Here in this small space that contains a smaller space in which a single seahorse undulates gently against thick ribbons of watery green, I am drowning.
This will not do.
I pull out my iPhone and flip through photos I have taken, staring blindly as I pull viscid air through my lips and down …Tethered
We went to the Oregon Brewers’ Festival today in Portland. It was a gorgeous day in a gorgeous park sandwiched between a gorgeous city and a gorgeous river into which I almost plunged my two gorgeous children, who were horrid. Somebody with a calendar and more sense than I please make a note to …Totes Sober
Two politically incorrect children who are allegedly mine . . .
“OK, so I was riding my bike in the park, you know that one that goes in a big circle through the woods alongside the river?”
“And there are all these people walking on the path, and I am all . . …It tolls for thee . . .
My children, out of context and on vacation . . . .
1) OK, seriously . . . could that man’s muscly legs be spread any further apart? Tell him to scissor those puppies together so that Mexican family has a place to put their piñata.
2) Here’s the plan . . . wait …Cult of lax
“Oh my Maj . . . The pool is empty, Mother.”
“What did I tell you, Mother? I said only insane people swim at the crack of dawn. The pool is empty because no one else is insane, Mother. I told you I did not want to go swimming this morning, but here …Sullen Mime Hoedown