Quondam

December 2014
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God is licked

“Alright, Mother. I need you to stay out of the dining room, because I will be training in there.”

“Training for what?”

“Mother, don’t be ridiculous. Why would I train for anything in the dining room? Think before you speak, Mother. You have to think before you say these things.” She turns, “Alright, I …God is licked

    Sisterly kill-ink

    I wave my hand in the air, “Maj, I don’t want to hear it. I asked you guys to start packing your own lunches, and what Kallan chooses to pack is none of your concern.”

    “Mother, I have valid concerns AND THEY ARE MINE!”

    Kallan conceals her lunch-bag from my view and stuffs things …Sisterly kill-ink

    Nudging the ass of mothering

    “Alright, Maj. Let’s get a few things straight.”

    Maj waves stiff parallel arms up and down in front of her body, “Mother, I am ramrod straight. All the things are straight. Talk all you want, but the straightness of the things? I have mastered that.”

    “Maj, you are getting on my nerves.”

    She waves …Nudging the ass of mothering

    Venomous pronged hug

    I walk down into the basement office where Mark is working on his computer, “Alright, the girls are in bed, and they want you to come up and hug them goodnight. Neither of them is happy, by which I mean that they are both quite hysterical with rage. Please do not engage the girls …Venomous pronged hug

    Handbook of Parenting Hortation

    (as opposed to “whortation,” which is to be avoided)

    Subtitle: I WILL PARENT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU

    Synopsis: Each chapter presents a short summary of a parenting challenge, detailing why success on this particular challenge is important to both parent and child. The Handbook of Parenting Hortation recognizes that no parenting challenge is …Handbook of Parenting Hortation