Before we get started, I would just like to direct your attention HERE.
Because Fightball: Dying of Suck … obviously.
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Mark is frustrated. “Putting recessed lighting in the front hallway is turning out to be a huge pain in the ass.”
“I can’t see what I’m doing. I thought the joists ran one way, but I keep running into beams where they shouldn’t be. They’re spaced oddly. It’s making it almost impossible to run the wires. I might have to rip down part of the ceiling.”
“Don’t do that.”
He sighs, settles himself into a chair and starts flipping through television-viewing options. “In other news, according to my doctor, I have reached the age at which I am supposed to get a colonoscopy, and I made an appointment, but then I got the estimate of cost, and it was insane.”
“Like how insane?”
He provides a figure, and I stare at him. “Seriously?”
“I know, right?”
I reach for my phone. “That doesn’t sound right.” I do a few searches on my phone and hold the screen up for him to see. “Look. This place does the procedure for a fraction of the cost you were quoted.”
He leans to look at the screen. “Are alleys involved? I don’t want a back-alley colonoscopy.”
“Do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth?”
He thinks for a second and laughs. “You know what I mean.”
I click a few more links. “Cancel the appointment you made. We’ll figure something else out.”
“I already did. Oh, and I ordered an endoscope.” He looks at me, senses my confusion. “Through Amazon.”
“You ordered an endoscope?”
“Yeah, it’s got a little light and a camera at the end of a long flexible tube …”
“I KNOW WHAT AN ENDOSCOPE IS.”
He is puzzled by my tone. “Anyway, it should get the job done. Save us some money.”
I stare at him.
He stares at me. “To see into the space beyond the ceiling so I can run the wires properly, you fool.”
“Oh … thank … god.”
18 thoughts on “Don’t do that”
Oh my! I’m glad that didn’t go the way I was thinking. *Calling Dr. Kris*…
You and I think alike.
INTO THE CEILING – Obviously, HAHAHAHAHA
As the wife of a colon cancer survivor, I was at first concerned. Because I’m am familiar with the operation of the endoscope.
And having spent far too much time trying to see under furniture, behind the car engine, and into the walls where wires need to go; I want one!
And who knows, if we supply our own equipment, maybe there might be a discount on the next colonoscopy.
We could hold something like a garage-sale … put signs up all over town.
“BACK-ALLEY COLONOSCOPIES … LOW COST! FREE MOCKING!”
Yes, we need to do this.
OMG I’M CRYING!!!! I was laughing so loudly my husband came to see what the deal was, and so I read it to him and he chuckled too. It’s hard to get a solid chuckle out of him, so you are hilarious. OMG I can just imagine what images were running through your mind. So awesome!
I’ve mentioned before how much I like you, correct?
I like you.
First: My daughter’s doc already laughs at me for having an otoscope. After going to the doctor for two ear infections that weren’t really, my mom (an RN) showed me what to look for. If I told him I had an endoscope, for any reason, he would probably take away my pretend medical license and ban me from WebMD for life!
Second: Am done reading Suck. Kris, it’s perfect. I burst things trying not to laugh because I had snuck the book back in bed after my sleeping husband had gotten a bit shouty when the bed started shaking with suppressed laughter. I love that you were able to make it sound so fresh. I’m one of those people that went back and read all the archives back when. And yeah, some of it sounded familiar, but it wasn’t like I was rereading the blog. It felt all shiny and hilarious. Like slug slime. Bahahahaha! Sorry. The slugs are still my favorite bit. I’ll be first in line to leave my review on Amazon!
Everything about your comment makes me smile.
Otoscope, endoscope, your RN-mom …
I AM SO GLAD YOU LOVE FIGHTBALL: DYING OF SUCK!
Thank you SO much.
WAS THERE A SUCK GIVEAWAY THAT I MISSED?????? Dammit amazon says I have to wait til November. That sucks literally. Also an endoscope now I want one. You know for looking at wires in the ceiling and such….move along nothing to see here…
No, you missed nothing. I asked a very few readers to give me some feedback ahead of the release date … I believe that’s what you noticed here in comments. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, STEPHANIE.
I talk like this a lot. Jumping from one topic to the next. That explains my mom’s confusion the other day, too. We were discussing my favorite place to eat and my daughter came in to show me a scrape on her foot and I said something to her about it not oozing anything. I’m pretty sure I could hear the sound of my mom turning green over the phone.
You have the BEST kind of mind.
Bahahahahahaha, I was concerned.
Not funny but perhaps relevant to your conversation. It is my understanding that colonoscopies had just because a certain age was attained are considered preventive and, therefore, free of charge under healthcare reform.
Hmmm … not according to our particular insurance coverage. More research may be required. Thank you for the heads-up!
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