After spending some time cleaning out the closet in which we keep games and assorted toys, I call the girls down to inspect the items I have collected for donation to Goodwill. Kallan runs her fingers over the pile, plucking out a large purple ball that makes weird asthmatic laughter sounds when it is rolled. “Can I keep this?”
“Sure … just keep it in your room.”
Maj pulls her hand back from the pile as though she has been burned. “Wait, if there’s anything here I want to keep, you’re going to make me keep it in my room?”
I consider. “How about this? If you guys agree to keep an item, it can stay down here in the closet, but if only one of you wants the item, that girl has to take responsibility for keeping the item in her room.”
Kallan shrugs and looks at her sister. “Fine by me … but there’s no way we’re going to agree on anything.”
Maj glares at Kallan. “You don’t know that.”
“Alright.” Kallan holds out the purple ball, and it lets out a wheezy chuckle. “This ball is the only thing in the pile I want to keep, and I would rather not have to keep it in my room. What do you say, Maj?”
Maj eyes her sister and the ball disdainfully. “Seriously? I’m not agreeing to keep a ball that sounds like it needs an inhaler.”
“Even if it’s really important to me?” Kallan rolls the ball in her hands, and it chortles sickly.
“No way. Keep it in your room.” Maj turns her attention to the pile of board games, all of which are left over from when the girls were much younger. “Alright, Kallan … I want to keep this one and this one and this one and this one … what are your votes?”
Kallan pretends to consider for a few seconds before announcing, “No, no … no … and … no.”
Maj is outraged. “Mother, Kallan is refusing to cooperate with me.”
Kallan gives her sister another chance, rolling the gasp-laughing ball in her hands. “Want to reconsider your vote on this ball?”
“What? No.” Maj turns back to the games she wants to keep. “Kallan, you can’t just be all arbitrary … look again.”
Kallan runs her fingers along the boxes Maj has indicated, seeming to consider. “If I say yes to these games, will you play them with me?”
“What? Like today? I HAVE A LIFE, KALLAN.”
Kallan nods understanding. “OK, not today … Would you sign a contract promising to play these games with me sometime in the next week?”
Maj is annoyed. “I REFUSE TO BE HELD HOSTAGE.”
“No. I HATE PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU.”
“So these games you want to keep … you won’t play them with me?”
Kallan leans to poke a finger at the boxes one by one, “Alright, then … my vote is NO … NO … NO … and … NO.”
“MOTHER, KALLAN IS REFUSING TO COOPERATE. I KNOW THAT YOU CAN SEE HER REFUSING TO COOPERATE, BUT I AM BRINGING IT TO YOUR ATTENTION ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO INCREASE HER COOPERATION LEVELS.”
I sigh and push the games Maj wants to keep in her direction. “Sweetie, it’s not that big a deal. Just keep them in your room if they are important to you.”
“No. This is not my job and I do not have space for them in my room.” Maj pushes the games back at me and says, with a tone of declarative finality, “Mother, these games represent the memory of my childhood.”
“Know what else represents the memory of your childhood?”
She eyes me suspiciously. “What?”
“The actual memory of your childhood. Which, by the way, requires no storage space whatsoever.”
“Let me get this straight, Mother … you want me to remember my childhood with my actual memory?”
Kallan shakes the purple ball, which choke-snorts awkwardly. “Good one, Mom.”
Maj pulls out a chair and sits crankily down. She stares at me in challenge. “Mother, what if I lose all memory of my childhood? What if I lose my memory entirely, and I have to rely on you to show me the games I played as a little girl? What will you do then?”
“Hmmm.” I fake-ponder her question for a moment. “In this scenario, your memory is completely gone?”
“Well, then … I would probably pull up YouTube videos to show you … videos of random small blond girls playing board games.”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW, MOTHER? YOU WOULD HAVE ME RECONFIGURE MY MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD FROM THE VIDEOS OF RANDOM STRANGERS?”
I reassure her as I hold up my phone as though to offer her a video-viewing, “If your memory is gone, you will believe me when I say that all of these random happy little game-playing girls are you.”
Kallan points out, “Plus, Maj? You would believe Mom was the sort of mom who videotaped your entire childhood for you just in case of memory loss. You would love Mom so much.” Kallan turns to me. “We could play her YouTube videos of sisters getting along! I would be all, Look at us, Maj! Look at how much we love each other, Maj! Look at how we play together! Look at how nice you are to me!” Kallan smiles. “Think of the new and improved version of us I could make for you, Maj!”
Maj glowers at both of us, then addresses her sister. “One last time, Kallan … I want to keep these games.”
“Change your mind about the ball?”
Kallan bonks the purple ball onto the table to punctuate each of her decisions with a mechanical giggle-wheeze. “No … no … no … and … NO.”
Maj is pissed. “I’m going to remember this, Kallan.”
Kallan cocks her head. “Will you, though?”
23 thoughts on “Giggle-wheeze”
Oh. My. God. It’s my daughters in 10 years.
Oh once they hit maybe 8 and 10, I think I’m going to ship them to you … You’re more experienced than I am at handling these types of things! Congratulations! It’s girls!
Be sure to stab some air holes in the top of the box.
I’m more giggly at the title than the story…
Because I have been giggle-wheezing all damn morning. Having bronchitis tends to do that to a person.
Hmm … from now on, only titles for you!
Seriously, though — GET BETTER!
I’m just in love with wheezy chortling purple ball.
It is the most ridiculous ball ever.
I want a giggling, wheezing purple ball!
Also…I was always under the impression that you were the type of mom who followed her kids around with a video camera.
So many giggle wheezes!!!
Hold on … I bet they still make this ball. I’ll find you a link. Be right back.
Here we go: http://www.amazon.com/Wiggly-Giggly-Toysmith-assorted-individually/dp/B000RA1R5A/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1454972236&sr=8-2&keywords=wiggly+giggly+ball
I’m scared of this ball… And so is that boy, by the looks of it.
He doesn’t look that happy, does he?
On another note, I see in the reviews of this product and other variously-sized giggle-ball offerings that people have been buying this product for their dogs, which doesn’t seem to have gone well at all.
Game, set, match to Kallan.
Wait just a second there … I SCORED SOME POINTS.
Your creative mothering rocks. *high fives Creative Mom* *misses* Oops. :D
*gets ambushed by older daughter who insists intention is paramount and forces me to apply a liberal dose of hand sanitizer even though our high-five never connected*
*sends wish for application of LARGE ‘Hug From A Stranger’ to older daughter, protests notwithstanding, along with rhinoceros tranquilizer to aid in application of said Hug, any leftovers of either to be applied to younger daughter* :D
You’ve thought of everything!
I love that.
I only have one child, so I can’t relate. But sometimes I wonder what kind of stories my own mother could have written about my sister and I.
I feel like we weren’t quite as hilarious. There was certainly now giggle-wheezing.
I’m pretty sure you were just that hilarious.
That ball makes me nervous.
giggle-wheeze … giggle-wheeze … giggle-wheeze …
To the Jaws theme song, obviously.
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