Sometimes, I am invisible.
That suits me just fine.
I sit behind three women. Three moms. All of them attractive and falsely blond and well-dressed.
Late 30’s and holding.
The one in the middle has impossibly correct posture. People who sit as though there is no need for the chair to have a back annoy the crap out of me. I want to reach forward and pull her into her seat and toward me, “Relax, babe. Relax.”
But I say nothing.
We are all waiting together.
The woman with the impossibly correct posture is holding the class-supply list for next year.
Of course she is.
She is trying to engage the women on either side of her in a discussion of the various supplies their children will need for next fall.
Hmmm . . . I will worry about those supplies in about three months.
Seriously . . . relax, impossibly erect woman.
The woman on the right starts talking about how much she used to like to get new school supplies, “Remember Pee Chee folders? Oh, I loved those!”
The woman on the left leans over the woman in the middle to talk to the woman on the other side, “Oh, I remember those! I spent so much time writing on the outside of my Pee Chee folders. The names of the boys I liked, little hearts around their names. Remember that?”
The woman on the right leans confidingly to her left, and the woman in the middle lifts the printed supply list up and out of the way with a stiffened arm, as though these two will somehow sully the list with their memories.
The woman on the left says, “I can still remember their names. Still remember how tricky it was when love turned to hate. And then your folders were covered with this horrid boy’s name surrounded in pink and purple hearts.”
The woman on the right smiles and speaks knowingly, “Stickers. I used a lot of stickers.”
The two women giggle happily at this memory.
The woman in the middle lowers the school-supply list into their conversation, “So I was thinking that I might be able to find the calculator at Best Buy. What about these binders . . . what size are those supposed to be, you think?”
No one is listening.
The woman on the left starts telling a story about getting rid of her Jacuzzi a few years ago. She and her husband needed to get rid of the Jacuzzi, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that could be sold. They called around to have someone come and haul it away.
I would have stopped paying attention here, but Mark and I once tried to sell an old Jacuzzi, and this woman is right. It’s impossible. Then we tried to give it away. No takers. I finally let Mark go at it with a chainsaw . . . a happy day in Mark’s memory.
The one time in his life he was not afraid of spiders.
Turns out even Black Widow spiders have few defenses against chainsaws.
Anyway.
The woman on the right-hand side loses interest somewhere in here. She settles back into her seat and takes out her phone.
Which leaves the woman on the left talking to the impossibly erect woman.
The impossibly erect woman turns slightly and stares at her friend, her lips pursed. She waits for this story to be done, the school-supply list resting in her lap. She seems puzzled at how far from school-supply lists this conversation has wandered.
The woman talking grows more animated as she senses the disinterest, “So we found someone to come take the Jacuzzi away! And this guy shows up and he has a helper with him, and the helper is Jason! I recognized him immediately!”
The impossibly erect woman says nothing and stares at her friend blankly.
The other woman rushes in with explanations she apparently forgot would be required to make this story meaningful, “Jason! I spent a whole year in high school writing his name on my Pee Chee folders! Jason!”
The impossibly erect woman says, “How odd.”
But the woman with the story is not to be stopped, “He was lovely. He remembered me and we talked for a few minutes as he was hauling the Jacuzzi away.”
Silence.
She keeps going, “Turns out he spends a lot of time on his boat. Drives his truck in races and stuff. Works odd jobs. That’s not what I would have imagined for him, but he seemed happy.”
Silence.
“Yeah, so he just took a different path. It wouldn’t have worked out. I’m not saying it would have worked out. Just interesting to see him again after all those years.”
Silence.
The woman on the right finishes whatever she was doing on her phone, “What are you guys talking about?”
The woman on the left rests a hand lightly on the impossibly erect woman’s knee, looks into her face, “But his eyes? Oh my god . . . his eyes were still amazing.”
The woman on the right says, “Whose eyes?”
The impossibly erect woman in the middle lifts her paper from her lap, “So what do you think? Best Buy for the calculators? Or maybe Office Max.”
Her words are interrupted by the arrival of all the 5th and 6th graders.
It’s time for the end-of-the-year awards assembly.
Summer’s almost here.
Seriously, impossibly erect woman . . .
How am I supposed to appreciate this moment when you are blocking my view?
Relax.
I love school supplies. And conversations that lead to weird places.
And end of the year activities. (Congratulations to Maj!)
And eavesdropping.
Don’t forget eavesdropping.
Ahem.
Oh. I am a master eavesdropper. Definitely love that too…
I know!
So much fun.
Shhhh.
I had to click the link to find out what a Pee Chee folder was.
Who can sit up straight that long? It makes my back hurt.
I am destined to have a hump.
Pretty sure.
And as uptight as she was, I feel sorry for her kids.
Hee hee!
I figured not everyone would know.
And I cannot sit up that straight for that long.
Not even.
I used Pee Chee folders and didn’t even know that’s what they were called. I used to color in the people on the covers. They were always so boring.
I also love being invisible and listening to other people’s conversations.
Roxanne -
Compared to the brightly colored and fabulous options available these days?
Pee Chee folders are way fucking boring.
But I remember a time when all the cool kids had them.
Kris
Quick! Duck! She’ll probably figure out who blogged this. :) Congrats to whomever graduated. It’s all a miracle, birth, life, and surviving school.
Snort!
Nothing in this post is objectionable.
A wistful woman and two friends who didn’t listen.
One who blocked my view.
I never blog about people I know.
And I never blog about people to harm them.
Really.
And it’s Maj who will be graduating from elementary school and moving on up into Junior High.
Also?
I added a tag.
Because really.
I don’t blog about people to hurt them.
No way these ladies see themselves in what I wrote today.
No way.
Ahem.
I had to go read the new tag.
I might be just a little weird.
I take notes sometimes that I never get around to using.
This story sat until I was reminded of it as I sat at this year’s awards assembly.
I felt no need to make the timing apparent until someone mentioned that these women would recognize themselves in my blog and take offense.
But then I explained.
A year later?
No one cares.
No one cares except me.
Hee hee!
Kris
Huh, that’s funny, I just wrote about being invisible today … somewhat.
I have aweful posture. I don’t slouch so much as flop over on myself. Most times people think I am asleep and when I am actually sleeping? people think I am dead.
No joke, this has happened at least three times.
People think you are dead when you are sleeping?
SNORT!
And where is this story of invisibility?
Ok it should be here, where I’ve somewhat moved.
Truely truely this happens to me. I’m pretty sure I breathe in my sleep. hee hee
Oh, I like that.
Left you a comment.
Why am I thinking this is Mean Girls Grow Up?
The Plastics do Suburbia?
Bill
Bill -
Not mean.
Just living in parallel.
Not meeting up with those whose lives run alongside.
Not mean.
Me
I just love people watching. I used to ride the city bus a lot and in eugene? Oh, the people you’ll see.
The trick on the bus is to not become part of the show. I would pretend to listen to a silent ipod in order to avoid the attempts of crazies to engage me in conversation. I am also really good at being invisible. Most of the time it is great.
Brandi -
It has been such a long time since I have ridden the bus.
So many awesome people-watching opportunities on a bus.
Yay!
Is it possible? Is it possible your tags are even better than you post? LOVED the tags!
And dammit, I wish I could be almost absurdly erect, almost.
Also, I so wish I could make an impossibly inappropriate remark about erectness, but I got nothin’.
Yay!
I do love my tags. Always.
And I assume someone will make the impossibly erect joke.
Snort!
Hmm. I wonder if an old jacuzzi would make a good soaking tub. I am not that tall at 5’7″, but between long legs and all? I am never completely under water when I take a bath. And the stupid overflow thing? Tends to keep the water way too low even if I fit the tub.
So a jacuzzi might work. Hmm.
I do remember PeeChee folders. I always doodled on them. Not usually guys names though. Three brothers? Yeah. You don’t write down the boy’s name you have a crush on. Especially if said boy doesn’t even know you exist. Okay. BARELY knows you exist. The ogling is a big giveaway lol.
And? The perfect posture would bother so much less than the being so organized she’s buying supplies early. Who does that? I would misplace them. And anyway sales reward the procrastinator. :)
Lizzie -
Old Jacuzzis make terrible soaking tubs. So much water required. So much energy to keep the water hot. Chemicals to keep the water clean. Filters to remove impurities.
Luckily, I am short. The bathtub works just fine.
And writing your crush’s name on your folder when you have three nosy brothers?
Yeah, I could see how that might not be wise.
Hee hee!
Kris
The tags just made it complete.Congrats to Maj. And Mark…spider killers are heros.
I love to eavesdrop, its fun to make fun of them afterwards. And can I help pull them over. I just want to hit them on the head with a 2×4 to see of they will break, maybe next time.
Oh and the title…so totally not what I expected. But I can see this being used in other contexts…:)
Tina -
Maj was so cute.
Last year at this assembly, she was the (relatively) new girl.
This year, she was in her element.
Such a difference from year to year.
I paid a lot more attention to the kids this time.
Last year, I tapped wildly into my iPhone’s notepad.
Hee hee!
Kris
I love me some eavesdropping. I was a huge fan of the book “Harriet the Spy” as a child, but so disappointed that she let herself get caught.
I almost feel bad for the left woman telling her story to no one who was listening. Someone should have at least pretended. I would have if I was her friend. Of course I also wouldn’t be sitting there worrying about next year’s school supplies on the last day of school…
Amy -
I LOVED “HARRIET THE SPY!”
Neither Maj or Kallan enjoyed that series.
I loved those books.
I felt bad for the woman to whom no one was listening.
Although I was listening.
Ahem.
Kris
See???? I knew you were awesome for a reason! Harriet the Spy is AWESOME!
Too bad the woman didn’t know you were listening. Then maybe she could have turned around and talked to you instead of the other two. Well… On second thought. I like eavesdropping better…
I would not have the guts to attack black widow spiders, even with a chainsaw. Props to Mark for being all manly and power-tooled.
I like being invisible, as well. Mostly. There are times when I find it frustrating. Like when the bartender ignores me as I politely wait to order a drink, serving everyone around me without even realizing I am there.
But being invisible is comfortable, too. I learned that trick early on, in school. There’s less ridicule, laughter and bullying when you’re invisible. I’d rather be ignored than made fun of.
And there’s the eavesdropping, of course.
Nic -
That was an AWESOME Mark day. Chainsaws, destruction, spider killing!
An awesome manly day.
Snort!
And I have always been invisible unless I decide not to be.
I like to think of it as a superpower.
It comes in handy.
Came in handy when I was a child as well.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Me
i wrote all sorts of boys names (and many a song lyric) on my book covers….but never had a fancy folder like yours! LOL!
and as i write this, i am sitting all hunched over like, just to spite that woman with the rod up her ass into her spine! who sits like that?? and as much as a stationary whore as i am (seriously, my fave store is staples!)…i would never buy or worry about school supplies in june! get over it woman!
Sarah -
I had to look back to see if I had mistakenly said that I had these folders when in fact I did not.
I had the regular colored cheaper folders with the pockets on the bottom so that if you turned the folder over accidentally, everything fell out.
Sigh.
The Pee Chee folders had long sideways pockets inside, so stuff didn’t fall out.
Why yes . . . I do still remember that.
Ahem.
Me
and ps – eavesdropping rocks!! i am ALL SORTS of nosy!
Sarah -
I am always nosy.
And I always take notes.
Which is why this conversation was easy to find.
Yay for nosy note-takers!
I will just go by “Harriet the Spy” from now on.
Snort!
they have all sorts of stationary related spy paper products at staples. trust me. i have memorized their store. ;)
Do they?
I will have to check.
The imagine of killing black widows with a chain saw? Love.
Were they inside the hot tub?
I swear, I have seen this conversation. Someone talking, no one listening.
Everyone lost in their own world.
And relax. Sheesh.
Next time pick a sloucher to sit behind. :-)
The spiders were living under the hot-tub, in the warmth and dark of the motor compartment and in the empty spaces beyond.
Quite a few of them.
So funny.
RRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
All gone.