Mother is feeling lazy today. So we, Maj and Kallan, have decided to take over.
What’s snorting in the lives of the blog readers?
Mother would like us to pass on a message:“I love my children dearly and I will give them anything they want.”
So, where’s that iPad I wanted, Mother?
By the way, this is Maj typing this first part. Mother is currently being lazy and enjoying a cup of coffee, while snorting her head off.
We the children would like to tell Mother’s readers that she doesn’t actually snort while reading something funny. She simply laughs, or donkey laughs. Well, I’m not sure if any of you are able to donkey laugh, that’s Mother’s specialty, so for this I am going to use a better phrase. When something is funny, I will put in parentheses . . . (insert donkey laugh here.)
She didn’t want us to be typing this, but we figured out the password to her computer. I am so smart! Well, Kallan actually did the “hacking” into mother’s laptop as she puts it, but then again it’s not a very hard password to guess (insert donkey laugh here).
Now here’s Kallan with some Mother news,
Hi, this is Kallan!
Mom is sitting over there with her cup of coffee drinking it and reading yesterday’s blog. She does that a lot and she does not let Maj or me ever read her “wonderful, laughable, snortable” blog. Mom just called Maj over to sit with her, and then Maj apparently said something funny so Mom LOLed otherwise known as “snorting.”
Maj is being annoying and now she is singing, “It is lovable, laughable, mommable fun with momdough.”
Then in a deep voice, “Fun to annoy, not to eat.”
Maj keeps yelling over to me, “Kallan, I am a faster typer than you.” And “remember you are only allowed to type as much as I did!” Also, by the way I am the one who got into Mom’s computer.
I was bored and I want to go to this carnival thing tonight. So I asked Mom and she said maybe because she had not typed her blog yet. So I said, “Fine I will type your blog for you!” I went over to Mom’s computer and she said, “You won’t be able to get into my computer because I have a password on it.” I typed in what I knew was her password, and “Welcome” the screen read. Mom needs a better password.
Now back to Maj.
This is Maj again.
A while back, I asked Mother for a swimming pool in our backyard. She said no of course. So I had this great idea. Mother should not let people read her blog for free!
I told Mother she should charge $10 a post for each person to read the post. If you signed up for a month of posts, you’d get a special deal of $250. You could also become a gold blog member, where you’d get special blog advantages- don’t want to spill what they are, but they’re pretty great- for only $500 a month!
Gold members would be able to comment, regular members would not. What could go wrong? I’d have a swimming pool in no time! Of course Mother said, “People will not pay that much to read my blog. And no you are not getting a swimming pool.”
I answered, “But why not? It’s a great idea!” She still hasn’t said yes. Sigh. Looks like there’s no swimming pool in my future.
Since I’m a faster typist (still Maj) I have decided to include more!
Maj bonuses! You know you want them.
I was sitting on our hammock with Mother and Kallan. I was showing her my painted toes. All of a sudden she started snorting. I couldn’t see what was so funny about my toes! They looked pretty regular to me. So I asked, “Mother, what do you find funny about my toenails?”
Mother, still giggling, replied, “They are just such an odd shape! Look at how big they are compared to mine and Kallan’s!” She shows me her and Kallan’s toes, which by the way are way too small and all squeezed together weirdly.
Kallan is laughing at my toes too now, “There are odd spaces between them!”
I was going to type more, but Mother is saying, “One more minute and then its Kal’s turn.” Can’t she see you people appreciate my fine humor?
I guess not, so here’s Kallan (but first, I want to assure you that my toes are completely normal).
This is Kallan again!
Maj’s toes are very weird, they have HUGE spaces in between them and they are all long and slender. She thinks her toes are perfectly normal but they are not. Before she was saying something sarcastic and she used her TOES to do air quotes! You are usually just supposed to make air quotes with your fingers. Mother burst out “snorting” which to Maj and me is VERY annoying. I started laughing (not snorting) and Mom and I were trying VERY hard not to laugh.
It did not work as planned and Maj got all annoyed and started yelling at us. We then stopped laughing.
I gave Mom the idea the other day that she should pay Maj and me every time she writes a blog about us. Why? Because she would not have anything to write about without Maj and me. Also, she should say every word we say exactly right even though her blog is called, “ Pretty All True.”
We should get paid. Really we should. I would have my own laptop in no time! Yay! All of the people out there who are reading this, start persuading Mom to pay us for writing about us.
Please for the loves of her life, her sweet little angels.
Really we are, no lie. I am sure she is going to approve. Maybe she will, anyway.
People?
Kris here.
I need a new password.
And we?
Are off to the carnival.
Leave the girls a comment.
I will answer all comments when I return.
These girls kill me.
(insert donkey laugh here)
I vote that Maj and Kallan need to have their OWN posts – and on a more regular basis.
And yes, you probably should change the password…
A -
The next morning, and Kallan is sitting with me to help answer comments.
Pulled out my laptop and she dictated my password to me.
Sigh.
Changing the password is on the to-do list for today.
Kris
I think Maj and Kallan are quite the little entrepreneurs!
Great post, ladies!
Miranda -
Yay!
Thank you . . . I was so impressed with them.
They are awesome.
Me
I’m excited about the Maj bonuses! And also, I was a gold membership…only I can’t afford that. But you girls totally need a pool! :)
Elizabeth -
I will have to inquire about the “Maj Bonuses.”
Not sure what she is offering. Hee hee!
And just so you know? We live next to a lake. Within 5 minutes of our house, there is a lake. They do not need a pool.
Silly children.
Me
(Insert loud obnoxious donkey laugh here!!!)
Great post Maj and Kallan…so nice to finally hear from you
Jaime -
Kallan is sitting here with me.
She says, “Maj is still sleeping, so this is just me helping with comments. So far, Mom is being bossy.”
Kris
Maj, Kallan, you two are just awesome. I think you need a regular post here. As for payment for writing, I will not encourage that, as your mother might ban me for reading this lovely blog. I will also not encourage charging readers as well, I am poor and I cannot afford $500 a month. And I fear I might go crazy if I don’t read this blog. Therefore I have to side your mother, no charge for reading.
You two, you must continue to do silly wonderful things and say clever things. That will hold you in good stead for teenage years – that’s the prime time for children to really get their parents’ goat. It’s rather fun, and I think with your intelligence, humor and great wit (obvious already), you will have a great time in your teen years, when ‘conversing’ with your parents. Also, it will be good fodder for this blog.
Love that you two wrote this post! xoxo
Oh la, encourage them! hee
Yes . . . stop that, Alison!
Alison -
Kallan says to tell you that she read your comment and that you talk like a mom. By which she means that you used a lot of words to say NO, she cannot have money or a pool.
Snort!
Kris
Girls~great post!
Kris~ you need to pay these girls. In hugs and kisses (insert donkey laugh).
Maj and Kallan…I know, you are rolling your eyes and all the things that girls your age do. But thats ok. I have a daughter too. We are immune to the eye rolling (insert donkey laugh here).Maybe you need to start a sister blog…hmm. :)
Have a wonderful weekend!
Tina -
Yes! I will pay them in hugs and kisses. That will go over well.
Plus rent and utilities and food and clothing . . . they were unimpressed with that argument as well.
Maybe the kisses need to be louder and sloppier.
Right, Maj?
Snort!
These blog posts need to be in a book. One by you, and one by the girls. I would so buy it! Seriously. And…I would even donate to the pool fund, and the laptop fund for signed copies…just so you know. :)
Lisa -
Kallan loves you.
She wonders how much you would pay for a card she writes and sends to you.
Ahem.
Me
O goodness. I am an epic fail at following up on my comments. Bad me. On a serious note, if Kallan makes me a card, an AMAZING card with glitter and anything else that qualifies as amazing. I will send her $5. I so totally will! If she is interested she should e-mail me and I will give her my address. Since this is all public and what not. I do not want your almost 900 followers to know where I live! S503828@nwmissouri.edu I am all excited for a Kallan card now!
Oh my god.
Kallan is about to head to bed, but I will discuss this with her in the morning.
I would expect her to be thrilled about an easy five bucks.
I will be in touch.
Snort!
Kris
Maj and Kallan – you should definitely get a piece of the action. Loved your post!
Kallan says to say hi to Annalise!
HI!
Have fun at the carnival!
For Maj:
Weird toes just make you more special.
Trust me, I know.
The toe next to my big toe is actually taller than my big toe.
I affectionately call it my “Tall Toe”.
There is much mocking where my toes are concerned.
For Kallan:
I would not aggravate too much about a pool or you might end up with one of those little baby wading pools.
Your Mom is sarcastic enough to do something like that.
For Kris:
Your girls are awesome.
But you knew that already.
Stasha-
Hi this is Kallan. I just wanted to say that i REALLY want a pool….. and no person on earth can stop me from getting one. Except for maybe my mom. and yes, i know my mom is definitely sarcastic enough to do that. Also it is weird that your toe next to your big toe is taller than your big toe. ” Tall Toe” I like it!
Really I do. REALLY.
-Kallan (The better one)
Kallan,
My daughter, Kaylee, would like a pool also. She is stuck with playing in the sprinklers on hot days (if and when we ever GET a hot day).
So she feels your pain.
Also? My tall toes thank you.
Hee hee!
Kallan has been struck by tragedy whose name is “The smaller dog stood on her head as she rolled on the ground for no good reason and looked exactly like prey.”
She says she feels a new pain.
Hee hee!
Hello Maj and Kallan!!! So nice to hear from you two finally, Um, but seriously, I am poor. I can’t afford to pay to read this although it’s totally worth paying for!
Hey Maj, I can actually bray like a donkey. Does that count? hee hee
Kris? They are too funny! I love your family! Don’t stop being awesome!
Tabitha -
Kallan says to tell you that I am making her listen to James Taylor this morning and that IT IS LIKE TORTURE. Apparently, he fixes broken hearts and he’s ready 24 hours a day. This is the worst music EVER!
Kris here . . . Sigh.
You can’t fool anyone. Now we know who’s been writing this blog the entire time. Nice try, though.
Michael -
If the girls were writing this blog?
I would come off a lot more screamy and unreasonable.
Pretty sure.
Kris
I loved this post! Maj and Kallan should have weekly post and 25% of your amazon profits lol. If I had a kindle I would totally buy a subscription. Make sure you tell mark that even though I could get you for free. I would contribute to the success of this blog. Ok anyways. Love this post!!!
Michelle -
The girls’ allowances are each MORE per week than I make on Amazon.
Really.
That is just so very sad.
Hmmph.
Kris
SNORT! Pay ‘em: you’re nothing without The Whiz Kids.
David -
Kallan is thrilled that you are on her side.
I have informed her that I will pay her in love.
She is not pleased.
Loved.
But not pleased.
Kris
Doh! Who do you think is serving as their agent? I know that I’m not allowed to speak to Kallan, but, here’s a little hint: we have a code. Take every 7th letter of this note: oh esgn I loo, rttet yti (she’ll understand).
Silly you.
Eel! It’s like going back in time 14 years of my own life! Do you two realize in as few as 14 years, one of you could be married so long you are thinking about children and the other could be still living at home while going to college and changing majors, again. In our case, they’ve switched places from which I’d thought might be doing those things by now.
(insert donkey laugh here)
Karen -
Kallan says to tell you that 14 years is FOREVER from now.
Me
Tell her it was forever ago too.
I know.
I KNOW!
“but we figured out the password to her computer”.
I’m having chest pains here…
Bill
Bill -
Sigh.
I know, babe.
I know.
Me
When my girls were little, 5 and 7 or so, their step dad had a computer on which reside everything to do with getting his master and phD and everything about his dissertation. Also, he bought ‘Where in the world is Carmen San diego’ and there fore installed a program that locked it all up. The girls could not play until my husband or I entered the passwords to access the game and restrict access to the hard drive.
Then my dad came to visit, and showed them how to hold down that one key as the computer booted up, what to type in to access the C: drive and how to find their game.
Mere chest pains do not begin to describe my husbands reaction.
And this?
Is why the girls are NEVER allowed on Mark’s computer.
And why all of Mark’s passwords are actually secure.
Ahem.
I am an idiot, according to Mark.
Sigh.