I remember visiting Kallan’s Kindergarten class for an Open-House event one evening and pausing a moment to look at the bulletin board that hung outside the room.
The banner headline read . . . Our Dreams of the Future!
All of the kids had drawn pictures of what they dreamed of being when they grew up.
I want to be a fireman!
I want to be a grocery man!
I want to be a cowboy!
I want to be a teacher!
A lot of the girls had expressed dreams of being teachers when they grew up. There were lots of chubby-crayoned depictions of various parts of the classroom with a teacher figure doing teachery things. So cute.
Kallan’s drawing was interesting.
There was a woman standing tall with a large dark desk in front of her. Her hands were held high with pointy objects in them. There was a weird rug on the floor.
Something weird about the desk as well.
I read the words printed in Kallan’s messy kindergarten hand at the bottom of the drawing . . .
I want to be a teacher.
Huh.
Kallan joined me as I gazed at the bulletin board of dreams, and I asked her about her drawing. She seemed relieved to be asked, “I don’t want to be a teacher, Mommy. I’ll tell you about the picture later. But I don’t want to be a teacher, Mommy.”
At the end of the Open-House, Kallan took me by the hand and led me back to the bulletin board, “I was drawing my picture, Mommy. I was drawing my picture of what I wanted to be, Mommy. And then, Mommy? I looked around, Mommy, and all the girls wanted to be teachers, Mommy. All of them, Mommy. So I turned my picture into a teacher picture, Mommy.”
She pointed at her picture, “I had to turn the table into a desk, Mommy. If you look, Mommy? You can see where I had to color over the patient.”
Hee hee!
That’s what had caught my attention earlier . . . the vague outline of a sleeping person reclined on the desk. Well, not exactly on the desk. In the desk.
“Mommy? I had to press down really hard with my crayon to cover the dead person. Really hard, Mommy.”
I was all giggles, “That person is dead?”
Kallan looked at me, “It takes practice to be a surgery cutter, Mommy. Some people will have to die before I get good at it.”
Seriously?
I choked back giggles, “So the red rug on the floor?”
“Blood, Mommy. All his blood leaked out, Mommy.”
Oh my god.
Kallan smiled, “At first, I didn’t know how to make the blood puddle something else, Mommy, because it was all red and bloody. But then, Mommy? I remembered fringe!”
Hee hee!
“And the giant yellow pencils in her hands?”
“My teacher loved those pencils, Mommy! Don’t tell her they started out as big sharp knives, Mommy. Promise, Mommy?”
“I promise, Kallie. You know, it would have been fine for you to draw a picture of how you want to be a surgeon. That would have been an amazing picture.”
“I know that, Mommy. But all the girls were being teachers, Mommy, and Mrs. Harris just kept getting happier and happier. I started thinking she might not be so happy about how I had killed someone, Mommy. So I changed it.”
“Kallan, I’m sure you didn’t kill the patient.”
“Yeah, but Mommy? He’s dead. I just didn’t want to explain, Mommy.”
I leaned to hug her, “I can understand that. I love your picture . . . the real picture . . . the one underneath.”
She hugged me back, “Me too!”
She giggled, “I wasn’t the only one who had to change the drawing, Mommy.”
I looked up at the board, “Really? Who else?”
“Look at Anthony’s picture, Mommy.”
I found Anthony’s picture . . . a picture of a man riding a big fat horse with strangely rounded extra legs . . .
I want to be a cowboy!
I didn’t see the problem, and so I turned to Kallan, “What did he change?”
“Mommy, Anthony sits next to me. He’s weird, Mommy. I had to help him, Mommy, because he was going to turn in his drawing without a person in it, Mommy.”
“You mean . . .”
“Yes, Mommy! He wanted to be a cow, Mommy! I had to tell him he could not dream of being a cow, Mommy. I helped him put a person on the cow, Mommy. I told him to add boy to the end of his words, Mommy.”
So . . . much . . . giggling.
I pointed at the fat horse’s extra legs, “So these aren’t legs?”
She giggled, “No, Mommy. Those are cow boobs.”
I hugged her again, “You are a good friend, Kallie.”
“Mommy, I am not his friend. He wants to grow up and be a BOOBY COW, Mommy. I am not his friend, Mommy.”
“Even so. That was a nice thing you did.”
She leaped up into my arms and I hugged her tight as she whispered in my ear, “Anyway, Mommy? I don’t want to be a surgery cutter anymore, Mommy.”
“Really? What do you want to be?”
“I want to be the person in charge of refilling snack machines and gumball machines, Mommy. That is the perfect job, Mommy. I should have drawn that instead, Mommy.”
“You do like snacks and candy.”
“Exactly, Mommy! Exactly!”
Hee hee!
Love Kallan. And yes, I think you would have been hauled into the principals office to try and explain it to them. She is a smart one. Does she still want to refill snack machines?
I wonder if Anthony changed his mind about being a cow?
Kallan’s dreams change on a daily basis.
At the moment, she is leaning toward entertaining of some sort.
Or possibly being a teacher.
Really.
Entertaining of some sort? I NEVER would have guessed it! Snort! (You might point out that if she decides to go into entertainment she can drop out of school now and just hit the road. I think it’s low risk to predict she’d be boffo doing standup, I mean just telling her daily stories.
Kallan is not allowed to drop out of school and hit the road at the age of 9.
Bad influence you.
OK, I apologize. When’s her 10th?
It’s right around the corner.
Coming up in July.
But even when she is ten?
She may not run away with the circus.
You, the brave adventuress? Not as billed. You would deny your daughter the self-expression she so richly deserves. Oh, I forgot, you didn’t teach her to skip stones in a timely fashion. Suppose you bind her feet as well. A pattern is emerging. ON STRIKE, SHUT HER DOWN. FREE KALLAN NOW!
You . . . are . . . trouble.
Yes, I’m rather proud of that. Life long aggitator & now I’ve found a cause I can really believe in. You haven’t heard the last of us, lady. Our legal team is exploring our options.
being a teacher IS being an entertainer.
ahem.
You are so correct.
Of course you are.
Your open house was waaayy more exciting than mine! I’ve missed checking with you and family.. Kallan is awesome! She’ll figure out a way to not let ALL the blood drip out! Hee-hee
Debbie -
Hey, I have missed you! Happy to see you back here on Pretty All True.
Thank you for that.
And Kallan would make an amazing surgeon.
After that first couple of patients, anyway.
Poor them.
Ahem.
Love. This. So. Much!
And you never know, if the afterlife is true then he could come back as a cow someday :)
Stephanie -
Yes! Perhaps this will all come together somehow!
This little boy can grow up to be Kallan’s first patient.
And then he can come back as a cow.
Mooooo!
How do you remember these conversations?? My children have sucked my memory away if I don’t instantly write it down.
I love who she thought out the surgery cutting and having to kill someone to get good.
Your daughter is awesome.
I wish you’d included the picture. :-)
I can just see the teacher’s face if she’d heard the real photo tale, with the blood pooling under the table..
I make no claim to having gotten every word correct, but the moment and the conversation stayed with me.
As did all of those “mommys.”
So I think I came pretty close.
My memory is not a recording device . . . but what I have described and what I have reported is how I remember the conversation occurring.
Pretty close, I think.
Pretty All True, in other words.
Yes!
My version.
Have you read my About Page, Sir?
There is only my version here on Pretty All True.
There may be other versions.
This is mine.
Thank you.
Me
I love this!
She is one very clever girl, that one. Go Kallan!
Happy sighs.
I love that clever silly murdering girl.
Kallan is so freaking amazing, I am blown away every time. What an awesome story!
Kristen -
Kallan has always been amazing.
She just says Mommy less frequently now.
Snort!
In case Kallan doesn’t actually want to kill people, you might let her know they don’t actually let you do surgery on your own when learning. But you know that.
But I may have to share this one with my sister the surgeon. (see! girls can cut open people lol)
Though wanting to be a boobie cow when you grow up? Yeah, that’s the best answer I’ve ever heard :)
I just realized you said Kallan is in kindergarten. Since last I heard she was 9, I’m guessing this is a few years ago. Now the Mommy’s make sense lol!
YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A STORY OF NOW?
I am dying.
I would KILL Kallan if she still went around saying Mommy this much.
Dying.
Well I kind of breezed over the kindergarten part. I know I saw it but the cow boobs? Yeah. Just wiped out the brain.
Then I saw the comment about the Mommy’s every sentence. And thought that was strange that Kallan would say mommy that much.
Hey. I fried my brain a few weeks ago. Since then, it’s not working so well. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
What was I talking about?
Yeah. Like that.
Sigh.
Though it’s been quiet in here.
Hee hee!
What happened to your brain a few weeks ago?
Kris
Lack of good sleep, studying, stress, tests, things like that. Nothing good.
Truthfully I don’t know how you deal with the insomnia. I’ve only been having problems the last couple years and it’s killing me. And sleeping pills? So don’t work.
But I do enjoy the lack of brain chatter that comes with the burn out ;)
Lizzie -
After a few bad nights of insomnia, I do start to have problems doing my days.
My brain just slows way down.
I have been having a spell of good sleeping nights lately.
Fingers crossed for their continuance.
Sorry it’s your turn to be sleepless.
It does really suck.
Me
Kallan was simply born strategic and way, way, way ahead of the herd. Especially of weird Anthony the booby calf with fat legs. What is THAT smell?
Anthony the booby calf?
I am filled with helpless giggles.
A little boy in my class once insisted on growing up to be a triangle. He was convinced it was going to happen. Love those kindies!
A triangle?
That is SOOOO fabulous!
A triangle?
Oh, that is just so great!
The logic of small children … brilliant! Why do we try to change them?
And I totally agree with whoever suggested that Kallan might be K Scarpetta when she grows up. hee hee
and love all the mommies =D
Tabitha -
There was a time when I loved Patricia Cornwell’s books. Maybe the first four of the series, I thought were amazing. And then Ms. Cornwell started doing drugs or collapsed into some sort of paranoid schizophrenic typing haze. One of those scenarios, pretty sure.
Because the rest of her books?
Unreadable.
OK, I am completely off-topic, aren’t I?
Oops.
Me
mmm yeah The first few books are waaaay different than the rest. Also, Lucy went crazy or something and might just be too smart and all super woman
But Oh yeah off topic again
Kallan is amazing! hee
Yay!
We’ll just agree that Ms. Cornwell jumped a big iron-pumping albino dwarf shark.
Snort.
In Kindergarten, I told people I wanted to be a movie star. Except, for added attention, I think I let it be known I wanted to be a naked movie star. Yes, I told my five year old friends that I essentially wanted to be a porn star. I’m not sure how I even knew about naked movie stars or if I just thought that was a good embellishment…
Then I went home and cried to my Mom because of course I didn’t want to be a movie star (I didn’t tell her about the naked part), I wanted to be a nurse. I really wanted to be a nurse at that time.
Sigh. Make of this what you will…
And to be clear, I didn’t end up doing either of those things!
Angela -
So much giggling.
A naked movie star? Swoon! That is so awesome.
I love how you left the naked part out when you talked to your mom. LOVE that. You wanted to be a nurse?
Hee hee!
You crack me up.
Kris
Yes. Naked movie star. Actually from here on out, I will only answer to this esteemed title.
I was smart enough to realize my mom would frown on her eldest and only daughter aspiring to be a what amounted to a porn star. I don’t know I knew, but I knew!
Angela -
Naked Movie Star!
If you ever go to one of those blogging conferences?
I want to hear the story of how you handed out THOSE business cards!
Hee hee!
Sigh. Naked Movie Star or not I will need to get someone to proofread my business cards for me. My comment is missing a word. I hate that. I am once again shamed. A shamed Naked Movie Star.
If you actually were a Naked Movie Star?
There would be bigger shames to worry about than typos.
Just saying.
Hee hee!
I remember a teacher asking me in junior high what I wanted to be and telling her that I wasn’t sure I’d be alive so I hadn’t planned anything.
No seriously.
As her jaw dropped I added that I was so klutzy I was pretty certain I wouldn’t see 30. One of my best friends at the time sat next to me and agreed then this guy added in about the downhill skiing we did earlier in the month and how he was pretty sure I wouldn’t see 30 either as “she is just THAT bad”
My Mom was called. Her answer – “Well, she is very klutzy… have you ever seen her without a band-aid?!?!”
I think we scarred that teacher..
Wouldn’t have been the first teacher I did that to… wasn’t the last either. I made a college professor take a year off.
M
ps – I stopped reading her as well for the same reason… I think I made book 4 of P. Cornwell before I began to wonder if someone else was writing for her. Same with Laurell K Hamilton then I found out she was going thru a bad divorce so it kinda made sense.
I have just one thing to say in response to the first comment, and that is that I LOVE YOUR MOM!
Although I would like to hear about this professor you forced into sabbatical.
And THANK YOU!
Patricia Cornwell’s later books read like terrible screenplays dreamed up by drunken hedgehogs.
Hedgehogs are not known for their plot development skills.
What?
Drunken hedgehogs.
I like that.
I loved her first book but it got so odd after 3 or 4… I kinda gave up. I heard the married dude she was having an affair with “faked” his death and went into the witness protection thing then came back out… I heard that and just sighed.
The astronomy prof. Poor guy. I asked him so many weird questions.. made him prove so much theory to me.. said “Why” and “But how do you KNOW that?” with such an innocent face. My exams and reports were always so scary to read as they were either almost perfect or so very, very wrong. Then we hit cosmology and I’d rattle off answers so fast he’d sit there shocked. I aced cosmology and it confused him to the core as I could only ever find 3 constellations correctly.
I had the man so confused he put in for sabbatical when he heard I was thinking of taking the next level which he taught. Not joking. Had to take a year and a bit off to recover. I think he came back the year after I finished my B.Sc… SNORT.
I know one of my other profs asked me why I asked so many questions once, I told him if you can’t see it how do you know it’s real. He never asked again. Then there was the one I almost convinced HE was wrong and my backwards answer was right – he gave me a 8 out of 10 as I almost had him convinced he was looking at it wrong. That’s an 8 out of 10 for a wrong answer – can’t beat that.
Basically I think my university was very happy to see me graduate.
M
You, my darling?
Were built for independent group-study.
You would drive any individual professor insane, but in a supportive community environment? Seems like you would kick serious ass. Wow.
What do you do for a living, again?
Did you tell me one time and I have forgotten?
Me
I expect many a teacher/professor has regretted my entry into their classroom. My B.Sc was in Geology but I work in the education field – ironic no?
I am an E.C.E (Early Childhood Educator) and work with young children. I love them – they think like I do – if you can see it and take it apart to figure out how it works, it’s wicked! I foster their need to think outside of the box as I think that’s the way to find solutions now. We make a LOT of messes but we always get to the end somehow.
M
I think you must be AMAZING with kids.
You ARE a kid.
In your mind, I mean.
That’s awesome.
Thank you.
M
You are very welcome.
Best tag ever: “Some people will have to die for Kallan to live her dreams” … um, just hope it’s not any blood relatives, if you know what I mean.
Great story, what a person your daughter is. (Now you’ve got me dredging my brain for some great Ethan in Kindergarten stories to tell, hmmmmm)
Varda -
Yay for a reader who pays attention to my tags!
Kallan has always been amazing . . .
I will have to sit down and see what other stories I have from her early school days.
Yay!
Send me the link for the Ethan post when you put it up!
This is just so awesome. Kids are great.
Booby cow. I can’t wait for someone to Google that.
Hold on . . . let me Google.
Be right back.
There is nothing!
I am going to be Queen of the Booby Cows!
What?
I so am.
I love how solemn she was believing somebody had to die before she got good enough to save lives instead of take them. Truly undeniable logic, yes?
But the cow boobs were my favorite.
Michael -
I love the logic of little kids . . . the way it never occurs to them that they might have misunderstood.
Such a lovely innocent confidence.
I do like the booby cow, though.
Hee hee!
I like that very much.
Me