Maj is screaming at the top of her lungs about the “most horrible girl child ever birthed on this planet.”
So I call for Kallan.
Kallan appears before me, hopping up and down like she is readying for a sprint and needs to loosen up, “Can I just apologize and then we skip the part where you ask me why I am torturing Maj? Because if you ask me that question, it is going to turn out that I don’t really have a good explanation. You know how you hate it when I don’t have a good explanation for my bad behavior.”
“Fine, but then stay away from your sister.”
“Yay! I am sorry I squeezed her frogs into a ball.”
“Wait . . .what?”
“Not her real frogs. Duh. Those little rubber frogs she keeps in a row on her desk.”
“OK, whew.”
Maj appears with her hands cupped together, “THEY ARE MANGLED! MY BABIES ARE MANGLED!”
Kallan snorts, “Babies, Maj? Really? Lay an egg sac, did you?”
“LOOK AT WHAT SHE DID, MOTHER! SHE MANGLED THEM AND NOW THEIR ARMS AND LEGS ARE ALL JUMBLED AND THEIR HEADS ARE SMASHED!”
Maj thrusts the rubber ball of frogs into my face so I can appreciate the horror, “DO YOU SEE? SHE IS A MONSTER!”
Kallan giggles and bounces, “They peel right apart and go back to their froggish shape, Mom.” She turns to Maj, “Because they are rubber, you crazy person.”
Maj wails as she peels a neon orange frog from the mass, “This is not how they want to live their lives, young lady! They are frogs and they would like to be able to just sit and watch the world go by without having to worry that someone is going to come by and shove their arms and legs into another frog’s brain.”
Kallan raises her eyebrows and her arms incredulously, “They are not frogs. They are rubber. They do not care where or how they are shoved.”
Maj whirls and yells into her sister’s face, “STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF, YOUNG LADY OF MANGLE!”
Kallan backs up a few steps, “Young Lady of Mangle? OK, that does not even make sense. Let’s be done with this. I’m sorry I mashed your frogs into a ball. Also, I am a little bit sorry that you noticed the balling before I got a chance to bounce the frogball and see if the frogs flew apart. My apologies.”
She runs from the room.
Maj is speechless, and she works quietly to separate her rubber babies from one another, speaking soothingly to them as she peels them apart. She lines them up on the edge of my desk and gives them each a reassuring finger pat on the head, “It will be alright. I will guard you from the Lady of Mangle.”
Alrighty, then.
Later that evening, we are eating dinner.
Kallan is holding her fork up before her eyes and staring at me, “I can see perfectly well through this fork.”
I serve myself some salad, “That will come in quite handy if you are ever imprisoned in a cage of tines.”
“What?”
“Tines are the points on the fork . . . a cage of tines would be a fork prison.”
Maj is still pissed about the frog mangling, “That’s where she belongs, in a prison of forks.”
Kallan turns to her sister, fork still held in front of her eyes, “But I would be fine, Maj! Go ahead . . . fork me! I will still be able to see and enjoy the world!”
Maj just stares at her.
Kallan scoops up a spoonful of Jell-O, “Hey, I can see through this as well!”
I speak through my bite of food, “Probably slightly less likely that you will ever be imprisoned in Jell-O.”
Kallan nods, “True, but if it were to happen? I would not be trapped in darkness. There would be lovely colored light! Plus a delicious snack.”
Maj can’t stand it, “You would suffocate, you fool. You cannot breathe in Jell-O.”
Kallan considers, “What if I were a frog? Could a frog breathe in Jell-O?”
“A real frog would die, Kallan. They can’t breathe Jell-O.”
“But what if I were a rubber frog?”
“What?”
They stare at one another for a minute, and they turn to me as one.
“CAN WE MAKE MORE JELL-O AND PUT RUBBER FROGS IN IT?”
“Sure.”
They hurry to clear the table. Maj turns to Kallan, “Let me explain this to the frogs, Kallan. They trust me.”
“MAJ, THEY ARE RUBBER!”
“Doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings about being encased in Jell-O. Plus, they know you as the Lady of Mangle now. You can’t blame them for being nervous around you.”
Kallan considers, “Fine.”
Snort!
Gosh I love your daughters.
Young Lady of Mangle? Awesome!
My conversational life is pretty awesome over here.
It really is.
Wow.
Totally unable to come up with something cleverly relevant about frogs in jello.
I must be tired.
So sorry.
Umm…Creme brulee? Spam? Darts? Dr. Suess?
Nope. I got nothin’,
Check back tomorrow.
I have stumped you?
Yay!
Victory is mine!
And sweet indeed.
Like Jell-O.
Hee hee!
I love how in the end, the urge to see frogs in jello brought them together.
Lady of Mangle.
Snort!
Thanks for the laugh, my friend.
Kelly -
The girls are able to come together if the coming together is intriguing enough.
Frogs in Jell-O?
That will do.
Snort!
LOL! Oh my I love Maj.
I know Jensen is much younger but he has this stuff dog and he thinks it’s real. He treats it as he does real dogs (with hysterical giggles and much fear about it touching him). He does this hilarious thing where if I shake the dog’s head no at him he automatically has to start shaking his head no too just to prove to the dog he is that much more stubborn. It kills me very time.
Amy -
What’s funny is that Maj is not a child normally given to imagination.
But the things she imagines?
Are very real to her.
She sleeps with a stuffed dog, by the way.
Whose name is Doggy . . . duh.
Doggy is quite real.
Shhhh.
Oh how your daughters bring me uncreepy joy. :)
Haven -
Love that.
Happy to share the uncreepy joy.
Yay!
Me
You have smashed the rubber frogs together too, haven’t you???
Only you got away with it because Maj wasn’t there.
Heh.
I see you.
Woman of Silly.
Hee hee!
Maybe.
They are quite squishy and awesome.
Hush.
BAHAHAHA!
I knew it!
Squishy is awesome unless it’s on the bottom of your shoe.
Hee hee!
Yes, definitely less awesome on the bottom of your shoe.
Poor frog.
“Babies, Maj? Really? Lay an egg sac, did you?”
There is no comeback, is there?
Har.
There was no comeback.
None.
Hee hee!
“Maj is screaming at the top of her lungs about the “most horrible girl child ever birthed on this planet.”
So I call for Kallan.”
Best lines ever! And as I read “fork me” definitely laughed too, in an immature kind of way- until I saw your tags included it too and I laughed a whole lot more! Funny conversations are the best, my life is more funny statements than entire conversations
Chloe -
Oh, I love that you liked that first line!
I liked that as well.
My life is filled with funny conversations.
It makes this blogging thing quite fun.
Yay!
You left out the noble spork which is the perfect utensil to use when eating Jello. Not that it matters, but…
Sporks are fabulous!
I once had a tag I liked that referred to the spork.
Hold on . . .
Yes, here is the tag . . .
Sporking is like spooning except there is a pokey thing.
I do enjoy my tags.
Is it wrong that I now want to know whether the ball will break down into frogs when thrown on the floor????
And Maj’s insistence that the rubber frogs know what’s going on and listen to her? Yeah that was funny. :)
And will they eat jello with rubber frogs in it? Or is it just for display?
Smirk
Lizzie -
The ball breaks apart into individual frogs.
And then the smaller dog steals one and runs off to eat it.
Shhhh.
They will sooooo eat that Jell-O.
It’s Jell-O!
Silly you.
AH HA!
The truth comes out!
I am telling Maj!
You? Will be in all kinds of trouble, young lady!
Hee hee!
Shhhh.
No telling on Kris.
Stop that.
Another perfect conversation at Chez Kris. Thank you for providing the entertainment. I was not being sufficiently entertained at home tonight. We are in the middle of state mandated standardized testing so Ethan is a bundle of nerves, thus not nearly so much entertaining as annoying.
Had me muttering under my breath “I will not strangle my child, I will not strangle my child” for humorous effect as I walked by my husband for the thousandth time to fulfill yet another post-bed-time request from Mr. E.
I must admit “Lay an egg sac, did you?” took my breath away. When, as an adolescent, she turns the full laser beam of that searing witty sarcasm on YOU? Watch out – house afire! (But such good blogging material!)
When we really and truly have two teenagers?
I fear for Mark and for me.
I really do.
We are not quick-witted enough to take them both on.
ACK!
Good lord, I love your girls. I’m sure they can be all sorts of annoying but how do you not just bust out laughing??!
I giggle a lot.
An awful lot.
I would spit green jell-o all over the place sitting at your dinner table.
I told you this was going to be awesome even before I read it.
Now I want to go get my own rubber forks.
And I really do think its time for some sporking. Ahem.
Russell -
Making a note to never invite you to dinner, babe.
Maj would scream with anger and horror if you spit green Jell-O.
As for the other?
I hope you enjoyed the sporking.
Ahem.
Frog balls (and I snorted while typing this) don’t bounce?!? How the Hanna do you know that – come on, you know I’d ask.
Kallan’s rationale for her frog mangling was very sound… gotta like that. Would expect facing it every single day would get tiring after a while but it is funny from time to time.
M
ps – did you make the jello? No wait… going to check the tags first so I don’t look stupid here. Oh, and what colour jello?
I may have bounced some frog balls in my day (and doesn’t that sound bizarrely inappropriate?).
Snort!
Lime Jell-O for the frogs. Green. Because that’s like a frog swamp.
Duh.
Bwahahahaa!!
Swamp water!!
Another good reason not to eat green jello!
M
Of course the jello was swampy green.
Duh.
Hee hee!
Hehehehe! I am so glad you tested the frog balls for their bouceability. That would’ve bothered me to not know that.
What I think is funny? Is that frogs mashed into a ball is not ok…but frogs dunked in suffocating liquid and then deeply chilled *is* ok. Apparently Maj’s sentimentality only goes so far…hehehe
I know!
Maj is such a goof . . . the frogs will understand about the Jell-O as long as she explains.
Snort!
Silly mostly unsentimental child.
Love that girl.
Me