I watch as my two daughters climb out of the lake and up onto the dock and then toward me. I start digging in my bag for change before they reach me, and when I look up, they are both staring at me with hopeful faces. They reach for towels and stand before me, dripping wet. They look at one another, and then Kallan speaks, “Can we buy some candy at the snack bar?”
I count the quarters in my hand and drop three into Kallan’s outstretched palm and then three more into Maj’s palm, “There you go.”
Kallan starts to run off joyfully, but Maj stands staring into her palm, “Can I have another quarter?”
Kallan screeches to a halt and doubles back; no way she wants to miss out on an extra quarter.
I shade my eyes and look at Maj’s disappointed face, “Isn’t the candy 75 cents?”
“Yeah, but there are a few kinds of candy that cost a dollar. I want the dollar candy.”
Kallan senses trouble, and she takes Maj’s elbow and pulls her sister gently, “Come on, Maj. There’s lots of candy that costs 75 cents.”
Maj yanks her arm away and turns to me pleadingly, “Mother, all the good candy is a dollar. I only like the candy that costs a dollar. Please can I have another quarter?”
I stare at Maj. I have more money with me, but I am not inclined to hand Maj a twenty-dollar bill so that she can spend a dollar on candy, “No babe . . . six quarters is all I have; three for each of you. Either find some candy you like for 75 cents or don’t buy any.”
Maj lays her quarters down on the picnic table and sits, “Then I don’t want anything.”
So annoying, “Fine by me.”
I return to my book. Maj sulks at the picnic table. Kallan jingles her coins in her hand. She doesn’t really want to be the only one with candy; she was enjoying spending time with her sister, and she doesn’t want to see it end in crabbiness over a quarter, “Hey, Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I have some change in my beach bag. If I use two quarters of mine, can Maj and I each spend a dollar?”
“Yes, I guess that would be OK.”
Kallan rummages through her bag and comes up with two quarters, one of which she hands to her sister, “Come on, Maj! Let’s go get some candy!”
Maj looks at the extra quarter and then at me, “Kallan is allowed to spend her money on candy now? I thought the rule was that we aren’t allowed to spend our allowances on candy.”
“A special exception, babe. Say thank you to your sister, Maj. She did a nice thing.”
Maj does not say thank you, “So I just want to be clear . . . the rules no longer apply? We are just following a course set for chaos?”
“I don’t believe one can actually plot a course for chaos, Maj.”
She holds the fourth quarter in the air, “So we are to be buffeted and blown off our intended course by the chaotic storms of candy whims?”
Kallan stares at her sister, “Maj, I am pretty sure you are an alien.”
I sigh, “Listen, Maj. You have a dollar. Buy candy or don’t buy candy; I don’t care.”
Kallan bounces up and down in anticipatory sugar-glee, “Come on, Maj . . . candy . . . stop being weird and just come with me to get candy.”
“I am not being weird. I am being Maj.”
“Whatever. Come on.”
“Fine, but this has all the earmarks of trouble. People are always walking around saying they have no idea how things went so wrong like they never saw the trouble coming but right here right now I announce that I see trouble on the horizon.”
Kallan starts off in the direction of the snack bar, “Maj, stuff like this is why I tell people you are my long-lost orphaned raccoon-raised cousin from Canada.”
Maj hurries to catch up with her, “Yeah, and stop telling people I am from Canada, by the way. It doesn’t even make any sense . . . why do your friends think all oddness is explained by Canadian citizenship? WAIT . . . YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS I WAS RAISED BY RACCOONS?”
I return to my book, but soon they are back. Each of them has purchased candy; Maj a candy bar and Kallan a box of Milk Duds. Kallan’s candy is conspicuously larger than Maj’s candy, and Maj slides a quarter across the picnic table, “I only spent 75 cents on my candy.”
I reach for the quarter and hand it to Kallan, “Whatever, Maj.”
Maj explains, “I decided the bigger candy was too much candy for us.”
Kallan corrects her sister through a mouthful of Milk Duds, “No, ooo decibed ihh waahh ooo muh canbee orr ooo. Nahh usss . . . ooo.” She swallows and holds up her giant box of chocolate and caramel, “As for me, I decided this is the perfect amount of candy for me.”
Maj turns to me, “You should probably address this situation, Mother.”
“What situation? There is no situation.”
She points to Kallan, “The situation of GLUTTONY, Mother.”
Kallan hugs her candy to her chest, “Are you kidding me, Maj? Why do you always do stuff like this? You’re the one who begged to be allowed to get the bigger candy! Mommy said we could! Why are you telling on me?”
Maj stands before me, her arms crossed fiercely across her chest, “Listen, Mother. I took the dollar up to the snack bar, but when I got there, I decided the bigger candy was too big and so I bought the smaller candy. I made an intelligent responsible decision. Kallan made a decision based in greed and candy-hoggling, and I want you TO ADDRESS THE SITUATION.”
I try to return to my book, “There is nothing to address, Maj. Enjoy your candy.”
“MOTHER, I BOUGHT THE SMALLER CANDY. WHAT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING? LOOK WHAT KALLAN BOUGHT! IT’S GIGANTIC! LOOK . . . AT . . . IT!”
Kallan holds her giant box up happily for my appraisal, and Maj yells again, “LOOK . . . AT . . . IT!”
I reach to high-five Kallan, “Enjoy your candy, babe.”
Maj takes a deep breath, “Mother, you cannot allow that child to eat all of that candy. That is completely unreasonable. I would ask how you can possibly allow something like this to happen on your watch, BUT IT IS ALWAYS YOUR WATCH AND YOU ARE NEVER WATCHING!”
She glares at me, all sparkly with anger.
I wave my hand dismissively, “Off you go, then.”
Kallan races off with her towel to sunbathe and candy-hoggle.
Maj is incredulous, and she stands and yells at no one in particular, “BUT I BOUGHT THE SMALLER CANDY! I BOUGHT THE SMALLER CANDY AND SHE BOUGHT THE GIANT CANDY AND THAT’S NOT FAIR! I DON’T EVEN LIKE THE CANDY I BOUGHT! I DON’T EVEN LIKE IT! I WANT WHAT SHE GOT! I HAVE BEEN CHEATED! I DEMAND RECTIFICATION! I HAVE BEEN CHEATED!”
Sigh.
Later in the day, in a completely different context, and while wearing a smallish gown that tied in back, Maj was asked if she is perhaps a girl who likes to be in control.
Maj considered and then waggled her flattened hand in the air, “Eh. Sometimes. Not really.”
Sometimes, Maj makes me laugh so hard I cry.
“Mother, get a grip. I DEMAND THAT YOU GRIP IT UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT! STOP GIGGLING, MOTHER! GRIP YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY!”
Notes were made.
Snort.
