Kallan’s class participated in a series of exercises designed to build awareness and empathy about children who struggle with various disabilities.
Kallan came home aware of the following . . .
1) Writing with your non-dominant hand is really difficult.
2) Writing your letters in mirror-image is really difficult.
3) Unwrapping a Hershey’s Kiss with just your pinkies is really difficult.
4) Tying your shoes if your fingers are all taped together is really difficult.
5) Riding in a wheelchair is incredibly fun.
6) Writing a letter and then addressing and stamping an envelope while blindfolded is really difficult.
Here are Kallan’s thoughts on these points, in numbered order . . .
1) Why would a disabled kid write with his non-dominant hand? That just makes things harder for no reason whatsoever.
2) Are disabled kids confused about mirrors? Seems like this kid should be very careful brushing his teeth.
3) M&M’s do not require unwrapping and could be placed in some sort of candy feedbag. I would like a candy feedbag . . . my birthday is coming up, Mom.
4) One word: Velcro.
5) Wheelchairs are awesome and some of them have motors! Awesomeness!
6) If you are blind? Seems like there would be a few things you would have to know you are going to be really bad at. Handwriting letters would be on that list. Also eye makeup.
Hee hee!
Kallan and I talk a bit about the various activities and what they were designed to get across to the participants.
And then Kallan spends the rest of the night being blind.
Duh.
She ties a scarf around her face and crashes about the house, yelling at everyone to get out of her way.
“Maj, I am coming through and I am blind! Don’t mess with the handicapped, Maj, because they will blind-kick your butt!”
Maj says nothing, but she apparently sticks her foot into the walkway, because then there is a crash.
Kallan extricates herself from the couch and magazine rack into which she has tumbled, “Oh my gosh, Maj. Did you just trip your blind sister? I cannot even believe you! You are the dumbest stupidest annoyingest butthead of a sister to a blind girl I have ever not seen.”
Maj yells at me even though I am seated just across the room, “Kallan called me names!”
I flip the page of my magazine, “Maj, you tripped her. Apologize. And Kallan . . . you are not allowed to call rude names. Apologize.”
Maj grunts an apology.
Kallan turns a scarfed face in my general direction and swings her fists through the air in front of her, “I am blind, Mom. Cut me some slack on the name-calling thing. Normally, I would hit her, but I don’t even know where she is.”
Maj squeals in protest.
I flip another page, “You may not call rude names. You may not hit your sister and you may not call rude names. Blind or not, you have to be nice.”
Kallan thinks for a moment, “Fine. Sorry. I will blind-pet the dog.”
She starts to shuffle carefully around the living room, “Persie! Where are you, Persie?”
I head upstairs to put some laundry away.
From downstairs, I hear this . . .
“Butterface!”
Oh my god. Please tell me I did not just hear what I thought I heard. Did Kallan just call her sister Butterface?
I listen more carefully to their conversation.
“Butterface!”
“Kallan, stop it! Just stop it! You are driving me crazy!”
“Butterface!”
“Disabled children do not behave this way, young lady! Stop it! You are being ridiculous!”
“Butterface!”
“Put your blind face wherever your want, I am not talking to you.”
“Butterface!”
I am livid.
What the fuck? Kallan has a presentation at school on being sensitive and empathetic and then comes home and calls her sister Butterface? Did I not just tell her not to call rude names and now she is calling her sister Butterface? I am going to kill that little blind girl.
I stomp down the stairs, “Kallan!”
No answer.
I stomp into the living room, “KALLAN!”
“Yeah, Mom?”
I stop.
Maj is sitting on the couch reading her book.
Kallan is lying on the floor on top of Persie the Labrador, her blindfolded face pressed up against the dog’s right rear leg, her hands behind her back, “Please, Maj? Just tell me.”
Maj looks at me and sighs, “Fine. You are kissing her butt.”
Kallan shrieks with delighted horror, “Really?”
She takes off her blindfold, “I am kissing her butt!”
Kallan stands, replaces her blindfold and then walks around the room tentatively, eventually finding her way back to the dog. She feels for the dog with her foot and then kneels down. She presses her cheek to the dog’s fur. Kisses the dog.
“OK, Maj . . . butt or face?”
“I am done with this game!”
“Butt or face!??!!”
“AUGH! Disabled children do not go around wondering if they are about to kiss a dog’s butt! I hope she farts on you! I hope she farts right in your face!”
“Really? I am at her butt again? It’s like her butt is a magnet for the blind! Every time, I end up at her butt!”
Maj turns to me, “Help me, Mother!”
I am filled with giggles, “Kallan, what kind of ridiculous game are you playing?”
Kallan stands blindfolded before me, “It’s called Butt or Face, Mom. Haven’t you been listening?”
She spins happily and then falls unseeing onto the dog again.
“Butt or face, Mom! Play it with me! Butt or face?”
I speak through my laughter, “Butt, babe. You are kissing her butt.”
“Again? No way!”
Hee hee!
“I will blind-kick your butt!”
Best.line.ever.
Jeneva -
Kallan is the Queen of the one-liner over here.
She is seriously gifted.
Snort!
She is gifted!
Ahem.
BAHAHAHA!
Oh my God.
I am all snorty giggles over here.
Stasha -
Thank you.
My life is really quite awesome over here.
Hee hee!
Also?
Urban Dictionary is awesome!
Also, also?
I’ll take a M & M feedbag too if you happen to come across one.
And?
Did the dog fart in Kallan’s face?
Urban Dictionary is awesome!
I also want a candy feedbag. How great would that be, right?
And yes . . . the dog eventually farted in Kallan’s face.
A telling clue that Kallan was once again . . . kissing the dog’s butt.
Hee hee!
I wanna go live with you.
Why have I not heard of Butt or Face the game before? I would totally have made my little sister play it when we were kids.
Alison -
I think Kallan made it up.
Has anyone else ever played this game?
I soooo would have played “Butt or Face” with my younger siblings when I was a kid if it had occurred to me.
Kallan is perhaps a genius of inappropriateness.
Love that!
Yes, I believe she is indeed a genius. You have birthed a genius!
Yay!
I am a genius birther!
OK, wait . . . that does not sound awesome.
Hmmm.
I’m trying to figure out why blind Kallan has lost use of her hands.
And also? Lab gas is putrid. She should play Butt or Face with a less stinky breed.
Elizabeth -
Kallan had lost control of her hands only to make the game more interesting.
A blind person able to use her hands would be at a distinct advantage in a game of “Butt or Face.”
Duh.
And yes . . . Lab gas is horrific.
It so is.
Hee hee!
Omg so funny. Butterface. This is a new game for me.
I have to agree with Kallan’s assessment on what handicap people will/won’t do. Maybe in the days before typewriters and now computers you can talk to. I think a blind person would probably just call.
I do remember practicing the walking around like a blind person. Comes in handy when need to get up in the middle of the night & my eyes don’t want to open.
Just sayin
;)
In the end?
Kallan was very impressed with how people who face extra challenges might have difficulty with everyday things.
Things she takes for granted.
She still wants a candy feedbag, though.
Hee hee!
I would also go for the candy feedbag. Or one with popcorn it. Yeah, popcorn is good.
It’s good the kids are learning how hard it can be to be handicapped. Though having to deal with lab farts in the face is probably not a normal issue for a blind person.
A sister who trips you? Yeah, that’s a different story.
;)
Lizzie -
Kallan always like to take things to the utmost.
She is never content with just learning the lesson.
She wants to go above and beyond!
To dog-ass territory.
Hee hee!
HA-HA!! :-)
Butterface…. *love*
Hee hee!
Kris,
I could have so used Kallan in media interviews when I ran Comms at the Foundation of the Blind.
What?
Bill
You two would make an amazing team.
You’ll need Persie and her amazing magnet ass as well, of course.
Hee hee!
Butterface. Ha! I seriously snorted. Your girls totally crack me up.
Love that.
They crack me up as well.
Constantly.
Well I have to say… the Butt or Face game makes at least as much sense as the sensitivity exercises she did in school!
And I was thinking the same thing as your tag… good thing you didn’t get ahead of yourself with the Butterface explanation. I would so hate to tell my (hypothetical) daughters what that means.
Erin -
Ugh . . . I HATE when I explain something that does not need explaining.
Like that time I explained Cee-Lo Green’s song F-You.
Oops.
Wow I learn some new important information every day over here on Pretty All True!
Also?
Maj and Kallan are celebrities over at the White Board Unicorns!!!
Have you told them of their growing on line popularity?
Although Maj might not like being represented by a cactus.
It was a cute cactus
that is all
PS It WAS a mole not a wart and it is still there
that really is all
You know what?
Ben asked me the other day what sort of plant Maj might be if she was a plant and I did say cactus.
Duh.
I haven’t by to visit the unicorns in a while . . . I like to save up a bunch of posts so that it reads like a flip-book story.
I will stop by later this evening.
Kallan is there as well?
Hee hee!
I do love Ben.
Moleless you?
I love you as well.
Me
yep she is singing Eskimo Bold
heeeeeeeeeeee
Oh, that’s awesome!
Lovely Ben!
Oh my God the tags are funnier then the post. I can only assume she got skunked right in the face from those.
Too funny.
I do love my tags.
And yes . . . a big stinky fart right in her face.
That was the end of the game.
Persie won.
They will blind-kick your but? bahahaha! Kallan I love you! I am totally using that!
Hee hee!
Love that girl and her crazy-ass threats.
Swoon!
Bachelor Crabs? Butterface?
Oh, honey… the next 10 years are going to be just AWESOME for you.
I KNOW!
I am so lucky.
Everyone wants to be me.
Sigh.
Ok, laughing hard and all that. Jealous my boys have done nothing even remotely funny in days…
But…
Butterface? Your tags allude that there is a word and a meaning that is beyond the scope of my experience? Did I miss a seriously inappropriate word somewhere growing up?? What is a “butterface”?
Check it out . . .
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=butterface
How could you have missed this?
Oh Shit! Wow, I need to get out more. But for now, I’m going to go look up random words I don’t know.
He he!
Ooooh! you are all kinds of awesome. On that page, I can buy an apocalypse sex mug. I collect mugs, and I sooo need that one!
I love that site!
I even contributed a couple of words.
Hee hee!
But “butterface” predates Urban Dictionary.
That phrase has been around a for long time.
And an apocalypse sex mug?
Awesomeness!
I love your girls.
I would be insane if I lived with them. But from here? They are wonderful.
Or is that butt from here?
Renee -
Butt from there, they are wonderful?
Snort!