Quondam

July 2014
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Cast of Characters

A cast of characters about whom I may or may not reveal embarrassing personal information that may or may not be entirely true.

Kris (that’s me). Lots of education with little useful application of said education.  Big vocabulary, much sarcasm, and little patience.  Stay-at-home Mom for the past 13 years, with thousands and thousands of volunteer hours to show for it.  Excellent resume stuff.

Mark (the husband). Lots of education with much useful application of said education.  Thank god.  Beyond that, Mark would prefer to remain a shadowy anonymous figure whose wife doesn’t get him into trouble with potential employers.  So think of him as hazy and just barely discernible, standing behind one of those wavy-glass shower doors.  But with clothes on.  Which is just weird.

Maj (the older daughter). 13 year old beautiful Maj is a bundle of nerves, worries, and tension.  Crazy smart and wickedly funny, but driven crazy by other people’s inattention to details and schedules.  We call her “back-up Mom.”  Maj assumes that I will drop the ball if I am left holding it unsupervised for any length of time, and she is vigilant about checking up on me.  Sadly, she too often finds the ball is indeed resting forgotten at my feet.

Kallan (the younger daughter). 11 year old beautiful Kallan is the complete and total opposite of her sister.  She is loose and crazy and full of untruths when the truth doesn’t suit her purposes.  She is hysterically funny.  She also has a demonic and sudden temper, and a cruel streak when she is provoked.  Kallan does not worry about the world; Kallan worries only about Kallan.

Persie (the obsequious Labrador). Persie is the Queen of submissive behavior, and rolls over on her back for every new dog we meet (which makes taking her for a walk a little embarrassing).  She is named after a character in a book Maj loved around the time we brought the new puppy home.  Her name, however, was forever ruined for me by a friend who long ago asked me how I could stand having my two lispy little girls (at that time ages 1 and 3) run around our back yard screaming for “pussy.”  Now, all these years later, I still cringe inside to hear the girls call Persie’s name out in public.

Jack (the highly dominant Lakeland Terrier). Jack is the most adorable looking little teddy bear of a dog on the planet, which is a good thing, because that cuteness factor keeps him from being strangled.  He tends to instigate things, and is always up for fun, even when he knows without a doubt that the fun is going to have consequences that he won’t enjoy.

Big and Little (the Australian Tree Frogs). The frogs are unlikely to figure extensively in my posts, except as they relate to Maj, who owns them and tends to them.  Maj once wrote 3 pages of instructions detailing every possible aspect of the frogs’ care for a friend who was going to pet-sit the frogs for us for a few days.  It is likely to be an enormously big deal if the smaller frog (named Big) doesn’t recover from the trauma of our recent move.  It’s not looking good.

Delilah (the turtle). Delilah belongs to Kallan, and in Kallan’s mind, is a full-fledged partner in crime and conversation.  Delilah sunbathes under her heat lamp and ignores me, except for an occasional bout of angry hissing when she realizes I am not Kallan.

That’s all of us.  There are actually two Beta fish in little plastic tanks around here somewhere, but they have little to say most days.  Don’t worry about them.