I am sitting on the couch reading a book. The girls appear together in the doorway. Kallan pleads, “Can we make cookies?”
Maj shakes her head, “Mother, I don’t want to make cookies. Kallan and I have already had enough treats today.”
Kallan looks at her sister incredulously and then back at me, “Fine. Can I make cookies by myself if I promise not to give any to Maj?”
“See, this is why we never get along. Seriously? You are going to make cookies and then not give me any?”
“Maj, I will give you a cookie.”
“Right, like you get to be in charge of the cookies. Who are you to say I only get one cookie?”
“I am not in charge of the cookies! If you want a cookie have a cookie! What is wrong with you?”
Maj turns back to me, “Mother, what we have here is a situation in which neither of your daughters should have cookies. We have had plenty of treats today, and I speak for both of us when I say that cookies are not a good idea.”
“Maj, you do not speak for both of us. I can’t even believe you are speaking for you . . . we had a plan! Why are you turning on me?”
“Dear treat-greedy Kallan . . . My plan was always to turn on you.”
Kallan takes a deep breath, “Mom, pretend that Maj is not here being such a . . . MAJ . . . pretend that only I came in here and asked if I could make cookies.”
The girls stare at me as I consider, “Yeah, go ahead and make some cookies.”
They head off. There is some squabbling about whether or not Maj gets to help, but eventually cookies are organized and then baked and then taken from the oven. A few minutes for them to cool, and then . . .
“OK, Kallan. I get to pick first.”
“In what universe is that fair?”
“I get to pick first or I am telling on you for eating raw dough.”
“Maj, I so wish someone had consulted me before giving me you as a big sister. Fine. You pick your cookie first. Let me just . . .”
“DID YOU JUST PRESS THAT COOKIE TO YOUR CHEEK?”
“Go ahead and pick first, Maj.”
“YOU PRESSED THE BIGGEST COOKIE UP AGAINST YOUR CHEEK!”
“Turns out not all of the cookies are of equal value, Maj. Go ahead . . . make your choice.”
“You are lawless, that’s what you are.”
“Go ahead . . . choose before they get cold.”
“Fine. I’ll have this one.”
“Watch my cookie while I get some milk, Maj.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
I see Kallan at the refrigerator pouring some milk, and I hear this from the dining room, spoken in a non-emergency casual tone, “Oh no. The dog is eating your cookie.”
“What, Maj?”
“I said the dog is eating your cookie. I tried to stop him, but he just jumped up here on the table and ate your cookie. There was nothing I could do.”
“BAD DOG! BAD DOG! Maj, why didn’t you stop him?”
“Like I said, there was nothing I could do.”
“You are so annoying! Fine. Let me just get another cookie.”
More monotone from Maj, “Oh no he jumped up again and now he is drinking your milk.”
“What did you say?”
“Jackie dumped your milk everywhere. What a mess. Well, I’ve finished my cookie . . . have fun cleaning up!”
“MAJ!”
“What?”
“MOMMY!”
I do not wait for explanations as they are not required, “Maj, help your sister clean up the mess.”
“Mother, I know you want to take a moment to rethink your position.”
“Hey, Maj?”
“Yes, Mother?”
“Help your sister clean up the mess.”
“Kallan, Mother has instructed me to supervise you in the clean-up of this spilled milk.”
“THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE SAID.”
“If you direct your attention properly, you will see that I am helpfully pointing out the location of the paper towels.”
“Mommy means for you to do more than point, Maj!”
Maj speaks casually, “Oh look. Another dogtastrophe. Jack is now prancing in the milk puddle. I will use my pointing finger to indicate the general location of the problem.”
“MOMMY!”
I yell from the living room, “Maj, help her!”
“Oh fine . . . here . . . I’ll hold Jack still and you lick his feet.”
“Maj, I am not licking the dog’s feet!”
“Really, Kallan?”
“Oh . . . I didn’t see you were talking to Persie. Good job, Persie.”
“There. Jack is clean. Mother, Persie and I have done our part!”
“Mommy, all Maj has done is make Persie think Jack has nursing toes. It’s disturbing, is what it is.”
Silence for a second, and then both girls explode into laughter at this thought. They finish the clean-up as they giggle. Armloads of paper towels are stuffed into the garbage.
“There. Finally. Thank you, Maj. You want to ask Mommy if we can watch a TV show?”
“Sure.”
Both girls appear in the doorway and Kallan speaks, “Can we watch a show?”
Maj shakes her head, “Mother, neither one of us has been getting enough sleep lately. Plus, we both have books to read. Kallan really should read more. I think I speak for both of us when I say that a TV show is just not the best choice.”
Kallan turns to her sister, “Are you kidding me right now?”
I wave for quiet, “You may watch a show.”
Maj races down the stairs after her sister, “Kallan, I hope you do not think that you get to choose the TV show. Just because a TV show is not the best choice for us does not mean I do not want to be consulted if a show is going to be watched. MOTHER, TELL THIS LAWLESS CHILD TO HAND OVER THE REMOTE CONTROL IMMEDIATELY.”
I hear Kallan speaking in a placating voice, “Sure, Maj. Hold on while I . . .”
“DID YOU JUST LICK THE REMOTE CONTROL?”
Sigh.
I love those moments in which I can so clearly see that all of the hard work I have put into this mothering thing is paying off.
“Mommy, tell Maj I can do worse than licking! Much worse.”
Yeah, I love those moments.
“Do your worst, Kallan. What do I care?”
“Oh, you care.”
“AIIIIIEEEEIEIEIEIEIIEE!”
“See? I knew you would care.”
I could use a moment like that right about now.
“Hey, Kallan . . . let’s go ask if we can have another cookie.”
“Good idea, Maj! Come on!”
“You ask and I will back you up, OK?”
“Sounds good, Maj.”
Sigh.
