Here’s Maj . . .
“Mother, I got my math test back and it is bad news for you.”
“Bad news for me?”
“Yes, Mother. You showed me how to do all of that negative and positive number stuff, and I did the whole test the way you showed me.”
“If that’s true, you got 100%”
Maj clucks her tongue and shakes her head, “You must know the old-timey way of negatives and positives, because guess what? Your way got me a very bad grade.”
“Nope. I’m thinking your way got you the very bad grade. My old-timey way is perfection. I would have kicked butt on your math test.”
Maj pats me on the shoulder, “Poor Mother . . . living in a math fantasy world. You are perhaps not as smart as you think you are.”
“I am exactly as smart as I think I am, and guess what else?”
“What?”
“I am way way smart.”
“Mother! You doubled the word way! I am overwhelmed at your intelligence! You must be a genius!”
“Smarty-pants. If you got a bad grade on the test, that’s all on you.”
Maj opens her folder and whips out a piece of paper, “Let’s just take a look, shall we?”
“Yes. Let’s.”
Maj lays the test on the table and stabs repeatedly at the paper, “I missed a bunch of problems. Like this one: -3 – (-4) = A . . . I solved for A and got -7.”
“Well, that’s wrong, babe. We talked about this. Two negative signs in a row mean you add instead of subtract.”
“You never said that!”
“I so did say that. That was the entire point of the lesson.”
“You never said that was the entire point of the lesson.”
“Maj?”
“What?”
“That was the entire point of the lesson.”
She glares at me, “Doesn’t it seem a bit late to make this point to me now, Mother? Where were you when I was studying for this test?”
“I was right here, Maj. And you know what I was saying?”
“What?”
“I was saying, ‘MAJ! THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS LESSON IS THAT TWO MINUS SIGNS IN A ROW MEANS YOU ADD INSTEAD OF SUBTRACT.’”
Maj looks at me, “And then, in this version of homework reality that you are describing, what did I say?”
“I may not get it word for word, but I believe you said something like . . . ‘Go away, Mother! Go away and take your help with you! Why are you in my business, Mother? I know how to do my math homework. Get out of my space! Did anyone ask you for help? No, they did not! Why are you here when I am so clearly NOT IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE?’”
I continue, “And then I tried to explain again and then you screamed at me about how I was driving you crazy.”
Maj stares at me thoughtfully, “That does sound like me. That does sound like something I would say.”
“Mmmm hmmm.”
She picks up the math test and looks at it sadly, “So you’re saying that I got a bad grade because I didn’t listen when you tried to explain?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmmph. I was very hopeful this was all your fault.”
“Sorry.”
Maj turns to me, “Is it possible that you need to work on your communication skills?”
“What?”
“Well, what good is all your genius if you can’t communicate the genius and make me understand?”
“Or . . . maybe what we have here is a failure of reception.”
“What?”
“Maybe I am brilliant but you are too stubborn and crabby to hear what I am saying.”
Maj puts one hand beneath her chin and taps at her nose with a finger, “I hear what you are saying, Mother. I hear you, but I still feel the problem is with you and your teaching skills.”
“Whatever,” and I turn to walk out of the room.
Maj calls after me, “Way to be dismissive, Mother! Super job!”
A short while later, Maj is working on her math homework.
I walk by and look over her shoulder for a moment. I see that she is making mistakes in her plotting of various points on a chart. Hmmm.
“Ummmm, Maj?”
She grunts, “Yeah?”
“Remember that when they give you ordered pairs of numbers to plot, you always do the X axis first and then the Y axis. Horizontal first and then vertical. You have to get the order right, or your plotted points will be misplaced.”
Maj glares at me, “DID I ASK FOR HELP? I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS, MOTHER. YOU ARE JUST GOING TO CONFUSE ME! STOP CONFUSING ME! I NEED SPACE! I CAN FEEL YOU BREATHING ON ME! GET AWAY FROM ME! I SO DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP!”
I take a few steps back from her, “Hey, Maj?”
She is hunched over her paper, “WHAT?”
“Do you know what déjà vu is?”
“Does it have anything to do with the fact that you are driving me crazy?”
“Ooooh . . . there it is again!”
Hee hee!
Oh math homework.
Although? Math lessons in class often end the SAME way.
How many times did I repeat the instructions? How many times did you tell ME how to do the problem? Oh, really, then whose fault is it that you did it backwards?
Those pesky 4th-6th graders and their bad reception.
A -
Maj is capable of listening and receiving quite well if it is her idea.
Unsolicited assistance is not appreciated.
At all.
Snort!
Have you noticed the new fangled ways they teach kids math today?
I tried helping Kaylee with some of her math homework.
I KNOW how to do it.
But the way she has been taught is ass backwards to me.
How hard should third grade math be?
Also?
I am way, WAY smart too.
Hee hee!
Stasha -
YES!
I sometimes have to flip through Maj’s assignment book and read quickly, because even though I know how to do the problems she has been assigned?
I don’t know how to do them in the way she has been asked to do them.
Which leads to much incredulous eye-rolling from Maj.
Hee hee!
Dude I don’t think I learned that crap till like 7th or 8th Grade!! She’s not that old is she? I hated that math!! although I totally get how to do it. lol :)
Amber -
Maj will be in 7th grade next year.
I know!
Where does the time go?
Yikes.
Me
That sounds like me trying to help my kid sister when we were younger. She hated my help but she really needed it.
Christina -
That really is what is boils down to . . ..
Maj is happy to receive help she has requested.
But she HATES to receive help she needs but does not want.
Sigh.
I will never be able to help O with his math homework. Math homework and I have a long history of woe…
Grade School: Erasure smears and crying
High School: Erasure smears and swearing
College: Avoidance and Psych Degree
Should start saving up for a tutor now, methinks…
CJ -
Didn’t you have to take Statistics to get that Psychology Degree?
That must have sucked.
I hated statistics, by the way.
Me
Ugggh. I did!
I’ve never worked so HARD for B-….almost killed me.
I think I may have married my tutor had he not been engaged to my friend. HA!
I hated it too, in case that wasn’t clear.
Agreed.
That class was a nightmare.
I actually kind of liked statistics…but I think it was just because the teacher was cool. She had a way of making it interesting…in a venty, anti-establishment kind of way. When I had to do it again as an online course? It made me want to gouge out my eyes with a toothpick.
So, um, yeah.
Statistics as an online course?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Just imagining that horror makes my stomach hurt.
Ack!
Two negatives turn to positive so, one.
Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples.
Yay!
I am a fucking math whiz, whiz. Wait, that didn’t work.
But oldtimey does!
You are a fucking math whiz, whiz?
I am all giggly.
Oh lordy – I am NOT looking forward to math… again.
So . . . much . . . fun.
Sigh.
You’re making my skin crawl. Ethan and homework is a scary thing indeed. We’ve had a 2 week hiatus from it for standardized testing, and now it’s baaaaaack.
And if she’s like this over regular work? Maj is gong to be SO much fun when she’s studying for her SATs now, isn’t she? (not)
I love your attitude through the whole thing, though. I need to learn to float above the fray a little more.
Also? That whole “Maj is capable of listening and receiving quite well if it is her idea. Unsolicited assistance is not appreciated.” thing? Going to make life very interesting with her future husband.
Also? By the way, Kris? How do YOU deal with unsolicited assistance? Just curious.
Varda -
Your points, one at a time.
1) Maj is awesome at studying for tests (even standardized tests) right up until she misunderstands something. She is fine if she doesn’t get it at all; she’ll listen then. The problems arise when she thinks she gets it, and I have to explain that she has missed the boat.
2) I do try to float above the fray. The fray is quite messy and emotionally exhausting.
3) Maj’s husband is going to have to be either a very strong or a very weak man. Either will do.
4) This is not about me, young lady. Are you suggesting I have room for improvement? THE NERVE!
Ahem.
Just thinking there might be a wee little “like mother like daughter” here. Possibly. (hee hee)
You were so not asked for your opinion.
Hush.
Bwahahahaha!!
I just adore you.
Why do they keep changing it? I am way way smart too and had excellent grades in Math all through school and yet after I helped my son with his Gr.11 homework last year, he got an 11% on that particular assignment. It’s horseshit!! That’s a way way smart definition, by the way.
I had 90s, 90s I tell you but now, they’ve gone and changed it all on me.
I, too, am often told I am confusing them when I try to help. They could be onto something though. Teacher, I am not. Sarcastic? Check. Patient? Nope. I am way smart enough to know that combination (or ‘problem’ ha ha) does not equal anything good or helpful.
Just funny.
Ha!
Angela -
Your son got 11% on an assignment with which you helped?
Maj would kick my mothering ass.
You’re right, though . . . they DO change how they teach math, and they do not even seem to care about the parents at home who only know how to do the math the old-timey way.
I think the teachers take great joy out of fucking with us parents.
And that, as you say, is horseshit.
Snort!
So two days in a row I am laughing outloud to strange looks around me.
I am in charge of homework in my house and I get this feeling that they go too fast because I just end up spending my afternoons teaching a 1st grader math.
Also, I’m thinking tonight you will have email. Maybe.
Yay for laughing out loud and strange looks from others!
You totally made my evening.
Looking forward to email.
Later, lovely you.
Me
Oh psychology … and yeah stats, loved the prof for that, but she tried to tell us it wasn’t a math class … psh.
Maj makes me smile though, like … oh yeah, I probably did say that. Hee hee
I really don’t get why they have to change the way they teach kids math. Like did someone discover some flaw or something?
Oh, and have you ever heard of Tom Lehrer?
I have taken a LOT of math classes, and I hated none more than Statistics.
It was soooooo a math class.
And I have heard of Tom Lehrer . . . he’s the guy who puts math and science lessons to song, right?
Guess what?
Maj is quirky, and one of her quirks is that things set to music annoy the shit out of her.
She had to memorize The Star Spangled Banner for school . . . recite it in front of the class.
The ONLY way she could memorize it perfectly was to do away with the music and recite it as a poem.
Music distracts her from the task at hand.
Thanks A LOT for mentioning statistics.
Sheesh. Do you not know that I tried to bludgeon myself to death with my stats text? And that they kicked my ass out of the library’s reading room because my cursing and swearing was a little..ahem… out of control? And that I was then consigned to studying in the sub-basement with nothing but history journals from the 1950s and 60s for company? And the bathroom was, like, half a mile away?
How very insensitive.
Also, if two wrongs don’t make a right, then why do two negatives make a positive? That seems inconsistent.
Adrienne -
Hello, lovely you!
So nice to see you here!
What I remember most about my statistics class was the miles and miles of printed out paper from the data analyses I was asked to run on the University’s computers. I knew nothing about computers.
Oh my god.
A fucking nightmare.
I would just stare helplessly at the printed out mess and weep.
A nightmare.
Me
You know I think I had read that somewhere … in your comments maybe?
Yeah, but actually I mentioned him because I was thinking of his New Math song and how he is kind of making fun of the way they change things in terms of teaching math.
Hmm, I’m not actually sure I could learn math through song though, other stuff yes, but I don’t know if numbers set to music would do anything but confuse me. sigh
Maj likes music, and she likes lyrics. But when you put academic material to song, her brain splits in two . . . and the half of her brain that announces, “This is academic material!” refuses to get over the fact there is music attached.
Snort!
And then Maj collapses into a whirlwind of anger and hostility and puts her hands over her ears.
Really.
I just want to say this – I’d like to move in with you Kris and listen to all your fascinating conversations with your obviously-awesome children.
I never asked my parents for math help and they never offered. I did ask my super intelligent brother, who would look at the problem, write the answer down and then never tell me how he worked it out. Needless to say, I didn’t do so well at math.
Alison -
We are endlessly fascinating! Also loud and annoying and argumentative.
Just so you know.
Snort!
And yes . . . I have gotten that sort of help from Mark on computer issues.
Sigh.
I am very bad at computer stuff.
Very bad.
Kris,
Just watch the Federal Reserve to understand the new math.
ALL numbers are negative and in the red.
End all numbers with lots of 000000000000000′s.
And then print more money!
Woo-hoo New Math.
This has been a paid political announcement.
I lied.
So don’t expect any money.
It would be in the red anyway.
Bill
I will take that red money.
In rubies.
Thank you very much.
Luckily, I the man I married is the undisputed expert on all things mathematical in our household (I can link you to his book on Amazon and you will be scared) and the girls knew this early on. He helped and they did not doubt him. On math anyway.
Karen -
Mark is much more knowledgeable in math than I am.
Much.
But I am a much better teacher with the girls.
Much.
Ahem.
Much.
Wait.
Your husband wrote a book about Math?
Link, please!
Even with my daughter being somewhat receptive to my help with math homework I feel like I need to go back to school just to help her with her third grade homework. I can easily get her the answer but in no way can I help show her the way she’s being taught to find it. Why oh why have they changed the way math is taught. They don’t even borrow for subtraction anymore. I tried showing her borrowing and she looked at me like I had sprouted another head right there in front of her. Ugh. I give.
Becky -
I KNOW!
When Maj works to figure out the prime factorization of a number?
I do not even know what she is doing on the paper.
If she asks me if she has gotten the problem correct, I quickly work the problem my way.
Stupid changes.
Annoying.
Me