -
Mark is not about improvising where cooking is concerned.
At all.
He’s not Maj’s Dad for nothing.
Mrs. Dash is the bee’s knees. It’s the only spice I use. And I really only use it when I make scrambled eggs or egg salad. Because I don’t really make anything else that needs spices. The pre-made bag stuff comes already spiced. If I could just have my own chicken and feed it Mrs. Dash then I wouldn’t have to do anything.
MRS DASH IS MADE OF BEE’S KNEES???
EEK!
If you have to fry the taco shells I think tacos are harder than shepherd’s pie.
Also I bet if I made a basil shepherd’s pie and a tarragon shepherd’s pie NOBODY would know the difference.
Your spice trading ideas seem perfectly acceptable to me.
FRY THE TACO SHELLS?
Bwahahahaha!
Right. What was I thinking? O.o
Hee hee!
Hard shells or pre-cooked tortillas warmed in the microwave.
Duh.
damn…you are quick!
knock on wood.
I know!
Knocking on wood that it continues.
Ack.
More wood knocking.